One Day

Chapter 6

The night passed slowly for an exhausted Ginny staring unseeingly out of her window. The few clouds visible weren't blocking the moonlight from spilling over the peaceful city and bathing her room in its soft glow. Her eyes, lured by its radiance, searched the orb as if seeking relief from her fears. However, she could find no comfort, for the moon cannot soothe. Its splendor could not give her peace. She wondered fleetingly if Professor Lupin had taken his potion and was safe.

How was she going to find the strength to tell Harry the details of her secret? Just telling him that she still had Tom in her head was difficult, but where would she find the courage to open up the last door and let the darkness pour forth. She had never allowed it to be breached while she was awake. She let her guard down only while asleep. In her dreams the demons would stretch out their claws and claim her. Wrapping themselves around her like a lover's embrace, they made her relive each torment, feel each pain. And, when the sun rose each day, she would again force them back into their vault, locked safely away from prying eyes. Well, Ginny, you have come this far, no turning back now. Just be honest with him, and maybe, if you're lucky, he won't despise you.

"Harry, if you still hear him, I know I'll never be free. You're so much more powerful than I am. If you can't rid yourself of his hold, there's no hope for me." She felt defeated. Although she was glad that Harry had offered to teach her how to get rid of Tom, she feared that it would never happen. She had carried his voice in her head for so many years, that it was almost her friend. And if by some miracle she could erase the voice, would she miss it? Would there be a void, would she be able to fill it?

Dragging her eyes away from the moon, she turned toward Harry. Sadness filled her, but she tried to place a smile on her face. It wasn't much of one, but it was better than showing the sorrow that threatened to consume her. "You said you had some help, trying to get rid of Tom. Did you use Occlumency - you had studied it with Snape, right?" Ginny had never thought to ask Harry about his lessons before. She thought that he might not want to discuss it. She also didn't think she had any reason to know something so personal. Yes, she was curious, but she had been brought up not to be so rude. If Harry had wanted her to know, he would have told her.

Harry had a pained expression on his face, his eyes were focused on something far away - possibly a memory that was unpleasant. Ginny knew that the Occlumency sessions during his fifth year had not gone well. She had heard Ron and Hermione talk about it once. The lessons had drained Harry, and brought back terrible memories. Ron said he believed that the 'special tutoring' had left Harry more vulnerable to Voldemort's mental attacks. He blamed Snape for not teaching Harry the fundamentals - just jumping at the chance to prove his point of how weak Harry really was.

She reached her hand out and gently touched Harry's arm. "Harry? Harry, are you alright?"

"Sorry, I guess I was somewhere else." Harry blinked quickly a few times. Ginny was sure that he was trying to stop tears from falling. "Yes, I use Occlumency and something I read in one of my Divination texts."

Ginny started to laugh, and quickly covered her mouth. "You're kidding me. I didn't know you actually learned anything from that old fraud, Trelawney. I thought you and Ron slept through most of her classes?"

Harry smiled and Ginny's heart melted. It was always good to see him smile. "We did, and I didn't exactly learn this from Trelawney. I read it in the book, well, not exactly read about it, but it gave me a few ideas on what to try. I think I pieced it together over the years from several different sources. But, the idea came to me from reading the book, although I can't recall why I actually would have read it in the first place."

"How long did it take - for you to learn how to do it?" Ginny prayed that it would take a long time, and yet she was afraid it would be easy to master. Her feelings were so conflicted that she wasn't sure what she wanted. "Harry, do you think I'll be able to learn how to do it? I don't think I'm strong enough for this. I'm no longer very sure of my powers." She saw that she was clutching Harry's sleeve, her worry and fear pulsing through her veins. She needed help, maybe even needed saving, but would Harry want to help. He said that he loved her, but could she trust him? Could he really have meant everything that he had said, did he really think of her as special? Ginny let go of his sleeve, and curled her hands into a ball and again stared at the moon, hoping to quench the chill sneaking down her spine. She thought she should send Harry home, but she was afraid to be alone just now.

Ginny felt Harry's hand under her chin, bringing her head up to look him in the eye. "Ginny, you are a very powerful witch. You have just forgotten it, that's all. You know, Fred, George, and Ron aren't the only Weasleys famous at Hogwarts. You are renowned for your 'Bat-Bogey Hexes'." Harry had an evil grin on his face. She would never forget the pleasure it had given her to use that particular hex on Malfoy. It was a favorite of hers, and one she usually threatened Fred and George with when they started to pick on her.

A small smile crept across Ginny's face. "I guess I was pretty good. Maybe I can learn how to be again."

"Have a little faith in yourself. You can do anything you want. You're smarter than most witches I know, except for 'Mione. Don't forget, you have The-Boy-Who-Lived willing to help you. You know what, he believes in you."

Ginny felt a sudden rush of warmth spread through her. She felt her face turning red. She wanted to look anywhere except at those delicious eyes, but Harry drew her in and she was lost in their depths

Harry's thumb was gently caressing her jaw. She was having trouble breathing. She opened her mouth to speak, and felt his thumb move to her lips. Ginny gasped and once more felt that she could swim in those sparkling emerald pools forever. She felt herself leaning towards him, as if a magnetic force was pulling her. Time seemed to have stopped. Her heart was pounding so loudly that surely her body was quivering under the strain. Harry was staring at her mouth as if he wanted to sample her.

"Gin, can I kiss you?" Harry's voice was husky and his eyes dark. She could feel his breath rushing into her and she wanted nothing more than to breath him deeply into her body.

"What?" Ginny's voiced sounded strained to her ears. Her breath was coming quick and faint, her head was spinning. Could this be real? Was it just her mind playing tricks?

Harry moved closer to Ginny, their noses not quite touching. "May I kiss you? I have wanted to kiss you for so long. Your lips, they look so ripe, like cherries wanting to be picked from the tree." He licked his lips and Ginny longed to do that for him. "I have waited a long time and I am afraid I can't wait any longer. May I? Please, Gin?"

The ache in his voice filled her with a desire to be as close to Harry as she could. Unable to speak, Ginny could only nod her head timidly.

Harry placed his hands on Ginny's face, and he slowly bent forward and kissed her mouth softly, a sweet fire pressed against her lips. Unconsciously, she moved her hands and placed them on Harry's chest. She felt herself melting into him, rendered powerless from the heat of his kiss. To quickly it ended. She heard a whimper and she recognized it as her own.

Ginny opened her eyes and saw Harry, eyes still closed, smiling with complete joy. She couldn't believe that she had brought that look to his face. Her heart was so full of love, she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. Tears of joy were spilling down her face, onto Harry's hands and continuing down her neck. She was so happy, but also so afraid that this truly was a dream and she would wake up alone, as always.

With a dazzling smile on his face, Harry's eyes opened and gazed back into Ginny's. Looking into his eyes was like looking into heaven. She found herself with a stupid smile on her face, and she couldn't help it. Bubbles of happiness were exploding in her heart and she felt as if she were floating up to the clouds.

The bubbles suddenly exploded, and she plummeted back to a cold, dark reality. She should never have allowed herself to be kissed. She needed to tell him the remainder of the story. He deserved to know everything. Then, he could decide if he still felt the same. The tears falling now were hot and bitter, her heart heavy and full of regret. But, she had desperately wanted to know what his lips felt like, what he tasted like. Ginny's hands fell to her lap and she pulled away from Harry.

"W...what's wrong. Did I...are you upset with me?" Harry's voice held an edge of panic in it, and it broke Ginny's heart to see the doubt in his eyes.

"I..." Ginny couldn't speak, her mouth was dry, and she couldn't seem to swallow. "I haven't told you the whole story. I think you should hear the last bit." Ginny took a deep breath. "When I told, or rather screamed, at you earlier...do you remember what I said?" Ginny didn't want to look at Harry. She didn't want to see the disgust she knew would soon be there. After she explained, he wouldn't want to kiss her ever again, he would be thankful that he had narrowly avoided disaster.

"Yes." It came in only a whisper, but she knew that Harry was afraid to speak. She could sense his nervousness.

Ginny could feel herself breaking into a cold sweat, shuddering at having to reveal the last chapter of her life that she had been able to keep hidden. "Well, when I said those words, when I told you that I didn't have anything left to offer a man like you, it's the truth. You see, huh, I don't think you quite understood what I meant."

"Those other guys, they didn't make you...you didn't get hurt or...."

Laughing, Ginny looked up at Harry. "If it was only that simple. No, they didn't do anything to me. We didn't do much, just a few kisses, nothing serious." Suddenly Ginny's tongue felt two sizes too big and that it was glued to the roof of her mouth. She swallowed and bit her lower lip. "I...the reason I'm not worth your time is because of Tom. It is because of what he did to me."

"What could he have done? He was just a memory. He didn't have physical body." He looked confused. Maybe he doesn't believe me, or maybe he didn't want to believe.

"He didn't need a body to do what he did to me. He only needed to get inside my mind." Ginny rubbed at her head, as if to erase the memory. "When I first started to use the diary, I didn't understand how it worked. I was a little frightened. But Tom, he was so nice, and kind. He listened to me; he gave me sympathy and attention. He became my friend. I didn't know for a long time what he was making me do, when I was possessed. You remember - he had me kill the roosters, and leave the messages written in their blood." Ginny trembled and tried to keep the bile from rising in her throat. "He had me release the basilisk and...and...I asked him what he thought happened to me when I blacked out. I couldn't remember how the blood had gotten on my hands, or where I was when the attacks took place. He seemed truly sad that he couldn't help me." Seemingly unaware, Ginny rubbed her hands, as though she were washing the guilt away.

"Later, when he had absorbed enough power from my fears, and he was strong enough to leave the book - that is when he took me to The Chamber, to lure you down - to kill you." Ginny closed her eyes and placed her head in her hands. She didn't want to cry any more, but the pressure was building in her and she was unsure about keeping the tears in check. She lowered her hands to her lap, and played with a loose hair she found entwined in her fingers.

"Before you came, he...he wanted to show me what he was planning to do - how he was going to kill you. He showed me the basilisk chasing you, and biting you, and how you would writhe in agony. Tom delighted in how your body would twitch, the poison working its way to your heart." Ginny's voice broke and she could no longer stop the tears from falling. She held her hand to her mouth, to stop the sobs.

"He said you deserved the pain, you deserved to suffer. It was payment for all the years he would have to endure as nothing more than a shadow of his former self. Watching you crawl, your strength leaving your body, knowing you had only moments to live and no one there to comfort you - that would be his reward. He would finally show the Wizarding World that he could not be defeated, especially by a vile little half-blood."

Chancing a look at Harry, Ginny saw that he was sitting on the floor; his left hand rubbing his right arm, where the snake had bit him. He was staring off into the past. She knew this, because she was there too.

"After he showed me your death, he decided to show me what the world would be like when you and I were gone. Since he was sure he could not lose to you again, I guess he felt the need to share his triumphant return to power.

"The first part of his plan was to take Hogwarts. He said Dumbledore couldn't stop him, that he was too weak. And besides, since Dumbledore was afraid to use any dark magic, there would be no way for him to win. He planned on recruiting Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, and the other students who were children of his most beloved followers. They would help him 'educate' the others who were purebloods to either follow or be treated as blood traitors. Tom reveled in Dumbledore's defeat.

"Then, he planned to kill all the Muggle-borns and Half-bloods. He would send out squads of Death Eaters to each wizard home. They'd capture the 'unworthy' witches and wizards and bring them to the Quidditch stadium at Hogwarts for public executions. He said that the best part of the plan was how he was going to have Dumbledore watch it all, every death. He was going to relish his desperate attempts to free himself and save the filth.

"But, the worst part...the worst part was when he showed me the deaths of my family." Ginny stopped. She could go no further. Waves of anger and guilt were crashing over her. They were pulling her down and she couldn't fight them off any longer. She pulled away from Harry's outstretched arms, backing up as far away as she could. The brick surrounding the fireplace felt cold next to Ginny's skin, and it startled her. Somehow, it had shocked her back to her senses, and her head cleared. The chill kept the burning memories tolerable. No longer able to avoid the inevitable, she continued.

"I saw my family and friends dead, no one left whom I loved. It was like having my heart torn from my body while still conscious. The wanton destruction left a wound I thought none could heal. It was so real; I no longer understood it was just a delusion.

"I then remember feeling Tom walk up behind me, telling me he was saving the most pleasurable moment for last. Since I was to die so young, he said I would miss the times in a women's life that were unequaled and most fulfilling. He wanted to make sure that I...felt...what it could have been like with...you...if...if...you and I had been lovers."

Ginny felt her stomach heave, she wanted to get sick and pass the vileness from her body. She curled into a ball and lay on the cold hearth. It was as if she would never again have a clean thought. Air would not come into her corrupted body. Nothing unspoiled could reside in her, she was too polluted; her mind whirled, she knew she had to fill her lungs, and inhaled as deeply as she could. Her body gulped in the air and it pierced her lungs, cutting open the passage.

Harry came to her, but she pulled away. Her one thought - I must not stain him. "Gin, it is only a hallucination invented by Tom so you could torment yourself. It isn't real, it didn't happen. He couldn't touch you!" His voice reached her, but the words were faint, shadowed by her guilt. She covered her ears, not wanting to hear the empty comfort they bore. No solace could be found in them, she was adrift and irretrievable.

"Enjoy it, he wanted me to enjoy it. "Potter doesn't realize what he will be missing. Too bad, he's too young to savor you any way." He made me...made me do...and feel...things. I was so young, no little girl should know those things; no one should do those things to any one. Tom said...said...I was...luscious...and it was too bad he couldn't keep me around. He could have used me to release his tension after a hard day of ruling the world." Ginny's pain was so acute, she was sure she must have been bleeding. Every pore of her body cried in agony. Visions couldn't hurt this much, they truly had happened. If they were unfounded, they shouldn't be able to bring such misery.

"Gin, it didn't happen! Listen to me! HE DIDN'T TOUCH YOU! He couldn't! I saw you, you were unconscious; you weren't doing anything, you couldn't feel anything! Believe me, I was there!" Harry's cries penetrated the fog clouding Ginny's mind. She gazed at him, was he saving her again? Could he save her twice? Was she even worth it?

"The acts were real Harry, and I gave up - I couldn't fight him any longer. I wanted to die and be with everyone I loved. That is why you shouldn't love me - I quit. I failed. What I did...so horrible, so wicked, and obscene, aren't they genuine? I wasn't able to tell. I just knew that I couldn't fight any more. I had no strength left, no will to live alone. Didn't I actually do them?" Despair and confusion were wrapped around her like a dark friend. Its grip so tight, nothing could break the hold it had on her. The demon did not want to let go. Her mind couldn't bring itself to question if the images were false. She had lost the ability to see anything but black, heinous details. No color could seep in and expose the deceitful thoughts. Harry didn't know what it's like, did he? How can anyone recognize genuine memories, how do you learn to throw the fake ones away?

"You are not dirty! He did nothing to your body, Gin! It is all in your mind, the pictures are just pretence of reality. He was just playing with you, like a cat plays with the mouse before he devours it. That is all it was, just a sick game to him. Don't trust those visions! They represent only lies!" Harry leaned over her and picked her up. He held her so close, his touch so loving; she longed to be sheltered by him.

Ginny allowed Harry to hold her again, she wanted desperately to believe that her memories were false, but she had held them so close, for so long, they were as real to her as her any of her happy memories. She couldn't tell the difference - right or wrong, good or evil, moral or base, the line was obscured. Ginny had no tears left. She couldn't even find the strength to scream. More than anything, she wanted to be held in Harry's arms, safe, while he rocked her into a dreamless sleep. Listening to the beat of Harry's heart, Ginny fell into sweet oblivion.