Recollection

She leaned over me to read the time on the wind up alarm clock. I didn't bother to glance in the same direction, but judging by the moon's path across the window, it was early morning. She fell back into place, nestled between my chest and arm, lying there contently. Neither one of us stirred again for hours, but neither did we sleep. Sleep was wasted time; we would both rather savour the few precious moments we had left together.

Everyone would return soon. In a few short hours, students would be jamming in the common room; shouting, laughing, fighting, crying. Each one of them disturbing the young couple's peaceful silence.

They had finally been able to be alone. Every other Gryffindor in the house had gone off to their homes for Christmas, leaving Remus and Lily alone to their business. They owned the Gryffindor Tower in those two short weeks; there was no need to hide their love, or sneak rushed kisses behind the tapestries. They didn't have to creep out in the depths of the night to meet, or tell lie after lie to make up for the absences. They could hold each other for hours, right in the center of the common room without having to worry about wondering eyes.

She had been there for him whenever he needed it. She was the first to discover his secret, halfway through their first year, long before anyone else even noticed his monthly school leave. She would be his friend, all while knowing the truth about him which is something that no one else had ever given him. Sure, the other marauders were his friends, but none of them knew his secret, and he did not know how they would react if they ever found out. But she knew.

And she was still there.

But tomorrow they would go back to hurrying to the astronomy tower, wrapping themselves in blankets and meeting in secret. There he would love her, the distance from any other human life shielding them from discovery. But even there they had to quiet themselves, fearing that their voices would attract unwanted attention.

At this exact moment, however, all that existed was the two of them, lying beneath the deep red curtains with just a sliver of moonlight shining through. He ran his hand across her hair, until his hand rested on her back while she leaned in slightly to kiss his chest.

He remembered the first time he had ever stroked her hair, and smiled at the memory. It was the evening before their potions exam, and they were the last two awake. They both leaned over the same text book, memorizing odd potion ingredients. She was exhausted, getting few hours sleep the past few nights in anticipation of many difficult exams. She leaned her head on her good friend's shoulder, as nothing but a completely platonic gesture. He was slightly taken aback, but did nothing to show it. She was quickly snoring quietly on his shoulder, moving slightly with each breath. He noticed her eyelashes, how they quivered for each snore; her lips, slightly parted, inhaling deeply, and her bright hair, glimmering in the candlelight. He reached out to touch those incredible strands, reveling in the feel of it. She gave a slight sigh in her sleep, making Remus question how deep of a sleep she was truly in.

Returning from his recollection, Remus tightened his grip on Lily, holding her close to him. He often thought of what would happen when the two of them grew old, maybe lost each other. How could he possibly deal without the constant reassurance of Lily's love? How could he live without the kisses, caresses, and knowing glances that he had become so accustomed to? The first time this thought came to his mind, the possibility that he may not always have Lily in his arms, was the first time he used his Pensieve. He dropped every memory he could think of with Lily and placed it delicately into the bowl, saving precious moments for possibly lonely times.

The first memory he extracted was of them abusing their fifth year Prefect power to go on "hall watch" during all hours of the night. James, Sirius, and Peter of course thought nothing of their two studious class mates, and hardly batted an eyelash. By the time the two had gotten out of ear shot, they could not get enough of each other and were thankful for the concealing stone walls. They would return long after every Gryffindor had retired to their rooms, thankfully, and no one was there to noticed their rumpled clothing and disheveled hair.

No one would ever notice. No one could ever think that two perfect students could be engaging in such activities when no one was watching. No one could believe that two quiet, academic people could have such a passion for anything but literature. And they were thankful because of it.

If Remus could freeze time just as it was at the second, he would do it without a moment's hesitation. He held the woman he loved in his arm, in his bed, in his life and he prayed he would never give her a reason to not love him anymore for he knew he could never stop loving her.

And with that thought, Remus left his Pensieve. He looked around his shabby flat, wondering what had become of his life. He knew he would be like this if he ever lost her, and twenty years later the hurt still hadn't healed. The glimmering bowl shined on the dented wooden table, looking so bright and cheerful while presenting to him memories that hurt him so deeply. He wished to live in his Pensieve, to never leave it and just bask in most glorious days of his life.

But he couldn't. He couldn't live in the past. But he knew her love for him, and he knew that wherever she was, she was there waiting for him.

~fin~

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