Lily and Bob

Lily and Bob

By Madelynn

"It won't hurt, I'm positive."

"That's what you said when you tried to make me grow!"

"Well this time I'm really positive! I was lying last time!"

James Potter smothered a laugh. Two of his best friends, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew, were discussing Peter's small problem with snoring. Sirius, apparently, had a newly developed potion that would cure the horrible sound, and Peter was a tad worried about trying it.

James didn't blame him in the least.

Sure Sirius was brilliant, sure he wouldn't purposely do anything to hurt his friends, but he did have a habit of putting too much faith in stupid things. Very, very stupid things, like flying motorcycles (yeah, like that old piece of junk was ever going to fly), and homemade potions that would cure things like snoring.

"It can't hurt to have a go," James said, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"Are - are you sure, Prongs?" asked Peter.

"What's the worst that could happen? You have to go to the Hospital Wing? Oh no, what a horrible thing to happen!" James rolled his eyes, trying to look nonchalant.

Ha! Just a little punishment for taking my cloak out last night, Peter... Not like there'll be any permanent damage...

"I... guess," Peter said slowly.

"So go on then!" Sirius exclaimed, shoving a small vial into his friend's hand. "Give us a night of silence!"

Peter took the goblet from Sirius with a shaky hand. "You - you're sure?"

"Have I ever lied to you?"

"Should we answer that?" asked the other member of their group, Remus Lupin, finally taking his head out of that stupid Dark Creatures book.

Sirius threw a book at him.

Finally Peter took the potion, and an hour later they were all in bed, amazed at the silence.

James, for one, couldn't get to sleep. The silence was deafening. There was this weird rushing in his ears that he couldn't remember ever hearing before. There was no way he was going to get to sleep until the rushing went away. He clicked his tongue and counted kneazles. When that didn't work, he cpunted all the ways he could kill Sirius.

Suddenly, there was a loud snort, followed by a sound reminiscent of a rhinoceros snort, only about a hundred times louder.

James jumped, and heard a loud thud beside him. Pushing back the curtain, he saw Sirius on the ground, looking startled, and Remus pulling back his curtains on the other side of the room, watching them with his hands over his ears.

The horrible sound was still going.

"What is that?" Sirius yelled.

Remus pointed to his ears, indicting that he couldn't hear anything.

James stood up and motioned for the other two to follow his lead, and they crept to the edge of Peter's bed.

Sirius held up three fingers, and grabbed the end of a curtain. James and Remus nodded. He put down one finger, then another. When the third finger was put down they yanked back the hangings, to reveal Peter sleeping peacefully, snoring into his pillow.

James waved to get Sirius' attention. He then pointed to his best friend and slit a finger across his throat.

You're dead, Padfoot.

Sirius shrugged, as Remus gestured to the door.

Once outside, it was amazing how quiet it was.

"Looks like your Silencing Charms are much better than your potions," Remus said to Sirius, somewhat angrily.

"It won't hurt Peter," James mocked. "Give us a night of silence."

"It can't hurt to have a go," Sirius imitated back. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"This, apparently," Remus answered. "Where're we going to sleep?"

James shrugged. "Common room?"

"We could put Silencing Charms on his hangings?" Sirius tried, deciding that it would be best to play his strengths.

"That won't work, they're cloth," Remus reasoned.

"The don't attach on the bottom, so the sound'll still come through."

"We could kick the first years out," Sirius suggested further.

"Yeah, cause McGonagall would be thrilled with that."

"Stop being such a prefect, Moony."

"Hey! I bet if we went to get she could fix it!"

"No!" Sirius glared at James in disbelief. "And let her see we experimented on Wormtail? I don't think so."

"So what do we do?" Remus asked.

James glanced up at the ceiling, as if it had an answer. And, as it turned out, it did. There on the ceiling were scratched the tally marks of how many successful midnight kitchen runs were made, one column for each of the seventh year boys. Sirius had begun the tally years ago, it was on the ceiling because that seemed to be the only place where it wouldn't be removed, and they could give themselves one more as they passed through the door on their way back.

"Kitchen run?" he asked.

"Why not?"

"Might as well."

*

Sirius marched before Peter like a general. Their entire day had been focussed on research and experimentation to get rid of the snoring, but they had come up with no antidote.

"And what are you not going to do?"

"Open my mouth."

"And what are you going to do?"

"Wear the nose-plug until you come up with a cure."

"What else?"

"Buy you all Butterbeer for your pains."

Sirius turned to James and Remus, apparently satisfied. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," James said. "What else are you never going to do again?"

"Drink anything Padfoot gives me."

James grinned. "Satisfied."

Sirius glared.

Five hours later, James crept down the stairs, hoping that he could just crash on the couch, away from the sound of Peter's enhanced snoring. The nose-plug had done nothing, but Remus and Sirius had both been clever enough to get earplugs for themselves, so James was alone in his suffering. When he stepped into the light, however, he encountered a problem with this plan.

Lily Evans was sitting on the ground in front of the fire, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

Now, James had nothing against Lily. In fact, he liked her. He liked her a lot. She, however, did not return his affections, and could be quite vocal in her disapproval of him. He had a habit of saying stupid things in front of her, a habit of doing stupid things when she was around, and a habit of generally turning into a pile of mush whenever she looked at him.

Shocked, he took a step backwards, right into a table. A book fell to the floor with a thud, and James quickly regained his balance.

She looked around in surprise, and, upon seeing him, spun back to the fire and hid her face.

"Go away," she implored, her voice unable to stay even.

James' heart went out to her. So maybe she could be a bitch, so maybe she'd never give him a chance, but that didn't mean he had to stop liking her. That didn't mean she wasn't amazing. That didn't mean that he wouldn't do almost anything for her.

"Evans? What happened?" he asked, sitting beside her, but still a comfortable distance away.

"Just leave, Potter. I don't want to talk about it. Especially to you."

"Well, how about this? I'll be Bob. You can talk to Bob, right?" He gave her a small smile.

She looked up with an odd expression on her face. "Why won't you ever just leave me alone?"

A sudden thought flashed through his mind. What if this was his fault? He did have a habit of ruining her life, after all. "Is this... um... did I...?" He trailed off.

That time, he was sure she gave him a small smile.

"No. It's not your fault, Bob. Nor is it Potter's."

"Oh. Good. Because James really hates himself when he does something really stupid, and then you get upset. Which seems to be a lot."

"He does a lot of stupid things."

"I guess he does. But this isn't one of them?"

"No. This isn't really anyone's fault. Well, not until I figure out who started it." Two more tears ran down her already wet cheeks. "This is lower than even Potter would go." She turned her head back to the fire, light danced off her red hair and James was sure that he could die right then and there.

"D'you want to tell Bob about it?"

"Not really."

"I bet you'd feel better."

She sighed. "There's this rumour."

"A bad rumour?"

"No, it's a wonderful rumour, Bob. That's why I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out."

"Point taken. Bad rumour. Evil rumour, even. Please go on."

"Just, someone's said some really horrible things about me, and it's not true! But... it's not like I care what they think, it's just..."

"You don't want someone to think bad stuff about you when you know it's not true. Like, they might think that you're making fun of them when you're trying to compliment them, or they might think that you're a total bastard just because you were a stupid little kid."

"This is a really bad time to bring that up."

"Got it. No more pity for Potter."

"Bob and Potter don't get along very well."

"How would you know? I'm Bob, not you."

"I've decided."

"Who gave you the power to decide who Bob likes?"

"I gave it to myself."

"Oh yeah? Well - I'm in charge because I say so and I say that Bob and Potter get along just fine."

"And I think I'm going back up to bed." She stood up. "I'm not in the mood for this conversation, I know where it's going."

"No Lily! I mean - Evans..." He looked up at her, begging her silently to stay. "Lily?" he tried again. "I'm sorry. I'm sure Potter would be very sorry too, if he were here. But he's not. Nope. Just Lily and Bob."

"Lily and Bob."

"Got quite the ring to it, doesn't it?"

This time she did smile. Not a very big smile, but a small, sad smile. James' heart leapt up to his throat. He suddenly remembered why he liked her so much. Maybe, just maybe, things would change one day.

"So," he continued, "d'you want to tell Bob about this rumour?"

She rolled her eyes, but sat down once more.

"Stupid people. Why would anyone believe something like that?" she said, almost to herself. She then turned to James. "It's like this, Bob: some genius said that while I was in France over the summer I... well... I sort of... But I didn't!"

"What?"

"They said that - I - I - I can't tell you. Sorry Bob, I can't say it. But I didn't do it!"

"Okay, you didn't. I don't know what you didn't, but at least now, if I ever hear that you did something, I can honestly say, 'She didn't!'"

"Thanks."

"You know," he said, almost to himself, "they're probably just jealous of you."

She raised her eyebrows, confused. "Why would anyone be jealous of me?"

James gaped at her. "You can't honestly think that. You're - Lily, you're perfect."

She laughed in disbelief, shaking her head, which looked rather odd as another tear ran down her cheek. "Bob, you know nothing about me."

"I know. I wish I did, but I don't. I do know, however, that there's plenty of things that people would be jealous of you over."

"You aren't going to go all pathetic romantic and list them off for me, are you?"

"Only if you want me too."

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Alright then, I won't."

They sat in silence for a while.

Finally, Lily looked over at James and smiled. "Do you really want to get to know me better? Or is this just another plan to get me to go out with you?"

James looked at the ceiling. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I've never asked you out before. Bob has no unhonourable intentions towards Lily. But yes, I would like to get to know you better."

She laughed. "Okay then. As long as you're not trying to talk me into anything."

"I'm only here to help. Well, and to sleep, but I can't sleep until you're feeling better."

She looked at him quizzically, then her eyes flashed to the staircase and back again. "Why can't you sleep in your dormitory?"

"Well, you know Potter and Black?"

She gave him an obvious look. "We've met."

"Their friend, one Peter Pettigrew, has a snoring problem. Last night, being the great friends that they are, they decided to fix it."

Her shoulders dropped and she rolled her eyes. "What did you do? I'm Head Girl this year, you have to tell me what you did."

"I did nothing. It was all Black and Potter."

"Okay Bob, what did they do?"

"They gave him a little potion that was supposed to stop snoring. And it did! For about an hour..."

"And what happened after that?"

"The snoring came back. Ten times louder."

"Ouch?"

"Oh yeah."

"I'm seeing your problem. Er - Black and Potter's problem."

"It's a very big problem. If they didn't have a Silencing Charm around their dormitory I doubt anyone in the Tower would be able to sleep."

"Silencing Charm?"

"Shh." He brought his finger to his lips, and leaned closer to her, speaking in a whisper. "Bob's facts aren't always 100%, and we'd hate it if this is something that isn't entirely true."

"That would be bad," she said wryly.

James nodded in agreement. "How are you liking being Head Girl?" he said, guiding the converstion away from anything incriminating.

"S'alright, I guess."

"A lot of work?"

She rolled her eyes. 'You have no idea, it's like OWLs multiplied, plus NEWTs at the end of the year..."

"Lily! That's not for months! It's September! Why are you worrying now?"

Again, she rolled her eyes.

"I'm going to take it you're not answering that question."

"It was a stupid question."

"Was it?"

"Very."

"Well, I am an expert at asking stupid questions."

"An expert are you?"

"The world's leading. I couldn't be anything but the best."

"That's too bad, because you're so far from the best at so many things..." She smiled wryly, so he knew she was joking.

James guffawed. "I think I should be insulted."

"You probably should be. But you're not."

"Oh? And how do you know that?"

"Because you're grinning."

James tried to frown. It didn't work. His cheeks seemed to want to continue grinning, despite the discomfort he was beginning to feel. "Yeah well..."

She shook her head and laughed. "You know Bob, you're not so bad."

"Thank you. You're not so bad yourself."

Just then, the clock on the mantle began to chime. It was three in the morning.

"I'd better get up to bed," she said slowly.

"You wouldn't want to fall asleep in the middle of Transfiguration tomorrow."

"McGonagall would kill me."

"I've had that happen before, it's not fun."

"I wouldn't think so."

She stood up to go.

"G'night Lily. I hope you're feeling better."

"Night Bob."

James watched her as she made her way to the staircase. But, on the first step, her hand hesitated on the railing, and she turned around.

"Bob?"

"What?"

"Tell - Tell Potter I hope he can fix his snoring problem."

James smiled. "G'night, Lily."

"Good night. And... thanks... James."

Once she was out of sight, James waited for a minute, staying perfectly still, just in case she forgot something and came back down. When that didn't happen, he grinned and sprung up, grateful that there was no one to see his victory dance around the common room.