Blue Eyed Girl

After about thirty minutes Roxanne heard the portrait swing open and looked over to see Katie climbing through the portrait hole.

"Hey!" Roxanne shouted over to her anxiously as she jumped up from her chair to go talk to her. She didn't think she'd ever been so happy to see someone in her life. It wasn't until now that she realized how much she needed to talk to someone who could give her some advice.

"Hi," Katie responded somewhat less enthusiastically.

"Listen, Katie, I'm really sorry about what-" Roxanne began, desperately trying to reconcile with her friend before she got cut off.

"You know what, Rox?" Katie said wearily. "I don't really want to hear it," she finished and started walking toward the stairs.

"Katie, please," Roxanne pleaded and grabbed Katie's arm. She just needed a friend so badly right now, and Katie was the only one who would understand. "I know I was a real jerk earlier, and I'm sorry, but-"

"Damn right you were!" Katie exclaimed as she whipped around to face Roxanne. Roxanne didn't think she'd ever seen Katie this angry before. She figured Katie would be a little ticked at her, but she had no idea she was this mad. "We were worried about you, Rox! We're just trying to help, and you flip out on us! You should be happy that we care so much about you that we notice that you hardly ever eat anything! But instead you act all moody and snap at us whenever we try to talk to you! You can be so conceited sometimes, and I'm sick of it!"

Roxanne didn't know what to say. She just stood there, staring at Katie who stared right back with anger flaring in her eyes. Katie was right. She should have just been grateful that her friends cared enough to try to help her, but what does she do instead? She snaps at them. She hadn't realized how much of a jerk she really was until now.

"Katie, I...I'm really sorry," Roxanne said sincerely, not having the strength to look her in the eye. "You're right...about everything."

"I know," Katie answered with a little more warmth in her voice, which gave Roxanne the courage to look in her eyes. Roxanne could see the anger in Katie's eyes slowly retreating.

"Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?" Roxanne asked. She wanted so much to just forget about this and move on, but she knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Why do you do it?"

"Do what?" Roxanne asked, incredibly confused.

"Starve yourself," Katie said quietly. "Don't say you don't, because we all know you do," she finished quickly as Roxanne started to open her mouth to answer.

Roxanne grew quiet. This was the last thing she expected to have to talk about tonight. She went over to the couch she'd been sitting on before and sat down again. Katie followed and sat in a nearby chair, patiently waiting for Roxanne's answer.

"I don't do it as much anymore," Roxanne began calmly and quietly.

"What do you mean you don't do it as much any more?" Katie asked incredulously. "You barely ever eat anything. What, did you not eat at all before?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," Katie said, taken aback. They were both silent for a moment, then Roxanne began telling Katie the entire story: the girls who made fun of her, her secret decision to change her life, her parents finally figuring out what was going on, and her rehab. Roxanne told the entire story in a hushed voice, looking into the fire. She didn't think she could look Katie (or anyone for that matter) in the eye while she revealed this dark part of her past. When she finished, she finally looked over at Katie, who was sitting extremely still, as if she'd been petrified. She realized Roxanne was finished her story and finally came out of her comatose state.

"Wow, Rox. I had no idea," Katie said. "I'm sorry I brought it up-"

"Don't be," Roxanne said reassuringly. "It felt good to tell someone."

Katie smiled in reply. "Look," she began, "about before...I completely overreacted-"

"No, you had every right to be-"

"Okay, why don't we just forget about it then?"

"That would be great," Roxanne said, amazingly relieved to know that her friend wasn't mad at her anymore.

"Good," Katie responded with her normal warmth and friendliness returning. "Was there something else you wanted to talk about? Because when I came in it seemed like there was something urgent you needed to tell me."

"Oh yeah," Roxanne replied. She had completely forgotten all about Malfoy. She didn't know if she should tell Katie though, because she'd said earlier how she was sick of Roxanne always talking about herself. Oh well, she thought, I might as well tell her anyway.

"Well...I don't know exactly how to say this..." she began, nervously wringing her hands.

"Oh come on," Katie said. "How bad could it be?"

"Um...pretty bad," Roxanne assured her.

"What, did Malfoy kiss you or something?" Katie asked playfully.

"Well...not exactly..."

"What do you mean by 'not exactly'?" Katie asked a lot more seriously this time.

"I...sorta...kinda...um...kissedhimfirst," Roxanne confessed quickly, allowing her words to run together.

"You what?!" Katie exclaimed, jumping up from her chair. Some of the other Gryffindors who were passing through the common room on their way to bed looked over at her strangely.

"I know, I know!" Roxanne said, covering her face. This was so embarrassing!

"How did it happen? What did he say?" Katie interrogated while standing over her. So Roxanne recounted the entire story for Katie.

************

"And now I don't know what to do!" Roxanne finished desperately.

"Well," Katie said, plopping down on the couch next to her. "I don't know what to tell you. I thought you liked George."

"I do!" Roxanne exclaimed, turning to her friend, "but he hates me now!"

"He doesn't hate you, Roxanne," Katie lectured her, "he thinks you like Malfoy and that you were just using him. And if he finds out about this, he'll be sure of it."

"But I wasn't using him! I really do like George! I don't know why I kissed Malfoy. Everything was so messed up, and then he was telling me how I always do what's expected of me, and for some reason that made me really mad, so I had to find a way to shove it back in his face, and that's the first thing that came to my mind at the time!" Roxanne ranted. "What can I do? How can I fix this?" She was about ready to cry. Everything she said was true. She really liked George, and she didn't want to hurt him. She doesn't even like Malfoy! Then, why did she kiss him? "Why do I always screw things up so badly?" she asked, and then she couldn't hold back her tears any longer.

"Aw, Rox, we'll figure something out," Katie said soothingly as she hugged Roxanne as she cried. "It'll all turn out okay." Roxanne knew Katie was just trying to make her feel better, and that it would take a miracle to resolve this situation. After a few minutes Roxanne finally calmed down and sat up.

"Are you okay now?" Katie asked.

"I guess. I just can't believe I kissed him!" She was so mad at herself!

"Yeah, me neither," Katie responded, chuckling softly and shaking her head. "Now, if you don't mind my asking, how was it?"

Roxanne looked over to her friend, surprised by the question. She saw Katie with a wide smile on her face, which caused Roxanne to crack a small smile in return without even knowing it.

"It was..." she paused and thought for a moment. "Great." Even though she hated to admit it, that kiss was great. It was hot and passionate and nothing like she'd ever experienced before. It felt like she was being bad, which was exciting. It was completely different from the way George kissed. When George kissed her it was sweet and caring. It was like he was telling her how much he liked, even loved, her without saying it. It made fireworks. Now that she thought about it, when she was kissing George, he was all she could think about, and she never wanted the moment to end. She realized now that when she was kissing Malfoy, she was picturing George in her mind. When that picture vanished, and she realized who she really was kissing, she pulled away immediately. It wasn't Malfoy she liked. It never was. It's been George all along.