One Day

Chapter 5

Harry was surprised when Ginny took his hand and led him into her apartment. He was sure she wouldn't want to be near him. As they stood in her living room, he watched as her thumb caressed his. This simple act was sending ripples of hope through his body. Her hands are so small, so soft and gentle. He never wanted her to let go, but she did.

Deciding he couldn't get anything past the lump in his throat, he declined Ginny's offer of a drink. While she was in the kitchen, Harry lit several candles since the room was dark. He made himself comfortable in the only chair. He knew he needed to keep his distance from her. She was vulnerable and needed her space. He was hoping she would open up to him. The only way this would happen was if he stayed away, and gave her plenty of time. He knew he would wait, as long as necessary.

As he sat down, Harry realized he had never been to Ginny's place. He had walked past once with Ron, who pointed out her windows, but Harry had no reason to come for a visit. Her home was comfy - very much like being at The Burrow. She obviously decorated for her comfort, not to impress others. He was immediately at ease here. He only wished his first visit had been under different circumstances.

As he looked around, he saw many familiar objects. Ginny had a flowerpot that she used for her Floo Powder. He also noticed a chess set that looked remarkably like the one that he had spent several summers losing to Ron across. There were numerous pictures along the mantle and walls, of people smiling and waving. There was a picture of Fred and George in front of their first shop, Harry and Ginny toasting Ron and Hermione at their wedding reception, Mr. and Mrs. Weasley at the ceremony installing Mr. Weasley as Minister of Magic, Harry, Ron and Hermione graduating from Hogwarts, Bill and Fleur in Egypt, Charlie and Hagrid at the Dragon Preserve, even Percy and Penelope on their honeymoon. Harry also noticed a Weasley Clock hanging on the wall. He was surprised to see a hand with his name on it. He thought the only clocks with his hand on them were at The Burrow and Ron and Hermione's apartment.

While looking around the room at Ginny's many photos, Harry thought he should make sure Hermione or Ron didn't interrupt them. He placed a Caudex Charm on the Floo and a Cataracta Charm on the door. He also turned the ringer on the phone off - any call Ginny received would automatically go to the answering machine. He had to remember to tell Ginny what he had done.

Harry thought back to all he had learned because of Hermione. She and Ron had spent an increasing amount of time together during their last two years in school, and Harry had been bored. He read all the books he had received from Hermione over the years. They had proven more useful than Harry had ever imagined.

Ginny came out of the kitchen and sat on the sofa. Harry noticed her hands tremble slightly as she poured her drink. Why was she so nervous? What could she possibly have to tell him that would make her act this way?

She seemed to be gathering her thoughts, so Harry knew he must be patient. He could feel himself growing anxious, dreading what she would say, but needing to hear it anyway - like a moth drawn to the flame.

When Ginny did start, he was surprised how calm she sounded; speaking to him as if she were retelling a tale she read somewhere. Harry felt himself leaning in to catch every word Ginny uttered.

The story she told was taking Harry by surprise. He would never have guessed that the attack by Voldemort on he and his parents was considered a suitable bedtime fable. Neither was he aware that Ginny had such a deep desire to live a fairy tale life. She was one of the luckiest people he had ever met. She was loved, protected, and treasured by her family.

As Ginny's tale unfolded, Harry knew he was being taken into a part of her heart and soul she had never allowed anyone to see. With each disclosure, he recognized the fact that in many ways, he still thought of Ginny as a simple innocent girl standing in Flourish and Blotts trying to protect him from the biting comments of Malfoy. It had never occurred to him that her life had not gone back to normal after The Chamber.

He was always so caught up in his own life; he seldom noticed other's problems. The depth of betrayal Ginny had suffered astounded Harry. To suffer the pain of rejection is difficult. But to be subjected to that pain repeatedly, at the hands of people whom you trusted with your heart must be unbearable. No wonder Ginny didn't believe him. In her state, Harry would have given up on ever finding a comfortable level of trust with another person.

Harry noticed that every time Ginny came to a difficult part of the story, she moved further away from him. He wanted to keep her close, to let her know that he was there for her. However, he understood that to preserve Ginny's sense of safety, he needed to maintain his distance. She obviously wasn't aware of her movements. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she was reliving all the agonizing details.

Harry felt certain she wanted to punish herself for her apparent lack of judgment. He understood the need to punish oneself for errors in judgment as he had made several over the years. Each time he had closed himself off and wallowed in his pain, thinking he was protecting himself from further agony. It doesn't work that way and he had found out the hard way. Thankfully, Ron and Hermione were such good friends or else Harry might never have seen the light again.

Counting the number of men who had deceived Ginny was making Harry's temper rise. Didn't anyone notice how much she had suffered? Was everyone in her family so caught up in their own lives that Ginny's problems had been overlooked? He felt sure Mrs. Weasley saw the pain, very little got past her. But he also knew she had learned, over the years, to let her children seek her out when they needed advice. She loved her children dearly; regardless, they were adults and didn't need to be smothered by her overprotective devotion.

Harry was finding that as the story evolved, the desire to speak was burning in his mind. He had so many questions he needed to ask that he actually came to the point of biting his tongue, to keep his mouth shut. When Ginny mentioned Marcel Renard, Harry's desire to torture a certain wizard flamed like a candle in the dark.

Harry had known of Renard for several years. He was a 'journalist' who claimed he admired Harry's life and wanted to 'chat' with him. He was always badgering Harry for an exclusive interview. He wanted to delve into Harry's life - past, present and future - searching for information that he could sell to the highest bidder. Renard was the worst sort of journalist, a hack who was trying to make a name for himself; by climbing over the backs of whoever would get him to the top fastest.

Harry never knew that Ginny had been dating him. If he had, he would have found a way to warn her himself. He was pretty sure that Fleur was aware of Renard's reputation, but Ginny could be very stubborn, a Weasley Family trait that was inherited from their Mum.

As Ginny continued describing her relationship with Renard, Harry wondered why Ginny hadn't hexed the prat. She was a very powerful witch, not one he would willingly cross. Somehow though, Harry instinctively knew that Renard had been able to break the last link of Ginny's strength, her faith in her own value as a woman.

Harry could tell her story was going to end badly by the way Ginny cowered in the corner. She was almost whispering by this time, so Harry slowly stood up and moved to the sofa. He could barely hear her. Thankfully, she didn't notice him as he leaned over it's back. She was in her own world, too far away to notice anything.

When Ginny described how Renard had hurt her, had enjoyed making her suffer, Harry vowed he would avenge her. No one deserved to be treated that way. No one had the right to abuse people as Renard had. He would find a way to make him pay, no matter what the cost.

Harry watched as Ginny crumbled before his eyes. The strong, vibrant woman he loved was nowhere to be seen. She was replaced by a person he didn't know - broken and almost beyond recognition, but not beyond salvation.

Choking on the final sentence of the story, Harry saw Ginny collapse. All her defences down, her entire soul revealed. He found tears streaming down his face, not tears of sympathy, but tears of anger and rage. If she had not told him about this, how long would she have held it inside? Would she ever heal?

Harry couldn't stand to see Ginny suffer and went to her. He gently placed a hand on her arm and called her name, but received no response. Harry slowly kneeled on the floor in front of Ginny and carefully lifted her into his arms, and placed her on his lap as he sat down.

Her sobs were that of a child - hurt and frightened. They made her whole body shake. Harry cradled her head on his chest, and with his left hand he smoothed her hair. With his right hand, he rubbed small circles on her back to calm her, and help slow her tears. He could find no words to comfort her. As he slowly rocked her, Harry could feel Ginny's chest rise and fall in hard gasps, each breath warm and damp against his neck. Holding her thus, he knew he would be unable to ever let her go.

Suddenly, Harry's mind went back to a night about five months ago when he was having dinner at Ron and Hermione's flat. He had been in the kitchen, chatting with Hermione while she finished preparing dinner, when she received a call. Hermione had slammed the phone down and ran out the door saying, over her shoulder, that there was an emergency at work. Harry remembered thinking what kind of emergency could arise at six pm, on a Friday night, at E.L.F. (Elvish Labour Federation)? Even though Hermione changed the name, he still thought of it as S.P.E.W. Sometimes, he jokingly referred to the organization as 'Elvish Liberation Front', but Hermione didn't appreciate the humour, and it was lost on Ron.

Three hours later, Hermione returned. She looked madder than Harry had seen her in a long time. From past experience, he knew not to ask any questions. He went to the kitchen to warm the plate they had saved for her, leaving Ron to try to calm his wife. He only returned to the living room when he no longer heard heated whispers.

After Hermione ate and calmed down, she told Harry that they were expecting a baby, the topic immediately returned the smile to her face, she glowed with excitement. About a week later Harry remembered hearing from Ron that Ginny was moving near by - to be close if Hermione needed any help. Harry was certain that this time corresponded with Ginny's break-up with Renard. She must have confided in Hermione. Harry was glad that she felt she could turn to 'Mione, they were more than friends - they were sisters.

Harry's mind wandered back to the present and he noticed that Ginny's crying had stopped. He still couldn't find the right words to say, he didn't need to, Ginny spoke first. Hiccupping, she asked, "Please let me go?"

Stunned, Harry dropped his arms to his sides as Ginny climbed off his lap and stood up. She moved to the other side of the sofa, her back against the fireplace.

"I'm sorry. I never meant for you to hear about..." spreading her hands before her, "...all about my failures in finding love. I hope you'll understand now why I couldn't possibly accept...can't allow you..." She was looking at the floor, rubbing her palms together.

Harry realized she was trying to push him away. He wouldn't let her. He needed her too much, and whether she believed it or not, she needed him. Still standing behind the sofa, Harry moved to get closer to Ginny, but for every step he took, she took one - keeping the distance between them. "Gin, nothing has changed. I still love you. I still want to be with you." Harry recognized he had to tread carefully, or Ginny would never believe him.

Shuddering, Ginny looked into Harry's eyes. "You don't seem to understand. I am not deserving of your time. Don't waste it on me. I am not worth anyone's time. I'm broken Harry. I'm dirty. I don't have anything left to offer a man like you."

"What do you mean?" Harry's heart felt as if it were in a vice. He was afraid of her answer. Surely, none of these guys would have - hurt or used - her.

"I'm tarnished Harry. Don't get involved with me. I'm filthy!"

Taking a step toward her, Harry said, "I don't understand. What, exactly, are you trying to say? Just because a few guys treated you badly doesn't mean you're - dirty." Harry's voice was shaking and he knew this was not going to turn out well. Ginny was getting a crazed look in her eye that was scaring him.

Ginny started to scream. "WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? DIRTY! TARNISHED! FILTHY! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT MEANS?" Ginny was grabbing at the straps of her sundress. " I am all used up, Harry. It took me six years to rebuild my life after...and now it has been destroyed. I can't put it back together again. I'm like that Muggle nursery rhyme 'All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Dumpy back together again'. I have nothing left to make a man happy. I'm not worth two Knuts. Look at me, Harry!" Harry saw what she was trying to do, but he couldn't reach her in time to stop it. She pulled at the dress, ripping off the buttons and letting it fall to the floor. She was left standing in only her bra and knickers. "Look at me! I'm not pretty. I'm not desirable. I'm not sexy. I'm ugly - and stupid - and worthless. I'm worthless." Ginny was crying now, tears falling down her face onto her chest. "Just go Harry. You don't want someone who's fool enough to use an enchanted diary, that's had Tom in her head, that's tried to murder her best friend. You deserve a sweet, innocent, naïve girl. A girl you can be proud of. One who you can love and not have to wonder about her past."

Harry again saw Ginny closing up. She really believed she did not deserve his love. How was he going to reach her? He decided quickly on a course of action. "You're right Ginny. Who would want a person that has been possessed by Voldemort? Who would want a person who has killed other witches and wizards? Who could love a person responsible for the deaths of the people he loved most in the world? You're absolutely right - who could love me?"

It worked. Ginny had stopped crying and was gaping at Harry. Here eyes were red from all the tears she had shed, but Harry saw a look of puzzlement and suspicion in their depths.

"None of that was your fault Harry. You only did what you had to do. You didn't mean for people to get hurt or killed. You saved us Harry. You're a hero. You're not dirty."

Harry was praying this would work. "Gin, if you think no one would want you, and you didn't do anything terribly wrong, why would anyone want me - who has?"

"But Harry - you - you're our savior. How could you believe such things about yourself? You're handsome, and smart, and brave."

"That's what you think. Nevertheless, I am a murderer. I have killed people. I am the one unworthy of your love." Harry kept his eyes on Ginny - not letting her look away. He knew it wouldn't take too much more to get her to think rationally. He chose his words carefully. "You don't need to answer my question, from earlier. I know now that I should never have asked it. I should never have dreamed of having a future. I don't deserve one. I'm sorry Gin. I hope some day you can find someone who will love you like - well, like I wanted to. I'll go. Please though, would you not tell Ron and Hermione what happened? I don't want them to blame you. I will just tell them that I had a change of heart. See you around." With that Harry started to walk to the door to retrieve his robe and leave. He was counting on Ginny not letting him go, he hoped he was right.

"Harry, I know what you are trying to do. It won't work."

Harry turned around. YES!!!! "Why not?" He couldn't keep the small smile from his face.

"Because, not only have I been a fool, but..." Ginny paused and took a deep breath, "because he is still in my head. I have tried to get rid of him, but he won't go away." She looked up and Harry could see the fear in her eyes. She still has Tom in her head, but that couldn't be, he was gone!

"I know he is gone Harry. It doesn't change the fact that I can still hear him, talking to me, laughing at me. I know they are just memories, or part of a fantasy, but I can still hear him. I don't know how to get him out." Ginny was sitting quietly with her head in her hands. No more tears, as if they had run out.

Harry never knew that she felt this way. He sometimes could imagine Voldemort in his head, but he knew it was just hard to let go of the constant vigilance he had kept up for so many years. Maybe he didn't want to let go, still felt he needed to protect himself from others. He had learned, with some help, to block out the voices. Over time, they were almost completely gone. He needed to teach Ginny this. She needed it just as much as he did.

Crossing the room, Harry knelt beside Ginny. He took one of her hands in his. "I could help you, you know. I have the same problem. It's not something I widely discuss, but you are not the only one to suffer like this." Ginny looked up, Harry could see surprise showing in her face. "Anyone who has been through as much as we have needs time to heal. Some of us need more time than others. If you like, I could show you what I do to get rid of it."

"Will the voice go away - for ever?"

The desperation in here eyes was tearing at Harry's heart. "I don't know. Mine is still there, just not as prevalent. I'm not sure that it will ever go away, and I don't know if that's bad or not. Maybe it's good to have it," Harry shrugged, "to keep me on my guard."

Harry finally felt he had gotten through to Ginny - that they had reached a level where she felt she could trust him completely. He decided that it would be best if he were completely honest with her about the 'voices' he battled. If he shared this - maybe they could discuss Ginny's real fear. Not her failed relationships, but her perceived failure to protect herself from Voldemort at age eleven.

**************************************************

Caudex Charm - Block Charm

Cataracta Charm - Lock Charm