In the absence of Lily

An involuntary sigh escaped him as a hand deftly ran through his hair, gently, but firmly, pulling him closer.

"Sirius . . . I can't . . . "

He found it hard to continue speaking when his friend brought his face closer to his. Warm breath tingled his cheek, causing him to become more flushed than he already was. The hand that had been cupping the back of his head, slowly moved down his neck, then his back, meticulously tracing his spine. A soft groan formed in his throat as he felt his friend - or was it lover? - lightly trace circles on the small of his back. The hand ceased its tickling ministrations and he felt himself being pulled even closer to the other boy's body.

"Oh, god . . . Sirius, no . . . "

Again, his pleas fell on deaf ears as the pressure on his back remained, bringing him those last few inches closer until his hips made contact with the other boy's. He felt his growing hardness brush against the thick fabric that was separating their flesh. Beneath that barrier, Sirius' arousal was unmistakably lightly brushing his. The contact, however light, illicited another groan.

"Sirius, what about Lily . . . think about --"

Before he could continue, a finger was gently placed on his lips, silencing him.

"Don't say anything, James Potter. Just be quiet and . . . enjoy it."

With that, Sirius placed a featherlight kiss on James' jaw. He continued to plant kisses along this side of his face until he reached his ear. James was already moaning audibly, with the combined sensations of his erection being rubbed against Sirius' and the feel of the other boy's lips on his skin. The last, flimsy grip he had on coherent thought was lost as he felt Sirius' warm tongue dart out and lick his earlobe. He gave in to him, wrapping his arms around the other boy's waist and fully pressing his body against Sirius, leaving no space between them.

James felt Sirius sigh and wrap his arms around his shoulders, planting the same light kisses on his forehead, his lips finally coming to rest on his temple.

James buried his face in Sirius' shoulder, turning his head slightly to nuzzle the soft flesh of his neck. I shouldn't be doing this . . . I have to think about Lily. No matter how hard he willed himself to bring a picture of her up in his mind, nothing could stop his body's reactions to Sirius' touch. He had tried telling himself it was wrong, disgusting, repulsive, but he couldn't bring himself to believe any of it. Denial was so much simpler when Sirius was away from him, but the second his friend turned those dark, deep eyes on him, James thought he could just drown in them.

He held Sirius' body tighter, trying to pull him as close as possible. He no longer felt the need to deny him or push him away. This felt right, perfect. He loved Lily, of course, but she had never made him feel this way. Sirius always had that effect on him. He felt safe, warm, loved. Nothing could go wrong when he was with Sirius. Like this. He let out a content sigh and placed a gentle kiss on the pulse in Sirius' throat, then let his head drop on to the other boy's shoulder again.

"James! James, where are you?"

Lily's voice drifted through the dormitory door from the Gryffindor common room. He and Sirius hastily pulled away from each other, but not before leaning in for one last kiss.

Lily stepped into the dorm and smiled when she saw James. The way her face lit up brought a pang of guilt to James' conscience. As long as she doesn't find out . . ., he said to himself, silently. The thought brought no comfort.

"What are you two doing, locked up in here? Up to no good again?" She said, innocently unaware.

James and Sirius shared a look of mutual understanding and James nodded.

"Yeah . . . something like that."