Confession

Confession

Severus Snape took a deep breath and apparated to Hogsmeade. He walked out of the quiet village and hesitated at the gates he had not seen since the day he left. He cursed himself silently when he discovered he was shaking violently. He thought seriously of turning back, but where would he go? It had to end; he could take no more. He could still feel the bile rising in his throat as he thought of the previous night's events and the disappointment and fury combined on Lucius Malfoy's face as Severus vomited violently afterwards. Forcing down another vomiting attack and shaking his head, he walked resolutely up the long path to the front doors of his old school.

However, what happened next was enough to make him wish he could turn back. He rang the bell to the entrance hall, expecting a prefect or Filch to answer it. However, a familiar, older woman opened the door, raising her eyebrows in surprise at the sight of him. This was followed by a cold and angry voice as she asked him "What do you want, Severus?"

He could not help but flinch at the tone of her voice and the look of disgust on her face. She knew what he was, of course she did. Dumbledore knew everything and had probably told her.

"I need to see Professor Dumbledore," he said quietly, hoping she would not turn him away, scream loudly or worse, call in aurors.

"Why?" There was still animosity in her voice but she also seemed curious.

"I have important information for him, Professor."

His former professor narrowed her eyes at him, and looked at him for several minutes, as if assessing whether he was a danger to her, the school and the Headmaster. Finally she spoke.

"Come with me."

Severus followed his old professor to Dumbledore's office wondering at how little she'd changed and noting that she still managed to intimidate him with a look. She said the password ("pepper imps") and led him up the stairs to the office. At the top she knocked on the door and gestured Severus inside. He hesitated once again and her face softened slightly, "Go on, Severus." He nodded and stepped inside.

"Severus. This is a surprise." Snape found himself unable to hold Dumbledore's piercing gaze and instead dropped his head to stare at the floor.

"I found him outside. He said he needed to see you."

"Thank you Minerva, do take a seat Severus."

Severus sat down. McGonagall looked like she wanted to stay, but a look from the headmaster sent her away again.

Severus waited for the headmaster to speak but he merely sat there and then, after a few moments, offered him a sherbet lemon. Oh God, and they say this is the man that Voldemort fears? A deatheater walks into his midst and he offers them a sherbet lemon? Then again Voldemort might be thrown off a bit if someone offered him a sherbet lemon.

"I believe you know how I have spent the last few years," Severus began slowly.

Dumbledore merely looked at him.

There was another uncomfortable silence until Severus began again.

"Yesterday... I watched Lucius Malfoy, Augustus Rookwood and Ludo Bagman torture and kill a young family. I put the Cruciatus curse on a three-year-old girl. It was her or me..." Severus stopped here, closing his eyes as if to shut out the memory.

After a pause, he began again: "I couldn't maintain it, I had to stop. Lucius...accused me of going against the Dark Lord. He called me weak." Severus sighed at this.

"I've seen and done things that I can't stomach," he began again. "I hate what I've become. As soon as Lucius and the others had their backs turned, I disapparated. But the Dark Lord is looking for me." Severus' voice was almost a whisper by this point.

Severus could feel Dumbledore's eyes on him but he could not raise his own, feeling so ashamed and disgusted with himself. His left forearm began to burn yet again and he rubbed it, gritting his teeth.

"It burns." It was a statement, not a question.

"Yes. The Dark Lord wants me."

"Why did you come here, Severus?" Dumbledore asked.

"Because I could think of nowhere safer to hide. The Dark Lord fears you, Headmaster." He hesitated, knowing that he should inform Dumbledore of what the Dark Lord planned next.

"The Dark Lord...he...he has...the Potters as his next target," Severus said hesitantly.

"I am aware of this. What do you know about it, Severus?" Dumbledore stared at him intensely.

"Their son. Apparently there is some kind of prophecy about him being able to defeat the Dark Lord."

"Who informed Voldemort that such a prophecy existed?"

"I do not know," Severus admitted, after flinching at his former master's name being spoken. "The Dark Lord alone knows the names of all his followers."

Dumbledore stood up and walked around to where Severus sat. He put one arm on Severus' shoulder.

"You would need a cover story to explain any meeting with our side. What if you were to become a teacher here, I am I need of a potions master and I seem to remember you being quite the expert."

"Teach...?"

Dumbledore nodded, "Let Voldemort believe you are spying on us, rather than the other way around."

"The other staff would never accept me."

"Yes they would. They remember you as a student for the most part, that's how they think of you, not as a deatheater."

Severus still hesitated.

"If you would rather not take up this position," Dumbledore spoke again. "You may leave."

Snape looked up into Dumbledore's eyes. They both knew that leaving was not an option. Severus nodded his acceptance.

"Good." Dumbledore moved around to his seat and sat back down. "You will start this September. And Severus..." he leaned forward. "I will be watching you closely. You say that you no longer want to be a Deatheater but you will have to prove it to me. Hopefully, you will provide the Order with much useful information."

"The Order, sir?"

"The Order of the Phoenix, yes. And I'm sure Voldemort knows about it from spies that he has working for him. Our next meeting is tomorrow and you will accompany me to this."

"Yes, sir."

"Minerva?" Dumbledore called to the door.

Severus jumped. Professor McGonagall opened the door and walked inside Dumbledore's office. Her wand was out. She had evidently been waiting outside in case of any incident.

"Kindly show our new Potions Professor to his rooms."

"New...?"

"Yes, Minerva. And we will all welcome him and let him fit in."

"Yes, headmaster," McGonagall led the way out and Severus began to follow her.

"Severus?" Dumbledore called him back.

He turned to face the headmaster.

"Are you sure you won't have a sherbet lemon before you go?"