A Kind of Everything

Snape ducked frantically, feeling the power of the spell sizzle the hairs on the back of his neck. Twisting, he lashed out but his opponent danced nimbly away, silver eyes bright. Snape stared straight into those burning eyes and saw them shift to a sudden sadness as the wand arm was raised.

"Ava-" Lucius Malfoy began, real regret in his eyes, but Snape had read the intention and retaliated instantly, without thought:

"Avada Kedavra!"

Green lightning blasted from the end of his wand, seemingly in slow motion, arcing towards Lucius. Their eyes locked and Lucius smiled sadly as his body crumpled to the floor. Snape loomed over him, victorious - and heartbroken.

"Father!" From amidst the confusion of the battle, Draco came racing towards the pair. "FATHER!" The pale boy fell to his knees, clutching at his father's hands, begging him to wake up, to just be all right...Snape stared at the face of his supposed enemy, still wearing the soft smile and felt the battle slip away as a torrent of memories overwhelmed him...

***

After the 'incident' in his fifth year, Severus Snape had decided that he could no longer survive as a loner and had sought out the protection of the most powerful member of Slytherin: Lucius Malfoy. The same year as Severus, Lucius had taken some convincing, but had finally conceded that the younger boy's skill with potions would be of use to him, and a kind of alliance had been formed.

Throughout that year, the alliance had turned into acquaintance and finally into a kind of friendship. Slytherins didn't really have friends; their relationships were based on exchanges of favours, but Lucius and Severus had reached an understanding and found that they enjoyed each others company. By their sixth year, they had gone so far as to actually trust each other - a rare occurrence in the Slytherin house.

It had been this that had led Lucius to approach Severus one dreary autumn evening with a proposition. Lucius had sat before Severus with perfectly calm features - a Malfoy was never embarrassed - and explained that he had experienced everything he wanted to from the female population of Hogwarts and was ready to explore the other side of his sexuality. As this could be detrimental to his reputation, it would have to be kept secret, and as he only really trusted one male at Hogwarts, would Severus be interested in participating?

Severus had sat numbly, too shocked to respond at first. He had never been interested in the female population of Hogwarts, knowing from an early age that he was gay, and whilst nowhere near as experienced as he would like to be, he wasn't exactly an innocent. But Lucius...the whole school recognised that Lucius was the most attractive male present, and although Severus was realistic enough to know he would never stand a chance with him, had spent many a night imagining what it would be like to make love to such a beautiful man.

And now he would know.

So they had become lovers, and Severus had done things he had never imagined. Lucius was keen to try everything at least once and was an inventive and passionate lover. To Severus' surprise, Lucius was also gentle and caring - when he wanted to be - and brought out the best of Severus. In their seventh year they had taken the final step, and while Lucius had not been a virgin, Severus had. As they moved together, Severus had stared into Lucius' eyes and known that Lucius was more to him than just a body to rut with.

***

Snape could still picture every inch of Lucius' flawless body and if he closed his eyes, could still taste his lips, still hear that sharp intake of breath that became a moan just before Lucius climaxed. He could still remember how, when Snape gently bit his neck, the Malfoy mask would slip from Lucius' face and he would lose himself in desire. He could still feel those strong hands on his body and hear Lucius calling his name over and over...

***

Soon after Hogwarts, Lucius had married Narcissa. Severus had feared this would mean an end to their strange relationship, but neither Lucius nor Narcissa saw their marriage as any reason to give up their lovers. Their only rule was that they never took their various partners to the Malfoy mansion.

Severus wasn't in the least surprised when Lucius Apparated into his room at 3a.m. in the morning. He was not surprised when the extremely aroused man pressed up against him and began to stroke his body.

He was surprised by the tattoo burned into Lucius' forearm.

Lucius had whispered to him through the night, persuading, coercing, and by the morning Severus was ready to take the first steps along the path that would shape the rest of his life.

***

Lucius had risen quickly through the ranks of the Death Eaters, as Severus had known he would - Lucius was incapable of being just a lackey - and was soon one of Lord Voldemort's most trusted servants. Severus was pleased for him, knowing that Lucius loved power and advancement much more than he did, but was not prepared for the consequences of his lover's closeness to Voldemort. He and Lucius had been summoned to the presence of the Dark Lord and for the first time Severus had felt the pressure of that terrible mind searching out all his secrets. He was not prepared back then and though he tried to resist, this only provoked Voldemort, who slowly unearthed Severus' most precious memories - those of him and Lucius. Looking up at the Dark Lord, he had been horrified to see the excitement in the still-human features and felt his blood freeze as he was commanded to perform with Lucius, for the pleasure of Voldemort. Feeling his Lord's eyes upon him had excited Lucius, but Severus had felt nothing but fear and shame as he was taken in full view of the Dark Lord.

Soon after, Voldemort began calling Lucius to his bed. It was accepted among the Death Eaters that their Lord was, as yet, human and had human desires. It was an honour to be so summoned, and Lucius went willingly the first time, pleased with the favour he was shown.

Lucius had crawled into Severus' bed that night, bruised and bleeding, shaking from the horror he had experienced. Severus had held his lover tight as he wept, the first time for years, and felt the first flicker of doubt as to his choice in joining Voldemort.

Throughout those dark years, Lucius and Severus shared a kind of love utterly divorced from the sunny romance envisioned by the sentimental. Theirs was a love of darkness and blood, horror and power, a kind of love that was secret and painful, but love nonetheless. And though they had no pretty words to share with each other, they exchanged a kind of promise, and both knew without a doubt that they were loved.

Until Lucius stopped coming to Severus. Their time together had been lessening as Lucius became more deeply involved in Voldemort's plans, and after a few months, he simply vanished from Severus' life. Severus tried to contact him, but to no avail. Hurt and confused, he retreated into his own work and shut away the rest of the world, burying his pain in boiling cauldrons and flasks of potions.

And then Voldemort called him.

Severus had tried to please his Lord but part way through, something inside him had broken and he had begun to struggle and fight, resulting in Voldemort using both the Cruciatus and Imperius curse on him, and finally raping him.

The broken Severus had returned to his lonely rooms to find a letter from Lucius, his first in a year. Severus had read it slowly, numbly, as the cold, impersonal words informed him that Lucius now had a son and that he and Narcissa had chosen to live as a true couple to provide a normal family for the boy, whom they had named Draco. Lucius was very sorry, but he did not expect to see Severus again, outside of their roles as loyal Death Eaters.

Severus had ripped the letter to shreds and Apparated to Dumbledore.

***

The war had come to a swift and unexpected end a few months later. Severus had stood before a court and told half-truths as to why he had betrayed Voldemort, and was cleared of all charges. The only person he had been able to confess to was Dumbledore, who heard the whole tale calmly and responded with genuine sympathy, free from disgust or accusation. He had offered Severus a job and kept him informed as to how Lucius' own trial progressed. Severus couldn't help the tiny leap of joy when he learnt that Lucius had not been sent to Azkaban with the rest of the inner circle.

Eleven years passed swiftly without word, and Severus' heart hardened and he grew bitter. Being at Hogwarts did not help, but he had nowhere else to go, and so he stamped on all the love and misery in his heart, and went on with his grey life.

The summer before Draco was due to start at Hogwarts, Severus at last received a letter from Lucius, asking him to come to London. Severus wanted to burn it; wanted to be free from Lucius, but could not ignore it and so went to meet his old lover, intending to be nothing but cold and cruel, as Lucius had been.

The instant they saw each other desire had blazed within them and the day had passed in a blur of frantic sex and touch, neither able to keep their hands off each other. If anything, Lucius had improved with age, now a man in his prime, strong and proud and utterly perfect.

As they lay, limbs entangled, Severus felt the walls around his heart crumble, and he turned to the face of his love, knowing his emotions shone from his eyes like a beacon.

He was greeted with the indifferent Malfoy mask.

The pain was worse than anything he'd ever known.

Lucius had risen smoothly and dressed, becoming the imposing figure of Mr. Malfoy once again. In clear, calm tones, as if Severus was seated behind his desk and not sprawled naked on a bed, he had begun to speak of his son, and how he expected Snape - Severus winced at the use of his surname, Lucius had never addressed him as that before - to help Draco find his feet at Hogwarts, and how his son already showed an aptitude for Potions. A curt goodbye and Lucius had swept out of the room, leaving Severus the closest he had ever been to suicide.

***

He returned to Hogwarts colder and more vicious than before. None but Dumbledore guessed the reason for his sudden cruelty - he had always been sneering and unpleasant but now he was downright malicious - and it was his intention to make Draco Malfoy's life a living hell.

But then he had seen the boy.

The very image of his father, only perhaps with an air of innocence Lucius had never possessed. Draco was unpleasant, definitely, but did not carry the threat of fatal danger that had always surrounded Lucius like an aura.

Hating himself, Severus could not help but favour the boy, especially as he grew older, becoming more and more like the Lucius that had first come to him, smiling and happy.

The unfortunate Potter, who Severus already carried a grudge against, bore the brunt of the roiling misery and anger that swamped him. Sometimes Severus wondered why he hated the boy so much, but he always ignored the voice that told him it was not adult or professional to treat the boy in such a way, and used Harry as an outlet for all his frustration.

But then Voldemort had returned and the war had begun again. Severus had watched helplessly as Draco slipped away from all hope and followed in the footsteps of his father.

And now it was the final battle, and Severus was finally revealed as a traitor, fighting on the side of Dumbledore and Harry Potter.

Through all the chaos of battle, Lucius had singled him out and come for him, throwing away the Death Eater mask so Severus could see his face. He had bowed to Severus, who returned the honour, and they had begun to duel. Lucius had come in close, so Severus could see the excitement in his silver eyes.

After all, fighting is a kind of contact.

***

Snape knelt by the body of the only man he had ever loved and reached out to run long fingers through the white mane. He lifted his own fingers to his lips and kissed them softly, then placed the kiss on Lucius' cold lips.

Draco stared at him, shock and comprehension mingling on his beautiful face, his expressions and mannerisms a direct copy of his father's.

Snape met his gaze, a terrible grief in his black eyes.

"You have no idea how truly, truly sorry I am," he said gruffly.

Around them, the battle raged. But Snape couldn't care less who won, didn't care if he lived or died. Lucius was dead. And so Severus was a kind of dead as well.