Color Blind
I am color blind
James Potter was a very confident boy. He knew he was good. He just knew that he had what all the ladies wanted. He was suave ... good looking ... intelligent ... debonair ... a great Quidditch player ... popular .... and a very good kisser, or so he's heard. His best friend was a girl named Lily Evans, also a very popular girl. Also very gorgeous. They had always had a very good friendship ; they were both stubborn, both impossible ... both loved to have fun. It all worked out into the perfect relationship ! Right ? Well ... things lately had become a bit more complicated.
He, James Potter, the guy who only dated girls for their looks and their rack, found himself actually falling ... and we are talking serious falling ... for his best friend.
The one girl he had sworn himself against.
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
And naturally, being a guy and all, he turned seriously witchy with a b in front. Towards her. And he started taking every girl out in sight. Trying to get his mind off her. But no. Every step she took, every smile she smiled, every time she looked at him, it was perfection.
She was perfection.
But every time she dated another guy, every time she treated him like he was just a friend ... he was drove beyond sanity.
I am ready
I am ready
He just ... just didn't know what to make of it. He couldn't trust himself, couldn't trust Lily. Hell, he was furious at Lily ! And it didn't make sense why he would be, he knew that, but he was. He also felt a sort of quiet desperation any time he was around her ... any time she was near. And then ... she started avoiding him. Not the 'casually and gradually slip away and back into the shadows and away from scary - boy' but 'get the hell out of here faster than you can say 'Fast' kind of avoidance. And he didn't know what he had done. Sure, he had fallen in love with her, he thought sarcastically. That shouldn't give her any reason to be hacked off, should it ? And then ... came that fateful night where she had said that she, the perfection, loved him.
She loved him !
And he loved her ! But no ... he was too scared of his feelings, toounbelievingly blind ... he ... he took another person out again. He said he had loved her too, but that was it. He had backed away slowly ...He ... just didn't say anything. When she had said that 'now they could go one way or the other ...' He knew that she had implied that either they could date, or they could go on like they were now, almost to the point of enemies. Well, the next night, he took another girl out for the traditional boon lit broom ride. He looked up halfway through, and Lily was standing in Gryffindor Tower, the moonlight lighting her face, which beheld an expression which James couldn't decipher. Unexplainable ... it was pain ... anger ... and a sadness that James had never seen in her eyes. He felt horrible. He wanted to rush up there, and give her a hug, tell her everything was going to be alright ... but no. He couldn't.
I am ready
I am ...
Taffy stuck and tongue tied
"Hey Lily." James said, as he walked down the stairs leading from their dormitories. It was tradition. Every morning, since sometime in first year, they walked down the stairs together, chatting. The day always began with James saying hi. But not today. Lily smiled sarcastically at him, and continued down the stairs with Sirius. Sirius glared at him when they reached the bottom
of the stairs. Obviously, Sirius knew what had happened. He grabbed Lily's arm, and steered her away from the stairs, and out the door of the common room. James knew that, had it been himselfwho was hurt, Sirius would be doing the same thing to Lily. Sirius was like that. He always protected his best friends.
Stutter shook and uptight
Pull me out from inside
James shivered, though he wasn't cold. He could hear foot steps behind him.
"Don't worry about it." He turned around, and there was Remus.
"What just happened there ?"
"What do you think?' Remus was nice, but he was straight, and to the point. He never skirted around things, or sugar coated them.
"Look, it's not my fault that Lily likes me. And it's not my fault that I don't like her ! You don't choose who you fall in love with ! So stop treating me like I purposely stomped all over her heart in a mad, wild, cheetah dance like some Neanderthal, screaming like a Banshee who has had too much mead!"
"But you see, James, that's the problem right there. You love her ! You told her ! Why the sudden change of mind ! Do you want me to spell it out back wards ? Reh evol ouy ! Her love you ! Yes ! She loves you !Can't you see that ? Or are you turning into a Sirius - like thug who wouldn't know true love if it came up and hit him in the nose wearing a see-through orange lingerie !"
"How did you know about that ?"
"About what ?"
"The see through orange lingerie thing ... that's between me and Sirius."
"Who cares ! I hear you talk during your sleep. And I know what goes on in your head-"
"You don't want to see what's in my head." James grinned evilly.
"No, I most certainly don't. I'm sure it's disgusting. But that's beside the point! YOU LOVE HER!"
I am ready
I am ready
James' shoulders sagged visibly. But he had a vision in his mind, thatbrightened his situation considerably, involving Lily, James, a Porsche, and the piece of see-through orange lingerie, just like he found in his mother's drawers. Ugh ... scary thought.
"Fine. What if I did love her? What then ? How on earth am I supposed to tell her? She's my best friend !"
"No offence, James, but I wouldn't be so sure that she was your best friend any longer. Remember the Neanderthal dance?"
James grimaced.
"Could we not talk about that?"
"Where were you when they were handing out moral decency ?"
"Sorry, I was in line for good looks."
"Look like they were sold out before you got to the counter."
James slugged Remus. Remus grinned and jumped away. James proceeded to chase Remus around the common room, until they fell panting against a chair.
"I think we should go down to breakfast" Panted Remus, looking around at the now empty common room.
James grinned.
"Yeah, maybe."
I am ready
I am ...
Fine
James and Remus walked into the hall, alone. Everyone else was in there already, and everyone just stared at them as he walked past. Had the news really traveled that quickly ? He sighed, and headed for his usual seat, next to Sirius. He sat down, with Remus on the other side, but Sirius wouldn't look at him. His back was to James, and he talking quietly with Lily. James looked at her, she had bags under her eyes, and she looked tired, But she looked as beautiful as ever. He prodded Sirius in the back. Sirius turned around.
"Can I talk to you?'
Sirius shrugged. But he got up. James could feel everyone's eyes on their backs as they left the hall. James led Sirius into the Entrance Hall, and leaned back against one of the pillars.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?' Asked Sirius, though it was obvious he knew what.
"Isn't it obvious?'
"Well, all I know is that 2 nights ago, Lily admitted that she loved you. And ... lo and behold, you said that you loved her too! Wow, that must have made her so happy. And it should have made you happy, because you finally got the one thing you wanted. But no. And then, the next night, you went and took Natalie out! Hmm ... how was your snog session? I hope it was better than Lily's, because you will Never EVER be with Lily, not after that."
"Is it my fault? Honestly? She loved me, I didn't love her. Period. End of story."
"Then why did you tell her you did. Why did you get her hopes up, hmm James ? You know what? I think you're lying to me. I think you do love her. But you're a coward. An emotional iceberg. You're too afraid of your own feelings, so you run away. Well you know what? Love isn't easy. So grow up, and accept it, because she is the ONLY person you belong with."
"So what if I am a coward? Fine. I am. But, I am sorry, Sirius, but she is my BEST FRIEND. And you just don't fall in love with your best friend."
"Well, she did. And so did you. Why can't you just accept it? Because you love her! And now, do you have any idea what you did to her? Last night , she was sobbing. SOBBING ! Have you ever seen Lily cry? I haven't ! And she was pouring every tear out of her body. Over you. And I don't think you deserve to be cried over right now, personally."
I am covered in skin
No one gets to come in
"You don't get is Sirius, do you! You just ... don't get it."
"Well, sorry to burst your bubble, James, but let me be the first to tell you, you are the one who doesn't get it."
"Excuse me? ME? You are the one who wouldn't know true love if it came up and danced naked in front of you wearing Dumbledore's hat!"
"That's because I don't love anyone, idiot. Don't get all hacked off at me! I haven't met her yet ! But you have !"
James wilted.
"How am I supposed to tell her ..."
"Tell her what, James? That you love her? Oh ... wait. You already said that. That you lied to her? Well, I think she knew that already. That you want forgiveness? That'll be hard. Good luck. That you are a coward? Well, ain't that the truth. Personally, I think you should sit her down, and tell her EVERYTHING. And we are talking from falling in love with her in 3rd year, and hmm ... Now it's 6th year! And that you talked about her every night for 3 years! That you love her so much it's bordering on obsession, that you are scared of your own feelings, and that, yes, you have finally found your soul mate! And that, through everyone else you have dated, you have never felt that heart stopping - weak at the knees - blurry eyed - kind of love that I know you feel around her ! And don't say that any of that isn't true, because James, I KNOW IT IS !"
"It's not that easy." James mumbled.
"No, of course it isn't. Nothing ever is. But, you should tell her any way."
Pull me out from inside
I am folded
And unfolded
James groaned. He put his face in his hands. Sirius turned and walked towards the Great Hall.
James saw him disappear through the door, and he realized that he had completely lost his appetite. He turned, and walked up the marble staircase that led to the tower.
He found himself in the common room, sitting on one of the plush chairs, where he had found Lily 2 days ago. He sighed, and sunk against the comfort. He began thinking of Lily, and slowly began to drift off ...
* * * * *
"James? Jaaaaameeeeeees !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Nothing was working.
"Lily, come over here!" Sirius called. Lily came over. "Now, poke him ( lightly, Lily, lightly ) in the face." Lily, looking confused, did what she was told. James' eyes opened, and he jumped slightly, succeeding in making his chair tip backwards. Soon, he was left curled up under the gigantic chair. Lily and Sirius laughed.
"Ow! A little help here ..." They could hear James’ muffled voice.Lily laughed, a strange, strained laugh that reverberated in James' ears, and walked off. Sirius rolled over the chair, and stuck out a hand. James grabbed it, and hoisted himself up. He dusted himself off, and looked at Lily, who was sitting next to the fireplace.
"What am I going to do?" He moaned.
Sirius just looked at him grinned, and walked away, singing in his head a Muggle song, ' And it's ... so hard to do, and so easy to say, but sometimes (sometimes) you just have to walk away (walk away) ...' Hmm ... howappropriate...
* * * * *
"Lily ?"
Lily looked up, and found herself looking into the bespectacled eyes of James Potter. Against her will, her heart fluttered. She shook herself.
"What do you want ?" She asked harshly.
He winced visibly.
"Well," he said, settling himself gingerly beside her. 'I know I'm probably not the person you want to talk to most right now ..."
'Well, ain't that the understatement of the century' thought Lily. ( A/N Everything done like this will be Lily's thoughts.)
"... But I want you to hear me out. 3 years ago ..."
'Oh my ... how long is this story going to be?" thought Lily.
"... I think I began to fall in love with you..."
'Well, that's something I didn't expect to hear.'
"... And ... everything just got messed up from then on. Do you have any idea how it feels, to fall in love with your best friend ?"
'I believe I do ...'
"Well, it hurts. And so, to compensate, I started dating every girl in sight. But with no one, no one, I'm telling you, I got that feeling I got when I was around you."
'Huh?'
"And ... then when you said you loved me too ... I mean, it was like a dream come true."
'Wait ... this doesn't tally.'
"But ... as Sirius so ... kindly ... told me earlier, I'm a coward ... and emotional iceberg, etc. And I tell you ... I never though I was. But maybe I am ... Jesus, I've been a complete wanker, haven't I?"
'Well, you could say that again.'
"And i guess ..... uh .... I was too scared of my feelings."
And unfolding
I am ...
Color Blind
"You know what James ? You need to grow up. If you are going to get anywhere, you have to. Don't give me that too scared - of - my - own - feelings bull. Because you know what, James ? If you had wanted to date me, you would have. And you know what ? You wouldn't know the chance of a lifetime if it danced named in front of you wearing a piece of see-through orange lingerie !"
"Does EVERYONE know about that ?" James cried furiously.
'What?"
"Never mind. Continue."
"And ... you know what ? I think you lost me."
James wilted. But he picked himself back up again.
"No I didn't."
"You didn't what ?"
"I haven't lost you. Not yet."
"And this is for you to decide, I suppose?"
"Of course not. Don't be daft. But I still haven't lost you."
"How do you know?"
"You wouldn't be sitting here talking to me if I had."
Lily scowled. She turned to get up, but James grabbed her wrist.
"Please Lily, don't leave."
Coffee black and egg white
Pull me out from inside
I am ready
"What?"
"Please Lily ... I asked. Don't leave. If you leave, then I cant help but feel that I have lost you forever ... If you leave ... I don't know what I will do. So if you care for me at all, don't leave. Stay."
"I'm sorry James ... but I have to ..."
And she turned and walked away, up the stairs, and out of sight.
I am ready
I am ready
I am ready ...
I am fine ...