Hands

'Damn.'

'You stupid bastard,' Sirius muttered to himself. 'Can't even manage keep your hands to yourself. Stupid, traitorous hands.' For nearly a year he has been able to keep this secret. He had even managed to keep it from James. No one needed to know, most especially the object of said secret.

It seemed, however, that someone forgot to tell that to his hands, or more precisely his fingers.

*

The day was shaping up to be a good one. It was unseasonably warm for October and, seeing as it was a Saturday, the four friends decided to spend the day lazing around by lake, taking advantage of what might be one of their last chances to enjoy the outdoors together before NEWTs overtook their lives in the coming months.

James and Peter were playing a round of Wizarding Chess while carrying on about Evans and whoever Peter's girl was this month. Remus was lying back, eyes closed, with one hand under his head while the other twined the cool, green grass between his fingers. He would occasionally interject a random comment into James and Peter's conversation but was otherwise seemingly content to quietly enjoy both the warm breeze and the company of his friends.

Sirius, meanwhile, sat leaning against one of the old oak trees idly plucking at the strings of his guitar. He wasn't really interested in playing at the moment, but it provided a good cover under which he could watch Remus without drawing attention to the fact he was staring. He was more interested in the interplay between Remus's long, pale fingers and the bright green grass. He wondered what they might feel like twined in his own hair or wrapped around the back of his neck.

Sirius cut off that train of thought almost immediately. He did not want to do anything that might jeopardise Remus's relaxed demeanour. Last term they had managed to strike a tentative peace regarding the Shack incident but he had continued to be wary around Sirius. The last of this wariness seemed to pass over summer and, while their friendship may never be quite the same, with that easing of tensions Remus's old smile returned.

Sirius loved that smile; he never realised quite how much until it was gone. It was a sort of half smile that caused the right side of Remus's lips to turn up just a bit more than the left. It was the smile that went straight to Sirius's stomach, twisting it up in equal parts happiness and some other emotion he was't sure he was willing identify just yet.

*

After a couple of hours James and Peter decided that searching out the company of their girls was a much better idea than just sitting around talking about them. They left Remus and Sirius by the lake where they continued to idly chat between the random bursts of Sirius's quiet strumming. Remus would occasionally look over and flash him that smile, causing Sirius's brain to melt a little each time he did it.

The sun was beginning to set by the time they decided to head back to the castle. It was probably good timing, seeing as Sirius was unsure he'd be able to restrain himself from kissing Remus's smiling mouth if he watched him much longer.

Remus offered his hand to Sirius as he went to pick himself up. Their hands remained clasped a few moments longer than strictly necessary, which apparently incapacitated whatever part of Sirius’'s brain he had left. Before he knew what was happening he found that hand moving toward Remus's face, fingers tracing the edges of his lips.

Remus's expression faltered momentarily, just long enough for Sirius to realise what he had done. He dropped his hand immediately and opened his mouth in an attempt to give some sort of explanation. His mouth, however, decided to turn traitor as well and would only make awkward stuttering sounds. Panic began to rise in his chest and before the situation could get any worse he ran toward the castle.

Somehow, he doesn't really remember arriving there, he found himself lying face down on his bed with his curtains spelled shut, muttering to himself. After berating himself for his tendency to act prior to thinking, he decided that maybe if he took a nap he'd wake up and find this had all been a dream. A very bad dream, but a dream nonetheless.

*

Some time later he felt his curtains move and a weight settle on the end of the mattress. With that weight the day's earlier events came flooding back and left him wanting to berate himself all over again. You're a right idiot, you know that? You finally get Moony back, only to chase him away all over again.

'Padfoot?'

Remus's hesitant tone only served to confirm Sirius's fears for him.

'Padfoot, you missed dinner.'

Remus began to fidget when he did not respond. 'Anyway, I brought you some food. It's on your bedside table under a Warming charm for whenever you feel like getting up.'

With that Remus shifted and started to rise.

Are you just going to let him get up and leave? The Hat sorted you into Gryffindor did it not? Sirius took a deep breath and opened his eyes. 'Moony?' he whispered.

Remus turned to face him.

Sirius couldn't quite bring himself to look up at Remus but managed to whisper, 'Moony, I'm sorry... I... I didn't mean....'

Before he could finish Remus leaned over and placed a finger over Sirius's lips.

'Shh. It's okay.'

Sirius brought his eyes up to focus on Remus's, looking for some sort of confirmation of those words. A small, tentative smile broke out on his face when he saw Moony's smile, which reached all the way to his eyes, rather than the expected closed off, neutral expression.

Remus re-seated himself, closer to Sirius than he had been earlier.

He traced that finger along the edges of Sirius's lips.

'It's going to be just fine.'