Is It Worth It?

A light breeze blew his hair away from his face, and Harry quickened his step, knowing he would be late. He saw Ron and Hermione looking around anxiously for him, but they, like everyone else, got onto the Knight Bus. He slowed, then, knowing that he would miss it, no matter how hard he tried. Stan Shunpike was not one to suffer late comers. Harry waved at the bang that went by him, knowing there was no way for any of them to have seen him. That was probably it for him. This was the third Order of the Phoenix meeting that he'd missed because of work. Being Head of Magical Games and Sports was no easy matter nowadays. Muggles were expanding, and few places were left for various Quidditch games.

He sighed. What a tongue-lashing he would get! But from whom this time? The first time, it had been overlooked, but Mrs. Weasley had let her feelings be known with loud sighs, and skimping on food. Hermione had lightly scolded the second time.

Ignoring the feeling of guilt that now occupied his stomach, Harry headed towards the nearest Underground station, and waited for the train to take him home. He now occupied Number 4 Privet Drive as the Dursley's had abandoned England when one of their neighbors announced that they knew about Harry, and that they were considering calling the insane asylum on all of them. Harry didn't care about rumors like that, and he rather liked keeping them alive. Whenever he felt out of touch with Muggle life, he would go over to Mrs. Figg's house, and they would reminisce about the old days, before the wizarding community had been through so much strain and danger.

Yes, Voldemort was gone, but others had quickly risen to take the place of the most dangerous wizard. Lucius Malfoy was a forerunner in that contest. The reports of dead wizards seemed never-ending, and the Order of the Phoenix had diminished greatly. Harry was starting to lose hope. Instead of one Dark Lord, there were five, each with his or her own set of followers. Very few good wizards were safe. Dueling was commonplace now, and there was little anyone could do about it. The popular explanation of this was that Fudge was a prominent Dark wizard. Harry knew that that was not the case. Fudge was simply a coward, and there was little anyone could do about that!

Harry supposed he could still make the meeting. He could always fling out his wand arm, but something kept nagging at him, asking him if it really was worth it. There would never be a supreme victory. What could they do that hadn't already been tried? He knew that if anyone heard his doubts, they would be troubled, and maybe even question themselves. He was their mascot, even if he wasn't a committed one.

That's what he disliked most. He was this icon in the wizarding world, this beacon of goodness. He could do no wrong. Harry sighed again. When would people realize that he was a normal person? He simply hated being treated like he was fragile and all-important when he wasn't. Hedwig suddenly flew to his arm, and stuck out her leg. Harry took the offered letter.

'Mister Harry Potter-

It would please us no end if you would honor us with your presence at this Meeting as it is quite important. Please make an effort to hold out your arm, Difficult as it might be. Perhaps you have not realized that you are a member of An organization. That means your presence is required at any and all of the Meetings that are held. Please remember this in the future.

Severus Snape'

Harry groaned inwardly. When would he be left alone? Wearily he stuck out his wand arm, and almost instantly, the Knight Bus banged into view. He entered, paid thirteen Sickles, and sat in a seat at the back, hoping to avoid conversation with Stan and Ernie. Harry stayed in one position the whole time, his arms crossed on his chest. Anytime anyone entered the Knight Bus, he glared at them to dissuade them from joining him.

He smiled wryly as a few lines of a song Ginny had taught him came to mind:

Often I think this sad old world
Is whistling in the dark
Just like a child who late from school
Walks bravely home through the park
To keep their spirits soaring
And keep the night at bay

Wasn't that what the Order was doing? Trying to assure the wizarding world that the evilness could be contained, could be stopped? Harry's smile vanished at the thought of just how evil it all was. Visions of Tonks falling at the hands of Bellatrix Lestrange, Arthur Weasley dying from a curse thrown at him by Lucius Malfoy. Harry had turned and seen the horrified looks on Ginny's and Ron's faces. Everything around him slowed and quieted as panic filled him. No longer could he hear his peers shrieking, his closest friends dying around him. Then he looked up and saw him. Voldemort. An evil grin was pasted on his face as he strode through the crowds, never taking his eyes from Harry's face.

Harry shook his head as if to dislodge the thoughts from his mind. A single tear fell down his cheek and he brushed it away angrily.

Death. That was all that was left nowadays. Instead of quenching it, it had grown, spreading. Even the Muggles noticed strange happenings that resulted in the deaths of their neighbors. Secrecy was no long objective number one in the wizarding world. Self protection had taken it's place.

The Knight Bus screeched to a halt at Grimmauld Place, and Harry reluctantly got off. Number Twelve appeared as it always did, and before Harry could put his hand on the door knob, it swung open.

Ron's worried face greeted him as he stepped aside to let Harry pass over the threshold and into the house.

'Ah. Mister Potter. You've joined us at last. How good of you to come,' Snape sneered from the dining room.

Harry grimaced and turned to face him. 'I'm here now. What was so important that you had to owl me about this?' His voice sounded bitter and angry to his own ears. Hermione flinched at the sound, and Ron's face turned white.

'Well, Harry, this is an important meeting. All Order meetings are,' Hermione said timidly from the corner. Her eyes were wide and frightened.

'Lucius has gone on a killing spree. He has started to go after Muggles. He calls it his purge,' Mrs. Weasley stated in an emotionless voice, as though she was numb to this fact now.

Harry threw up his hands in disgust. 'Why? Why are we doing this? By our presence alone we've caused more unnecessary deaths. Innocent deaths. Voldemort was ruthless, but he never risked the wizarding world to get what he wanted. Why are we fighting this? What purpose do we have? Why are we still fighting?'

He was breathless with anger as he looked around at each face, searching for an answer that none could offer.