Can't Decide to Love or Hate You

Ginny sighed quietly as she brushed her hair, staring into the mirror at her reflection in deep thought.

The week after the Halloween Ball had been the longest week of her life, so when Friday finally rolled around she was near ready to pass out. Her emotions were on their wits-end, pleading with her to just lock herself in her room for the remainder of the year, and if she could get away with it she probably would do so. The whole week seemed to blend into one thought that distracted her from her work, kept her awake at night, and even eating:

What the hell was happening with her life?

Last Saturday, Draco Malfoy- the Draco Malfoy who used to hate her, whose father is a Death Eater, and is basically the prince of Slytherin-told her he loved her.

Draco Malfoy loved Ginny Weasley.

The whole idea of that being true was so far out there that Ginny didn't know whether to laugh in his face or run far away from his lies and trickery. After running, that was the conclusion she came to when she allowed herself to think over the matter. It all made more sense that Draco was just playing a trick on her. He is in Slytherin after all, a house that is not known for their honesty and heart filled motives, and she was sure that he would have loved more than anything for her to fall for him just so he could hurt her like Harry did.

And Harry was another story.

Ever since he found her outside after the dance and they ate breakfast together the next morning, he would barely leave her alone. Whenever it was time to go to class, he was right besides her offering to carry her books, or at meal times he somehow always ended up sitting next to her. At first she didn't mind as much, he created a distraction from what was happening with Draco, but the more energy he spent on her the more she started to think twice about where he was truly placed in her life right now.

Every morning when it was time to go down to the common room on her way to breakfast, she was never disappointed to see Harry waiting there for her like he did when they were together. This is what she wanted she would tell herself when they walked down to the Great Hall together. She would always think the same thought and tell herself the same thing until she would feel Draco's eyes on her.

At first she ignored his gaze. Their last interaction was the morning after the ball, and ever since then she made a point to not even look at him. Her plan was to go about life before he entered when they went around not speaking to each other except for the occasional insult. Draco seemed to have the same idea as he never once tried to talk to her again, but every morning when she entered the room full of students with Harry, she felt him watching her. And every morning she would ignore his gaze and sit with her back to him.

Ginny huffed at herself. "Too much thinking won't do any good," she muttered angrily to herself as she set down her brush a bit too roughly on her dresser top. Her eyes skimmed over the makeup still sitting out from the ball preparations and with only a second thought, she picked up the basics and started applying them to her face.

As she put on some black mascara, she smiled softly at the memory of Draco's face when he saw her hair and face all made up for the ball. Butterflies filled her stomach at the remembrance of how he held her when they danced, of the way he smelled, and even of the kiss he gave her later the night, making her face glow at the thought.

Her hand paused as her eyes grew widely at what she was thinking of. She stared at her pretty face in shock at herself and briefly wondered who she was trying to look good for. She has Harry now in her life to impress, but yet Draco was the person on her mind.

"It's for Harry, all for Harry," she tried to convince herself as she hastily put everything away. She pulled a small drawer out of the dresser and was about to shove all of the makeup into it when she froze at what was in it.

She very slowly picked up a flower that lay hidden and forgotten about in the drawer, and gently cupped it in her hand as if she was afraid to break it. It was the flower that Draco gave her in front of everyone in the Great Hall, the morning after their newfound 'relationship.' Riley picked it up for her after she dropped it and ran away, and gave it to her later on in the day.

She stared at its delicateness, and even though she knew Draco gave her that just as a show, it meant something special to her, something different. Something she had never really felt before.

A small tear started to gather at her eye. How could Draco have acted so sweet to her, like he really did care about her, and end up hurting her so? She felt safe with him; she thought she could trust him. But no, he just wanted to hurt her in the end. What was she thinking when a Malfoy offered to help her? His ultimate plan was probably to take away her virginity just so he could rub it in Harry's face and then drop her once he was done. That had to be it. Why else would he devour her like he did that one night? But he was stupid; he let those three words slide out, thinking that she would melt at hearing them. At least she was a step ahead of him on that one. A tear escaped her eye, but before it could travel down her cheek, she quickly wiped it away.

"Are you crying, Gin?"

Ginny jumped a few inches and turned to Harry's voice while hiding the flower behind her back.

"Harry! What are you doing in here?"

Harry looked at her with curiosity. "I was waiting for you for breakfast, but you never came downstairs so I figured I'd check to see if you were okay."

"Oh, well I'm about ready, so I'll just meet you downstairs, okay?"

Harry gave her a long look, and Ginny almost squirmed when he opened his mouth to ask a question. He knew she was hiding something from him.

"Okay, Harry?" Ginny interrupted him. She didn't want Harry to see the flower, knowing he would recognize it.

Harry closed his mouth for a moment, and continued to stare her down before nodding his head slowly. "Okay, I'll see you in a minute," he said before he walked out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Ginny let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding the whole time. She went to put the flower back in the drawer before she took another look at it. Why was it an immediate reaction to hide Draco's flower from Harry?

She quickly shook her head at herself as she slammed the drawer shut. 'Get yourself together, Gin,' she thought to herself as she grabbed her books and walked out of her room and down the stairs. 'I have Harry back, just like I wanted.'

She bounded down the stairs and into the common room, where Harry stood waiting for her by the entrance like he did every morning before he took her books and they walked out together. Ginny gave a small smile as she watched him open the entrance door for her.

'But is this what I really want?'

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She couldn't do it any more.

She felt his eyes on her like she did every morning, but she could not do it anymore. She couldn't sit through another meal with him watching her like a hawk, and her acting like she was oblivious.

She threw her napkin on her full plate in frustration at Draco and at herself. She knew that the only reason it was getting to her was because of that silly flower she found just half an hour ago. All the memories with him that she purposely forgot about in the past week came back, and that did not help her out at all.

"Are you okay, Ginny?" Riley asked slowly as she eyed the napkin that was so viciously thrown.

Ginny gave a little huff before looking at her best friend sitting across the table from her. "Can you do me a favor, Riley?" she asked quietly so Harry wouldn't hear her, even though she doubted he was paying any attention to her at the moment. He was too enthralled in talking to Ron and Hermione about Merlin knows what to take any notice of the distressed girl right next to him.

"Sure, anything," Riley replied immediately.

"Is Draco looking at me?"

Riley stared at Ginny for a second, eyeing her curiously before looking over the redhead's shoulder and towards the Slytherin table. She seemed to lock eye contact before stating, "Yes, just like he does at every other meal."

Ginny sighed to herself in defeat. "So you've noticed it too, then?"

"Yes, along with that he is back to his mean, cold hearted Slytherin attitude. Not that I like Malfoy or anything, but he was a lot pleasanter when you two were together."

Ginny groaned loudly as she rested her head on the table, but not before hitting it a few times, which certainly caught the attention of others around her.

"Uh, Gin? Why are you banging your head on the table?" Harry asked slowly as Ron and Hermione gave her a curious look.

Ginny immediately ceased her activity and felt a faint blush start to grow at being caught and a headache of course.

"Um," she said as she lifted her head to everyone's eyes, "Just have a bit on my mind."

The trio all glanced at each other before shrugging their shoulders and going back to their conversation and blocking her out. Ginny rolled her eyes at all of them, but was at least lucky that they didn't press her for more information.

"So, what exactly is on your mind?" Riley interrogated. "My guess it's something along the lines of blonde, evil, and gorgeous."

Ginny gasped at her friend. "Since when did you think that Draco was gorgeous?"

Riley smirked at Ginny. "That's funny, I don't remember saying I was talking about Malfoy. Funny how you immediately think of him-"

"Because there's so many other gorgeous guys in our school who are evil and blonde, right?" Ginny said quickly, catching her friend in her act.

Riley let out a little laugh. "Okay, you caught me. And like I said before, I don't like Malfoy or anything, but any girl would be blind to not find him attractive."

A sudden pang hit her stomach at the thought of all the girls in the school drooling at Draco's feet, and him enjoying every minute of it. "Oh," she said quietly. "I guess I never really noticed how other girls act towards him."

"Well, of course his usual groupie backed off when you were with him," Riley explained as she ate her cold cereal, "But I reckon they're right back at hopes of seducing him now that you're out of the picture."

Ginny gulped quietly at Riley's words, and suddenly did not feel very hungry at all. "Oh, well, is he with any girl now?" she asked as innocently as she could.

Riley looked up from her breakfast and at the Slytherin table once more. "Parkinson seems to be all over him."

"What?" Ginny nearly screamed as she turned her body around to face the Slytherin table.

There was Draco eating his breakfast as he talked seriously to Blaise Zabini right next to him. Pansy wasn't even anywhere in sight. She was about to turn back to Riley in confusion when Draco looked up from his meal and at her.

Ginny nearly froze at the look he gave her; his dark eyes boring into her soul, staring at her as if she was the only person in the room. He gave no half smile that she almost expected him to give, only stared at her without blinking. Though it was not heart warming or pleasant by any means, she could not look away, and didn't until Riley gave her a sharp kick under the table.

"What was that for?" Ginny asked as she brought her attention back to the table, where not only was Riley staring at her but so was Harry.

"Who were you staring at?" Harry asked with a forcibly calm voice.

Ginny was too busy to question Riley right away to answer him. "You lied," she said, referring to Pansy and Draco.

"Not lied, more of an exaggeration," Riley stated.

"Well, what was the point of that?" Ginny asked, still ignoring Harry who was now listening intently to their conversation.

"To see how the idea of another girl would affect you. I'm sorry, Gin, but jealousy does not suit you."

Ginny gaped at her friend. Jealous? Her? "I don't know what you're talking about, Riley."

"That makes two of us," Harry said interrupting them.

"Harry, this really has nothing to do with you," Ginny snapped, leaving both her and him in surprise at her tone.

"Sorry, Harry, but she's right," Riley said with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Bollocks," Harry spat. "If this has anything to do with Malfoy it is every right my business. Whatever he wants with Ginny, I have a right to know."

Ginny stared at him with an open, angry mouth. "And why is that?"

"Because," he stated, "If he's going to try to interrupt us, I'm apart of it."

"Us?" Ginny said slowly. "Harry, last time I checked there is no 'us' going on right now. That ended when you broke up with me."

"I-well of course I know that," Harry said, his anger level going down several levels at Ginny's open comment about them, "I was just saying-"

"What?" Ginny interrupted angrily, causing several students to stop what they were doing and watch them. "You expected that you could just walk back into my life and pick up where you left off?"

"Well, no, but I-"

"I don't want to hear it, Harry," Ginny said with such sudden anger. She quickly got out of her seat and grabbed her books. She gave him one last, hard look before saying, "Maybe next time you should check out where you stand exactly in my life before you try to make my business your own."

She turned quickly away from Harry, who she left in shock with the other Gryffindors at the table, and walked out of the Great Hall. Right before she left the room though, she glanced at the Slytherin table for Draco, but found he wasn't there.

With a bit of a disappointed frown that he didn't see that, she left the room and headed straight for the library, intending on some silence and solitude.

Once entering the near-empty library, she put her books down on the closest table and immediately went to the potions section, hoping to get a head start on an assignment due Monday.

She sighed quietly to herself between two columns of books, her sigh almost echoing in the dimmed area. Without real reason, she looked behind both of her shoulders as a shiver went down her back before she turned to look for the book. "Figures Snape would keep all of his books in the farthest, creepiest part of the library," she muttered to herself as she grabbed a random book. "No one would probably even hear me if I screamed for help."

"Do you want to take your chances?"

Ginny dropped her book in surprise and quickly turned around. "Oh, it's just you," she said with relief, even though it was just Pansy. "Gees, Parkinson, you almost gave me a heart attack."

"Hmm, we wouldn't want that happening, now would we?" Pansy snarled.

Ginny rolled her eyes at her. "Whatever you're up to, I'm not in the mood for it. So just bugger off."

"Aw, what's the problem, Weasley? Does no one love you?"

Ginny cringed at Pansy's chosen words, knowing that she was only trying to provoke her. "What do you want, Parkinson?" Ginny snapped angrily.

"I want you to pay for what you did," Pansy said between clenched teeth, her eyes glaring daggers.

Ginny stared at her, absolutely bewildered. "For what I did?" she repeated. "What the hell are you talking about? You know what, never mind I really don't want to know. Just go fuck yourself," she snapped bitterly. She was not going to just stand there and suffer from her bitchiness. She made a move to walk away, but the second she attempted to do so Pansy roughly shoved her against the books.

"I didn't say you could leave, Weasley," Pansy said coldly.

Ginny looked at Pansy in shock that she took it to the physical level. It was different when Slytherins would verbally abuse Gryffindors, but the second one would cross the line and get physical it was another story. And Pansy did not look like she was only joking.

"You're serious?" Ginny said in disbelief. This was not happening.

"Are Slytherins known to joke?"

Ginny gulped, suddenly aware of what situation she was exactly in. On an act of self defense, she quickly went to grab for her wand, but was stopped by Pansy's own.

Ginny stared down at the wand that was pointed at her. "Parkinson, if you want to duel you have to let me get my wand."

Pansy gave a small smirk, one that reminded her of Draco's. "Who said anything about dueling?"

Ginny's eyes opened wider in fear. She quickly looked to both sides of her, but there was no one in sight.

"Remember, Weasley, no one would even hear you if you screamed."

Ginny opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out.

Pansy smirked at her reaction. "You had it coming to you," she said. "You mess with Draco, you mess with me."

"Draco?" Ginny repeated. "This is all about Draco?"

Pansy nodded slowly as she kept her wand on Ginny. "Loyalty in Slytherin is different than Gryffindor, Weasley. We don't just stand up for each other; we make sure to eliminate the problem."

"What are you going to do, Avada Kedavra me?" Ginny asked. 'This is not happening' she kept on repeating to herself.

Pansy gave a small laugh. "Weasley, even you're not worth a life time in Azkaban. No, I was thinking of something a bit more...legal. Have you ever heard of the Skeletal Snap hex?"

Ginny felt all of the blood drain from her face. Fred accidentally used it once on Percy when they were younger. A simple curse broke all of his main bones in his arms and legs, and he had to spend a painful week healing them back.

Pansy smirked at her. "I'll take by the look on your face you do know. Well, Weasley, even if someone found you here after I'm done with you-which I doubt-you can rat me out all you want and the worst I would get is a few house points taken away."

"Why are you doing this?" Ginny asked with a shaky voice. She may be a Gryffindor, but a wand less one.

"I figured it would only be fair. You gave Draco a broken heart, so I'll give you a few broken bones."

"I did not break Draco's heart!" Ginny exclaimed loudly.

"The fuck you didn't!" Pansy yelled angrily, red sparks coming out of her wand. "He told you he loved you, and what do you do? Run back to Potter and pretend you two never happened."

"We never happened! It was all a scheme!" Ginny said desperately. "It was all a lie to get Harry jealous or mad, or whatever. We were both in it for different reasons but it was never real!"

Pansy stared at her silently, taking in her confession. "Well, whatever it was," she spoke in a still voice, "something happened that neither of you planned. He fell for you, Weasley. I have no idea what he sees in you, but it must have been big enough for him to admit it."

Ginny stared at her, not really knowing what to say or even think for that matter. She knew Pansy wouldn't be so enthralled over this whole matter if it was the lie she made it out to be.

"A Malfoy fell in love with a pathetic, poor dirt Weasley, and how does she return it? She fucking runs to his archenemy. How heartless can you be?"

"I'm not heartless," she muttered silently. Tears started to run down her cheeks from fear and sudden realization. "I never wanted to hurt Draco. I thought it was all a lie, that he was trying to hurt me."

"Of course, because everyone is just out to hurt your little heart!" Pansy yelled. "Stop being the selfish bitch you are and take a good look around you! You know that years ago I would have died for Draco to look at me the way he looks at you? Or that any other girl here in this school would do anything just for his attention? But no, that's not good enough for you. What, do you want him to get on his knees and beg for your love?"

"No!" Ginny yelled in-between an angry sob that escaped her throat. "I don't want that! I don't know what I want anymore!"

"Well that's not my problem," Pansy said, raising her wand, "and you better not make it a problem anymore after I'm done with you."

Ginny squeezed her hands, ready to feel the excruciating pain of her bones snapping, but she would not give Pansy the satisfaction of closing her wet eyes like a coward.

Pansy opened her mouth, ready to say the hex, when-

"EXPELLIARMUS!"

Ginny and Pansy both gasped loudly as Pansy's wand flew out of her hand and to-

"Draco!" Pansy exclaimed in shock as she watched him hold her wand. "What are you-how did you-"

Even through her blurry eyes, Ginny could see Draco's face clearly even though he was several feet away. His gray eyes were alight with such hate and anger, that it made her shiver. He clenched his wand so tightly at Pansy that she thought it would snap in half.

"Get out of my sight before I make you," he said dangerously, annunciating each word.

Pansy gulped loudly and started to slowly back away but paused to ask for her wand back.

Draco continued to hold his gaze with her. "You'll get it back when Dumbledore decides to give it back."

"Dumbledore?" Pansy screeched. "You're turning me in?"

"Would you rather work it out with me?" Draco asked with his low, angry voice.

Pansy's eyes grew widely as she viciously shook her head. Without a moment's hesitation, she scattered.

The second she was gone, Draco immediately rushed over to Ginny. "Are you okay, Ginny? Did she hurt you?"

Ginny slowly shook her head as the shock started to wear off. "I'm fine," she said as she tried to stop crying. "She just took me by surprise and I couldn't defend myself and-" she paused for a second to look at Draco, suddenly wanting nothing more than to be comforted in his arms, to feel safe.

So that's just what she did.

Draco almost blinked in surprise when Ginny threw her arms around his neck and started to quietly cry into his chest. He quickly gathered himself and wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

"It's okay, Gin," he whispered into her ear, "It's all over now."

He felt Ginny relax at his words, and very slowly he loosened his grip on her and pulled her back far enough so he could look at her face. He gently wiped the tears off her face and let his hands settle on her shoulders once she stopped crying.

"I'm sorry," she said in a quiet voice as she stared into his eyes.

"Don't apologize over crying," Draco said as his hand moved a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm shocked to see you still in one piece. I've seen what Pansy has done to some girls and-"

"I'm not sorry over that," Ginny interrupted. "I'm sorry about how I treated you after...after..."

"After I said I love you," Draco finished for her. It still surprised him how easily he could say that to her.

Ginny dropped her eyes to his chest. "Yes. It's just that, I didn't know what to think and I was scared." She paused for a second to say, "And I still don't know what to think and I'm still scared."

Draco gently lifted her chin with his fingers so she would look him in the eye. "Why are you so afraid?" he asked softly.

"Too many feelings at once," she started to ramble off without taking a breath. "I-I don't know. IhavenewfeelingsforyoubutoldoneswithHarryand-"

Draco quickly interrupted her talking with a small, soft kiss on her lips.

Ginny did not pull back at his sudden touch, but melted at it, soaking in the comfort and relaxation it brought, before it awoke the butterflies once more in her stomach. As quick as it started it ended, and Draco pulled back to look into her hazy eyes.

"There's no reason to be scared, Gin. No one is saying you have to choose right now, but I definitely won't just stand around and wait for you to be done this time around with Potter."

Ginny stared at Draco, only finding herself to be able to nod.

Draco gave a small smile before he let go of her and picked up her long forgotten book. "Now let's get you to your class safely before I make a stop at Dumbledore's office."

Finally finding her own voice, Ginny asked, "How did you know that Pansy and I were back here?"

"Blaise actually tipped me off," Draco said as they made their way back to the tables. "He told me that Pansy has been extra huffy about you this past week, making side remarks about her having some plan of revenge or something crazy like that. When she didn't show up for breakfast, I left early to start searching some of her usual spots, hoping she wouldn't try anything stupid. But looks like you got to her before I did."

Ginny nodded slowly as she collected all of her books. "But way back in the potions section?" she asked, still shocked that he found her when he did.

Draco shrugged his shoulders. "Luck, I guess. I saw her book bag over at that table," he pointed to a secluded area Ginny didn't even notice, "and just started searching through some random sections. My guess is she just followed you until you were in a secluded area, and I just happened to check Potions."

They walked quietly to Ginny's DADA class, Draco insisting that he wanted to make sure she got there safely. "Why were you in the library anyways?" he asked suddenly. "Shouldn't you have been eating breakfast with Potter?"

"I actually ended up telling him off and decided I needed to be alone," she said as she readjusted her books.

"Oh really?" Draco asked, trying not to sound interested.

"Yes," Ginny responded with a small smile, "and you would have heard every word if you didn't leave when you did."

"Eh, I'm sure I can bully one of the first years into telling me what happened," he said with a smirk.

Ginny gave a small laugh when they turned around the corner right near her class when she suddenly grew silent. Harry was standing right outside her classroom door.

"Harry? What are you doing here?" Ginny asked in alarm.

Harry eyed Draco evilly as he said, "I wanted to apologize to you about acting like I did, and was hoping to catch you before class but you never showed. I was just going to go look for you." He stopped and took in the fact of Draco and Ginny standing next to each other comfortably. "Is he bothering you, Ginny?"

Ginny rolled her eyes lightly. "No, Draco isn't. He actually saved me from suffering the Skeletal Snap, if you must know."

Harry looked at Ginny like she was crazy. "What?" he screeched.

"Pansy attacked her in the library, Potter," Draco snarled. "Guess you can't always be the hero, can you?"

Ginny shot Draco a look before saying, "I have to go to class now before I'm anymore late." She paused at both of them standing there, staring at her, and opened her mouth to say something, but closed it a second later. She turned around to walk into the door, but not before giving Draco a quick look.

Ginny left, but Draco and Harry still stood in their same spots, staring each other down in silence.

"I want you to leave her alone, Malfoy," Harry said matter-of-factly.

"I should be asking you the same, Potter."

Both boys continued to glare at each other stubbornly.

"Well, we both can't have her," Harry stated.

"Of course not," Draco said, "but you already proved that you don't deserve her."

Harry stared at him, trying to prove his statement wrong, but was coming up empty handed.

Draco smirked at him before pushing past him and towards Dumbledore's office. After he left, it was another minute before Harry also left the area and went off to his own business. Inside the room at the nearest desk to the door, Ginny sighed quietly to herself, hearing their whole conversation.

Just when she thought she couldn't be anymore confused, she was proven wrong.