Failing

'This is the world we live in
And these are the hands we're given.'

Genesis, Land of Confusion

****

If only I'd have known, all those years ago, I...

I thought that we'd won a longer peace than this. I knew that it wouldn't be forever, but I didn't know that even as Grindelwald fell, another Dark Lord would be rising.

Or that I'd be helping him.

Tutoring him.

Teaching him.

Training him.

How could I have done this?

Not that I taught him all of this darkness. But I nurtured his talent and ability. I encouraged his intellect, his drive. And I helped him, him where he needed it, where I could have said no.

Perhaps it would have been better for all of us had I done so.

But then... what would he have become alone?

I don't know.

Would I aid him again? Would I teach him in my Transfiguration class?

Even knowing what he's done - and I think I know what he will do - I cannot say that I would not. I offered him trust. I offered him... if not help - then guidance.

He wouldn't have accepted my friendship, I honestly believe that, deep down, he couldn't. Maybe because he didn't know how, but maybe because he didn't trust me.

Just as I was suspicious of him

But why is he doing this?

Why?

Darkness.

Darkness hides, darkness consumes, darkness is... darkness is easy, it's tempting. It's the easy road.

And it does have advantages that my road doesn't.

I cannot - will not - take that path.

How can you kill indiscriminately?

How can you murder, with no regrets, with no warning?

I have killed. I have taken life. And it haunts me everyday. Even Grindelwald, I feel, maybe...

No one can be truly evil. They can't be. I can never believe that.

What does he want?

Power? Recognition? Ability?

He could have had all that without this. He was the most talented student here for years. There was no need for him to turn to this, he could have had whatever he wished for with turning to the Dark Arts.

But he did so.

And I...

I saw that, I watched him, now I know that more than ever. I suspected at the time - suspisions that I regret have come to pass. I did not think it would go this far, not this deep.

But there was something.

I failed him.

I must have.

In some way, something that happened - or didn't happen - at this school, somehow changed him. And I wasn't there to stop that or to try and make sure it didn't affect him.

I failed.

I've failed to stop him becoming the Dark Lord. I haven't been able to stop him since his... transformation, since his change.

Now we will all rue that, I fear.

Tom, why, why are you doing this?

I don't know. I can't understand that. My weakness. And, yes, my strength.

I saw the good in him - and there was good. I just... I just failed to keep it alive.

What will happen now? Both of us will fight in a struggle. Yet something tells me we will not meet again. Not for many years.

I wonder - will I recognise anything of Tom when I see Voldemort again?

****