The Mating Game

Prologue

Victory had come at a great price.

The wizarding population of Great Britain, already dwindling before the war, had been cut in half by the epic battles leading to Voldemort’s defeat. And now, thought the newly-elected Minister of Magic, the British wizard was an endangered species.

He had hoped that the months that followed Voldemort’s defeat would be filled by a major baby boom. It had happened to the Muggles, after all, following their Second World War. Unfortunately, his correspondents at St. Mungo’s and other medical institutions had indicated that there were fewer pregnancies, if anything. So much for letting nature take its course!

Some of the Muggle communities in Europe gave people with children a monthly stipend, in an attempt to encourage childbearing. In days past, the Minister would have gladly attempted a plan such as this. Sadly, it was not possible any more. The British Ministry of Magic was currently low on funding. The war had exhausted the stockpile of gold in the Ministry’s Gringotts vault and most of what was left had been given out to war heroes. (The Order of Merlin, like the Nobel Prize, came with a sizable stipend attached.)

No, money was not the answer to this problem. It was time to take action. Drastic action.

A quick Floo call to his wife let her know that he would not be home until late. Getting the wording right on this legislation would take most of the night.

Removing his glasses, the Minister rubbed his eyes vigorously. Then, with a sigh, he replaced his spectacles, picked up his quill and began to write.

Chapter One

The Ultimatum

A warm summer morning was just dawning over the seaside community of Dover when the newspaper owl arrived. On the back porch of the small cottage labeled number eighteen Cliffside Drive, Hermione Granger counted out some Knuts for the paper and lazily unfurled the Sunday edition of the Daily Prophet. She almost dropped her coffee cup in shock. The banner headline read:

REPRODUCE–OR ELSE!

Her eyes flicked down to the print below and began scanning. Surely they weren’t serious?

But yes, they were. Terribly so. The Minister of Magic had decreed that all wizards and witches of childbearing age in Britain were to produce a minimum of two children in the next five years, or face the consequences.

Yeah, right,

thought Hermione. There’s no way they can get me to have a kid without my consent.

"Actual text of the law–page five," she mumbled, and turned the pages with fumbling fingers. A quick scan of the page revealed the section she was interested in.

SECTION 2. ENFORCEMENT.

1. Violation of the law is present if a witch or wizard has not produced one child by July 15, 2002 or has not produced two children by July 15, 2005. Exceptions are granted only under terms of Section 3, below.
2. Denial of licenses. Those found in violation of the law will have revoked all licenses issued by the Ministry of Magic, and will be unable to have said licenses reinstated until terms of the law have been met. This includes, but is not limited to, apparition, business, and professional certification licenses.
3. Ministry Hiring Policy. Witches and wizards found to be in violation of the law will be considered unqualified for Ministry employment. Those currently employed by the ministry at the time of violation shall have 90 (ninety) days parole to comply with the law before losing their positions.
4. End of Further Education. Those found in violation of the law shall be denied the privilege of attending any Ministry-approved university or completing an officially sanctioned apprenticeship.

By all that is holy,

thought Hermione in aggravation. She was right; they couldn’t force her to get pregnant. They could, however, deny her all the privileges associated with being a witch. Eagerly she investigated the section on exceptions. Perhaps she could find a loophole?

SECTION 3. EXCEPTIONS.

2. Witches or wizards who are expecting a child are automatically granted an extension until 4 (four) weeks following expected due date of child.
3. Witches or wizards who have experienced a miscarriage within the past six months are granted a 12 (twelve) month extension. Form 1257B must be filed with the Ministry records office within two months of the miscarriage.
4. Wizards who are 100 (one hundred) years of age or greater are exempted from the law, though they are still encouraged to procreate.
5. Witches who are incapable of childbearing are permanently exempted from the law. Those seeking exemption under this paragraph must file a mediwitch’s certificate and Form 1258 with the Ministry records office.

Rats,

thought Hermione. She knew she couldn’t get a mediwitch’s exemption; her last physical exam had shown her reproductive systems fully functional. She continued reading the law, desperate to find an exception that suited her taste.
6. Witches and wizards with six or more offspring are exempted from the provisions of this law, as well as any reproductive laws which are passed in the future.

"I should have known he’d put that in," she grumbled aloud. "I’m going to kill him. Exempting himself from his own law and subjecting me to it at the same time."

Hermione sighed in frustration. She didn’t even have a boyfriend. How in the world was she supposed to find a decent father for her child? Well, if nothing else, she thought, I can at least approach the problem in a logical fashion.

She got up, stomped into the house and pried an enormous volume from one of the bookshelves. Propping the book on a stand next to her computer, she waved her wand and muttered, "Legere". Immediately her computer whirred to life, hard drive gurgling as it processed the information.

This is definitely one of the advantages of being a Muggle-born witch,

thought Hermione, staring mutely at the monitor. Technically speaking, her computer setup was an Illegally Enchanted Muggle Object, but the Ministry had turned a blind eye to her little experiment.

During the war against Voldemort, Hermione had noticed that the magical world suffered from the inability to process large quantities of information at once. She’d developed the Legere charm to deal with this shortcoming; it allowed her to magically download the contents of a book into a database on her computer.

Oddly enough, she’d never before needed to download the book sitting in the encoding stand on her desk. Hermione peeped at the back page of the hefty volume; it had 1800 pages. It would take over twelve hours to transfer the contents of Who’s Who in Wizarding Britain to her hard drive. In the meantime, she had a birthday present to buy and a party to attend.

What a party this will be,

she thought bitterly. I suppose I’m expected to be polite. And he expects me to buy him a present? Ha! I guess it’s time to visit Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes!