Zero

*

Zero

~

Have you ever been so cold that you couldn't feel a damn thing in your body?

So cold that you couldn't feel the things you placed your fingers upon?

No, not shivering snow cold.

Cold.

Just cold.

Do you understand?

Has your heart ever ached for something?

Something you knew that you'd never receive?

Was there always that one person who made life unbearable?

Were they the thing your heart ached for?

Could you feel any colder?

Do you understand, now?

Want me to describe being empty?

It's a better subject then that of his smile.

Or that of his warm grace and his perfect features.

Or even that of his sweet innocence and his tepid breath.

Being empty is a much better subject than him.

Empty.

And cold.

I've been empty for a while.

And cold.

Do you understand?

He was all that mattered.

He gave me life.

He gave me back my heart.

He brought me my soul.

He took my breath away.

He made me smile.

He made me laugh.

I don't laugh.

I don't smile.

People don't take my breath away.

I don't have a soul.

My heart is dead.

I have no life.

But he's still all that matters.

He gave me emptiness.

He made me cold.

Do you understand, now?

I gave myself to him.

I would have given him the world.

I would swim to the other side of the ocean for his smile.

I would do anything just to be held in his arms.

My heart belongs with him.

I have always been taught that love is a myth.

You know.

That it was nothing.

It would never be anything.

It would crush you.

Destroy you.

Break you.

Kill you.

Do you understand?

I was never meant to love.

Never meant to fall in love.

Love.

What a funny, funny word.

Words.

There're too many.

But love.

I only have one.

I will only ever have one.

And it's forbidden.

I can't love.

I'm not supposed to love.

Do you understand, now?

Why do I torment myself in the states of love?

It's a performance.

Synchronized.

Written out.

Dared to stay silent.

Dared to be screamed to the world.

Calm, unspoken, never greedy.

Confusing.

And I loved him.

Once upon a time, I loved.

And everyone was right.

Absolutely.

Love is nothing.

Love is destroying me.

Breaking me.

Killing me.

Love is.

Forbidden.

And I loved him, once upon a time.

Do you understand?

Now everything is fading.

Black.

I am still empty.

And cold.

Have you ever been so cold that you couldn't feel a damn thing in your body?

So cold that you couldn't feel the things you placed your fingers upon?

No, not shivering snow cold.

Cold.

Just cold.

I have.

Love is cold.

Love is empty.

Love is death.

Death.

I'm ready.

Ready to leave.

Going.

Gone.

Everything is fading.

And I am empty.

And cold.

Because of love.

Love.

My heart aches.

For him.

Him.

I fell in love.

Once upon a time, I loved.

I fell hard.

For Harry Potter.

Do you understand, now?