Through Darkness and Light

Chapter 10

Lines between Friendships

Smoke slithered down Remus's hand from the Wolfsbane potion, a cool touch mirroring how he felt. After all these years he finally understood.

Hogwarts once signified a beginning, but it was an illusion. The Marauders, four close friends, but that wasn't true. They splintered and broke when unity was needed. And now, just like before, Calrheane's friendship was a façade.

A breeze passed by. That was strange; he made it a point to close the windows earlier. But then where...?

The door to his study shut. His tainted blood strained against his control, snarling, fighting. It was awake and alert so close to the full moon, requiring extra energy to keep the primal tendencies at bay.

The tenuous peace between the elf and his werewolf was gone. She had seen to that. He forced himself to relax and turned towards the door, hiding his tension.

Calrheane's hand lingered on the doorknob. "May I speak with you?"

It would be easier if their friendship never existed. He wouldn't gaze upon her and feel loss. He wouldn't yearn for her smile and laughter, all the while knowing it was a happiness he couldn't have.

"There is nothing to speak of. You made that quite clear."

Calrheane looked away. "Please, do not let things end like this."

"I suppose that depends on you and whether you're going to explain."

"I can't."

There was no anger at her words, just a weariness that settled on his soul. "So then why did you come? If you won't give me answers, then why?"

"I don't know. I just had to see you," Calrheane whispered.

Remus knew she had secrets; he would have been a fool to think not. The problem was her secrets connected to his past. "Did it mean anything to you?"

It was the one question that burned his mind, demanding an answer. Yet, now he wasn't sure if he wanted one. Calrheane would move on. He would be a memory.

"I had few companions in my life," she said. "I would have been lost without your kindness. This friendship means more than you know."

Remus stood and pushed his potion aside. "You have a sore way of showing it. Friendship is about trust and you don't trust me."

"That's not true."

"Then tell me something, anything." He held back the plea, refusing that she learn how much this hurt.

Calrheane closed her eyes and said nothing. Somehow, he wasn't surprised. Her ideals and secrets meant more than him.

"Then if that's all, I'll bid you a goodnight."

"Remus, please..."

"No," he cut her off. "Just go. I have nothing more to say to you."

Calrheane flinched at his words and hugged her stomach. There was nothing more that needed to be said. He gave her a chance that night, to explain what was happening. She refused and he walked away. Their friendship was over.

Remus turned and organized several scattered homework assignments. Fabric rustled and his dark blood settled, no longer fighting him. His hands shook, whether from keeping the werewolf at bay or his emotions, Remus didn't know.

Minutes passed and he stared at the papers, hoping they had the answers. Perhaps it was best to let go.

"You were right about me, Remus."

His breath caught and he whipped around. But how? Did she shield herself from him? That's not possible.

Calrheane stood in all her elf perfection. But even though her hair was immaculate, Remus now noticed the dark rims under her eyes and the stoop of her shoulders.

"I don't trust," she said and there was pride in her voice. "Even those who I was with for a thousand years, I held back from. That was my mistake."

This was nothing new. They had often spoke of the past, his and hers.

Calrheane stepped forward, her knuckles white as they clutched each other. "I want to tell you."

"Then why don't you? There's nothing holding you back."

She smiled, small with little happiness in it. "No, I suppose not. Shra gave her permission and I care nothing for the oath I swore to my kin."

First, she claimed the Vala bound her to silence and now she doesn't care. Perhaps this was a normal elven trait. Couldn't she see the simple path in front of her?

Remus rubbed his forehead, kneading away the coming headache. "You have a choice; you've always had a choice."

"The Vala and elves are not the reason I have kept silent. They were an excuse for my actions and the wrong I did you." Calrheane reached for him and then thought better of it, retracting her hand.

There was a change in her eyes, something he hadn't seen earlier. He recognized it - each time he gazed into a mirror he saw it. The knowledge that his life was forever bound to another, the werewolf. Never again, would Remus just be 'Remus.'

That realization shook him. He didn't want this truth, didn't want to live with that. Why did she ever come into his life? If there was no Calrheane Elessar, Remus wouldn't have looked into his heart. He would have been safe in ignorance.

"I want you to go."

There was power in those words. He felt lightheaded, elated. Or did he? Doubt - why should he doubt his feelings? There was something else, a dark strand that wrapped around his wrist.

He blinked. There was nothing there. Surely it was imagination.

"What?" she asked, taken aback.

Her concern sent warmth through him and he yearned for her touch, her smile. But he was a werewolf. Something tightened on his wrist.

Remus shoved aside her arm. He didn't care about her confusion. He just needed her gone. "Leave. I am no friend of yours."

Calrheane's eyes narrowed. "So, now you cannot stand my touch? My being near you?"

"Yes." No.

"Fine." Calrheane clenched her fists and did not look away. "It was my fear that held me back. Zirak would come for you. But I see that was a mistake."

Zirak, who was that? He held his tongue. It didn't matter if she told him anything now, it was too late.

"You wanted to know why I came here, why an elf willingly left paradise?" she asked. "It was the only choice I had."

"You call that a choice? You ran from your responsibility. The elves needed you and you left." How did he know that?

Calrheane gripped her necklace. "My fate is here, in this world, waiting for me."

"Waiting for you? Whatever you're here for, whoever you're seeking, won't care about humans. This Zirak will kill us to get to you."

The werewolf howled, a laughter that vibrated through him. His wrist throbbed.

"Where did this come from?"

Why was he so angry? Remus didn't know. He felt the need to snarl and fight, to let lose this power locked inside. His blood surged, the taint struggling to be free. Why was he fighting it?

Calrheane's eyes widened as she stared at him. "It has a hold over you; the werewolf."

"Don't be ridiculous," he sneered.

"It does." Her voice rose. "Remus, fight it. Please."

Good, let her feel desperate. He was alone. He was a werewolf - man and beast. The goblet flung itself across the room. No, wait. He did that. But when did he move his arm?

Calrheane lunged for him, a blur out of the corner of his eye. Remus stepped back, ready to fight. Her arms wrapped around him and his nails dug into her. The sweet smell of blood engulfed him.

Elven blood. How long had it been since he dined on something so fine?

No, Remus wanted to call out. This wasn't him.

But it is you. The words came from inside, from his tainted blood. You are the darkness. You are mine.

Magic prickled against his senses. The elf's voice drifted in the air, a dreaded language he had spent an eternity hating.

Remus fought harder, or was it the werewolf?

"Zirak!" Calrheane cried. "Leave him be."

Malice. It surrounded him, soaking through his skin and reaching his heart.

The arms around his waist tightened. "I won't let you have him."

Through the hatred, he felt her emotion. It reached past the werewolf and the darkness that gripped his mind and touched his heart. It was gentle at first, but then became more insistent. He answered by holding it close, letting its warmth spread through his body.

His vision cleared and he saw her. Calrheane held him, face pressed against his chest. His grip on her loosened and she glanced up. Tears streaked her face.

"You don't belong to him, Remus."

Him? What was she talking about?

"What happened?" His voice was horse, as if it he'd been screaming.

"I almost lost you," she whispered, so low he barely heard.

Remus noticed his fingered were covered in blood. Automatically, he looked at Calrheane. Blood seeped through her sleeves - five little marks on each arm where his fingers punctured through.

He stumbled back. The werewolf, it had taken over.

"It's all right now." Calrheane gripped his hands. "No harm was done."

Blood smeared onto her hands.

"No. No. This not all right. I could've..." killed you, he finished. Why did this happen? What caused him to lose control?

"But you didn't. Remus, please don't pull away." She held his hands against his chest. "It wasn't your fault - it was mine. I said his name; I drew him to you."

Remus didn't believe her, and if the look in her eyes was any indication, she didn't either. "Who is he?"

"My enemy - the one I came here to defeat."

The truth, something she kept from him since the beginning. It was there for him to ask, to have all the explanations.

Remus removed her hands from his, eyes never once leaving the blood. "I am a werewolf."

"You are also human. As am I."

And that was where his weakness drew from - his realization that the werewolf and he were one and the same. No more denials.

"You should leave."

"I don't understand. Don't you want to know why this is happening?"

"I am not your concern." For the first time in years, Remus vowed not to be weak. He would fight this on his own, it was his struggle not hers.

"Very well." Their was reluctance in her eyes, a need to be with him and help.

Perhaps, finally, he would learn. Certain dreams like friendship, family and love, were banned from werewolves. But if he was honest with himself, he'd see that being a werewolf had nothing to do with this.

He let her go because that was all he could do, just as she turned her back and walked away.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Moonlight filtered through the dense covering of trees and caused the mist around Celeste to shimmer. The forest was silent like it had been three nights ago, not even insects disturbed the atmosphere.

Her dark eyes scanned through the trees, searching for any sign of the one who had attacked them. She smelled the taint. Tree spirits withered under the power of the one who now walked this forest. Great One would not last much longer if he continued without rest.

Her spirit ached and it took all her energy to stand, but at least they were safe.

Star leaned against a nearby tree, eyes closed. His white fur glistened and his mane lay across his eyes. The deep and even breaths comforted her; perhaps this night he would sleep without any nightmares.

Despite her exhaustion, she sent a wave of healing into him. Star glowed for several seconds and the small cuts disappeared.

Celeste was not powerful among her kin and had been surprised when Great One had chosen her. Yet, she had survived the pregnancy. The unicorns had expected her to die, taking their one treasure, the son of Great One.

She stretched her front legs. Each day they drew closer to the centaur's clearing, until then she would continue without rest. The risk to her son was too great, even if she needed to recuperate.

Great One was nowhere to be found, but she had expected that. The injury to the Forest would have left him weak, forcing him to rest or lose his spirit.

Celeste would rely on her own strength. She needed to learn why this evil was after her son. The centaurs had the gift of the stars; she prayed they could help.

Tiny beads of sweat dotted across Star's face and his eyes moved underneath his eyelids. The even tones of his breath changed to a sharp rasp as he fought for air.

No, not again.

"Star?" she nudged him. "Love, wake. You must leave the dream world."

Minutes passed and still Star struggled, his horn dimming under the power of the nightmare.

"Star," she called again and panic gripped her.

Star's eyes shot open and he was on his feet faster than she could blink. His muscles were tense, ready to spring at the slightest movement.

Every night was the same. All Celeste could do was stand there, unable to ease her son. "Star Dancer, wake. You're safe now."

His eyes focused on her. "Mother?"

"Yes, love, I have you now. You're safe."

"I dreamed again," he said, his voice shaking. "I don't want to dream anymore; I don't want to see her."

Celeste's heart beat faster. This was the first he had ever spoken of it.

Could the dream and the evil one be connected? It was rare for a unicorn to have nightmares, only the Elders did and that was because the horrors of the Ages remained with them.

"Who is she?" the words came out before she could stop them.

Star pushed away and glared at the ground. "The elf," Star said his voice harsh, "that's who I see."

If it was possible for her heart to stop, Celeste was sure hers just did. An elf, it couldn't be true. They were vile beings that cared nothing but their own kind. Her son couldn't be dreaming of one!

"How can you see an elf? They no longer walk these lands." She prayed that Star would agree.

"You wanted to know," he snapped.

"Yes, love, I did. But surely it is nothing. Elves are gone; they will never return to these lands."

"Is it true what the trees are saying?" Star asked instead, his voice now having dropped to a whisper. "Did one come back?"

Yes, she had heard the rumors but refused to believe them. Perhaps, that's where she was wrong, allowing her prejudice to blind her. There were too many coincidences, an elf returning, her son and now this evil.

"I do not know love."

A memory, long forgotten, bubbled at the corner of her mind. A young wizard had come crashing through her special glade, his form hidden in the disguise of a stag.

Why then had she done what no other would have and spoke to a human? Why did she let go of the old hatred to understand the boy's pain? And now her heart screamed that she run with her son, taking him to the ends of the earth, away from the elf.

"Come, Star, we're leaving."

No, she would not give into fear. Great One had chosen her, tasking her with the protection of his son. Celeste would not run like the other unicorns.

"Where are we going?"

"To see the centaurs."

Star kicked a small tree with his hind legs and thrashed his head. "Even after I told you? I won't stay here! I refuse to be anywhere near her. We should leave this Forest and find some place safe."

"There will never be a safe place. The evil one will follow." She tried to be soothing, but the strain to hold back her frustration grated on her depleted strength. She did not have the energy to argue.

"We'll be fine on our own, and we have Great One looking out for us."

"Star, I can't protect you."

Her words froze the unicorn and he lowered his head. "Yes you can. Mother, you can do anything."

Celeste came forward and nuzzled her son's neck. "Pretending will achieve nothing. My spirit is failing; I will not be able to protect you from him a second time."

"Why though? Why is this happening? Why does he want me?"

"I don't know. I only pray to the stars that the centaurs do."