In Time of Grief

Ginny was sitting on one of the benches in the kitchen. She hadn't been able to sleep, so instead walked down there with the intentions of getting something to drink. Maybe a cup of warm tea would make her sleep better; her mother had always said so. When she had been younger and had missed her brothers so much she couldn't sleep, her mother had always made her a cup of tea and sung to her while she sat in her lap. But if it was by the tea or by the singing she had fallen asleep, she didn't know.

Ginny was feeling rather alone, her brother and Hermione had their hands full with Harry. Harry didn't like spending the summer on Grimmauld Place, it reminded him too much of Sirius. But he couldn't stay with his aunt and uncle, it wasn't safe. That too was the reason they weren't at the Burrow.

Ginny understood exactly how Harry felt; the big house reminded her as well a lot of Sirius. And she missed him so much. But no one knew why, she had promised Sirius not to tell anyone about them, what they had shared the last Christmas. But she had a hard time keeping it inside her. Her mother and father always asked her why she was so sad all the time, but she only said she missed her real home, the Burrow. And they seemed satisfied with that answer, but still cast her worried glances.

She wanted to tell Hermione, she hated keeping things from her, who she had come to look at as her best friend.

It was hard for her to hold the cup steady in her hands, they were shaking slightly. She sat gazing into the tea, her eyes sour from crying. She couldn't cry during the days, so she evened it out by crying at night instead, when nobody could see her. The tears were slowly running down her cheeks, which were flustered. She had her hair tied back in a ponytail, but wisps of it had gotten loose and hung down in her face, sucking up the wetness of the tears.

After some time the door to the kitchen suddenly opened, very fast as if the person was in a hurry. Ginny quickly drew her hands to her eyes to wipe away the tears as Remus Lupin walked in to the room in a quick pace. He looked straight ahead of him and hurried over to one of the cupboards, where he extracted a glass and a bottle. He first saw Ginny when he turned to face the table. He stopped abruptly and looked at Ginny in confusion. After a few seconds he continued walking to the table and sat down on the opposite side of Ginny. Still looking at her, he poured himself a glass of the liquid, which Ginny now could see was Firewhisky.

"Hello Ginny," he said after a while.

"Hello," she whispered back, not meeting his eyes.

"What are you doing up so late?"

Ginny shrugged her shoulders. "Couldn't sleep," she mumbled.

"I see," said Lupin, taking a big gulp of his Firewhisky. "And why's that?"

Once again, Ginny shrugged her shoulders. She took hold of her cup with both hands and raised it to her lips with shaking hands. The tea was no longer hot; it had taken her so long to drink it. She could feel the tears well up in her eyes again, and with all her might she fought them back. She didn't want to cry in front of her old professor. She took a deep breath, and then another, and then another. But she couldn't fight the tears anymore, and they came pouring down her cheeks again. Her shoulders were shaking and she accidentally knocked her cup over, so the cold tea flowed across the tabletop. Lupin rose from his chair and took out his wand, mumbled the word 'Evanesco' and the tea was gone. He then took out a handkerchief and gave that to Ginny.

"Th-Thank you," she stuttered and dried her eyes with it. She laughed a joyless laugh. "You must think I'm very silly, a silly little girl," she said to Lupin.

"Not at all, Ginny. It's healthy to cry once in awhile, and I'm sure you have a good reason for it too," he answered caringly.

Ginny gave him a small thankful smile and then went over to the kettle to get herself a new cup of tea. When she sat down again, Lupin turned to look at her.

"Ginny, I've been meaning to ask you something," he said.

"What?"

"It's about Sirius." At this Ginny almost knocked her cup over again, but saved it in the nick of time.

Lupin continued. "What happened between you and Sirius last Christmas?"

Ginny choked on her tea and looked at Lupin suspiciously. "How'd you know about that?" she asked in a low whisper.

"After you went back to school he started talking a lot about you, almost as much as about Harry. I couldn't quite figure out why, but after a while he started saying things I'm not sure he was aware that he said. Things about your appearance. And the way he talked about you, as though... I don't know." He rubbed his forehead and then continued. "But I never said anything to him about it. Did you two have some sort of relationship?" The last sentence Lupin said rather quickly.

At first Ginny was taken aback by all the new information Lupin had given her and it took her some time before she had managed to think the last question out and understood it. She raised her head slowly, met Lupin's expecting eyes, and nodded; barely visible. Lupin breathed in deeply and Ginny could see him clench his fists. The look of expectation in his eyes was replaced with anger.

Ginny panicked. "I-I'm sorry," she hurried to say, backing slightly away from Lupin on the bench.

"Ginny, it's fine. I've been suspecting this," he said, trying to control his anger.

"Apparently not, you're mad," she whispered, afraid of how he would react.

Lupin closed his eyes and sighed, relaxing his fists. "I'm sorry, Ginny. I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry," he said apologetically.

"It's okay," mumbled Ginny. "I don't blame you for being mad." She paused for a few seconds. "You haven't said anything to Mum and Dad?" she asked worriedly.

"No, I haven't."

Ginny sighed with relief. "Thanks."

"You miss him?" Ginny nodded. "So do I. I'm the last Marauder now; I always thought I would be the first to go, being a werewolf and all that." Lupin gazed over the table at the wall, a sad look in his eyes. "But I guess I was wrong...."

"I'm sorry, Professor," Ginny whispered.

"Please, I haven't been a professor for many years, it's Remus."

"Remus," Ginny stated.

They sat quiet for a while; Ginny drank her tea and Lupin his Firewhisky. This time Ginny finished her cup before it got cold, and she even made her another one.

"Ginny?" Lupin asked as she sat down at the table again.

"Yes?"

"Did he ever tell you that he loved you?"

Ginny began scraping on the pattern on the cup with her fingernails. "No," she finally said.

"He did, you could hear by the way he talked about you. What did you do to him?"

Ginny smiled inside at the first line. "What do you mean 'did to him'?"

"Well, Sirius has never talked about anyone like he did about you. He seemed happy."

"We mostly talked, sat together and talked. It was easy to talk to him; it felt as though he understood everything I said. It felt good. I felt safe around him."

"Did he tell you about Azkaban?"

"Yes, a little. He didn't like talking about it, though. But he told me some of it."

Lupin smiled at Ginny. "That's good," he said. "About time he told someone."

"You mean... he never told you?"

"No, he never did."

"Oh." Ginny finished her tea and rose from the table. "I think I should go to bed now," she said.

"You do that. Sleep well. And Ginny?"

"Yes?"

"Don't forget about him, can you promise me that?"

Ginny smiled at her former professor. "I won't if you don't," she answered.

He returned the smile. "I won't. Good night, Ginny."

"Good night, Remus."