Nirvana

Nirvana

They say nirvana is the state of peace and tranquility attained by one's soul. A feat long considered impossible. Yet, one never stops searching for it, and perhaps that's what gives us hope till the very end.

"You did it, Harry!"

"True hero, that one!"

"Greatest wizard of our time, I'd say!"

"To the boy who lived!"

Many more similar shouts echoed through the halls of the ministry where the final battle with the Dark Lord took place. Everyone was rejoicing the ultimate death of the abomination: Lord Voldemort. Everyone, except the two individuals who played a major role in this insane war.

"Hello, Remus," a boy said sullenly, as he sat next to a man much older than himself.

Remus didn't have to look around to know who it was; the boy's pain filled voice had been ingrained into his memory long since. "Hello, Harry."

It was amazing how similar these two men were. Both had premature silver highlights in their otherwise dark head of hair, and eyes that had long since dulled down to black from their once vibrant colours. Though both were quite young by age, their faces were etched with lines, each telling a story of grief, pain and death. But their aged experiences were not to be taken as a weakness, because both held power beyond any ordinary wizard.

Harry pulled his knees to his chin and followed Remus's unwavering gaze to the black veil that fluttered to a non-existent breeze.

"I guess saying congratulations would only be lying to myself and you," said Remus solemnly.

It was more of a statement than a question, so Harry didn't answer. Instead, silent tears rolled down his cheeks. Remus placed an arm around the smaller boy's shoulders and squeezed reassuringly, silently berating himself for causing the boy any more grief than he already had.

"Do you know what nirvana is, Harry?" asked Remus in an attempt to change the topic of conversation.

Harry nodded silently, reminding Remus of the small boy that he and Sirius had wanted to adopt so much. Remus wiped away Harry's silent tears with his thumb and turned to look at the veil, smiling as if remembering a very distant memory.

"Back during our marauding days, we'd use that word a lot. I don't know why. Maybe it was cool, maybe we were just trying to figure out what it truly meant. James would always tell us that he'd been in a constant state of nirvana ever since he was born. He didn't know how wrong he was until he had you in his arms. That was true nirvana for him. But then the moment passed when you decided to take a leak in his arms. Sirius joked about it then, saying that it was nirvana for you too considering how long you'd been holding out."

Harry laughed, but quieted quickly, eager to hear more.

"For me, it was when your father and Sirius told me that they knew I was a werewolf and didn't really care as long as I promised not to eat them in bed if I ever got hungry. Then there were the animagus transformations and probably every single Hogsmeade trip. To be honest, I'm not sure when I first experienced nirvana, but I know it was only after I met them."

"Then there was Sirius." Remus's eyes finally collapsed under the growing weight of tears he had been restraining for so long. A sniffle sounded from beside him and Remus's grip tightened painfully around Harry, as if afraid to let go. Afraid because until now, everyone he cared for seemed to simply slip always from his fingers faster than water in cupped hands.

"Sirius felt nirvana in the marauding days of course, but you can only value its significance after you've gone to hell and back. That night in the shack, when you and I believed in his innocence, Harry...he felt alive after twelve years. He felt true nirvana."

Both men were quiet after that, listening to the shouts of joy and triumph.

"Nirvana," said Harry. "To many...it would be today." Harry saw Remus sigh dejectedly. "But not for us."

Remus smiles mirthlessly. "No," he replied, tightening his grip on Harry's shoulder. "Not for us."

Harry looked at Remus expectantly, as if pleading for his approval. "Not here at least."

Remus looked into Harry's eyes, wanting to say no, that he couldn't come along, but he knew better. Instead, he nodded and got up to his feet, extending a hand to help Harry up.

Hands clasped tightly and eyes closed in bliss, they walked towards the veil, disappearing forever.

Nirvana: Final release from the cycle of reincarnation attained by extinction of one's desires and individual existence.