Songfic Series

Songfic series - Because Of Me

I wake up in a strange bed. The sheets are clean, but far from luxurious. I yawn and turn around, determined to ignore the beam of sunlight that shines through the curtains. It's at this point that I find out the sheets are not clean. There's a wet spot in the middle of the bed. My eyes fly open when I realise what a wet spot in the middle of the bed usually means: sex. I sit up in bed and let the memories of last night flood me.

Flaming red hair, warm brown eyes and a fiery temper. I moan and drop back on the pillow. I can't believe this! I fucked Ginny Weasley? But my dismay soon fades as I remember what a good fuck she was. Maybe I should've asked her where she lives now? Why the hell didn't I ask where she lives? She couldn't have been that good, could she? I smile as I remember. I asked, but she wouldn't tell. She's Potter's girl. Grinning wickedly, I get up and head for the shower. I fucked Potter's girl.

The fun dissipates a little when I realise she walked out on me while I was sleeping. And then even more when I remember how I met her here in the first place. She and Potter had hired the room next door. And I don't know when she left. For some strange reason I hope she left early enough to make sure Potter didn't notice she was missing. She told me he was visiting Hermione and - please, Merlin - let it have taken up all evening because I really don't fancy dealing with Potter when he finds out I screwed his girl. Suddenly, I don't feel like going down for breakfast. I order room service instead.
I look over at the clock located on the small table next to my bed. Turns out it's well past noon, so I have to order something from the lunch menu. Irritated about the fact that I slept in against my will, I snap at the boy who brings the cart and don't tip him. He looks like he wants to kill me and, once again, I'm reminded of Potter. I pick up my wand from the side table and put it in my back pocket, hoping Potter didn't bring his. Maybe the female Weasel is a good liar and he won't find out, but I'm not willing to take that risk.

I chew on my sandwich without even tasting it, the sour flavour of worry taking over my mouth. I drink my orange juice in one gulp and curse myself. Why am I getting so worked up about Potter? It's not like I never fought with him before. Hell, I probably fought with him more often then I exchanged full sentences with the righteous prat. But, somehow, I feel this is different and I check my back pocket to make sure my wand is still there.

There's a broad black box on the table in front of the bed and I try charming it to do something for about half an hour, but my mind keeps wandering to the room beside mine. I wonder what's going on in there and I curse my luck for hiring a room right next to Potter in the middle of Muggle London. What the fuck is he doing in Muggle London anyway? I just wanted to get out of the Manor for a while, because being a Malfoy is hard work. But Potter doesn't have to do anything but bask in fame and glory ever since he defeated the Dark Lord. Since it is pretty difficult for a Malfoy to get a bit of peace and quiet in the Wizarding World at this time, I chose to stay in Muggle London. Trying to get said peace and quiet I went shopping at Harrods yesterday. That's where I saw Weasley's not-so-little-anymore sister and that's when I decided I wanted her. Now I wish I never had.

Grabbing the book I brought from the nightstand, I try to settle in the black leather chair that stands next to the full-length window. It has buttons in the seating and they keep making ugly red pits in my beautiful legs. I try swinging my legs over the broad elbow-rest, but only manage to yelp in pain. I make my way over to the small and clinically white bathroom and pull down my pants. What the...?! She bit me! She fucking bit me in the arse! I sigh and pull my pants back up. Great, just great.

Flinging the book on the bed, I grab the remote and turn on the television again. Perched on the end of my bed I zap through the channels hoping I will find something to get this whole situation off my mind. I end up staring at the grey floor covering. My mind keeps spinning in circles and I can't do a damn thing to stop it. It's like a broken record playing in my head. I hear Potter yell my name and next thing I know he's barging through the door, wand in hand. He hexes me before I can even get my wand out of my back pocket and I fall to the ground withering in pain, because his Cruciatus curse hit me square in the chest. Just as I think it is over he hits me with it again and then I hear him yell my name again. He's barging through my door again and the entire event happens repeatedly. After what seems like hours, the flow of images is finally stopped by the grumble of my stomach. I look at the clock, only to be startled by the fact that I almost missed dinner.

My circling thoughts have done nothing to help me gather courage enough to go downstairs, so I order room service again. Steak and potatoes will do tonight; I'm not really hungry anyway. It's the same boy bringing my food, blond hair pointing out from under his ridiculous green hat. I tip him double this time, and that seems to get the murderous glare off his face. If only it would be that easy with Potter...

I hear them just as I am putting a piece of meat in my mouth. My fork hovers in the air for a couple of minutes before I drop it on the plate, the clattering not able to drown out the voices sounding next door. They're fighting. I can't hear what they're saying but they both sound angry. I turn to look at the wall involuntarily. And that's when the first shouting begins. Not good. I think about leaving the room and spending the night somewhere in town, but that would only mean he could wait for me to come back and ambush me. Moreover, it would seem like I was scared. I'm not willing to give him that satisfaction. So I decide to sit it out, dinner forgotten on the dark-oak side-table.

I can hear the couple fighting right next door
Their angry words sound clear through these thin walls

They keep bickering all night. Dropping to a normal conversation volume mostly, so I can't really tell what they're fighting about, but then again, I don't need to. It's already past midnight when they finally get to the main point, but there's no mistaking it. I can hear Potter shout 'You cheated on me!' right through the walls. I take my wand out of my pocket just to be sure. I really don't want to listen to this. Curse those thin hotel walls.

I know what comes next. I had too many of these fights myself, often being on Weasel's end of it, before I got smart. The grey and white striped wallpaper on the wall drives me crazy, but I'm unable to tear my eyes away from it. I wish I knew what was going on in there. I only need one look at Potter's face to know if he's just going to hex me or if he's going for the kill. And it isn't until this point that I understand that this is all my own fault. She never intended this to happen. I just seduced her because I wanted to get laid and she couldn't resist; after all, who can? Maybe this time I have gone too far and I have no one to blame but myself.

Around midnight I heard 'im shout "Unfaithful one"
And I knew right then the axe was gonna fall
It's because of me. It's because of me

My train of thought is stopped short by Potter's voice passing through the wall again. He sounds hurt and his voice is raw with emotion, but he says exactly what I expect him to say. 'Who, Ginny? Who was it?' I hold my breath and pray she doesn't tell him it was me. If she won't tell him, he can't come after me. 'Don't,' I plead, 'don't tell him.' I can't hear what she says because it is too soft, but I know she didn't tell him because Potter's hurt and angry voice filters through the wall again: 'Don't lie to me Ginny, not again!'

I heard him shout, Who is he? She mumbled low
He said, "Baby, don't you lie to me no more."

I look at the white bed sheets remembering the spot where she laid. I can recall her mumbling against my skin that she shouldn't do this as I kissed her.

I feel something I never felt before. Suddenly there's a rock at the pit of my stomach and, it seems to be hanging from the chain around my neck. It feels wrong. Dropping my head into my hands, I sigh. She loves him, she told me even while I was undressing her and, I didn't care. I didn't give a damn.

My head is brought up again with a violent movement as my name comes booming through the wall. It is the ugliest word I've ever heard, and I cringe as I think of what will happen on the other side of the wall. I stand and position myself in front of the door, wand ready just in case, and I hope that Potter doesn't know I'm right next door.

And I'm listening through these thin walls silent o' shame
As she called out my name I was right next door

It's because of me, it's because of me
Because of me, it's because of me

Nothing happens. Absolute silence from the other room. Slowly, I sit down again and try not to think about what's happening on the other side of the wall. Instead, memories of last night assault me. I feel her skin under my hands again. I hear her moan and sigh, but I also hear her whisper, over and over again, 'I shouldn't do this, it's wrong. I love Harry' while tracing kisses down my neck.

I gasp as I realise what I did. She was just another fuck to me, one of many. I didn't care about her or about what would happen, I only cared about getting laid, and I used every trick in the book to get Weasley into bed with me. It meant nothing to me and it probably meant even less to her, but she would have to pay. I ruined their relationship, I made both the female Weasel and Potter miserable: perfect, right? But this time something feels wrong, terribly wrong.

Oh, she was right next door and I'm such a strong persuader
She was just another note on my guitar

And, suddenly, the silence in the other room has a whole different meaning to me. I can imagine them now: Weasley probably in the bedroom, Potter in the shower, looking in the mirror, unseeing. Both saying nothing, unable to speak because of their breaking hearts and choked-up throats.

She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I can hear their breaking hearts

Then the silence is broken and I hear somebody rummaging in the closets. And as the first rays of sunshine touch the spot were Weasley lay just two nights ago, I hear Potter barking goodbye before the door slams shut. I wonder which one of them left, but I don't have to wait for long. I can hear someone crying and I know it's Weasley. She must be on the bed: it stands against the wall between our rooms and I can clearly hear her sobs and her whispering. It takes me a minute to figure out what she's whispering and once I do, I wish I never had. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Harry,' she whispers, over and over again. I try to fight it but I can't help remembering her when she was in her first years at Hogwarts. Pining after Potter, her hero. She finally got him after school, she was happy with him, but it didn't last longer than a year because I had to butt in.

At daybreak I can hear him pack, say goodbye
I can hear him slam the door and walk away

Right next door I can hear that woman start to cry

I know I should go to her, but I have no idea what to say. I realise this is because there is nothing I can say. Nothing will ever get her back the hero she tried to conquer for over seven years. I want to comfort her, but I can't. She probably hates me even more than she did back in school. She lost the love of her live and it's my fault. It's because I made her do something she didn't really want to do in the first place. She was just being nice to me in the Art Gallery and I misused her kindness in the worst way possible, just like I do everyday, with everyone. Take what you can and leave them. Easy and without too much trouble. But this time there's trouble, I can feel it. Weasley lost everything because of me and I want to do something to make it right, that can't be good. I'm a Malfoy, Malfoys don't make mistakes so they don't have to make anything right...

I should go to her, but what would I say
It's because of me It's because of me
Because of me Young heart

Feeling confused, I undress and crawl under the still dirty sheets, trying to figure out what the hell is going on with me. I cringe when I roll into the wet spot once again and hastily roll away from it. Pulling the blanket up over my head to shut out the painful sobs from the other room, I screw my eyes shut. I never thought I would pity a Weasley but her sobs are heartrending and I feel...something. I never could've imagined hurting someone else could evoke a feeling different than satisfaction and I really don't understand it.

Oh, she was right next door and I'm such a strong persuader
She was just another note on my guitar
She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I can hear their breaking hearts

I leave early the next day, no longer trying to escape the Manor's solitude. It seems like a sanctuary to me now. I send the piccolo off with my trunks and turn to go, but as I walk by their room I stop to listen at the door, making sure she is still there. Something inside my chest hurts when I realise she is still crying. Silently, I slide a note under her door, reading the words on it as I do so. I'm sorry. They look incredibly void and empty to me, but it's all I can do even if everything was because of me.

Oh, she was right next door and I'm such a strong persuader
She was just another note on my guitar
She's gonna lose the man that really loves her
In the silence I can hear their breaking hearts

Right Next Door (Because Of Me) - Robert Cray Band