Unlovable

Severus Snape sat in his office and yawned slightly as he finished up grading his sixth year Potions class's homework.

Only one more left... ah, Potter, Severus thought. He glanced at the two rolls of parchment and a sudden, overwhelming sense of tiredness came over him. He scribbled something on top of the paper.

He waited a moment to let the bright red ink with which he had etched the large T on Potter's paper dry. Then he rolled it up and set it aside. Fighting the urge to yawn, he was just about to call it a night when there was a knock on the door. He glanced at the door, sighed, and stood up.

He opened the door slowly and almost let out a groan of misery. It was his least favorite person in the world... the one person he despised even more than Potter... and he thought he had gotten rid of her for good... but oh no, there she was, fluffy pink cardigan and all...

"Hello, Dolores," Severus said, fighting the urge to yawn in her face. "How may I help you this fine evening?"

Umbridge glanced over her shoulder fearfully, as if afraid someone might be watching. Quite frankly, Severus had no idea why. What would a student be doing prowling the dark dungeons at three in the morning?

"Severus," Umbridge said in that high, girlish tone of hers. "I - I was wondering if you had a minute."

"Several, actually," Severus said, amused. "None of which I would choose to spend with you. I thought we had settled this matter over the summer."

"N-no, there was something - you never let me finish..."

"Oh, terribly sorry. How rude of me," Severus said. He wondered if she could hear the sarcasm in his voice, or if she was simply incapable of hearing anything she didn't want to.

"S-Severus, I'm - "

"A complete bastard?" Severus asked coolly. "Probably. Sorry? I truly doubt it."

"But I - I - oh, I don't know why I came here, anyway!" Umbridge said. "I guess I should have expected no more from a - a simple Potions Master!"

"A simple Potions Master," Severus said icily. It was not a question. "What's that - did you just learn what an oxymoron is, and couldn't wait to try it out?"

"Oh, you're impossible!" This was the Umbridge he was used to - the one he hated slightly less than the sensitive one buried underneath all that pink fluff.

"That's the tone I like to hear," Severus said. "Yes, do get on to the part where I'm a - oh, what was the phrase? A greasy-haired, hook-nosed prat. Yes, that was it."

Umbridge glared at him. "You - you - you - "

"If you're here to say something of importance," Severus said, leaning against the doorpost and crossing his arms over his chest, "say it. If not... leave. And if you leave, don't ever come back."

Umbridge was silent for a full minute. "Still love you," he heard her mumble. "Always will. Never stops."

There was another pause. "Go," Severus said coldly. "Go - and just - stay away."

She did not turn. Severus sighed and shut the door in her face. He paused and listened. After a few moments, he heard footsteps fading away. He shook his head and sat down at his desk.

For some reason, he wasn't tired anymore.

He thought over the conversation he had just had. He was satisfied with it. Not overly sensitive, nor harsh. Well... not overly harsh, anyway.

As Severus sat and pondered over the pink fluff ball of a woman, he found his thoughts straying to that breezy summer's night almost a month ago...

"Severus... I'm in love with you," Umbridge whispered, edging closer to him. "I - I know I've never shown it, and I've been disagreeable, I know, but I'm not really like that - not on the inside... just give me a chance... I'll show you what I am, on the inside, what I really am..."

Severus had been silent for a long time. "I think I know you better than you do," Severus said softly. "That is, if you think that you can change."

Suddenly her face flushed red with anger. "Oh, you little - "

"If you - er - loved me," Severus said in the same soft voice, as if they were discussing the weather, "you certainly wouldn't be here now. You would know how much it pains me to push you away like this."

"If you don't love me, too," Umbridge whispered, almost hopefully, "if you don't feel the same way, then why does it pain you so?"

Severus looked at her, almost amused. "Your cardigan. It's made from polyester. I'm allergic."

And with that, he had shoved her out the door. The polyester cardigan had given him a rash that took three days to heal. But it had definitely been worth it.

Had it really been worth it?

Would she be back? Would she ever stop coming back? What did she want from him? Well, other than love... because Severus Snape did not have any love to give.

The only thing he could give was hate. Was that what she wanted? To be hated? Well, she had already gotten an alarmingly high amount of hate every time she had stepped into a classroom. Did she believe she could change him? Did she really believe that she could turn the cold Potions Master from his ways?

Well, if she did, she was much mistaken. He would not let her. He was a hateful person, and that was the one thing he loved about himself. The fact that he never had to share his life with anyone.

Once he thought about it, it was a kind of selfish thought. Who was he to keep someone, even that dreadful Umbridge woman, from true love?

You're being an idiot! Severus thought, snapping back to reality. She doesn't really love you! She - she isn't capable of it! And neither are you!

Suddenly Severus felt old. Older than he had ever felt in his life. And tired. As he climbed into bed, only one thought ran through his head.

The only way he was safe from that awful Umbridge woman was to stay the way he was. To stay unlovable. For that was what he was. Unlovable.

And quite proud of it, too.