Harry Potter & The 5th Year Summer

June 30 1995 - 10pm

It's funny.

When Dumbledore was explaining to me how his pensieve worked, I couldn't honestly say that I ever had too many thoughts and memories crammed inside of me.

But now it's a completely different story.

Now that Voldemort is back, I can't ever remember feeling more worried in my life. I mean, I've been worried about Sirius' safety before, but this is worse.

Am I worried about my own safety? Yes I am. But not as worried as I am about my friends, especially Ron and Hermione.

My two best friends are in just as much danger as I am just for knowing me. And it's not just them either. The whole Weasley family and my entire Gryffindor year; Dean, Neville, Seamus, Lavender and Parvati are as well. This is what tears me up most. Voldemort could grab anyone one of them and use them as bait to try and get me. I just hope I'm never in a situation like that.

I've been back at Privet Drive for about 4 hours, and I'm already home sick. After saying goodbye to Ron and Hermione, I got into the Dursley's car without a word. Uncle Vernon said nothing for the whole trip back. I just sat quietly in the back seat, lost in my thoughts. It was time for dinner when we arrived and I had to put up with Aunt Petuina filling Uncle Vernon in on what the neighbours had done throughout the day. After dinner, I washed the dishes without complaint and went straight up to bed.

Physically, I'm recovered from the events on the night of the Third Task. The mental scars however, remain.

Every night since the Third Task, I've thought about what happened at the end of the maze with the giant spider. What if the spider wasn't there? Cedric would have got the Cup, but he would have been killed by Voldemort, who inturn would have continued to come after me for my blood.

My mind goes back to the conversation that we had. Cedric refusing to take the Cup and telling me that I deserved to win. I find it slightly ironic that Cedric, the hard-working Hufflepuff, was showing the nobilty of a Gryffindor.

But Cedric was wrong. I didn't deserve to win. I shouldn't have been in the tournament to start with. Cedric was the true Hogwarts Champion, he deserved to win and I told him so, but he still refused to take it. Then I suggested that we both take the Cup. The smile on Cedric's face when I said this is something I will never forget. He was so happy. In a matter of minutes however, Cedric was dead.

Dumbledore, Hagrid, Ron, Hermione. Mrs Weasley and even Mr & Mrs Diggory told me that Cedric's death wasn't my fault. Part of me however will always have some guilt for his death.

The stupid thing is I spent most of last year feeling jealous of Cedric because he looked the part of a Champion. Tall, good-looking, good marks and a Prefect. And he had Cho.

Cho has always been friendly to me, and I think that's how it will remain. I'm not hooked on her as much as I was so I think it's time to move on.

Hermione's going to send the Daily Prophet to me each day so I can keep up with the news. It'll keep Hedwig happy, giving her something to do.

Earlier on the Hogwarts Express, just before the lunch troley came around, Hermione asked me a question.

'Harry, are you going to be worried about what the rest of the magical community thinks? I mean, there are probably a lot of dunderheads out there who believed everything Rita Skeeter wrote about you.'

It must have looked to both Ron and Hermione that I hadn't registered the question, because I just sat there. Finally, after about thirty seconds, I answered.

'No, I don't give a damm what everyone else thinks, because my friends, my true friends, know the truth and believe the truth. That's all that matters to me.'

Ron and Hermione smiled brilliantly at this, and I smiled with them.

And I meant it too. People can make up their own theories at will. I will not allow myself to be phased by it all. I have enough on my mind as it is.