The Mating Game

Chapter Two

Happy Birthday!

The current Minister of Magic’s birthday party was a small one, in sharp contrast to the huge society affairs Cornelius Fudge had been known for. For starters, Arthur Weasley held his celebration at the Burrow, instead of the Grand Diagon Hotel.

Instead of inviting hundreds of people like his predecessor, Arthur had a limited guest list. Invitees included the seven Weasley children, the seven Weasley children’s spouses, and the one (so far) Weasley grandchild. Also included were, of course, two honorary Weasleys–Hermione Granger and Harry Potter.

By unanimous request, the food was prepared by Molly Weasley, with help from her daughter-in-law Millie, and (due to the vast quantities of food required) their newly employed house-elf, Winky. It was delicious, Hermione thought, as she nibbled at appetizers and made the rounds of the guests (surreptitiously avoiding the guest of honor).

Since she’d been by Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes earlier in the day, she first spoke to Fred and George, who had married Padma and Parvati Patil. Hermione guessed that several sets of identical twins would come from those unlikely unions, though neither couple had conceived yet. She had a sneaking suspicion that Fred and George were trying to achieve more or less simultaneous conceptions and births. The thought of two sets of Weasley twins attending Hogwarts at the same time was almost enough to give her indigestion.

Percy had finally married Penelope Clearwater. (It was she who had finally convinced him to side with Dumbledore.) Their daughter, Patricia, had been born just one month before her grandfather’s baby-or-bust law, so Percy and Penelope were going to be required to have three children, rather than the two they had planned. Hermione forced herself to coo over the little bundle of pink, but moved on as soon as possible–the thought of holding an infant reminded her too much of the recently-passed Wizard Preservation Law, which she was trying desperately to forget.

Ron fawned over his wife, Millie Bulstrode Weasley. Millie had been one of the two Slytherins in their year who had turned against their housemates to help the Order of the Phoenix overcome Voldemort. Ron hadn’t planned to marry Millicent, but the pair had enjoyed themselves a little too much during the victory party and she had ended up pregnant. Ron had proposed out of duty, but felt that he’d ended up being blessed with a good match; both he and his wife loved good food and Quidditch.

Millie, who was tall and broad, was barely showing after six months of pregnancy. Hermione began wondering what she–short and thin–would look like at the same stage. It was not a train of thought she wanted to pursue, so she continued on her rounds.

Draco Malfoy, the most recent addition to the Weasley clan, had married Ginny at the beginning of July. The Weasleys had initially been skeptical of Draco’s intentions, but his heroic actions in the final battle against Voldemort–including his rescue of Ginny–had finally convinced Molly and Arthur that he wasn’t a slimy git, after all. Ginny and Draco were not yet out of the newlywed phase–still pawing at each other in public–and Hermione left them before she lost her appetite.

The most interesting pre-dinner conversation came from Bill and Charlie Weasley, who were now both teaching at Hogwarts. Bill and his wife Fleur were jointly teaching Defense against the Dark Arts. ("Hopefully, with two of us, the jinx on that position will be broken," commented Bill.) Charlie had taken over Hagrid’s old position–the former gamekeeper had moved to France to be with Madame Maxime–and was now living in Hagrid's old cabin with his wife, Angelina Johnson.

The gossip about Hogwarts was punctuated with hysterical giggles as the former students speculated on which teachers would be having children due to the new law. The biggest debate was whether Professor McGonagall had hit menopause yet or not. Hermione thought not, but Fleur winked and mentioned that Albus Dumbledore had started openly flirting with Minerva after reading the article in the Daily Prophet. Hermione could hardly believe that even her former mentor had a suitor, when she didn’t.

At last Molly came to direct everyone to the table for dinner. The meal–served outside, of course, given the number of people present–was a raucous affair. Hermione found herself sitting between Harry and Millie and directly across from Arthur. She felt very awkward trying to make conversation with Mr. Weasley after what she had read that morning and therefore focused all of her attention on her plate.

When Harry had finally finished eating his main course, he addressed Arthur, echoing the thoughts that Hermione had kept suppressed all evening. "Mr. Weasley, you’ve passed a ridiculous law this time!"

Arthur smiled. "It’s time you settled down anyway, Harry. What are you complaining about?"

"What I’m complaining about is the heap of mail on my desk–at least two hundred unmarried witches have proposed to me today!"

Hermione couldn’t help but giggle nervously. Inside, though, her heart ached painfully. Not one person had sent her an owl with a marriage proposal. Not one wizard felt that she, Hermione Granger–hero of the war, former Head Girl, recipient of the Order of Merlin, Second Class, brilliant witch–was worthy of marriage.

Arthur’s eyes were almost as twinkly as Dumbledore’s tonight. "I’ve been kind of hoping that the more, er, talented witches and wizards would reproduce more than necessary–in an effort to raise the quality of the wizarding population–"

Harry scowled. "You know, Arthur, if I rebuild the house at Godric’s Hollow to its original specifications–as I fully intend to do–I will have room for at least eight children. I kind of hoped to meet that quota. However, I always assumed that I would take the time to select an appropriate spouse first."

"Hear, hear!" said Hermione energetically.

Arthur’s glance from Harry to Hermione and back again said more than words ever could. The two looked at each other and rolled their eyes. "No thanks," said Hermione simply. "We tried it, and it just felt too–well, incestuous. Harry’s the closest thing I have to a brother."

"Ah well," said Arthur Weasley simply, dabbing at his lips with his napkin. "It was worth a try, anyway."

As the evening progressed, nothing could keep Hermione from sliding into a mind-numbing depression. She had always felt like an outsider to some extent before, but never like this. Fleur, Angelina, and Millie were comparing pregnancies; there was nothing she was interested in hearing there. The two sets of twins were engaged in a lively dialogue with Mrs. Weasley over how to time intercourse to maximize their chances of conception (ugh!). Percy and Penelope curled up in a corner, cooing at their daughter and oblivious to everyone else. Harry was entertaining Ron, Charlie, and Bill with accounts of some of the more amusing letters he’d read that morning.

Hermione was glad when the cake was brought out. She nibbled at a piece herself, then made a quick escape, not even waiting for the opening of the presents.