Severus de Bergerac

Hands clamped firmly over her mouth to stop herself from laughing out loud, Viola Beanacre flung herself into a comfy chair in Slytherin's Common Room.

Ethelina Hawley, revising Herbology for all she was worth so she wouldn't do as badly in her second-year exams as she had in her first-year ones, looked over suspiciously. Kelly O'Donnell put down her quill in interest.

"What's so funny?"

Viola gave up, and let the giggles out. "Sev... Sev... Severus!" She laughed until she hurt.

"What's he done?"

"Oh... he was just... hanging around!"

"Since when has Severus Snape been that entertaining?" Kelly asked. Ethelina shrugged.

"James Potter hexed him upside-down in the air and everyone saw his pants," Viola explained, calming down. "And then his ginger Gryff came to his defence and he called her a Mudblood."

Ethelina dropped her pen. "That's not very funny," she said. "Using that sort of language."

"Oh, I don't think he meant it - he was angry, and Potter fancies her. He probably just called her that to annoy Potter. He seemed to regret it when he realised he'd upset her too. It was ever so funny though, seeing him in his pants. He doesn't keep them any cleaner than his hair."

Kelly frowned. "It's sort of funny, but it's really not on. They're always picking on Severus, and we shouldn't let them. He's a Slytherin, after all."

"He's a bit lacking in the cunning department if he can't work out how to avoid them," Viola remarked. "Anyway, what can we do? Seduce his bird for him? Wash his hair?"

"Cyrano de Bergerac!" Ethelina exclaimed.

"What?"

"It's a Muggle book."

Kelly sniffed. "We should have guessed that from the stupid names - the things Muggles call their children. How will this book help Severus?"

"It's a long story, but basically, a big-nosed man seduces a beautiful girl by writing her love letters. Severus could send her letters."

"Don't be daft," Viola told her. "He sits next to her in Potions. Why would he send her letters?"

"He won't. We will. And we'll send them anonymously, and then get them together, and she'll realise it was him sending them and it'll all be really romantic." Ethelina beamed.

"Um," Kelly said. "She's, um... you know."

"Muggleborn," Ethelina said sternly.

"Well, it's not really in his best interests, is it?"

"Pah. Think of all the nice Pureblood girls who'll be grateful for the escape," Viola scoffed. "I think it's a great idea. We can get all the mushy stuff out of a romance novel."

***

Lily Evans picked her library book out of her bag, and was surprised to see another little note sticking out just above the pages. She'd received two yesterday, and one today. There was something slightly creepy about them, but also something very, very romantic. If only she knew who'd been sending the letters.

She looked around quickly to see if she could see the mysterious sender, but the only people moving about were a pair of shifty-looking Slytherin second year girls. They were gathering gossip or plotting something, no doubt. She turned her back on them. He - whoever 'he' was - had clearly left the library quickly and silently while she was putting a book back on the shelves.

She unfolded the letter, and sighed as she read his latest words to her.

Ethelina dragged Kelly into the cover of a bookcase. "She's reading it! She's reading it!" she whispered triumphantly.

"It looked as though she was happy to get it too," Kelly hissed.

***

"No," Severus Snape said, "You may not borrow any more parchment. What happened to the quarter-roll I lent you? Why don't you buy your own?"

Viola Beanacre shuffled her feet and tried to act dim. At least Severus assumes most people are stupid, she thought. He won't be too suspicious. "I like yours," she said. "It's got a different texture to the normal stuff. I'll give you the Sickles for it."

She's laughing at me, Severus thought. Taunting me because the waste parchment is the best I can afford. "I don't have any spare. Get some from Hawley; she's always throwing money around."

"Severuuuus," Viola pleaded. "Pleeeeease!"

Snape reached for his wand and Viola fled. She bumped into Kelly and Ethelina returning from the library. "No luck, chaps," she said. "He won't hand over any more parchment."

Kelly looked thoughtful. "I've got a roll of genealogy-grade parchment upstairs. I've been planning to do a tree for my father to display in his office."

"Severus can't afford that sort of thing," Viola told her.

Inspiration struck Ethelina. "Maybe he spent the last of his money on it. He can tell her he's been sending her unworthy letters, and only the best should touch her hands."

***

"What's Evans reading?" James Potter asked.

Sirius Black glanced across the Gryffindor Common Room. "Letters, you dope. Haven't you seen a letter before?"

"Who are they from?" He watched as she read and reread every note, seemingly oblivious to everything going on around her. He wanted to be those pieces of paper, happy recipient of her undivided attention.

"I dunno - her parents? Her ugly sister?"

"Her family don't use parchment," James pointed out. "I need one of those letters."

Remus sighed. "James, leave Lily's mail alone. It's private."

James carried on staring at Lily reading, Sirius grinned, and Remus' heart sank. "Peter," Sirius said nicely.

"What?" Peter looked nervous, and Remus rubbed his Prefect's badge.

"IMPROMPTU DUEL!" Sirius bellowed, and blasted Peter with his wand. Remus jumped to his feet, and Lily ran over.

"No fighting in the Common Room," she told them. "Sirius Black, you really are a moron." Remus, slightly to one side, saw James nip over and read through the uppermost letter, while Sirius held the girl's attention.

As they settled down once again, James looked despondent. "Well?" asked Sirius. "Who were they from?"

"They weren't signed," James said glumly. "But it's definitely a him - and he is soooo smooth. It's just the sort of vile ick girls love."

***

"I've done it," Viola announced. "Last letter, in place. Meet me by the Astronomy Tower, eight pm, blah blah blah. How do we get Snape there?"

Ethelina patted her satchel. "I've got something very rare and nasty here - Bellatrix sent me some potion ingredients."

"Oh, how is she?" Viola was interested, but Kelly hated Bellatrix.

"Married. Doesn't say much else in her letter. She's probably bored out of her skull trying to run a house and make babies. Anyway, it was a nice thought, and timely. I'll tell Severus she sent some for him, but I don't want to hand it over in the Common Room where people might see."

**

At quarter to eight, Lily came down from her bedroom, hair brushed, and face gleaming. James sighed. "Look at her! Look at her. Did you ever see anything so beautiful in all your life?"

"Frequently," Sirius replied. "The problem with girls is, the more you snog them, the less beautiful they get, until after the fourth or fifth time all you see is a spot or a big nose, and then it's on to the next goddess."

"Not for me," James breathed. "Hey, she's going? Where's she going?"

"Why don't you follow her and find out?" Peter's attempt at sarcasm failed.

"Top thought," James told him. "C'mon, or we'll lose her." The quartet trailed along in Lily Evans' wake.

Crossing the entrance hall, though, Sirius got distracted as he saw Severus Snape emerge from the dungeons. "Well, well. It looks like we all get to play with our favourite toys tonight." He gripped his wand tightly, and waited for Severus to see him.

"What do we do?" Peter asked Remus quietly. "Go with James or watch Sirius hex Snivellus again?"

"Stay here," Remus said. "Lily can handle James by herself - I don't want these two killing one another."

James left his friends behind, intent on tracking Lily. She reached the ground beside the Astronomy Tower, stopped and stood there. She's waiting for someone, he thought. Is it the bloke who's been writing to her?

Lily turned and saw him, and blushed scarlet. "You?"

He ruffled his hair nervously. He hadn't thought about what he'd do when he finally caught up with her. "Um, Evans. I know I shouldn't be here, and it was a stupid..."

"They were beautiful," she told him. "I loved every single one of them."

"Yeah, the letters..."

"I thought you were a right arse," she said, bluntly. "That you were just some big-head."

"Well, I suppose I am a big-head," he conceded.

"Say something. Say something beautiful, like in your notes."

"Um, yeah. Um." Oh heck, he thought. She thinks I wrote those letters... but she liked them, and she likes the writer. "When I see you, it's as though time stands still, because even it is frozen before your beauty."

She moved closer. "You wrote that in your last one."

"Yeah. I did, didn't I? Well... I want us to write the future ones together."

As she moved close enough for him to embrace, James wondered who the mysterious writer had been - his own cupid. He wished he could thank them.

Round the other side of the tower, Viola kicked the wall. Ethelina swore. "Well, we cocked that one up good and proper. Love, who needs it?"