Waiting

You were wrong. All these years. All twenty years, you were wrong, Lucius.

I remember that day. The gentle breeze, the smell of spring grass, your long hair in the wind and how broad and safe your shoulder felt. Then it was your face. You were young then. Not a wrinkle on your face. Your jaw was firm. Your head tilted slightly upward, eyes gazing straight ahead. You were talking. Then you looked down and smiled at me. Yes, you smiled and I thought I nodded and smiled back. Did you kiss me back then? I thought you did. It was so long ago.

You were asking me to wait for you.

"There is no way that I can make you happy now. I mean I have everything inherited from Father, but nothing is mine. I didn't work to get them. That's why I have to go out there and fight, to make a difference, to get power that I got on my own. Only then I can make myself worthy of your love. And only then we can live happily ever after, without regret." Yes, those were your exact words. I can still hear them

"Will you wait for me, Narcissa?" It was then you looked down and smiled at me. What a beautiful smile it had been.

I shouldn't nod. I should tell you that was not what I wanted. But I nodded and smiled at you and said "Yes, I'll wait, no matter how long."

And I waited for twenty years. Even on those nights that you told me not to wait. But how can I not wait? I waited twenty years, for you to come home, to reach your satisfaction. I waited for our "happily ever after". I never lost my patience. Really. I just waited for the day that you'd come back to me and say you have had enough.

The candle is going out. I'll lit another one. Are you afraid of the darkness, Lucius? I am. I am afraid that if I let the candle go out I'll never see your face again.

And your face is so calm now. I can even call it peace. Is that even a smile on your pale lips? You aged, of course, but your face is still beautiful. I've seen the rest of your body. There are scares and blood all over it. But your faced is unmarred. I suppose that even the cruelest curse would not have the heart to destroy that angelic face of yours. How many nights have I waited, fearing that they would carry you in the way they did tonight, with your face so damaged that I couldn't even recognize you. But they didn't do that. They just carried you in as if you were sleeping. And that smile! What crossed your mind in your dying moment when the killing curse hit you? Is it the spring day in the garden twenty years ago? Or is it all the spring days with me in your arms in the last twenty years? We'll always remember those days, even if your bodies turn into ash.

I waited for twenty years in vain. Everything changed in the twenty years, including you and me. Sometimes I thought you forgot what you said to me, forgot that I'm still waiting. But you would just give me a look, then I'd know that you remember. Do you still remember now? Your eyes are closed. You will never give me that look again. I guess it doesn't hurt to tell you a little secret now, does it? I tried to tell you all these years but I never had a chance. It might be a little late, but I'll tell you anyway. On that day, you told me to wait for you, I wanted to tell you that you were wrong. You were worthy of my love as you were then, sitting in gentle spring breeze, your hair in the wind and my head on your shoulder. I don't care if you changed the world or not. My "happily ever after" is in your arms, sitting on the spring grass and watch the world change around us, and grow old together.

That is why I will not wait any longer. What would I wait for if you are not coming back? Instead I'll join you. Just imagine what they would say when they learned of my death. They probably think that I am merely afraid of my punishment. Who would believe that we are actually in love? But we are, aren't we? Otherwise why after waiting for twenty years, I want to become a ghost with you? The poison is taking its effect now. I can feel it. I am scared, Lucius. I am afraid that I will not find you. What if we do not become ghosts, or we would not meet each other? I will take the risk. Even with the slightest chance, I'll take it. Then we will have our "happily ever after", in each other's arms, sitting on spring grass, and watch the world change and grow old around us.