Through Darkness and Light

Through Darkness and Light

Chapter 19

The Day After

Remus's hand shook, spilling the herbal remedy from of the goblet. He sighed and examined the purple stains on his record parchment. Another one ruined. He didn't look forward to explaining to Madame Pomfrey that he'd gotten more of the potion onto his papers than inside his stomach.

It had been a bad idea to catch up while in this condition. The problem was he couldn't just sit around and do nothing. His mind would wander and right now he needed to focus on something, anything.

Last night just after midnight he'd been assaulted by a terrible force, more powerful than anything he'd felt before. That voice beckoned him to release his hold, whispering of the power sleeping within his blood.

His werewolf had heard. Remus gripped the sides of desk willing away all his frustration and fear.

At the time he'd been tossing in his bed unable to find peace in sleep. The whole day he'd felt restless, like something familiar was urging him to be outside. When the power attacked it hit Remus full force. He'd staggered out of the bed, fingers digging into his chest right above his heart.

His dark blood surged, recognizing the faint voice. It wanted him to let go, to be the power Remus had locked away with his humanity. The werewolf howled in desire, straining against him for freedom. His spirit had fought for control.

Somehow during his inner battle, Remus felt something snap. Little pieces had shattered along the edges, but he didn't know of what. He couldn't even tell if it was his own control that was breaking or something else entirely. And then the voice had laughed.

Remus believed himself to be a practical man who used logic and facts more than speculation or belief throughout his life. However, what he felt last night was pure evil. That was the only way he could describe it.

No matter how many times he turned around that abstract word 'evil,' he realized that the power he felt was the exact definition.

Remus ran a hand down his face and massaged his temples. He needed to tell Dumbledore the truth. The werewolf was getting stronger. Yet, he still remained sitting in the same chair as he had been for the past two hours.

Lying innocently on the table to the left of him was the breaking news of The Daily Prophet. He'd read the article at least four times hoping that the wording would change and the killings that had taken place last night would simply disappear.

He had no such luck.

The headliner on the front page flashed in bright gold letters, "Blood Running Freely." He cringed at the choice of words, most likely the reporter having no idea the true meaning behind them.

The demons had lost control again. Unlike last time where the incident was only concentrated around the surrounding area of Hogwarts, this time the power was felt around the world. In over three dozen countries there had been reports of demons losing control to their blood, transforming into killing machines.

Demons, however, weren't the only ones who had lost control. There were only three cases, but as far as he was concerned, that was too many. Three werewolves had turned feral.

He had been so close to following. What had Calrheane done? What had she unleashed?

Hours after the incident Dumbledore had come to check on him. Thankfully, Remus had regained control though his body was weak. One look at Remus and Dumbledore had quickly called for Madame Pomfrey and explained the situation.

Calrheane had taken Harry without consent into the Dark Forest, for a reason that Dumbledore had not disclosed to Remus.

For a brief moment he forgot the voice and the power it held over him. How dare Calrheane take Harry while Sirius was out there, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike? How could she willingly put Harry's in harms way?

Harry was all Remus had left.

His body shook from fatigue and his fits unclenched. This would accomplish nothing. He would speak with Calrheane about her actions even though he was sure Dumbledore had already done so.

Remus was positive of one thing though, the voice that drove these demons and werewolves to their blood was not the same as the power that had attacked him on Halloween. The signature magic from the two were similar, but an obvious difference existed.

Dumbledore explained that he was looking into this matter, but Remus had a feeling that Dumbledore knew more than he was letting on. It was the look in Dumbledore's eyes, the calming tone that sought to reassure Remus. This, of course, was normal behavior for Dumbledore when facing a crisis, but Remus couldn't shake the feeling that he was being left in the dark.

And right in the thick of all this was Calrheane who knew exactly what was going on. The words she spoke nearly two months ago hinted at this, some ancient evil that was awakening. Was this what she had meant?

"Um, Professor Lupin?" Harry stood in the doorway, his hair sticking out at odd angle. Dark circles rimmed his eyes and he looked at Remus with a haunted expression.

Without thinking of his own weakened state, Remus got up and motioned Harry in. His legs shook from the sudden weight and he gripped the back of his chair.

"Are you all right?"

"Just tired. Can I get you some tea Harry? It looks like we both could use it."

The lost expression on Harry's face disappeared and for a fleeting moment Remus thought he glimpsed happiness. Harry nodded.

Remus pulled out some tea bags and cups, thankful that he had requested a kettle of hot water from the house elves. Using deliberate care so as not to have a repeated incident with his healing potion, Remus made tea. He handed one cup to Harry and sat back down.

Harry stared at the tea in his hands, his eyebrows drawn down.

"Go on, Harry, it'll help." With each sip Remus took he felt his strength returning. Perhaps this is the remedy he should have sought from the very beginning instead of that horrible potion.

"Thanks." Harry blinked before finally drinking the tea. He scanned the papers on his table, finally landing on the newspaper. "So you heard?"

"Yes." Traces of anger from earlier flared back. Harry wouldn't have been there if it wasn't for Calrheane; he would have been safe. More than anything he wanted to reach over and reassure Harry, promising to protect him.

But he couldn't. It was too dangerous to get close to Harry, not when Remus's control was slowly slipping away.

Remus put down his teacup. "Harry, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Harry looked up in surprise. "How did you know?"

"Dumbledore informed the staff."

Snow splattered against the window, slowly accumulating in clumps on the windowsill. Sunlight peeked through the clouds but not enough to dispel the coming storm.

"Hermione and Ron didn't feel anything," Remus said.

"No, they didn't."

Harry's friends couldn't help him, unable to understand the pure evil that Harry had faced. They could understand Voldemort, a human who had fallen to his twisted desires, but not this.

"Have you heard anything about Star Dancer? Is he going to be alright?" Harry asked.

"They aren't sure, though Madame Pomfrey is hopeful."

"Is Elessar with him?"

Calmness, that's what Remus needed right now even as he gathered a fistful of robe. She hadn't known what would happen, of the danger Harry would be put in by this darkness. "I have not spoken with her."

"Oh." Harry rubbed the sides of the teacup with his thumbs and stared into the dark brown liquid. "I know you're mad at her for taking me out last night without Dumbledore's permission, it's just that..."

"Harry, what she did was reckless," Remus snapped. "Sirius Black is out there waiting to finish what he started twelve years ago."

He didn't want to hear Harry sticking up for her, not when she had put so much at risk, and not when he couldn't understand why her silence hurt him so much. "Your parents died protecting you and she goes gallivanting with you in the middle of the night. As a teacher she has no excuse."

"Professor, you don't understand!"

The plea in Harry's voice caused Remus to pause. Something else happened and it had nothing to do with how close Harry had been to losing his life. "Tell me."

"I saw my parents."

Pressure built in Remus's chest, a hand gripped his heart, slowly tightening. He tried to speak. This wasn't possible. James and Lily were dead. "What did you say?"

"I spoke with my parents."

An eerie feeling settled over him. He remembered his restlessness last night, the need to be somewhere, as if he were being compelled. It reminded him of flying, wind swept hair and a laughing voice. But that wasn't possible. James was dead.

"Harry, I know you're upset about what happened last night but you can't speak with your parents. They're gone."

"I know, but that's why I was able to talk with them."

Remus shook his head and made to get up. "I'm going to get Madame Pomfrey, perhaps she could give you something to help..."

Harry grabbed Remus's arm. "I've had enough sleeping draughts for today. Please, Professor Lupin, you have to listen to me. I don't know who else to talk too."

How could he make Harry understand? A small part of him, the one that still believed in hope knew what Harry was saying was true. But Remus couldn't believe. That path only led to despair.

Remus glanced down at the hand gripping his arm. Harry needed him to believe.

"All right." It was as if those words opened up a floodgate and the weariness he had pushed aside came rushing back. He slid back into his chair. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

For the first time since Harry had come to him, a smile lit Harry's face as Harry told him what happened in the glade. With that one simple action Remus's heart swelled; to think that he was the reason Harry just smiled.

"Why did Elessar take you with her?" Remus asked, shaking himself from his thoughts.

"She didn't want to take me, at least not at first."

"But then why?"

"It was my parents."

Remus fought back the denial he was ready to shout out, to tell Harry believing in shades was no way of living, but he couldn't shake the look in Harry's eyes. There was no lie or deception.

"Their spirits called me." Harry stared at the window. "Last night was special, I don't remember the name Elessar gave it, but the boundary between our world and the fëa was weakened. It only happens once a year."

"That still gives her no excuse to leave without permission."

"I know, but I don't think there wasn't much time. She took me to this strange glade." Harry looked up at Remus and it seemed that his eyes were lit with wonder. "You should have seen it; I never knew a place like that existed."

"What do you mean?"

"There was no winter, no snow on the ground, like it was always springtime. Elessar summoned the spirits and they came."

A glass of wine would have made this easier to hear. How long had Remus dreamed of seeing James one last time, to tell his friend how sorry he was for failing?

Whether or not she knew, Calrheane had given Harry a gift more precious than anything else in the world. And to see that love shining from Harry, Remus couldn't help but silently thank her.

Harry closed his eyes for a brief moment. "They told me they were proud."

Remus hesitated, knowing that he should keep his distance. But he didn't. He placed reached across the table and gripped Harry's shoulder. "Your parents are proud of everything you've done. You should never doubt that."

"I know, but to hear them say it. They told me they loved me."

Oh, how he wanted to tell Harry right then. To tell Harry everything, of how his parents fought to protect him, how much they loved him, but also how much Remus loved him.

They sat there allowing time to pass them by. Remus didn't remove his hand from Harry's shoulder and instead allowed himself this small moment. However, responsibility wasn't something he could put off for long and he retracted his hand.

Harry gave him a small smile and then his eyes wandered back to the newspaper lying on Remus's desk.

"Something else happened. The unicorn's mother, Celeste, told me I looked like my dad. Do you know anything about that?"

"No, I don't." James never mentioned meeting a unicorn but the only one who would know was someone Remus wasn't about to ask. If anyone knew about a unicorn, it would be Sirius.

The hopeful expression on Harry's face fell.

"What else is wrong? Did James say something else?"

"I'm not sure really. I didn't tell Elessar this, but my Dad told me that the son needed to be protected."

"You mean the young unicorn? The one that Calr- Professor Elessar saved?"

Harry nodded. "My parents made it sound like he was really important."

There were too many coincidences. First an elf returning to the mortal world, mysterious powers unleashing demon and werewolf blood, and now James and Lily were reaching beyond death to warn Harry.

"Did they say anything else?"

Harry shook his head. "I can't remember. Everything's a haze."

"That can happen when your mind is not able to logically process everything that occurred, and you had a busy night." Remus hoped to keep his tone light. Harry needed to be reassured right now that everything was being taken care of.

"Yeah, I know. There was something else though that I wanted to know."

"And what's that?"

However, what Harry asked next was something that Remus hadn't been expecting. "Why did you and Elessar get in a fight? What was it about?"

Remus ran a hand through his hair hoping to compose himself before answering. This was the last question he'd been expecting. "Harry, I'm not really sure how that's relevant."

"You know, after only a few months I've learned that you can't just think straight with Elessar. There's always a twist or some hidden meaning." Harry remained silent for several moments, fiddling with the corner of the newspaper. "I think you got in a fight because of something she said, or more likely, something she didn't say."

"All right, let's say that was the cause of our fight. What made you come to that conclusion?"

Harry shrugged. "That's the only ting that made sense. I can't see Elessar letting your friendship fall apart for anything other than her secrets. Plus, I don't see you giving up unless it was over something serious."

"And what does this have to do with last night?"

Harry rubbed the back of his neck. "I asked her about you last night and I couldn't help but think about something she said to me."

"And what was that?" Remus his heart beat against his chest. They talked about him? Anticipation shot through him even as he cursed himself for feeling this way. She had betrayed him, choosing her silence over their friendship.

Not noticing the turmoil coming from his teacher, Harry continued. "Elessar said that dying from love would be an easier death than what fate had planned for her. And then not an hour later that darkness attacked us. I just couldn't help but wonder if that's what she had been referring too."

Dying from love? What could that mean? The only time they had come close to speaking of the subject was Halloween night when Calrheane had referred to a close friend.

And either way, he refused to care or even be curious. There was nothing without trust.

Harry closed his eyes as if trying to shut out some memory, which immediately grabbed Remus's attention.

"Harry? Are you all right?"

"You don't know what it was like," he whispered. "I've never felt anything like that before, not even when facing Voldemort or dementors."

"I do know." More than I would like, Remus thought.

"I've never felt so much hate, it was like I was drowning. Whoever the darkness was or whatever the voice was, it wanted to kill her." Harry shivered and gripped the teacup, his knuckles white.

Had she known about this darkness's desire to kill her? Was that why she pushed him aside? Remus forced aside the fear that nagged at him. She had chosen her secrets over him; he would not let the memory of their friendship cloud his judgement.

Yet, she was not entirely to blame for his anger and hurt, instead simply another piece to a larger picture. The one Sirius had started.

Harry looked at Remus. "And I think that's what you two got in a fight over. She let something slip about this darkness but then wouldn't tell you what she meant."

There was pain in Harry's voice, a need to know the truth. Remus wished that he could say that this didn't concern him; he was only a boy after all. However, the truth was Remus didn't have that excuse anymore.

Harry was involved whether he liked it or not.

"You're right," Remus said. He noticed that there was no surprise on Harry's features. Harry had known the truth and was only waiting for confirmation. "If you knew this already, then why come to me?"

"I didn't have anyone else to go too. Dumbledore knows what's going on, knows what tried to kill Elessar and I, but he wouldn't say anything. And I have to know."

The desperation in Harry pulled at Remus and he once again wished that he had the power to take that pain away, to allow Harry to be a normal boy. Yet, life kept putting Harry in situations that demanded he grow up.

"I thought I didn't want to know," Harry continued, "at first I was just too afraid. I guess I still am. But I can't just stop thinking about it or remembering..." his voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry, Harry, I don't know what's going on. I'm in the dark as much as you are."

They fell silent, the ticking clock echoing in the room. A huge gulf separated the two and the distance was too great for Remus to jump over. He wanted to keep Harry close to him, protecting him from whatever evil was lurking on the horizon. Instead, Remus just sat there unsure of what to do or so.

After all, his weakness had been made clear. It would not be safe for Harry to be near him; not until he understood what this darkness was and why he was losing control to his werewolf. He would not hide from the truth. There was a possibility he could turn feral and he would not put Harry's safety at risk.

"It happened again," Harry said quietly indicating the newspaper with a tilt of his chin.

Remus nodded. "Yes. The situation is deeper rooted than the Ministry realizes."

"What I felt last night, that darkness, was that what drove the demons to their blood?"

"Yes. For so many demons to lose control like this around the world," he shook his head unable to continue. Had Harry read the part about the three werewolves? "I don't know of any force that could control that kind of power."

"But Elessar does," Harry whispered. "And it knew her."

Remus's stomach twisted. How much had she told Harry while he knew nothing? How could she tell a boy while keeping him in the dark? And why would she saying anything like this to Harry - he was a student!

"She called it a name, 'Zirak.' Do you know anything?"

"No, I don't."

"Oh."

Remus rubbed his forehead, feeling another headache coming on. Like Harry, he needed answers, but the people with those refused to give them. Had Calrheane known what would happen to him when this dark power was released? Did she know that the voice would seek him out?

From the corner of his eye, Remus watched as Harry took another sip from his tea. There was a little more color on his face, a pink tint on his cheeks. What would happen now?

He glanced down at his hands and rubbed the tips of his fingers together. This 'Zirak' had called to the werewolf; it wanted him.