Deny Thy Father

Part II- New Lessons

When they arrived at King's Cross, they spotted Remus immediately. He wasn't on the Hogwarts platform yet, and he was with his mother. She was handing him a book and they were talking in low, happy tones.

She looked perfectly healthy.

***

The room was tense, still echoing with the shouts of the confrontation. James was standing by the fireplace, forehead resting on the mantle and hands clasped behind him. Sirius was standing at the window, gazing up at the crescent moon that threw beams down over the nearly-bare trees. Peter was standing by the large table, arms crossed over his chest. And Remus was sitting in an armchair, staring at his folded hands in his lap.

"Werewolf," James said angrily.

"Werewolf," Sirius echoed.

"Werewolf." Peter's voice was tinged with fear.

Remus said nothing.

It was Sirius who started to laugh, coming over to stand behind Remus. "Werewolf," he said again, shaking his head.

"Werewolf," James growled, his voice deep and warning.

Sirius snorted with amusement, and Remus buried his face in his hands. It was incredible and impossible. "Werewolf!" Sirius laughed.

Peter pointed to an open book, where a wolf mauled a human quite graphically. "Werewolf," he instructed.

Sirius pointed to Remus, who was shaking and looked like he wanted nothing more to escape. "Werewolf," he contradicted with exaggerated patience.

Their eyes clashed.

James broke it by laughing. It was sudden, as if he'd just seen the joke. He stepped behind Remus, standing next to Sirius, and clapped a hand on Remus's shoulder. "Werewolf," he said, wiping his eyes.

Peter began to grin then, slowly, as if he'd been given permission. "Werewolf," he said, a small snicker escaping him.

Soon the three of them were laughing. It was so preposterous and yet...

"Werewolf," Remus Lupin admitted, resigned and sad. "Werewolf."

***

Sirius didn't include this little tidbit of information in his letters home, but it wasn't something that was easy to forget. He, James, and Peter had told Remus it didn't make a difference, but to Sirius, it did.

The difference was so complex he couldn't explain it, and knowing how good he was at botching explanations he didn't even try. But the essence of it was that Remus gave Sirius hope.

They'd read up on werewolves, trying to understand better. James and Peter had been fascinated with the physical aspects of the transformation. Sirius had been much more interested in the rules and regulations laid down by the Ministry. And there were a lot of them. Regulations on where they could go, what they could do, what kind of magic they could perform, who they had to report to, marriage, children, socialization with Muggles, employment... just about every aspect of life was regulated. Werewolves were treated horribly, if you really stopped to consider it- especially if you knew one and had reason to think about it. They were called Dark creatures, beasts, animals, evil... dangerous.

None of these words applied to Remus Lupin. Remus was a direct contradiction to everything the world said he was supposed to be.

Remus had been worried that his friends knew his secret, they'd hate him, or at best, drift away from him. On the contrary, Sirius felt like this only strengthened the bond between the two of them. Before, he'd certainly liked Remus, but James had unquestionably been his best friend. Now, Remus was a Dark creature, and Sirius was from a family of Dark wizards. It was a connection- something that only the two of them shared. And if Remus could be the person he was in defiance to what everyone expected him to be, it made Sirius believe for the first time that he could be, too.

"You know," James said, flopping down beside Sirius and putting his feet up on the table, "this really sucks."

"What does?"

"Knowing that right now, Remus is out there in that shack all alone and hurting himself."

Peter, who had been sitting in an armchair and playing a game of solitaire with a deck of Exploding Snap cards, nodded.

"I know," Sirius sighed. "I had an idea, but it would take a lot of work."

"What's that?" James asked.

"Well, a werewolf is only dangerous to humans."

"Hate to remind you, Sirius, but we're human." James tilted his head and thought. "You aren't suggesting we let Remus kill us and be ghosts, are you?"

Sirius whacked him in the back of the head. "Don't be stupid. No. We don't have to be human."

"Turn back time and convince our parents to sleep with horses and be centaurs?"

Peter threw a wad of parchment at James. It bounced off his nose. "Great reflexes, Mr. Chaser," he smirked. "No, I think I get it. We become animals?"

Sirius nodded.

"Animagi?" James asked, impressed. The wheels began to turn- visibly. "It would be a lot of work, but man..."

"It would be worth it. I mean, we wouldn't be able to do much, but we could at least keep him company. That's got to be better than what's going on now."

"Wait a minute. Hold up. Animagi transformations are dangerous," Peter said. "I mean, they can go seriously wrong. And it's illegal."

For some reason, this didn't bother Sirius at all. In fact, the challenge of it made it even more appealing. "We're good. My great-uncle Alphard said we're way ahead of our year, magic wise. If we really worked at it, we could do it."

"Yeah," James agreed. "We could. I mean, not tomorrow, but..."

"And Remus is worth it," Sirius heard himself saying. "He's worth the risk."

"He is," the other two agreed. They shook on it.

***

Remus is worth it Sirius thought again later that night. It seemed such an odd thing to say. Remus was a half-blood, and a Black was willing to risk serious legal and physical risk to help him?

This Black was.

If it had been James or Peter that had been the werewolf, he'd do it for them in a second as well. Or, as the case was going to be, many thousands of seconds. But his great uncle Alphard had been right. Some things were more important than blood.

Friendship was one of them.

***

"I do not want to go to this wedding," Sirius complained as the Hogwarts Express made its way back to London for the Christmas holidays. "I've been hearing about it for the past year, and I'm bloody sick of it."

"It can't be that bad, can it?" James asked. "A long, boring ceremony, and then a good party afterwards with food and tons of liquor and lots of relatives getting drunk?"

"When you put it that way, it could be worse," Sirius admitted grudgingly. "I just never liked Narcissa."

"She'll be so busy that she won't even have time to notice you're there," Peter reassured him. "That's how weddings are."

"Hope so."

The train pulled into the station, and the boys gathered their things. Peter and Remus both looked excited and eager, not that Sirius blamed them. They were going home to happy Christmases and parents that... he shook his head. Christmas. Wedding. Times of love and happiness.

"You okay?" James murmured as they got off the train.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." But Sirius shot his friend a desperate smile that clearly said otherwise.

***

The wedding was long, boring, and of absolutely no interest to a twelve year old boy. It was held in an old Gothic cathedral at night, lit only by candles. Sirius sat between his mother and his brother, uncomfortable in his new dress robes. He fidgeted once, but was quelled by such a look from his mother that he held himself still for the remainder of the ceremony, entertaining himself by reciting what they'd learned about the Animagus transformation in his head.

Apparently the bride was beautiful. Sirius wouldn't know. But she did look happy, he admitted, when he was shocked out of his trance by the recessional. Andromeda, stuck in a dark blue bridemaid's dress and on the arm of Lucius's brother, pulled a face at Sirius as she passed them. He smiled. Maybe the reception wouldn't be so bad.

It wasn't. Andromeda came over to him immediately, as did Great Uncle Alphard. His parents eyed them warily, but what could they say? Andromeda and Alphard were family.

"The outcasts' table," Alphard joked, as they sat down together to eat.

"Are we outcasts?" Sirius asked, interested.

"If we're not, we will be," Andromeda winked. "They're awfully young to get married, aren't they?"

Alphard snickered. "I thought the same thing."

"Wonder if they -have- to get married?"

"Huh?"

Andromeda and Alphard grinned at each other.

"Your parents haven't told you too much, have they Sirius?"

"About what?"

"About men and women?"

Sirius shook his head. He, James, Peter and Remus had pooled their knowledge, but there were still some holes.

Andromeda and Alphard both grinned again. "Let's go outside," Andromeda suggested. "I have some cigarettes."

"And I'll get some whiskey." Alphard clapped Sirius on the back. "It's time you learned the facts of life."

***

Sirius sat on the low wall of the courtyard, legs dangling off, smoking his third cigarette. The night was clear and cold, with the stars and the bulging moon bright overhead. His uncle had lit a little blue fire to give them warmth and light as they talked. From inside the hall, they could hear music faintly, but Sirius was now miles away.

"Are you okay?" Alphard asked.

"Yeah. Just... why didn't anyone ever -tell- me all that?" he asked, overwhelmed. A lot of things that he'd been too embarrassed to ask the others about made a lot more sense now.

"Don't know," Alphard said, shrugging. "Some parents just get embarrassed."

"My parents are never embarrassed."

"Parents that can talk about anything else sometimes just can't talk about sex," Alphard explained, and then poured himself another glass of whiskey. He looked up at the crescent moon in the sky. "It's just one of those things. Your parents, well..."

"They aren't the most relaxed of people," Andromeda contributed. She was sitting on the other side of Sirius, straddling the wall. "And it's really uncomfortable, talking with your parents about it. Maybe it worked out better this way."

Sirius tried to imagine his stern, proud father or his practical, formal mother giving him this talk and failed miserably. "Yeah. I think it is." He took a drink of the watered-down whiskey his uncle had poured him. "Can I ask you another question that's been bugging me?"

"Sure."

"Are we Dark wizards?"

Alphard took a long drag on his cigarette and exhaled very slowly. "The three of us sitting out here on the wall, or the rest of the crew inside?"

"Both."

"Well, the answer to the second part is yes. Many members of the House of Black do practice the Dark Arts. But not all of them."

"Is it just the three of us?" Sirius asked miserably.

"You know, the sex talk was easier," Andromeda muttered.

"It's not that simple, Sirius. I've done Dark Arts in my time. You may find it necessary one day, too. Doing Dark Arts doesn't necessarily make you a Dark wizard. There are all sorts of shades of gray."

This was far from the answer that Sirius wanted. "But what if I don't want to? What happens then?"

Alphard shrugged. "Then you don't. The Dark Arts did make the House of Black what it is today- rich, powerful, and influential. They'll get you places."

"Do you still use Dark Arts?"

Alphard shook his head. "No," he said with a wry smile. He didn't offer any further explanation.

"It's confusing," Sirius sighed.

"It is." Andromeda rubbed his shoulder blades. "My best advice, Sirius, is don't worry about it. Just be who you want to be, and do what feels right to you. Things work themselves out."

"Ugh. I-"

"SIRIUS BLACK!"

"Uh-oh." Alphard put the bottle of firewhiskey on the other side of the wall as Elizabeth Black came storming towards them.

"What have you been doing?" she demanded. "You've missed the entire reception!"

"It's okay, Elizabeth, he's been with us," Alphard said.

Elizabeth sniffed the air and scowled. "And it seems like that's such a good idea. Have you lot been smoking?"

"I was," Andromeda said smoothly. "And honestly, Aunt Elizabeth-"

"You keep your mouth shut, young lady. You're in enough trouble with your own family as it is! Sirius, come on!"

She grabbed his arm and yanked fiercely, and the world spun as Sirius tried to follow her. He heard his uncle whisper something, felt a spectral hand run over him, and everything righted. He cast a quick smile to Alphard in thanks, and stumbled after his mother.

"I've been so embarrassed," his mother was saying, her voice sharp and angry. "People keep asking where you are, and I've had no answer to give them. And this entire time you've been out here, ignoring your duties-"

"What duties?"

"-And doing who knows what with those two." They were inside the Hall now, and his mother whirled to face him, and as her eyes took him in gave an exasperated gurgle. "Your good dress robes, Sirius!"

Oops. There was a tear, and definitely some smudges of dirt.

"When your father gets a hold of you..." his mother muttered. She was brushing down his rumbled hair, repairing his robe, removing the dirt stains. Sirius wondered how many charms one person could absorb, but wisely said nothing. "Now come on," she said, grabbing his arm and pulling him into the reception. "Act like a Black."

***

"Arden." Alphard had found Arden seated at a table. "May I have a word?"

"Of course." His nephew maintained a polite façade, but Alphard sensed a new hostility there. "How can I be of service?"

"Well, I just wanted to warn you that Elizabeth's on the warpath. I had Sirius and Andromeda outside, and she's a bit on the furious side."

Arden smiled. "So am I, but only because you grabbed my son and not me. I've never been fond of weddings."

Alphard grinned. "Same here. Anyway, glad that's settled, I suppose. But there was something else I wanted to mention as well."

"Oh?"

"Well, Andromeda made a joke that Sirius didn't get, and, well, we discovered he knows absolutely nothing about sex."

"So? He's twelve."

"Yes, but..." Alphard picked up a little tulle packet of almonds and twirled it between his fingers. "He should know some of it. Haven't you told him anything?"

"I tell him what he needs to know."

"But-"

"Alphard, I appreciate your concern for my son. I really do. But how I raise him is entirely left to my discretion. And given that you have never added to future generations yourself, I hardly think you are qualified to pass judgment."

"No, but I care about Sirius."

"Are you implying that I do not?"

It had occurred to Alphard, at least that Arden didn't care quite properly, but he shook his head. A wedding was no place for this sort of argument. He clapped his nephew on the shoulder. "Never mind, then," he said idly. "I think I'll go congratulate the bride and groom and head home. I'm exhausted."

***

It was the last day of holidays, and Sirius was intensely bored. The wedding had been much better than expected, and even Christmas itself had been tolerable. But now there was nothing to do, and Regulus constantly trailing after him. His mother's anger over him sneaking off at the wedding had dissipated, but it wasn't like she provided hours of amusement.

Sirius peered out the window. A thick, heavy snow had fallen yesterday, but it was already starting to melt. It was now the kind of wet snow that would form perfect snowballs. He sighed. And then he spotted them. Neil and the others were out in the street, wrapped in winter clothing, having a grand snowball fight. Without any thought except that today just got more interesting, Sirius ran up to his room, tossed on his castoffs, wrapped his scarf around his neck, and slithered out his window and down the apple tree to go play.

They were delighted to see him, and the raging war that resulted would satisfy any die-hard snowballer. They played until dark, when parents started calling from doorsteps and they reluctantly had to go in. Sirius went back to the still, quiet courtyard and climbed the apple tree, feeling much better.

His feelings of happiness evaporated immediately when he saw his parents in his room, waiting with the air of a long, angry vigil. He stopped immediately.

"A word to the wise, son," his father began slowly. "When going outside to play with Muggles, it is not advisable to wear a Gryffindor scarf." His voice was sarcastically pleasant, but there was no doubting his fury. Sirius unwound his scarf guiltily and let it fall to the floor.

"Father, I-"

His father jerked to his feet. "How many times, Sirius? How many times must we go through this? I consider myself a reasonable man. You get Sorted into Gryffindor, and I say nothing. You tolerate your Mudblood roommate, and I turn a blind eye." Sirius barely contained a snort at that one. "You and James find yourselves spending more time in detention than not, and I say very little. But this... breaking rules that I expressly set down for your safety and to safeguard the reputation and standing of this family! And I can't believe you disobeyed me again when I expressly forbid playing with those boys before!"

"Father-"

But Arden Black was beyond listening. His face was set and closed, in a fury that Sirius had never seen. His eyes shot to his mother, pleading for assistance, but she didn't look at him. Her jaw was clenched in anger, not at her husband, but at her son.

"Take off that ridiculous top and turn around."

Sirius's stomach sunk, and plummeted as he saw his father taking picking up a belt. Shaking, he obeyed.

He'd only been thrashed like this three times before. Once for shouting at his mother, once for spilling ink over his father's parchments, and once for locking Regulus in the basement. All well deserved, and the magnitude of this offense was greater than any of those. So was the beating. His father's anger left streaks of fire down the skin of Sirius's back, making his ears ring and his heart pound until he started growing dizzy and he heard his mother crying out for his father to stop.

It seemed to go on forever, fiery hot lashes that made him bite his lip to keep from crying out and hunch over the protect his head. Finally it ended, and a hand thrust him towards his bed. He didn't look at his parents, but clutched the pillow to him.

"Do not leave this room tonight, Sirius," his father said, his voice taut with rage. The door shut.

He'd hoped his mother would stay. He'd heard her voice begging his father to stop- she'd never done that before. But when he managed to look up, no one was there.

He dragged himself over to the mirror, and twisted about to see his back. The mirror was unusually silent, and he was grateful. The welts crisscrossed his back, leaving very little skin unmarked. Several of the deeper ones were bleeding, and he could see a few starting to purple already. Nauseated both from the sight and the pain, he returned to his bed.

From his bed he could see the full moon, and he thought of Remus, out there and alone as he underwent a transformation that had to be more painful that even what Sirius had just experienced. He knew James and Peter would see the moon and think of Remus tonight as well. But no one would think about Sirius.

With a snort of disgust at such ridiculous self-pity, Sirius leaned over painfully and picked up his Transfiguration book. No one would be thinking of Sirius Black and what had happened in this room tonight.

No one.

***

The door opened earlier than Sirius expected, and wasn't his mother to check on him or his brother to gloat, but his father, standing rigid and tall, not quite looking straight at his eldest son.

"Are you ready to go to Hogwarts?" he asked.

"I need to dress, sir." Sirius refrained from pointing out that the bathroom had been a no-go area last night.

"All right. Come downstairs when you're ready to go."

Sirius obeyed, but slowly. The pain and stiffness in his back didn't allow for abrupt movement, and it had taken all of his self-control to not cry out when he stepped into the hot water in the bathroom. He kept his eyes fixed on the tap as he bathed, reciting the ingredients lists for the potions he'd learnt over the last months. He told himself he was studying. He knew better.

His father was waiting for him when he made his way downstairs, carrying a bag and wearing an old, soft robe.

"I thought we'd leave early today," Arden said. "We could have lunch in the Leaky Cauldron."

"All right. Is Mother coming?"

"No. Just you and myself. Just us."

"Yes, sir."

To his surprise, his father took his bag. "Well then. Let's go."

It was awkward, at first, to sit across the table from the man who'd whipped your back bloody. It was hard not to feel anger and resentment. But as his father took the menu Sirius saw his hands were shaking and realized it must be hard to sit across from the child you'd hurt so badly, too.

They talked through the lunch, but it was stilted and awkward. Neither of them mentioned the night before, or the school life that Sirius was returning to. Instead they talked about Narcissa's wedding, about the books on his father's shelves, and the other patrons in the bar. There was no depth in their conversation, and a gap so wide that Sirius suspected it would never be mended.

***

They arrived at the train station early, among the first of the families standing on the platform. They sat on a bench close together; Sirius could feel the warmth of his father's arm through their sleeves. He leaned his head against his father's shoulder. His father didn't move away.

The train pulled up, and more students and families began to arrive. "I need to get home," his father said. "Will you be all right?"

"Of course."

They both stood and looked at each other. Sirius did not apologize for disobeying. Arden did not apologize for the punishment. But it was Arden that extended his hand first.

"Have a good term, Sirius. We'll see you at Easter."

"Yes, sir."

"Here's your bag." His father set it at his feet, and then turned and walked away.

Sirius watched him go, unable to articulate the twisting in his gut. And fortunately, he didn't have the chance.

"Sirius!" James was pelting towards him. "I've been looking all over for you!"

Sirius pulled up a smile. "Hey James. Have a good Christmas?"

"I was worried you weren't going to make it in time. How was the wedding?"

"Not too bad, but boring. Have you seen Remus or Peter yet?"

"Peter's with his parents. I haven't..." James trailed off. "There's Remus's dad."

Sirius turned, a man walking towards them. This was the first time Sirius had gotten a good look at Mr. Lupin before. He was a taller man, with long tawny hair that was already graying. Like his son, his robes were not fancy, and he wore wire-rimmed spectacles.

"You're James Potter and Sirius Black, right?" he asked as he approached.

"Yes, sir."

Mr. Lupin pulled them both away from the crowd. "Boys, I hate to ask this of you, but I need your help." He was speaking to them both, but looking at James. "Remus told me you know about..." he glanced around again and then dropped his voice, "you know about his disappearances?"

"Yes, sir," both boys assured him.

"Is he all right?" James asked.

"Well... not really. He hurt himself badly last night, and I don't have the skill to mend the wound properly."

"Is he coming back to school?" Sirius's voice was anxious.

Mr. Lupin gazed at him for a long time. It wasn't a particularly nice gaze- in fact, Sirius had the distinct impression Mr. Lupin didn't much like him. "He is," Mr. Lupin finally said. "Right now he's outside the platform with his mother. Can I rely on the two of you to get him there safely and make sure he gets to the hospital wing immediately?"

"Why don't you just apparate with him, sir?" James asked.

Mr. Lupin shook his head. "I'm not allowed to do so with Remus. Will you boys get him there?"

"Of course," James said, and Sirius nodded.

"Wait by the train," Mr. Lupin ordered. "We'll be there soon."

With a worried look at each other, Sirius and James made their way down to the edge of the platform. When Mr. Lupin appeared with Remus, both of them gasped. Remus looked terrible- pale and ghostly, a brown-stained bandage wrapped around his forearm.

Mr. Lupin helped them settle into the compartment Peter had been saving, wrapping a thick cloak around Remus and placing a hand on his forehead. "You should be all right," he said gently, not only to his son but the boys who would help him. "If it gets too bad, call the witch that pushes the food cart." He leaned closer and murmured something to Remus; Remus's eyes slitted open and he nodded.

"Thank you, boys," Mr. Lupin said as he left.

Sirius hadn't been sure if he'd tell his friends about the punishment his father inflicted last night, but as he looked at Remus he was pretty sure he wasn't going to. Then the train lurched into a start, throwing him forward and back hard against the seat. Before he could stop himself, he cried out with pain.

Remus opened his eyes. "What's wrong, Sirius?"

"It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"It can't be nothing," James insisted. "That sounded too... unfaked."

"It's nothing. Just..." Sirius bit his lip. "I hurt my back on the apple tree at home."

"You should see Madame Pomfrey when we get to school as well," Peter recommended.

"No, I won't bother her."

James opened his mouth to argue, and then shut it abruptly. "All right."

It was a somber train ride. James and Peter passed the time playing gobstones on the floor, Remus slept fitfully, and Sirius stared out the window. He wished he could sleep as well, but his back was too sore to allow him to drift off. It was with real relief that he spotted Hogwarts coming into view.

"Peter and I can take your stuff in," James suggested. "Why don't you take Remus up to the hospital wing?"

Why argue? a little voice in Sirius's head asked. He snaked an arm around Remus's shoulders and agreed.

Madame Pomfrey was waiting for them. So, Sirius was surprised to see, was Mr. Lupin. "James took our things to the tower," he said by way of explanation. "Remus is hurt."

"So is Sirius," Remus muttered. "His back."

"Shh." Madame Pomfrey was already fussing over her regular charge. "You said the left arm, Damien? Oh, yes, this is nasty. Very deep, and badly infected." She glanced over her shoulder. "Sirius, sit down on that bed over there for right now, will you? I'll see to your back when I'm done here."

"It's not that bad. I can go..."

"You can wait. Go. Sit." She was rummaging through a shelf of potions.

Unable to escape- and not really wanting to, now that relief had been implied- Sirius settled on one of the beds. In some ways, he wished he hadn't. He couldn't see what Madame Pomfrey was doing to his friend, but he could hear hisses and cries of pain, and the low, worried voices of the adults. It didn't sound good.

An hour later, Madame Pomfrey made her way over. "I'm sorry you had to wait, Sirius."

"Is Remus okay?"

"He's... fine." But there was a hitch in her voice.

"Can I see him?"

"After I see this back of yours, perhaps. His father's with him right now."

"It's really nothing. I'd rather see Remus."

"It's obviously something, or you wouldn't be arguing with me."

"I'm not arguing with you. There are more important things right now and-"

"Sirius Black, take off that robe and turn around this minute!"

"But-"

"NOW!"

Caught, he did so.

Behind him, he heard Mr. Lupin gasp, and the sound he wanted to hear least of all- a moan from Remus. He hung his head.

Madame Pomfrey, however, said nothing. But soon Sirius felt cool, gentle hands on his back dabbing a potion that stung at first, and then soothed away the pain like cool running water over his back. For the first time in hours, his body unclenched and a sob escaped his throat.

"I think it's best you stay here tonight," Madame Pomfrey said, handing Sirius some pajama bottoms. "You can take the bed next to Remus."

"Thank you."

"Your back will be fine in the morning, although it may sting some tonight." She turned down the covers of the bed, and he climbed in gratefully. "Now, Damien, can I have a word with you outside please?"

The adults left, leaving himself and Remus in the quiet of the otherwise empty infirmary. He lay on his stomach, looking straight ahead.

"I thought you said it didn't change anything."

"Huh?" Remus's voice had been so quiet Sirius wasn't sure he'd spoken.

"I thought you said it didn't change anything. Me being a werewolf."

"What are you going on about?" He turned his head to look at Remus. His friend had managed to prop himself up on his side, facing Sirius.

"You could have told me," Remus said.

"You had enough to deal with."

"Which is exactly what I mean. You said I was your friend."

"You are."

"Then why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it only happened last night, and when I saw you today you weren't in good shape yourself."

"But your father-"

"He doesn't do it often. Only when I really get in trouble. Last night was the first time in three years." He met Remus's eyes. "I swear. I'm telling you the truth."

Remus measured him for a few long seconds, and then fell back against the bed again. "Do James and Peter know?"

"No."

"Will you tell them?"

"I don't know. Can we not talk about it?"

Remus closed his eyes. "All right."

***

He must have drifted off, although he didn't realize it. But a few hours later Sirius woke up to the faint sound of a book closing, and footsteps as someone entered the infirmary.

"Is he asleep?" It was Professor Dumbledore, and when Sirius cracked his eyes open he could see Mr. Lupin sitting by Remus's bedside. He shut them hurriedly so the others would think he was asleep.

"He is. Poppy said it was a close one. Another few hours and..."

Dumbledore laid a hand on Mr. Lupin's shoulder. "It's all right, Damien," he soothed. "He'll be fine."

"I hope so."

"He will be. He's been doing much better this year."

Mr. Lupin drew the long, shuddering breath of someone trying to control themselves. "Yes. Coming here has made a world of difference. And James and Peter... and Sirius Black..." Sirius's ears perked up. There was a definite difference in tone when Mr. Lupin said his name.

"Yes, Sirius," Dumbledore murmured softly.

"I've been worried, Albus. I know what sort of people he comes from."

"Yes. His family is certainly well known."

"What is Sirius like?"

"Intelligent, certainly. Mischievous, most definitely. He and James Potter are inseparable."

"It seems an odd pairing."

"They're very much alike, to be honest. In fact, he's far more like James than anyone in his own family. You couldn't tell him that though. It's best to find the nature of things for oneself."

Sirius cracked his eye open again. Mr. Lupin was looking quite chagrined. Good. He shut his eyes again.

"Yes. I suppose. I admit, tonight I found myself worrying about him, too. No matter what he's done, a child should never be beaten like he was."

"Especially for playing in the street with Muggle boys."

Sirius's eyes flared open, but neither man was looking at him to notice. "Is that what he was doing?" Mr. Lupin asked, looking up at Dumbledore. "That's the last thing I would expect."

"Damien, I've found that when dealing with young Mr. Black, the last thing should be the first thing you should expect. Make sure you get some sleep tonight. Remus will be fine."

"I'll try."

There was a swishing of heavy fabric as Dumbledore left. The room was silent; only the sounds of breathing and the occasional page turning met Sirius's ears. He drifted off to sleep again.

Someone woke him a later, and the first thing he realized was his back was on fire again. A gentle hand smoothed water over his forehead, and a low voice murmured words of comfort. He began to calm, although the stinging did not subside. He opened his eyes fully expecting to see Madame Pomfrey, but instead finding Mr. Lupin.

Mr. Lupin helped him sit up with firm, tender hands. "Here," he said, handing Sirius a cup. "Drink this. Poppy said it would help if you woke up."

"What is it?"

"Something to help the pain. She needed to stave off the infection. Necessary, but unfortunately painful."
Sirius nodded and then gulped the potion. It was slightly bitter, but immediately the warmth spread through him and the pain in his back began to fade. "How's Remus?" he asked, now that he could think of other things.

"Better. His fever's broken and the wound is healing." The caution was returning to Mr. Lupin's face, but it was tempered with something else. "You really care about him, don't you?"

Sirius tried to shrug. "He's one of my best friends."

"I hope it stays that way." Mr. Lupin stood up. "Lie back down and get some sleep, Sirius. Your body needs that as much as anything to heal."

"All right." Sirius squirmed back down under the covers and closed his eyes. As much as he wanted to stay awake and think, Mr. Lupin was right- his body did need the sleep.

The last thing he felt was a soft hand on his hair and a gentle kiss on his forehead before Mr. Lupin returned to his son's bedside.

***

Madame Pomfrey woke him the next morning. The pain in his back was gone, and when Sirius looked in the mirror, the welts were gone as well. Only two small scars would remain, but Madame Pomfrey assured him that in time they would fade as well.

Remus was still asleep, and Mr. Lupin was still sitting over him, watching him with anxiety. For a wild moment Sirius tried to imagine his own father doing that, and came up completely blank. He angrily chided himself.

He wouldn't tell James about it, he decided, or Peter. No one would quite understand the distinction, and everything would be confused again. Best to just forget it.

He gathered his things and stopped by Remus's bedside once more. Mr. Lupin glanced at him, eyes shuttered and none of the warmth Sirius had seen last night.

"Can you tell Remus that I'll come by later tonight if he's not out yet?" Sirius asked him.

Mr. Lupin nodded. "I will. And Sirius... thank you."

"You're welcome."

***

Remus found Sirius the next day, sitting out by the lake and reading an advanced transfiguration book.

"There's a sight I never thought I'd see," Remus said as he sat down beside him. "Sirius Black studying."

"It's just for an idea I had," Sirius answered. "You look a lot better."

"So do you."

"Is your Dad gone?"

"Yeah, he left yesterday. Mum was probably going nuts waiting to hear from him."

"He loves you very much."

Remus shifted uncomfortably. "I know." He didn't look at Sirius.

"Look. I told you. It's the first time in three years, and, well, I did know I was breaking his rules. It's not like he got drunk or just decided to belt me. I've always known I wasn't supposed to do what I was doing."

"If you say so."

"I do. And while we're on the subject- which won't be for long- I'm not telling James and Peter."

"Then I'm not either."

Sirius grinned. "Thanks." He leaned back on his hands. "Your father doesn't like me much, does he?"

"He doesn't like most of the Black family, no."

"The Dark wizard thing?"

"Yeah. He was an Auror, after all."

"Why isn't he anymore?"

"Why do you think?" Remus picked at the grass irritably. "He was demoted after I was bitten. Said they couldn't trust an Auror with a Dark creature for a kid."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"Still-"

"Why'd your dad clobber you again?"

Sirius winced. "That wasn't nice. I just tell you to shut up."

"Yeah, but I listen. You keep pressing." Remus managed a wry grin. "My dad doesn't hate you. He just doesn't trust you."

"Do you?"

"As long as you're not offering me sweets, we're not around Snape, and you aren't saying 'hey, I've got a great idea!', yes, I do."

A feeling of warmth and pride flooded Sirius. "Come on then," he said, standing up and draping his arm around Remus's shoulders companionably. "Let's go find James and Peter then. I've got a great idea..."

***

After their dramatic arrival, the rest of the second year slipped into a comfortable pattern. Lessons, meals, homework, detentions and Quidditch games. Nights in the dorms where they joked and laughed, long hours of studying for the Animagus transformation. Letters from his mother, as regular as clockwork, and as impersonal as History of Magic lectures. The first one had surprised him. There was no mention of the punishment, no mention of Sirius's crime. It was as if that day had never happened.

He pushed it into the back of his mind, content to forget it as best he could. He banished the memory of the whip and the pain, the pity in Mr. Lupin's eyes and the anger in Remus's. He remembered only three things: Remus's promise not to tell, the feeling of his father's warm arm beneath his cheek, and a gentle kiss on his forehead.