The Gift of Dreams or the Sacrifice

Nymphadora Tonks glanced up through her lashes across the closed casket where Remus stood. His jaw was tight and his hands clenched. He didn't cry though and Tonks knew that he would never cry. Wolves never did. Harry stood next to Remus he bright green eyes glistening and his lips set in a firm, angry line. She worried about him, about them both.

The sun glared on the harsh sheen of the casket. The body had never been recovered. The Ministry denied having the veil and Dumbledore never pressed the issue. They were mourning an empty box. Tonks choked back a laugh. She couldn't help it; the situation was just so damn ironic. Harry had gone to the Ministry to save Sirius and ended up losing him because of it. Tonks tried to eek forth a few tears, but couldn't. It wasn't that she wasn't sad or angry or upset, she was, but Tonks had always laughed when she should have cried. Always.

The eulogy ended softly with a sniffle. Harry, Remus, Moody, Fletcher, herself, and Arthur each cast a levitation charm on the casket and lowered it into the ground. Dumbledore banished the dirt back into the hole and they were done. Only a solitary stone reading:

Sirius "Padfoot" Black

Joker, Godfather, Friend

Give them Hell in Heaven

Tonks smiled, holding back another snatch of laughter and looked up. People were slowly beginning to drift away. Remus was striding quickly back to the funeral parlour where he would floo away. Tonks watched him move, strong and in pain. She knew he loved Sirius and she knew that Sirius had loved him and she knew that few other people knew what she knew. Everyone flocked to Harry, asking him if he was alright, and Remus walked away alone. She cursed quietly and started walk quickly after him, her gait soon breaking into a jog.

"Remus!"

The man stopped and turned. His hair looked more gray than it ever had since she'd known him and his eyes were set deep into his face from exhaustion. He looked half-dead.

"Tonks," he said quietly.

Tonks stopped and then asked, "Would you like to go get some coffee or something?"

Remus shook his head. "No. I'm going home."

"Oh. Would you like some company?"

"No. I think I need to be alone for now." And he turned and walked away.

Tonks watched him leave, a laugh bubbling up her throat. Everyone this man loved died, except her of course. But that was only because Remus had never loved her. She was too young, too off-beat. He had never seen how well they would work together, how they were both oddities that needed to stick together. She had merely been Tonks the chaser who occasionally hung around James, Tonks the girl who had a crush on him. He had never seen. So she lived.

Once Remus was inside, Tonks changed her appearance to match that of a bland Muggle woman and walked slowly out the cemetery gate and into the Muggle world. She needed some a drink. Something to make the day hurt less, to give her hiccups instead of giggles. She forgot about Harry.

No one knows how people come up with ideas, what made Germaine the Clever think of wands or Helga of building a school. People only know that some ideas are passed down from the lips of gods; some pounce on you and capture you in their claws; others creep up and fester in your mind; and still others only fall out a shot-glass and burn down your throat. Tonks' idea came from her fifth glass of vodka. And it was a good idea and it was a strange idea; a good strange ingenious idea that made Tonks feel suddenly sober and determined.

She only wanted to make Remus happy.

Later that night, Remus tossed in his bed, unable to find any resting position. His mind flashed with snatches of conversations and pictures, all of them centered on Sirius; dark, elegant Sirius with the clever mind and unending loyalty. The Grim had been the perfect Animagus form for him. Sirius had always looked exquisite and dangerous, but he was still just a normal guy underneath who enjoyed playing around and who would avenge even the slightest threat to his friends.

Remus remembered watching helplessly as his best friend and lover fell behind the veil, he remembered not being able to think afterward, remembered moving and speaking and fighting, but only as one would remember watching a play. The moment played over and over, the flash and of a curse, shock, shouting (everyone was so loud), and the Veil pulling Sirius into the shadows. He remembered not being able to do a single thing.

Remus flipped to his left side, the half moon's light filled his face and he was suddenly aware of someone breathing near him. He opened his eyes. A dark form crouched down next him, dark brown eyes staring intently at him. Remus shrank back with an inaudible gasp.

"Sirius!" his voice came out as a hiss mangled with memories, "You're dead." This was an accusation.

Sirius nodded and climbed onto the bed. "This is just a dream, Remus."

"A dream?" Remus choked.

Sirius smiled. "Yes, a recurring, every-night dream." He reached across the bed and cupped Remus' cheek in his hand. "I missed you."

Remus jerked away and Sirius caught him. Sirius pulled the other man toward him and kissed him roughly.

Remus pulled back, tears fell down his cheeks. "Sirius?" he asked, his voice hopeful and Sirius smiled.

"Remus."

"But you fell beyond the Veil, we couldn't even find a body, and...."

Sirius kissed him softly. "I'm just a dream, love."

"I missed you so much."

Sirius kissed him again, his lips were warm and calming. "I know." Sirius slipped underneath the covers and held Remus close to him, his arms were strong and sure.

"Don't leave alone again," Remus begged.

Sirius held him tighter. "I'll be back every night, love, every night."

And Remus fell slowly to sleep, finally succumbing to Morpheus.

As soon as he began to snore, Sirius' body shifted and changed. Tonks kissed Remus lightly on the crown of his head and laughed softly. Her dreams were finally coming true; Remus laid within her arms, and all she could was laugh. Tonks had always laughed when she should have cried. Always.

"I'll be back every night, love. Anything to make you happy," she whispered, her voice strained, "And you'll never know. You'll never know what you mean to me." She kissed him again softly. "Sleep well."

Tonks slipped nimbly out of the bed, leaving Remus alone beneath the warm quilt, smiling for the first time in weeks, and snuck out of the flat into crisp night air. The brisk wind whipped wildly through her currently curly dark green hair and as she trunched down the street in large black boots, black mascara ran down her cheeks and the air crinkled with her mirthless, helpless giggling.