Rating:
PG-13
House:
The Dark Arts
Characters:
Remus Lupin Sirius Black
Genres:
Angst Slash
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 08/27/2003
Updated: 08/27/2003
Words: 736
Chapters: 1
Hits: 674

In the Mirror

Maddy

Story Summary:
Sirius was standing in front of the mirror, naked, watching himself as if it was the first time he was seeing his reflection.``Sirius/Remus slash, post-OotP (yes, you read well: post OotP, yet not AU. This whole fits together, just read and find out if you don't believe me)

Posted:
08/27/2003
Hits:
674
Author's Note:
Since the first reviews I got in the SS Wolfstar Cookie Jar are good, I thought I'd post it "for real". The final twist is a bit obscure at first, I've been told, so if you're not sure, you can always go read Jane's good guess

Sirius was standing in front of the mirror, naked, watching himself as if it was the first time he was seeing his reflection. He was thin, maybe too thin; he had never quite put on weight after Azkaban. His hair was too long, but he liked it like that, even more so because Remus kept complaining about it. His eyes were dark, so dark, and so intense it gave him chills. His eyelashes were longer than he remembered them. His cheeks were still a little hollow, but it gave him that dark look that pleased Remus so.

He let his fingers roam his body, even though every touch pained him. He outlined the muscles on his arms; he trailed them down his chest; he admired his feet and his knotty knees. It was so weird that his body, for which he had never really cared before, could suddenly seem like the most wondrous thing.

He was hard, which was in itself a miracle since he couldn't remember ever being sadder.

He sat down on his (their) bed, still staring at his reflection, and his reflection sat down as well. The mirror seemed to understand it wasn't supposed to make comments for once. Maybe because Sirius had threatened it with a hammer a mere ten minutes before.

"Moony, stop being so sad, please," Sirius said, not looking away from his reflection. He tried to laugh, his bark-like laugh, but it choked somewhere in his throat and he ended up coughing, feeling completely stupid. "You look like you're mourning someone," he added, once the cough had calmed down.

Remus looked away, his eyes watering. He didn't find the joke amusing at all. When he looked back up, Sirius's cheeks were glistening with tears.

"I'm sorry Moony, I didn't mean to make you cry. It was a stupid joke."

Remus didn't answer anything. He tried to smile, but he couldn't.

Sirius seemed to hesitate, then started to caress his own body again. He cautiously touched himself, trying to bring his body to ecstasy, but the harder he tried, the more painful it became. He tried to be slow, and gentle, and teasing, tried to pretend the hands roaming his skin and flesh weren't his, tried to change the rhythm to one that wouldn't feel so familiar. But no matter how much he concentrated, his hands and his body were still connected; no matter how tight he closed his eyes, his senses were still telling him he was only pretending.

Remus reached out for him, but Sirius stood up again and walked to the mirror. The reflection was cold, cold as ice. Cold as his body probably was, wherever it lay. It was too cold, it remembered him too much of what had happened.

Sirius finally let go of the mirror and went to lie down, hugging a pillow against his naked chest.

"We'll see each other again, you know we will, Moony. I wouldn't let them keep us apart. Azkaban didn't keep us apart, so how can you even think death would?!"

Once again Remus didn't say anything. He only closed his eyes harder, hugged the pillow tighter. It was too hard, too painful, and yet...the temptation was too strong. He wished one day he could find a way to just complete himself again, to make love to himself again. He wished he would stop feeling this empty, all the time.

---------


When Sirius had moved to Grimmauld Place, and they had patiently, carefully, awkwardly tried to glue their life together again, Remus had convinced him to cut his hair, because as he had said, "It's too damn long, and I'm the one who keeps chocking on it when we're having sex!!". Sirius had agreed (not without a fight though) but as soon as he had seen his reflection, with short hair that stood up in every direction, just like James's did, he had screamed bloody murder and immediately grown them back with a wave of his wand.

Remus had laughed, and kept the hair in an envelope, as a joke.

He knew he should throw it away now. It had been three months Sirius had disappeared (he still couldn't bring himself to say the D-word, it seemed too...final), and he knew it wasn't healthy to keep the hair from a dead person. But he just couldn't help himself.

By now, there was only half of it left, anyway...