One Day

One Day

Chapter 7

With the feeling that soft clouds were cradling her, Ginny slowly came back to her senses. She felt warm, comfortable, and safe. She hadn't felt safe in a long time. As a child, her Mum and Dad would rock her to sleep if she was not feeling well, or if she had had a bad dream. Strong arms were holding her, like when she was small. Was she dreaming? She must be, she was snuggled under a warm blanket, and someone was rocking her and softly humming. Slowly opening one eye, Ginny found herself looking at Harry's neck. Quickly, she closed it. Oh no, she was not dreaming! What happened?

Harry was holding her close. He had one arm draped around Ginny's waist, the other was around her shoulder, his hand was in her hair, massaging in lazy circles. As she became aware of her situation, Ginny realized where her hands were. Her left hand was clutching the front of Harry's shirt, curling over the top button, and Ginny's fingers were resting on his warm chest. Her right hand was on her waist, with Harry's soft fingers wrapped around it. She felt a shiver go through her, and she was taking deep breaths to control the pounding in her chest. What was she going to do? What did Harry think of her?

The mental picture she had of Harry holding her terrified Ginny. She became painfully aware that she was wearing only her bra and knickers. Where was her dress? How long had she been parading around in front of Harry half naked? What if he saw - oh no! Ginny wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Yet she couldn't move, it was as if her limbs were frozen. She tried to suppress a whimper, but she couldn't.

With that small sound escaping her lips, Ginny could feel Harry's head turn to look at her. Ginny was afraid of what she might see, would it be pity, or disgust, or would it be relief? Would he be relieved that she had never answered his question, and that he would be not be bound to her? She slowly opened her eyes and looked back into his. What she saw brought her hope. Harry had a mixture of emotions showing, but none of them made Ginny want to run away. Love, support, and concern were there, and she took these as good signs. He doesn't hate me! He doesn't loathe me! Ginny parted her lips to speak, but Harry laid two fingers over them.

"Ssshhh. Just rest a moment." There was a small frown on his face. He brought his hand up, and brushed back a stay hair lying across her cheek, as he looked into her eyes. "How are you feeling?"

Ginny's breath was coming quickly, echoing in the stillness of the room. Her voice, when she spoke, shook. "I'm all right, thanks. Did I faint?"

"Not exactly, you fell asleep. I think you were just exhausted, after all you've been through tonight." He gave her an encouraging smile.

"Oh. What happened? The last thing I remember I was on the floor. How did I get, um, here?" Ginny's palms were beginning to sweat. She tried to pull her hand away from Harry's chest, but he wrapped his hand over hers.

"When you collapsed, I wasn't sure what was wrong. I tried to wake you, but you wouldn't open your eyes. I was a little scared. So, I decided to hold you until you came around."

"Oh, Harry. I'm sorry. How long has it been?" She was almost afraid of the answer. It still looked dark outside, however, it may be closer to dawn than she thought.

"Not long, about thirty minutes, and don't apologize, there's no need."

"You must be stiff and sore. I'll get up so you can be more comfortable." She could finally distance herself from him. He was too close, much too close.

"Who said I wasn't comfortable? I'm perfectly fine. Are you?" Harry pulled the robe back around her shoulder, but he didn't release his hold.

"Um," was all Ginny could get out. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Yes. Fine." She couldn't look him in the eye any longer and lowered her gaze. She stared at the base of Harry's throat, watching the pulse beating just under the skin. She wondered what it would feel like to touch that spot. What was she doing? Panic struck and she peeled her eyes away, searching for something to say. Her eyes darted around, and she noticed her robe. "Thanks for the robe. I appreciate you covering me up."

"You're welcome. You know, green is a good color on you. You should wear it more often." Harry's voice was getting low. His eyes were dark and he was no longer smiling.

She felt herself turning red again. Was he referring to her robe or her scanty clothing? Heavens above, is this never going to stop? How many times, in one night, can she blush?

"Anyway, I couldn't let you lounge around like that all night. I'm only human you know." The smouldering look she saw in Harry's eyes was releasing a bevy of butterflies in her stomach.

Ginny's mouth dropped open and her face blazed a deep red when she realized what Harry was saying. She covered her cheeks with her hands. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she couldn't catch her breath. She had never been in a situation quite like this before, and wasn't sure how to get out of it with her dignity still intact. If Fred and George ever found out about this, she would never live it down. What was she going to do? She finally found her voice, though it was small and rather breathy. "That's very gentlemanly of you."

"I'm just a man, sitting here, holding the woman I love." He moved his hand to Ginny's chin and kissed her nose. Ginny leaned toward him, wanting more than just a kiss on her nose.

"Gin, there's something I need to ask." Suddenly, he seemed very serious.

Ginny couldn't find her voice. Her mouth was dry, as if full of cotton. What was he going to ask? Could she answer it? "What is it? I may not answer it." Ginny was trying to be open with Harry, yet she still felt she needed to protect herself.

Ginny felt Harry searching her eyes. He was running his thumb along her chin, and she was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but that finger. "OK. Well, I was just wondering, when you said that you had dreamed of living 'Happily Ever After', who had you seen yourself with?" Harry's voice sounded so strange, pleading, like a little boy begging for dessert.

Ginny wanted to scream 'You, Harry, it has always been you!' However, she could not utter a sound, her lungs didn't seem to have enough air in them. She knew Harry was waiting for an answer. The longer she took the more he would doubt her. He was tense, motionless, time seemed frozen, her answer...an eternity away. "You, Harry," Ginny's whispered response sounding like a sob. "I've always imagined I'd be with you." Her head was spinning and rational thought was difficult. The tension in the room was singing in her ears and she longed to move in rhythm with Harry.

A low moan came from Harry as he pulled Ginny into his arms. She felt tears falling onto her shoulder and knew they weren't hers. She tried to pull back, to look into Harry's face, but he wouldn't release her. His shoulders were shaking and he was mumbling something into Ginny's hair that she didn't understand.

He seemed so fragile; Ginny had rarely seen Harry in this state. He had always put up such a brave front to the world, he allowed few to know his true feelings. Ginny instantly knew what she needed to do, hold him, and never let go. Gently, she embraced him, and in a soothing voice kept repeating 'Ssshhh, Harry. It's all right. I'm here'.

When Harry calmed down, Ginny could finally understand his incoherent rambling. He had been saying 'I'm not too late.' This brought Ginny to tears. After all that she had revealed to him, he still wanted her. It was hard for her to believe, her dream may finally come true. Yet, she knew that it would take a long time for her heart to mend. She only hoped that Harry would have the patience to wait for her to heal.

Ginny felt Harry remove his glasses and wipe his face on his shirtsleeve. She pulled away from him and took his face in her hands. Even though he had stopped crying, a stray tear fell from his eye. Ginny brushed it away and smiled into Harry's eyes. "Better?"

"Yeah, thanks. Sorry about that. I guess I was just...you just made me so happy. I thought that when you had changed your mind about me, you had also given up on your dream. You haven't, have you?" Harry eyes were so full of doubt that she wanted to kiss them.

"No, I couldn't ever really give up on my dream, even though it seemed more foolish and unrealistic each year. I was never brave enough to completely give up hope." Ginny gave Harry a small smile, hoping to bring one to his face.

"I'm glad you didn't. Do you think you could give me a chance? I know you've been hurt, but I promise Ginny, I would never hurt you. Please, please give me another chance?" Listening to the anguish in his voice was tearing at Ginny's heart. How could he still want her after what she had done? Wasn't she too broken?

Though she feared she would finally push him away, Ginny answered his question. She dropped her hands from Harry's face, but still looked him in the eye. "I want to Harry. I want to very much. But I'm so afraid. I know, in my head, that you would never hurt me, yet in my heart; I don't know how to explain it. My heart wants me to run away, to hide so it will never again be broken."

"Gin." Harry's eyes were sparkling with unshed tears.

"Please, let me finish. I know that right here in front of me is what my heart has always desired. Only, I'm so afraid to take a step towards my dream." Ginny had tears flowing down her cheeks. "If this falls apart, if it doesn't turn into my fairy tale, I don't know if I'll ever recover. Do you understand?"

"I understand. I want you to know that not every day will be a fairy tale. Life will butt in and make us pay attention. It won't be perfect, I'm not perfect, and no one is. But, I do know that you're perfect for me.

"Oh, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, because I not only see you with my eyes, but with my heart." Harry placed Ginny's hand over his heart and held it there. "Don't you know how special you are? How beautiful you are?" Harry reached up and tucked Ginny's hair behind her ear. He then traced a line down her face with the tips of his fingers. "I want to take care of you. You deserve someone to protect you and cherish you. I want to do that. I want to be the one to make you smile, to hold you, and love you. Let me, Gin. Let me help you. Let me prove to you how much I care. I want - I want you to be happy. But, I'm selfish. I only want you to be happy with me."

Ginny tried to speak, but Harry continued. "We can go as slow as you like. I won't ask anything of you before you're ready. I want you, more than I have ever wanted anything in my life. I'll wait for you - forever if necessary. I'm not giving up. I'm not going anywhere."

Ginny closed her eyes and released the breath she was unaware she was holding. Bill was right; she could make her dream come true. She opened here eyes and smiled. "All right, I'll try."

"I can't believe how lucky I am." Harry's face lit up. She didn't think she had ever seen him so happy.

Ginny didn't want the smile to fade from his face, but she needed to ask Harry an important question. "Harry, can you forgive me?"

"For what?" She had done it, taken away his smile, and replaced it with doubt and fear. Written in every line on Harry's face was worry. He cupped her chin in his hand. "Why would you need forgiveness?"

This was her last hurdle, the last link in the chain that weighed so heavily on her. "I want you to forgive me for, for quitting. I gave up, lost hope. I failed."

"You didn't fail. You fought him for almost a year, alone, and you were only eleven. You lasted longer then most adults."

"But I stopped fighting, Harry. I gave in to him. You didn't, you never gave up, never lost. I did." She closed her eyes and shook her head. "I can live with the images he has left in my mind. Hell, I can even learn to live with him terrorizing me in my dreams." Ginny's lip was quivering, her whole body was shaking, she took a breath and murmured, "I can't forget, I don't think, I can't..."

"Forgive yourself?"

Ginny nodded her head. "Sometimes, I think I deserve all this pain, all that has happened to me. I deserve punishment. I wish everyone would stop being so nice to me. If they would just blame me, then maybe it would be easier to accept that I'm guilty. But no one will accuse me. If they would, it'd be such a relief. If I heard it out loud, maybe I wouldn't hear it mocking me."

Ginny's voice was rising in anger. "How could I have done it? Why didn't I try harder? I should have fought him. I should have done something to stop him." Ginny moved so quickly, Harry barely registered that she was no longer in his arms. Ginny crossed the room, again standing in the corner. "I...I", she hugged her arms to her. "Why couldn't I defeat Tom?"

Harry stood, but knew better than to move toward her. She was like a frightened animal, and he felt he needed to keep her from bolting. "Oh, Ginny. You can't expect that of yourself. You aren't being fair; you're not giving yourself any credit. I didn't fight him alone; I had Ron and Hermione's help. And, if it hadn't been for Dumbledore, I would have died facing Quirrell. Every year I had help; I never did it alone, until the Triwizard Tournament. Even then, it wasn't me as much as it was my wand.

"You need to let go; the only way to heal is to let go. Believe me, I know. You don't need me to forgive you, only you can do that. Give yourself that right. Remember, you are not what happened to you! You are so much more." Harry moved slowly to Ginny, and was holding her face in his hands. "You did more than anyone could have imagined."

"How do I learn to live with the guilt? How do you accept the consequences of your actions?" Ginny searched his face, as if to find the answers she craved.

"I've had to learn. There's no magic that can help. You need to be strong. You take it one day at a time. Every morning I get up, and I breathe. There were days when just getting out of bed took all my strength, and breathing was something I had to remind myself to do. And I would ask myself if I would rather be dead and have Voldemort reign over Wizards and Muggles. If I can say I would rather live, then I would ignore my suffering and accept my shame, and guilt. And, every day it gets a little easier. It doesn't burn quite so fiercely as it once had.

"I see what we've gained from the war, not just what we have lost. We've all lost confidence in our own judgment, we've all made sacrifices, and we have to learn to live with them. Some of us do that better than others. Nonetheless, we need to live Ginny, because for every beginning there is an ending. I let it go.

"If there ever comes a day when I would rather be dead, then 'He' wins, and I will never let him win. Just because he is gone, doesn't mean we have completely won. There are still wizards and witches out there that believe in the same things Voldemort did, and they would be only too willing to take power away from us."

"Help me, Harry. Please help me." She felt Harry arms encircling her. She collapsed onto Harry and quietly sobbed. With Harry's arms around her, she again felt safe.

"I'm not going anywhere, Gin. I'll stay with you. I'll help you all I can, but it will be difficult. I won't lie to you, it may take a long time, but I'll be here - every step of the way."

"I know that it'll be hard, but if I have you, I know that I can make it. Please, don't leave me, Harry. Never leave me. I need you so much. I don't have anyone else to turn to." Ginny was clinging to Harry, unable to let go of him. She searched his face, hoping that she was not frightening him away. She finally admitted to herself that she not only needed help, but she needed Harry's help. She needed him like she needed air to breathe. He was her strength and she would not survive if he ever left.

"I'll always be here, Gin. I love you too much to let you go through this alone. Remember, there are many people who love you, who want to help you heal. You just need to reach out your hand to them, and they'll come running. I think you need your family, too."

Fear filled her heart. She couldn't let her family know what she had been living with all these years. She didn't want their pity. "Not yet, maybe, after I am stronger, but not now. Not even Ron or 'Mione. Promise, promise you won't tell them any of this." The desperation in her voice made Ginny cringe.

"I won't tell them. Though, don't you think 'Mione already knows? She's very perceptive. I've found it very hard to keep any secrets from her. I know she'd want to help you. Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. Later, now I just want you." Ginny reached up and wrapped her arms around Harry's neck. She pulled him into a tight embrace. Heal. That word that had not been in her vocabulary for so long, it was good to hear it again. With Harry's help, she thought that maybe she could heal. He is the only one who could truly understand her fears. It was so much to ask, maybe too much. Nevertheless, he did promise to always be there for her. She would have to teach her heart how to trust again. If she couldn't learn to trust Harry, there was no hope for her.

"I'll always be here for you, Gin. I'll always be here." Harry slowly tightened his hold on Ginny and picked her up. He buried his face in her neck, and holding her close, kept repeating his promise.

Ginny felt her hand move to the collar of Harry's shirt. Slowly, she sunk her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck. Soft, so soft - just as she had always imagined it would be. Her hand was shaking as it dug further into his hair. How could it be so thick, yet so silky to the touch? She found herself lost in its feel, grabbing a handful and gently massaging the skin beneath.

She took a deep breath, savoring him. After all the years of believing Harry wore cologne, she realized it wasn't cologne after all, but him. He smelled of soap, oatmeal with a touch of almond, and something else, something uniquely Harry, musky and physical.

She opened her eyes and drew back to see his face. His mouth was slightly open, his breath coming in short gasps. His eyes - oh, they were dark and smoky, making her shiver. He slowly released her letting her body slide down his until she molded against him from breast to hips. Her fingers were still clutching his hair.

Harry leaned into her, his mouth taking her lower lip in, warm and moist, gently sucking on her. The tentative touch of his tongue made her shudder, she opened her mouth and he came inside her. Fire, racing through her, turning her liquid and pliable. His tongue, gently probing, dancing with her own, was making her head reel. She felt a moan in her; she knew that it had come from Harry. He tasted too agonizingly sweet, she wanted time to stop - she never wanted the kiss to end. His hand, low on her back pulled her closer as his other reached up and sunk into her hair, deepening the kiss. Harry was awakening in her feelings she was afraid she'd never know.

Abruptly, the kiss ended, and she felt Harry trembling, deeply inhaling. His lips were red and slightly swollen, but his eyes were still dark, still showing the need he surely felt.

"Gin, we need to stop." His voice was rough, heavy with emotion.

Ginny's mind was in a whirl. It was as though she was caught in the eye of a storm, the silence pronounced, pulling heavily on her. She was torn; she desperately wanted more, yet she knew that Harry was right. She couldn't speak, her mind unable to process the words she needed.

Harry took a tentative step back. "I think I should leave."

"No! Please - stay with me!" Her desperate plea was echoing around the room.

"I can't...we can't." Harry shook his head.

Nodding her head, Ginny interrupted. "I know, that's not what I want. I don't want to be alone tonight. Please, don't leave me, please." Ginny's emotions were so raw; she felt so exposed, she was afraid to be alone. Afraid it was another dream and in the morning when she woke she would have nothing but an ache in her heart from the sweet memories.

"I'm afraid, Harry, afraid this isn't real. If I wake in the morning, if I'm alone, then." Ginny sobbed and a lone tear fell. "Please?"

Harry caught the tear as it fell down her check. It glistened on the tip of his finger. He held Ginny's gaze as he deliberately placed it on his tongue.

Ginny's knees gave way, and she prayed the floor would catch her. But instead Harry's strong arms did, and picked her up, holding her close.

"I'll stay, but I can't be this close to you Gin. I'll have to stay out here, where you'll be safe." His breath caressed her face, leaving her intoxicated. She could only nod.

Harry walked down the hall to her room and placed her on her bed. With a sigh so deep, Ginny could almost feel it; he turned and left the room, closing the door with a loud crack.