Unlikely Heroes

********************

Part 4: Surfacing

********************

Passing overhead

overheard

a whisper of doubters life and luck

swallowed by gentle commiseration.

I drown in your seas,

oceans air wet my lips

and opened like a shell to the light

of...

"No," Percy sighed, throwing down his quill and crumpling the parchment. His eyes flickered shut as he tossed it towards his wastebasket, ignoring the small ball of paper as it landed on the floor with all of the rest. He shifted down and rested his head in the cradle of his arms, pulling in a deep breath and releasing it in a low, frustrated sigh. "No, no, *no*."

He shook his head, forehead moving against his forearms as he squeezed his eyes shut, choking on a low laugh. God, he was pathetic. His entire body tingled and burned with energy and the low buzz of anticipation, coiling sharp and tight within his stomach and creeping up to curl around his heart and give it hard, gasping tugs. He reached up to rub lightly at his chest, feeling the beginnings of a panic attack, and pushed it away with the force of his will, leaning back in his chair and expelling a deep, shaking breath.

"Something's going to happen," he whispered to his owl, one hand resting in his lap and the other splayed across his chest, as if he were holding in his heart. "Something's *got* to happen. It's *got* to. I can't keep going like this." Hermes blinked at him and hooted softly.

Slowly, Percy pushed back his chair and stood, black robe falling around him in a heavy swing of cloth. He had work to do. Important things to attend to. The real world to face. He didn't have time to sit and obsess over things that could have been.

~Should have been~ his mind added as he reached up and began unbuttoning his robe with long fingers, slipping the small disks from their holes and parting the cloth as he moved towards the bathroom. The candles flickered to life as he entered, and he snuffed them out with a word, not wanting to see his reflection in the mirror. He didn't want to have to face the sad eyes and too-pale, too-thin cheeks.

The robe rustled around him as it fell from his shoulders and puddled at his feet, and Percy stepped from the dark ring of cloth, hands reaching up to pull at the tie that held his hair back. He closed his eyes as it swung around his face, caressing and soft against his cheeks and hands as he pulled off his glasses and dropped them to the floor, ignoring the soft tinkle as they hit the stones.

"Pretend it away," he said as he stepped into the tub basin. The shower flickered on with a word, temperature adjusted to a warm spray that splashed across his chest and shoulders. He turned into the warmth, head tilting back and eyes closing against the darkness, wet hair cording against his neck and shoulders like light touches moving across his starved skin.

His hands moved slowly across his face and neck and down the sharp wings of his collarbone as he swayed in the darkness, feeling the water beat softly against his shoulders like warm rain, moving across his body in rivulets. The palms of his hands moved slowly down his chest, mapping out the skin and sharp press of bone as he traced over his hipbones, chin dropping to his chest as he drew in a deep, wet breath. His body shook on the inhalation, trembling helplessly as he wrapped his arms around himself, hot tears washed away by the pounding of the shower.

"Pretend it away," he choked, shivering. "Just pretend it all away."

***************

"Good morning, Justin."

"Good morning Professor Dumbledore."

"Do you have an update for me?"

"Yes, sir. It's my opinion that Neville's ready."

::white brows raise:: "Oh?"

"Yes, sir. I think it's about time we let him move back into his rooms and begin attending classes regularly."

"Is that so?"

"He's showed marked improvement. He's well off of the red zone, and is coming progressively closer to full mental and emotional health. I wouldn't be surprised if he makes a full recovery within the month."

"That's rather... amazing news, Justin. Wasn't this rather quick?"

::slow nod:: "I think all he really needs is some kind of network of people who care for him. He's very open to receiving help, and he seems determined to improve... It's my opinion that as long as he has a support system, he'll only get better."

::smiles:: "Then I'll speak with him about it this afternoon, after I've talked with the other professors."

"Thank you, sir." ::leaves::

****************

The tears were washed away long before Percy went downstairs for breakfast, hands combing back his shoulder-length hair, working out the tangles. His father was already at the table, newspaper open on his lap and balding head bent in concentration as he munched on his toast, sending a muffled "g'morning" Percy's way.

"Here you are, dear," Molly said, handing Percy a food-laden palte with a smile. Her eyes moved over his thin face and the shadows beneath his eyes and her smile faltered a little, then renewed to almost blinding brilliance. "Have to get a good start on the day," she added, meeting his eyes. Percy nodded, not quite sure what to say.

They both glanced up at the light tap on the window, and Molly went to help the gasping owl find a perch and relieve him of his burden.

Percy watched her bustle away, then glanced at his father. He moved towards the trash can and flipped open the lid, scraping most of the food off of his plate, then let the trash lid close with a snap. He sat down in his usual seat as Molly came back into the kitchen, flipping through the letters.

"Here's one from work, Arthur," she said, dropping it into his lap at his muffled grunt. She glanced at Percy and frowned, eyes moving over his almost-empty plate, but she didn't say anything as she turned her attention back to the morning mail. "And a letter from Bill, and one from Ginny, and, goodness, one from the twins." She shook her head bemusedly as she sat and opened the letter, lips pressing into a disapproving line. "They say the shop's going well," she said, voice carefully neutral.

Percy bit at his toast and swallowed, wincing at the dry, tasteless texture, head nodding so that his mother thought he was listening as she read through the letters, commenting periodically.

"Oh, Bill has a new assignment to South Africa..."

"Oh?"

"... Met a dragon-slayer. Mmmm, Charlie won't like the thought of that..."

"Hm."

"... Ginny's doing well in school, but that Professor Snape's giving her troubles again..."

"Ah."

"...though Harry and Ron are doing fine-- not getting into any more mischief lately, thank goodness..."

"Yes..."

"...Neville's still in the infirmary, poor dear. And she made a..."

Percy's head snapped up, eyes narrowing. Had he heard that right? No. No, it was impossible. "What did you say?" he demanded, voice low and strained, knuckles bleeding white where he gripped the table edge, body tense and tight. "What about Neville?"

"He's still in the infirmary..."

Percy leapt to his feet, chair clattering noisily to the ground, and snatched the letter from his mother, hands trembling as he scanned over the brief paragraph again and again. "The infirmary?" he whispered eyes wide and dark. He drew in a deep, steadying breath, body shaking as he turned to look at his mother. "What's wrong with him?"

"Percy?" She'd never seen him like this-- never seen him without his self-control wrapped like a robe around him. "I..."

"*What* is *wrong* with him, Mother?" he hissed, stepping forward with a low growl. His eyes glimmered wetly and his voice quaked as the letter crumpled within his grasping fists. "What's wrong with Neville?"

"Percy Weasley, you apologize to your mother at once!" Arthur snapped.

Molly shook her head, concerned and a little frightened. "He fell down the stairs and broke his neck, Ginny said. It was..."

"No," Percy whispered, blocking the rest out. "**No**." He shook his head and stepped back, Ginny's letter falling from his hands as his eyes squeezed shut. Neville. Oh, God, *Neville*.

"Percy, love, what's *wrong*?"

"Son..."

He shook away from his parent's concerned grasp, hair swinging around his face as he shook his head violently. Neville was *hurt*.

Suddenly, nothing else mattered. Not the fact that Neville didn't want him, not his pride, not his fear... All that mattered was that Neville was *hurt*. All that mattered was that he *needed* him. *Needed* Percy.

And Percy was going to be there for him.

******************

Dean flipped the page of his book, not really reading the words as his eyes scanned over the paragraph. He felt a strange building inside of him, centered in his chest and pressing out, as if something was going to happen. Something big...

"'Just tell him,'" he muttered, shaking his head. Justin hadn't said *who*, but Dean had a pretty good idea what the other boy was referring to. Seamus Finnigan, his best friend and the boy that he was... that he... he *loved*. "Just tell him. Oh, yeah, sure..." He sighed and shut the book, eyes squeezing tight as he forced out a deep breath. Madame Pomfrey had been giving him special readings on magical healing and medicine, and what he had found out so far was interesting and exciting, but all he could think about was Seamus, Seamus, Seamus. Seamus smiling, Seamus laughing, Seamus dimpling as he cracked yet another ridiculously bawdy joke. Seamus.

And Justin.

"Shit," he sighed, shaking his head. *That* was a problem that he wasn't sure that he could deal with, even though Justin very carefully never mentioned their interrupted make-out session. Even though he treated him exactly the same, giving him warm hugs and brilliant smiles as if nothing had changed between them.

Dean knew it was a lie. He could feel the charged air crackling around his skin when he knew Justin was watching him, gray eyes moving over the curve of his jaw and the arch of his neck with a warm hunger that Dean could feel shiver through his body. It was strange and warm and *intimate*, as if he were opened up and naked before the other boy, even though Neville was always there, watching with his soft brown eyes and curving lips. And then, when Dean *finally* tried to call him on it, when he *finally* gathered the courage to mention it, Justin would jump tracks and go on in his gentle, almost mesmeric voice about Seamus, urging him to tell the Irish boy how he felt, what he thought...

"Ah, God, I don't know what to do," he said. His fingers played over the binding of his book, running over the smooth cover and the raised lettering as if he were blind and could feel out his way, head shaking helplessly. He knew what he wanted. Who he wanted, but then there *was* Justin, and being with him felt warm and sweet and calming. Talking to him was nothing like the roller coaster of affection and love and emotion that barreled through him whenever Seamus looked his way and winked, but still...

Dean started when the outer infirmary door flung open, slamming into the opposite wall. He leapt to his feet, book falling from his lap as he stared into the wide hazel eyes of the intruder, brows raising in surprise. "*Percy*?" he said, staring at the former head boy in shock.

Percy looked taller and thinner, angular face matured from when Dean last remembered him. His hair was long and brushed at his black-clad shoulders, curling a little at the ends and moving to brush his cheeks and chin as he moved. "Where is he? Is he all right?" he demanded, moving into the infirmary, leaving the door open wide behind him as he stalked towards Dean, heels clicking sharply against the stone floor. "Is he still here?"

Dean shook his head. "What? Percy, what are you doing here?"

The older boy stepped up close to him, eyes dark and a little wild behind the gold frame of his glasses as he gripped Dean's wrist within his cold fingers. Dean couldn't remember ever seeing something so feral as those eyes as Percy shook his arm and practically growled. "Neville. Where is he?"

"Neville?" His mind was whirling with alarm as he stared at Percy, not understanding. What did *Percy* *Weasley* care about Neville? They'd never been friends, not that Dean could remember, and he couldn't understand why he was so suddenly here, looking so dark and so desperate.

And, then, he understood. *Percy* was the boy that Neville had fallen in love with. *Percy* was the boy who had brought him so low.

"You little shit," he hissed, yanking his wrist away, body humming with fury and loathing as he stared down at the older man, eyes dark and narrowed. Percy stared at him for a long moment, then made as if to move around him, eyes catching on the door to the inner room, dismissing Dean as he stalked towards where he thought Neville could be.

"Wait a fucking minute," Dean said, grabbing at Percy and whirling him around violently, wrenching at his arm. "You can't go in there."

"Let go." Percy made as if to pull away, but Dean held him fast, fingers digging into the sparse flesh of his upper arm. "I have to see him."

"Like hell." He could barely breathe around the fury, his heart hammering in his chest as he glared down at the man who had made Neville so miserable. He still remembered the confession, the only mention Neville had ever made of a lover, broken and pathetic. ~ ...it was like. like. like everything I was narrowed down to this person. He was so. beautiful. And kind. And smart. And he held me, and no one had ever held me before... Not as if they loved me, too. But. But I shouldn't feel like this, should I? I shouldn't miss him and love him and want to. to. you know... I shouldn't want that at all because it's *wrong* and it's disgusting and...~ "Like *hell* you're going in there. Like *hell* you're going to see him."

"Dean," Percy began, but Dean couldn't hear him-- he was too wrapped up in the blood-red *fury* that shivered through his body, curving in his clenched fist as his fingers tightened around Percy's arm, pulling him in closer, hissing through his teeth "you bastard" as he slammed his fist hard into Percy's stomach.

Percy doubled over, mouth opened on a choking gasp as his arms wrapped around his stomach, unprepared for Dean's fist smashing into him again, and again, pounding into his middle.

"Bastard," Dean hissed, shoving Percy hard to the ground, falling to his knees next to him as he pounded his fists into his stomach repeatedly, eyes almost tearing from the fury, the helpless desperate *anger*. All he could see was the memory of a pool of blood making a brilliant halo around blond hair, spreading from Neville's still body... "How could you? How *could* you? Bastard. Bastard. Bastard..."

"Dean, stop!"

Hands grabbed at his shoulders, pulling him away, and he snarled and turned within the restraining grasp, fists cocked in blind outrage. Justin stepped back with a startled cry, hands raising. "Dean! It's all right-- it's me!"

Slowly, he lowered his fist. "Justin," he said, pulling in a deep breath. "I'm sorry, I..." He couldn't finish.

Justin looked down at Dean, then at Percy, who was curled up on the floor gasping in deep, heaving breaths. "What happened?" he asked, touching Dean's shoulder gently, as if he were pouring calm into the other boy. "What're you doing?"

"Justin-- it's *him*."

"What do you mean?"

"*Him*, Justin. *Him*."

Justin stared at him, not understanding. Then, suddenly, his eyes widened and his mouth fell open as he looked down at the red-headed boy who was slowly moving to his knees. "Oh," he said, watching as a trickle of blood curved down Percy's pale chin. "Oh..." He shook his head, hands running through his curly hair then falling helplessly to his sides. Slowly, he turned his head to look at Dean, gray eyes meeting dark brown. Something passed between them, deep and electric and tingling with shared protectiveness and hatred. Justin nodded and, slowly, hands raising palms-up, he stepped back. "Don't let me stop you," he said, voice flat.

Dean stared at him, then almost-laughed, eyes glittering. "Understood," he said, turning back to Percy, hand curling into a fist. Percy looked up to meet his eyes, glasses askew on his nose and lips pressed into a thin, waiting line. But he didn't raise a hand to stop him. He didn't blink or flinch.

He didn't move at all.

"What's going on in here?"

Neville's voice was low and sweet from the door, and Dean turned his head to look at him, body curving with his motion and exposing Percy to the light brown gaze. Neville froze in the doorway, skin paling and eyes going dark and wide as he met the other boy's gaze, mouth falling open, trembling and wet. "Percy," he said.

***************

Percy swayed, then slowly rose to his feet, eyes moving over Neville as if he were cataloguing all of his parts. His mouth fell open a little on a breath as he took a step forwards, ignoring Dean, ignoring Justin, ignoring the pain and the surroundings and anything, anyone but Neville. *Neville*.

"Are you all right?" he managed, voice catching in his throat. Neville looked so pale and so much *smaller*, as if part of him had been melted away. His heart pounded as he stepped closer, and then closer, eyes meeting Neville's as he moved towards him, drawn by the soft fall of golden hair and large brown eyes. He had almost forgotten the soft, gentle curve of his cheek and the long flicker of lashes. Had almost forgotten the way those eyes looked at him.

How could he have forgotten?

"I'd heard that you weren't... that you were sick."

"Oh?"

Percy flinched a little at the cold, toneless voice. That wasn't Neville's voice. Those weren't Neville's eyes, watching him with no heat of recognition. ~Did you honestly think you deserved more?~ "Are you?" he persisted, needing to know. Neville was so close, so close that he could almost touch him, could feel the heat radiating towards him if he only lifted his palms.

~Get over it, Weasley. Just. God. Get *over* it. You had a chance, you ruined it, and when you tried to get it back, he rightly decided he didn't want you anymore.~ He wanted to look away from those dark, fathomless eyes, but found that he couldn't.

~What are you doing here?~

There was a long moment of silence as Neville stared coldly at him, closed off and unrecognizing. Then, slowly, he shook his head, eyes closing as he turned away.

"Come on," he said.

"What?"

Percy blinked, surprised, as Neville turned towards him and gently took his hand, eyes flickering up to meet his. There was something there, something almost-warm and glistening.

Then Neville moved his gaze away and tugged him into the inner room. Percy glanced over his shoulder as he was pulled through the doorway, watching as Justin stepped toward Dean and placed a tender hand on his shoulder, face lifting up to look at him. Percy shook his head and turned his attention back to Neville, breathing a sigh as Neville shut the door behind them and turned to look at him, eyes moving slowly over his face, his hair, down his long body to his nervously clenching hands. Neville leaned back against the door, expression solemn and eyes shuttered, head tilted to the side as if he were waiting for something.

Percy didn't know what to say. ~How can I make him understand how sorry I am? How can I make him forgive me? If my letters weren't enough... Do I have to get on my stomach and beg?~ His lips twisted up for a brief moment. ~I would do it, too. God, I would do it just to have him touch me.~

They were silent for a long moment, neither able or willing to speak, watching as the dust motes sparkled dimly from the light slanting through the windows. Moments stretched like years before them as the silence grew and breathed between them, pulling them into a cocoon of light and still and deep, brown eyes on hazel. Frozen.

"Why didn't you come?" Neville's whisper broke the stillness, low and soft and accusing. "You were supposed to come."

"I..." Percy's voice choked up, throat closing around his words. "I wanted to."

"Then why didn't you?"

His entire body was shaking with the effort of not reaching over and pulling Neville into his arms where he *belonged*. His arms felt so very empty without him, and he was *so* *close*. "You-- you never responded to my letters. You never... I wanted to, but you never..." ~I won't cry. I won't. I *won't*.~

Neville's mouth fell open a little, wet and gleaming. "Letters?" he said.

Percy's hands clenched at his side as his heart twisted sharp and painful within his chest. "I sent so many. *So* *many*. I-- I wanted to... to apologize for screwing up, for hurting you. I didn't mean to. I didn't want to and I..." He half-laughed, face turning away to stare out the single window, feeling the helplessness curl inside of him. ~He knows all this. He's read my letters and he *has* to know all this...~ "You never replied. And then-- then they started to come back, unopened. I. I knew that you probably didn't want me to..."

"Percy..."

"... to write to you, or bother you, but I couldn't stop. I couldn't not *try*, even if you'd never respond, even if I'd lost you."

"God, Percy."

"And I... I-- I wanted you to know, wanted you to know *so* *bad* how lost I was without you. How desperate." He laughed again, shoulders shaking on the tight fist of bitterness and shame clenching within his chest as he poured it all out, opening the festering wounds for Neville to see. "I don't understand how this happened. I don't understand how I fell so quickly and so completely, but I did, I do, I love you and need you and I. can't. do. this. I can't keep this up any longer. I'm going insane for wanting to touch you, and..." His words fumbled to a stop when he realized that Neville was crying, he was *crying*, tears making glistening tracks down his soft cheeks as he turned away. "Neville, no, please," he whispered, stepping forward, arm outstretched, fingers just barely brushing against the curve of his back. "Please don't. Don't cry."

Neville shook his head, body arching away from the touch, shoulders shaking as he gasped in deep, sobbing breaths. "I didn't," he began, but his words were swallowed by his tears and his hair swung into his face, glinting golden in the sunlight. "I didn't-- didn't know..."

"Oh, no, don't cry love, shhh," Percy sighed, taking the last step forward and wrapping Neville into his arms. The smaller boy froze at his touch, then melted, head falling back as he pressed his face into Percy's neck, tears leaving wet traces against his skin. Percy's hands moved over his arms, wrapping him into a tight embrace, lips moving over his gleaming hair. "I'm sorry, don't cry, please, please don't cry. I love you, please, please, it's all right, I'm sorry..."

"P-Percy," Neville gasped, lips moving against his skin, sending light shivers down his body. "Percy, God."

"Oh, love," Percy sighed, turning Neville in his arms. He felt so warm and so *right*, like he was made to be there, hands clutching at his robe and face pressed so trustingly into the curve of his neck. "Oh, love, Neville, it's all right."

"I didn't know. I thought. I thought you didn't. I thought you hated me..."

"No. No." His hands moved through Neville's hair, softly carding the silky strands as he stepped back, pulling Neville with him. He moved back until he felt the bed against the back of his knees, then slowly sank onto it, tugging Neville with him. Neville turned and curled into his arms as they lay back against the pillows, faces close.

"How did this happen?" Neville whispered, breath gusting warm over Percy's skin.

"I don't know." He brushed his thumb across the smooth skin beneath Neville's eyes, brushing away the tears. His heart was so full that it *hurt*, it *ached* within his chest, and he pulled in a deep sigh. ~Whatever I've done to deserve this, whatever I could have possibly done... thank you.~ "Everything just came together then fell apart then came together again."

"I love you, too, you know."

Percy touched his cheek, amazed at how... *easy* it was. How simple.

How beautiful.

"Thank you," he said. Time passed away, bitterness passed away, fear passed away and left Neville in his arms, so warm and trusting. Finally, Percy broke the silence. "We need to talk."

"We need to start over."

"Yes," he said, hugging him tighter. "We need to start over. But first..." He lifted up Neville's chin. "Are you all right?"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard that you were hurt. That you'd fallen down the stairs..."

"Oh," he said. He shook his head slightly, then shrugged it away, fingers plucking at the front of Percy's robe. "I fell down. It was an accident."

~There's more to it than that.~ "Neville..."

"I fell down. It was an accident. And I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Ok," Percy nodded, kissing his soft cheek. "We don't have to right now."

Neville turned his face up to him and smiled, the darkness fleeing from his eyes as he touched the other boy's cheeks, cupping his jaw in his palms. Then, slowly, he leaned forwards and brought their mouths together, holding them together in a sweet, gentle kiss.

They held each other for long moments before they were interrupted by a timid knock. Justin stuck his head in the door, looking apologetic. "Sorry to interrupt, but... but Dumbledore wants to see you, Neville."

"*Now*??" Neville growled as Justin quietly shut the door.

Percy laughed and kissed his nose, rolling Neville off of his lap. "We'll have plenty of time to finish this talk later," he sighed, then reached out to help Neville to his feet.

Neville winced when Percy touched his inner arm.

"What's wrong?" Percy said, brows drawing together. "Are you all right?"

Neville smiled. "I'm fine," he said, reaching up to push back a strand of red hair. "Just pulled a muscle or something."

"Oh, ok." He leaned down and pressed his forehead against Neville's, breathing in deeply, taking in the warm scent and sweetness as he rested his hands on his hips. "We do need to talk soon," he said.

"Yes, we do. Soon." Neville leaned in for a short, sweet kiss, then pulled away before it could grow into something more. "Did you apparate here?"

Percy nodded. "I apparated to the hole in the fence behind the greenhouse and ran all the way here."

"Oh, ok. Um... You should go, then, I guess."

"I don't want to."

Neville shook his head. "You should go to work..."

"Forget work. I want to stay here."

The smaller boy blinked in surprise. "You could get caught," he reminded his lover.

"I don't care."

Neville glanced up through his lashes, cheeks coloring with pleasure. "So-- so you'll be here when I get back?"

Percy smiled and touched his hair. "Yes... now, *you* should go. I'll be waiting."

Neville nodded and leaned in for one last kiss, as if he couldn't stand not to touch him now that he was so close. Then, with a shy grin and a wave, he moved out the door, letting it shut behind him.

Percy stared at the door for a long moment, heart winging. ~From desperate to desperately happy in so short a time.~ He chuckled and shook his head, amused at his own sappiness. ~Wonder what'll come along to destroy it?~

He shook his head again, pushing away the creepings of doubt. He wasn't going to think like that. Not now. Not with this. He was going to *make* it work. He was going to *make* it work any way that he could. And damn the consequences. Damn the disapproval. Damn what other people thought of him.

~I love him and he loves me and that's all that matters. That's *all*.~

Somehow, if he said it to himself enough, he thought he might actually come to believe it.

***************

"You okay, Dean?" Justin lightly touched the other boy's shoulder, face turned up so that he could study the dark, set look. He'd never seen Dean so furious before-- so lost in emotion...

~And you're the expert on Dean Thomas, right? You've known him for a couple of weeks, kissed him once, and now you know every frigging thing there is to know.~ He colored a little at his own thoughts and shook his curly head, driving them away. ~Not now...~

"I'm fine." Dean's voice was cold, emotionless, as if he had let everything drain from him and freeze over in the aftermath.

"No," Justin said. "You're not."

"Justin..."

He touched his hand, his arm, validated in the small caresses by the act of comfort. ~It's not selfish touching him. Not when he needs it. Not when you need it. It's not wrong.~ "Dean, talk to me. You *need* to talk to me."

Dean pulled away, obviously still thrumming from the adrenaline rush of hate. His eyes were dark and frighteningly blank as he stared at the door to the inner room where Percy waited for Neville. "Leave me alone, Justin." He moved towards the far corner of the infirmary, usually graceful gait thrown off. Awkward. Justin watched as he picked up his books, hands moving absently over the covers, lips pressed into a thin line.

~This is not good... Well, the best defense is a good offense.~ "I feel strangely disappointed, you know," Justin said conversationally as he sat down on one of the low couches. The main infirmary was surprisingly comfortable-- more so now that Pomfrey had left it in their care and started tending to students out of a classroom for the duration of their stay. ~This is the last day. Neville's in there with Dumbledore now, discussing leaving... Then it'll be over. Then Seamus will have Dean back and Neville will settle in and be happy again and I'll... Well.~

Dean's head tilted, but he made no other sign that he was listening. Justin leaned back against the couch and sighed, legs stretching out in front of him. "I mean, Percy was the last piece, you know? He was the piece that didn't fit, the part of the puzzle that Neville kept purposefully vague. I don't know how many times I tried to find out *whose* life interlocked so snugly with Neville's. And it was Percy."

"Percy."

Justin glanced up at Dean, brows raised. "Yes, Percy. Does that bother you?"

"Why should it?"

~Liar. Something's wrong.~ "I don't know. Maybe because you're the one who worried enough to follow Neville. Maybe because you were the one who found him and took care of him. Maybe because you were the one who was there for Neville through his healing. Not Percy." Justin shifted up onto his knees, watching Dean as the other boy slowly made his way over to the couch and sat, eyes lidded and hands falling helplessly over his knees. ~Gently, Justin. Gently.~ "Does it bother you that he just waltzed in here today, and suddenly it's all ok?" He scooted forward until he was touching Dean's shoulder, fingers massaging lightly against his neck. "Does it bother you that we worked so hard to help bring Neville back, and then the final pieces finally fell into place for him when *Percy*, the one who helped to make it all fall apart in the first place, came back?"

"Yes." Dean's voice was low and soft, rumbling from his chest as he turned his face to look at Justin. "*Yes*. Yes, that bothers me."

One side of Justin's mobile mouth quirked into a smile. "Don't you just want to hit him?"

Dean barked a laugh-- exactly the result Justin was looking for. "I already tried that," he said, shaking his head wryly, fingers brushing against his knuckles.

"Did it make you feel better?"

"No."

"Violence usually doesn't."

Dean paused, then looked at Justin with slightly narrowed eyes. "That's it, right?"

Justin blinked. "That's what?"

"The moral you've been working up to."

Justin laughed, then shook his head, leaning in towards Dean with a grin. "Did one slip in while I wasn't looking?" he chuckled, touching Dean's shoulder. "Whoops." His eyes flickered down to Dean's lips, then back up to his eyes, heart beginning to pound within his chest. ~Just do it,~ he coached himself, shifting closer yet again, tongue darting out to swipe over his lips. ~Just lean in and *do* it...~

Dean continued, oblivious. "As Seamus would say, sucks on that."

~Oh.~ "Yeah." Justin forced a laugh and leaned back, breath pushing from his body in a deep, hollow gust. ~Seamus.~ "Well... You know, speaking of Seamus, how long has it been since the two of you spent some time together?"

Dean cut his eyes towards Justin, brows raising. "Well. A while, but I don't..."

"You should go spend some time with him."

"Justin, I..."

"Really. Especially since you care for him in a way that goes beyond, well, friendship. You should talk to him. Tell him."

Dean reached forward as if to touch him, but Justin rose to his feet, smoothly evading him without appearing to. ~Keep going, Finch-Fletchley.~ "Tell him how you feel." He licked his lips then turned to look at the other boy, smile stretched wide across his face. Wide and fake. "It'd be nice to have some time alone, as well."

The dark-skinned boy stared at him, brown eyes unblinking, then nodded and stood. "Yeah, all right," he said. "I'll tell Seamus you said hello."

"Do that." Justin watched as Dean slipped out of the infirmary, heart pounding quick and hard in his chest. "Damn," he whispered as the door shut behind the other boy, shutting him from sight. "Damn, damn, *damn*." He kicked at the couch leg, then laughed, head shaking and hands reaching up to tug through his hair. ~You did the right thing,~ he reminded himself. ~Dean's besotted of Finnegan... And Seamus feels the same, even though he most likely never bothered to really think about it. They'll be good together.

They'll be so good...~

"NO. No, stop it, Justin," he muttered, hands clenching in fists. "Stop the pity-party *right* *now*. You've got work to do-- there's no time to cry over your own frigging bleeding heart." Drawing in a deep, gasping breath, Justin squared his shoulders and shook out his hair.

He wasn't going to dwell on it. He was going to ignore it. And, if he ignored it long and hard enough, maybe the attraction to Dean would go away. Maybe he wouldn't care so much.

Maybe it wouldn't hurt so badly when he thought of Dean's warm, curving smile as he looked down at Seamus Alan Finnegan.

"Work," he whispered, moving towards the door to the inner room. There were things that Percy should understand before he faced Neville again. "Just don't think about it. Work."

*******************

"Neville? Come in."

"Thank you, sir."

"Could you please shut the door?" ::pause:: "Thank you. Now, why don't you go ahead and take a seat. I believe we have some things to discuss."

"Yes, sir."

"You don't have to look frightened of me, Neville. I'm not going to do anything to hurt you."

"I know that, Professor Dumbledore. It's just that... Well."

"You have some questions you'd like to ask me?"

"Yes. I. Well, I was wondering what happened to my letters?"

::raised brow:: "Your letters?"

"Yes. Um. Well, I'd assume that, um, Gran would send me letters-- I'd just never thought of it before, and..."

"Neville, it was decided best if you were secluded for a period of time so you'd have a chance to heal. Some of the letters you received were kept for you-- several, I'm afraid, were simply taken back to the sender."

"I see. And... am I healed?"

::piercing look:: "Do you think you are?"

"I-- I think I'm better. My thoughts aren't so confused anymore. I-- it's like I was seeing everything through... through gauze or something, and now it's clear again."

"Ah, well. In that case, I think it's about time you've joined the world again, don't you?"

"Yes, sir. Yes, sir, I do."

"Does that frighten you?"

"No more than reason, I think."

::slow nod:: "Good answer. No matter what, we're always a little afraid of the world around us. It's in how we temper that fear that we manage to shine." ::reach into desk drawer:: "Here are your letters, Neville."

"Thank you..."

"Your Grandmother has been contacted and will probably want to see you very soon."

"Ok."

"I thought we could have a conference. All three of us, so we can sure where everything stands."

"Yes, sir."

"It's... It's very good to have you back, Neville."

::slow, brilliant smile:: "Thank you, Professor. It's very, very good to be back."

********************

Justin tapped lightly on the door, hand moving on the cool brass of the handle at the low 'come in?' from inside. He pushed open the door, moving with it into the small room that he and Neville and Dean had shared for weeks of closeness, cocooned in a world that had nothing to do with reality.

~And here it is. The end. Pack your bags and take your bows and slip into the woodwork again.~

"Percy?" he said, softly shutting the door behind him. The other boy stood swiftly, hands automatically raising as if to ward off blows. "Oh, no," Justin added quickly, shaking his head and taking a step back, butting up against the door as he lifted his palms in a conciliatory gesture. "I'm not here to hurt you."

One side of Percy's mouth quirked up as he sat back down on the edge of the bed. "That's funny," he said, "but Dean Thomas doesn't seem to agree with you."

"Yes, well. Dean's been through a lot lately."

"Oh?" There was something about Percy, Justin thought. Something elegant and in control, yet almost young at the same time. He was so desperate for affection, and so desperate to be adult and to not need anyone.

~I can see how it works. I can see how they fit... so well.~ "Yes. We've all been through a lot lately, especially Neville." He slowly moved towards the center of the room, watching Percy with his lashes flickered down, so that the other boy understood that he meant him no harm. The springs of the bed squeaked as he sat down on the opposite side from Percy, legs swinging up to curl beneath him. "Which is why I think we need to talk."

"Yes," Percy said, turning so that he was facing him.

"Has Neville... how much do you know about everything that happened?"

Percy's brows drew together. "All I know is that he had an accident."

"An accident?"

"Yes. He fell down the stairs and was hurt."

Justin licked his lips, suddenly torn. What was he supposed to do? Should he tell Percy? Should he depend on Neville to tell him? ~He won't take it well. Jeez, Finch-Fletchley, can you *blame* him? Who could take something like this well? Especially about someone that they loved.~ And Percy loved Neville-- he didn't doubt that. It screamed out from every move of his body, every flash of his brown eyes beneath the protective barrier of his glasses, every curve of his lips.

But he was stalling. "There's a bit more to it than that," Justin began slowly, feeling out his way. Percy wore an expression that was somewhere between confused, alarmed, and exasperated, and Justin hurried to smooth him over, fingers tugging at the coverlet. "I can't go into details, but Neville's been... depressed lately. He's not been himself."

"No," Percy said, face tightened in pain. He knows, Justin thought. He knows what caused it. "No, I imagine not."

"Dean and I have been talking him through it-- helping him through some things while he healed from his... injuries."

"Is he all right? Is everything ok?"

"Yes and no." Justin shook his head to quiet Percy's immediate demands for more information. "He's getting there, and I honestly think that you're helping a-- a lot. You coming here has really changed things, for the better, I think."

"Good," Percy whispered.

"We should work out some things for the future, though. I'll talk to Dumbledore about visitation and see if he'll allow you to come see Neville periodically."

Percy licked his lips. "I would like that."

Justin smiled, lines forming around his eyes. "Good," he said simply. "I'm glad. Now. Well. Neville is in a precarious position."

"What do you mean?"

"He's fairly positive that he's healed completely, which isn't quite true. Don't get me wrong-- he's certainly well on his way. But he's going to need you to be there for him."

Percy nodded, fingers threading together as he met Justin's eyes. "Of course. I'll do anything. I want Neville to be all right, to be happy. I want to make sure that he's..." he faltered, then cleared his throat, cheeks flushing red as he dropped his gaze. "Well."

~This is love, bumbling though it may be. Fierce protection. The determination to do anything to make it ok... I wonder what Dean would do for Seamus?~ "All you have to do is be there and be kind and be loving and *do* *not* *push* *him*. Do *not* try to force him to talk about something he isn't comfortable sharing yet. Let him come to you with things, and when he does, don't judge. Just be there. Just hold him. Just love him."

Percy's brows shot up and Justin laughed. "*Very* obvious, to answer the question you're thinking. And very wonderful, so don't be ashamed. Neville is easy to love, regardless, and I... I don't think it matters who you are or what sex you are, so... Yes." He laughed again and shook his head, brown curls swinging. "And I'm not making much sense, now am I?"

"Not too much, no."

"Good. Making sense is overrated." He reached over and lightly touched Percy's arm, establishing a connection as the smile slipped from his face, replaced by earnest seriousness. "But, really. Go slow. Be gentle. Respect boundaries. Don't push anything... everything has to unfold on it's own. Let it be gentle and gradual-- you've got time."

Percy nodded slowly. "Yes, all right. I-- I feel like I have to be extra careful because of... of who I am."

"And who are you?"

"An uptight, arrogant bastard."

Justin stared at Percy, eyes wide, then laughed, head shaking helplessly. Percy's lips twitched up at the corners as if he were pressing back his own laugh. "An uptight, arrogant bastard, hmm?" Justin shook his head. "Well, all right, yes," he said, dimpling, "but still, I think..."

There was a brief knock on the door before it slowly opened. Justin watched as light seemed to engulf Percy's face, beginning in his brown eyes and moving across his face as his lips curved into a smile.

"Well," Justin said, standing and clearing his throat. He glanced at Neville and smiled at the flush creeping across his cheeks. "I'll go on up to my room and see if Hufflepuff still exists. They never seem to manage without me."

"Justin," Neville said, touching his arm as he moved past. Justin paused to look down at him, eyes sparkling when Neville leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Dumbledore said I could go back to my room today."

"I know. And I'm very glad."

"So'm I." He touched his hand, then turned his attention back to Percy, leaving Justin to slip out of the door and back into the infirmary, already forgotten.

***************

Neville paused at the door, just looking at Percy. The way Percy smiled at him, the way he watched him...

~How strange, this feeling of fluttering in my heart and stomach.~

"Hey," he said, not knowing what else to do. He was never good with words, and had never had cause to say what he most wanted to say, except to parents who could no longer hear.

~Love.~

Percy slowly stood and came over to him, hair swinging about his pale, aristocratic face and falling gleaming about his black-clad shoulders. He paused before Neville, eyes bright and warm as he looked down at the other boy, warmth from his body spreading around Neville in a gentle, beautiful wave.

Slowly, Neville reached up to brush a long strand of red hair behind the curved shell of his ear, swaying in close to the warmth and sighing when one of Percy's hands came to rest on his hip, tugging him even closer.

"Hello." Percy's voice was low and so beautiful.

"You grew your hair out." The red strands tangled about his fingers, warm and bright. "I like it."

"Thank you." Percy's face dropped down to press a kiss to the tender piece of flesh below his ear, lips moving softly over his skin and sending shivers down his spine. Neville wrapped his arms around Percy's neck and sighed, chin lifting and tilting to give him better access. "I'm glad you like it."

"I do." He twisted a little, pulling away so he could look up into Percy's eyes, which drifted shut when he leaned in for a soft, sweet kiss. Their mouths moved together, seeking some kind of balance, slowly deepening as Neville ran his hands through Percy's hair and tugged his face down closer.

They were quiet for a long moment, content. Neville sighed and smiled at the way Percy shivered, arms tightening around him. ~I'm happy~ he thought, brushing his fingers across the front of Percy's robe, hearing the strong heartbeat beneath his ear. It beat quick and deep, gradually slowing as Percy's body uncoiled, warmth seeping through Neville where their skin was pressed together. He reached up to tangle their fingers together, liking the way their fingers looked interlaced.

"Have you ever been afraid of being happy?" he whispered.

Percy stirred against him, body shifting and opening to accept him. "Yes," he said, "I have."

"Are you afraid now?"

"A little."

"Me too." He tilted up his head to meet hazel eyes and smiled. "I'm petrified."

Percy lightly trailed his free hand down Neville's side, moving across the arch of his back, tip of his index finger lightly tapping each delicate knob of his spine. "Neville," he said, voice low and serious, "why were you in the infirmary so long?"

"Hmm?"

"If you fell down the stairs and got hurt... I mean. Why did they keep you so long? Couldn't Madame Pomfrey simply heal you?"

Neville froze, body stiffening, and Percy shifted in concern, red brows drawn together at the sudden withdrawal. "Neville?" he said, voice rising in alarm. "What's wrong?"

The other boy shook his head. "Nothing," he said, face turning away to look out the window. Through the glass he could see a sliver of blue sky and the curve of the lake, golden in the fading sunlight. "It's just... Percy, there's something I guess I should... I mean. Well."

"What's wrong? Neville, please, what's the matter?"

"It's *nothing*, not really, it's just... Well. I..."

Neville was interrupted by the door flying open to crash against the wall. He jerked up, face coloring as he pulled out of Percy's arms, aware of the other boy scrambling into a more dignified position as Seamus Finnegan grinned brilliantly and launched himself at Neville.

"*Neville*!" he laughed, arms wrapping around his shoulders and squeezing tight. "You're alive!"

"*What*?"

The impish face pulled up to look at him, eyes glittering. "Well, I'd assumed that the foul Dean-monster had consumed you, you'd been in here so *long*."

"Thanks, prat," Dean muttered good-naturedly from the doorway. Seamus turned his head, arms still locked firmly around Neville, and tossed him a huge grin, causing the tall, dark boy to clear his throat and shift.

Then, with a laugh, Seamus turned his attention fully back onto Neville. "Dean said you all were moving back into the tower today! That's great-- it's been so quiet up there without your snores and Dean getting up on the ass-crack of dawn." He swung around, one arm thrown over Neville's shoulder, then sent Percy a quick "Hey!" before looking back towards his best friend. "I swear he's inhuman," he babbled, and Neville fought back a laugh, amused at his exuberance. ~He's missed Dean~ he thought, a sharp pang of shame flickering through him. *He* had kept Dean from Seamus for so long. ~I bet he didn't know what to do with himself without Dean there...~

Seamus was still going on about Harry and Snape and papers and potions as Dean and Neville and Percy began moving around the room, slowly packing and listening to his excited chatter with spreading smiles. "And *then* Ron took the wand-- you know, the one that Snapey-pooh hides in his desk? The oak one? And he waves it around and starts babbling gibberish words, and Hermione actually stops him to scold him for not even getting the *accent* right, then takes the wand from him to show him how it was done when *Snape* walked back in and-- oh, hi, Justin-- and saw her with his spare wand, waving it around and chanting spells and..."

Neville looked up and smiled at Justin, who was standing a bit awkwardly in the doorway. He motioned for him to come in, nodding at Seamus and grinning. Justin nodded back, smile slowly spreading across his face as he began gathering books together, curly head cocked to the side to listen as Seamus told them everything that they had missed.

~I'm happy,~ he thought, fingers brushing against Percy's almost as if by accident. ~So happy.~

******************

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but everything seemed to fall into place. I went back to classes and the dorm room and everything became like it was before, only better. Only now I had friends to talk to and someone who... who. well.

Loved me.

I'm not quite sure how all this happened to me. I'm not sure how I went from one extreme to the other in such a short amount of time, but I did and it is wonderful. I was so lost before and now I am so... full. I am full of everything. And it feels like the boy, the coward, that took that step is dead now and *I'm* here, and I feel so much more confident, so much more alive.

I should thank Justin and Dean for finding me some day. Dean for finding me in the greenhouse and Justin for finding me deep inside of myself. I should talk to my other friends and thank them for being so wonderful. I should thank Ginny for caring enough to send the letter to her mother mentioning me. I should thank Percy for just being Percy.

I should tell him about what happened. I should. I should tell him. Justin tries to convince me to do it, to send Percy a letter letting him know everything, but I don't want to. I like how things are now. I don't want to deal with that any more.

I just want things to stay like they are.

******************

Dear Percy,

Hi! I know it hasn't been long at all since I've seen you, but I already missed you. Isn't that crazy? It's like the moment you're not there, I can feel it.

This was my first weekend back in the room again. It's kinda strange being back, as if I had been away in another world for a long time, but everyone's being so nice to me. Seamus and Dean and Ron and Harry held a room party for me when I came back and helped me put everything back in its proper place, and then we all went down to dinner together. It was really nice being there at the center of attention for a little bit, but I don't think that I'd like that every day. Justin smiled and waved at me from across the dining hall, but I didn't get a chance to go up and say hi to him. That makes me kind of sad-- I wonder if Dean and I will be able to see him often?

I've got to go now, but I just wanted to write and... yeah. I'll talk to you later.

Love, Neville

*****

Dear Neville,

I'm so glad to hear that everything's settling down for you at school. Life's heading back to normal for me here, too. My work has begun to improve again (I am forever grateful that I wasn't fired earlier with the way I was acting) and there has been talk of a possible promotion if I put in more work hours. You know, Neville, the thought of a promotion doesn't excite me as much as it used to. It would be nice to bring in more money to save up for, well, later when I have a house of my own and... well. Yes. But it's not something that I'm obsessed with having any longer.

There are more important things now.

love, Percy

****

Dear Percy,

I just had the most perfect day and wanted to share it with you. It was like the entire sky was singing-- have you noticed how blue it was? Professor Sprout let me work a little in my greenhouse-- she gave me the key and everything. I think they know that I've been sneaking in there, but now it's official and all right for me to go there any time that I want.

Later, though, Justin was allowed to sit with us at the Gryffindor table. I don't think it's something he'll be able to do often, but it was so nice to be able to talk to him. It's been a long time, it seems, since I've been able to say more than a word or two to him. We all sat together at dinner and laughed at Seamus' jokes, and it was like we were a family. I heard that Justin's writing to you occasionally as well. Well, I didn't hear, really, because Justin told me himself, and saying that I heard it makes it sound like I got the information from someone else. And Justin's not like that. He always tells the truth.

Although I am curious what he has to say to you?

Oh! Dean's finally managed to tell Seamus that he was, well. You know. And he says that Seamus is driving him *insane* with it. Not like Seamus is upset or anything, but really kinda ultra-curious. Like he keeps asking him questions and prying for more information. Dean hasn't told him that he feels for *him*, but I think Seamus picked up on that anyways. I mean, it's kinda hard not to notice the way Dean looks at him. Justin commented on it once, but he looked kind of sad when he said it.

I have to go soon to work on my paper for Professor Snape. No matter what, he never seems to let up. Oh, well, I guess that's good-- it teaches us a lot. And I'm not making as many mistakes as I used to, which is great. Hermione actually said that I was starting to get a hang of Transfigurations. I think she was just being nice, but I *am* getting a little less miserable in that class. Maybe I'll find a way to pass yet!

love, Neville

****

Dear Neville,

Well, it took a couple of weeks, but I've finally received a letter from Professor Dumbledore saying that I can visit you for the day. I've stopped working on the weekend, so there's no work to worry about. When would you like me to come see you?

love, Percy

****

Dear Percy,

Oh, as soon as possible!!! This weekend? Oh, that's four days away... but it'll be here soon. Yes? This weekend? You'll be here? I miss you so much.

Love, Neville

****

Dear Neville,

I'll see you this weekend.

love, Percy

****

Percy,

You said you were coming this weekend? Could you possibly come a little earlier than you told Neville and meet me? Say in his greenhouse? I thought we should perhaps talk a bit before you see him.

Justin

*****************

Justin leaned back against the curve of the fountain, eyes moving over the press of greenery and brilliant flowers. He'd been surprised when he'd first come into the greenhouse at the thick, sunlit feel of tranquility that hung in the air, shifting with the light breeze that mixed sweet scents of flowers and dirt. His hands moved to brush the floor, feeling the warmth that seemed to seep up from the ground, soothing and soft.

"Amazing," he whispered.

He lifted his chin at the sound of the door opening, hands settling on his knees. "Hello?" he called.

"Hello?" Percy's voice echoed back from the other side of the greenhouse and Justin nodded, standing and dusting off his palms.

"I'm over here," he said. "Near the back."

There was the sound of rustling leaves as Percy came back towards him, flowers bobbing forward to brush against his black robe and tickle at his wrists. "Hello, Justin," he said, stepping into the small clearing, nodding when Justin smiled a greeting at him.

"Hey Percy."

"You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah, I did." He glanced behind him and sat down on the rim of the fountain, motioning for Percy to sit next to him. He'd struggled with the decision for a long time, guilt and friendship and professionalism warring with one another as he'd watched Neville's increasingly happy smiles. At breakfast, when letters arrived, Neville looked almost transported as he tore open the scrolls and eagerly read, lips turning up into a smile.

And yet, Justin was sure, Percy was missing part of the puzzle.

"This shouldn't take long," he assured the other boy with a smile. Percy was shifting next to him, obviously trying to force himself to sit still. ~He's eager to see Neville, of course. He wants to be with the person he loves... and you are *not* getting jealous of other people's happiness Finch-Fletchley!~ "I just needed to make sure that you were clear on some things before you went on."

"Clear on what?" It was hard to read Percy, but Justin was fairly sure that there was concern in that low, cultured voice. Good-- concern was always very, very good.

"What exactly has Neville told you about his stay in the infirmary?" he asked carefully, eyes dropping down. Percy didn't like for people to meet him in the eye too often; he felt the challenge and tried to rise to it whenever it seemed as if someone were confronting him, and Justin wanted this to go smoothly. He wanted Percy to remain as calm as possible and not over-react to a danger which was already in the past. "Has he told you anything?"

"Not much," Percy admitted, shoulders shrugging slightly. "I understand that he doesn't like to talk about it."

"Yes." Justin sighed and raked his hand through his hair, eyes flickering shut. This was always the worst part. "Percy... What do you know about the MMCC?"

His tongue flickered out to wet his lips as he thought, head tilting to the side to catch light on his glasses. "The Magical Medicine and Counseling Core?"

Justin nodded.

"Well, not much, I'll admit. You have to pass the bar exam to get into advanced classes in Medicine. And you have to go through several field tests to get into the Counseling program."

"And did you know that Hogwarts has basic training for the MMCC?"

Percy's brows rose. "No, I didn't know that."

"Well, it's mostly for Counseling, and it's mostly Hufflepuff-- it's certainly not a big program. But it *is* there, and the senior level students are... Well, we're put in charge of certain cases." He looked up to meet Percy's eyes, then flickered his gaze back down. "Trouble cases."

"Trouble cases?" Percy's voice was very carefully even.

"Yes... We're each assigned to an individual who has been identified as in risk."

"I think you'd better get to your point," the other boy said, voice low and strained.

"Yes, of course. Well, Neville was in this 'at risk' category because of his family background and noted interactions with other students, but it wasn't taken seriously. Hannah Abbot, another senior Hufflepuff, was required to check in with him no more than once a month, and he never even knew she was watching..."

"Justin." Percy's voice held a low warning.

"But more should have been done, you see. We misjudged exactly how unhappy he was."

Percy stood, black robe falling around his legs as he strode across the small space, arms clutching around his stomach as if he knew what was coming and was bracing himself for a deep blow. Justin slowly stood and reached out to touch his shoulder, stilling his erratic motions and turning the older boy to look at him. "Neville tried to kill himself," he said quietly, fingers pressing comfortingly into his shoulder, trying to sooth him with his presence. "Dean Thomas found him and took him to Madame Pomfrey, and I was called in to..."

"It's not possible," Percy spat, moving away. His face was pale, drained of color, like a marble statue left to soak in the cold. His hands trembled, moving like injured white birds as he smoothed down his already-perfect robes. "You're lying."

"Percy..."

"No."

Justin moved forward to touch him, voice dropped low and soothing. "Percy, I..."

Percy jerked away, eyes wild and dark. "*No*," he hissed, mouth twisting and hands clenching. "No no *no*, I don't believe you." He shook his head, eyes slipping shut as his lips pressed together, staining white. "He wouldn't... Not when... No. I didn't..."

"Percy. Percy!" ~This went *bad*~ Justin cursed as he reached out and took Percy firmly by the shoulders, fingers gripping insistently into his shoulders. ~I handled this badly.~ "It wasn't your fault-- he was heading there fast, and nothing any of us could do would have stopped it."

"You know that's not true," Percy whispered, eyes flickering open to look at him. Wet drops clung to his lashes and his skin was a pale contrast to his dark eyes. "You *know* it's not-- you know it's my fault."

"No, Percy," Justin said, head shaking. "No, that's not true."

"Yes, it *is*." The older boy pulled out of his grip forcefully, wrenching from his soothing hands and turning to look at him. "How?"

"I don't..."

"*How*. How did he do it? Poison? A knife?" His eyes narrowed. "Did he throw himself down the stairs?"

"Percy..."

"*Tell* *me*."

Justin sighed helplessly and sat back down on the low rise of the fountain. "A knife," he said, elbows resting on his knees and hands dangling between his legs. "He slit his wrist."

"Oh." Percy's voice was low and breathy, as if he had been punched hard in the stomach and couldn't draw in enough air to breathe. "I see..."

"But you don't see all of it," Justin said, looking up to meet his eyes. "You don't see all of it by far... to know everything, you have to ask Neville."

"Ask Neville what?"

Both boys started at the low tone from behind them, and Justin stood guiltily, tongue darting out to lick his lips. Neville glanced at him, then at Percy, fair brows drawing down into a deep frown. "Percy, what's wrong?"

"Is it true?" Justin almost didn't recognize Percy's voice-- it was low and soft, as if he had been kicked hard and didn't dare to try for anything more.

"Is what true?"

Percy stepped forward and gently took Neville's hand in his. He ducked his head down to meet the other boy's eyes, catching them with his own, then, slowly, began to push up the long black sleeve.

"Percy, I..."

"Shh, Neville." His hand moved the cloth up, raising it towards the bend of his elbow, eyes still caught with Neville's. Then, slowly, he lowered his gaze.

Justin watched as his shoulders tightened beneath the black fall of his robe, then jerked lightly, as if he were fighting back tears. Neville's other hand was in his hair, pulling out the tie that held the long strands back and letting it fall about his face and Neville's wrist as Percy leaned down to kiss the snaking white line, finally healing after so long.

"I'm so sorry," Percy whispered against the tender flesh of his arm, lips moving across his wrist. Neville's eyes shone wet with tears, captured like diamonds against his skin as he brushed his thumb across Percy's cheek, moving down the curve of his jaw to gently lift his face.

"It's all right," he said, voice low and choked. His lips curled up into a small smile, at odds with the tears moving freely down his cheeks as he pulled Percy into his arms. "I forgive you."

Justin watched them for a long moment, Percy curled in Neville's arms as if he were the small one, as if he were the weak one, shoulders shaking and mouth whispering an endless stream of apologies and endearments. Neville's face was buried in his hair, expression gentle as he stroked his hands down his back, soothing and calming and bleeding love into him.

~So beautiful~ Justin thought, head shaking. ~So amazingly beautiful.~

Then, slowly, he slipped out of the door, leaving Neville and Percy alone in the heavy stillness of the greenhouse.

******************

Neville's arms were warm and strong around him, curling over his back and stroking up his spine as they stood together in the gathered light of the greenhouse. The light noise of the fountain made a counterpoint to Neville's soft murmurs as he gently pushed back Percy's hair and kissed his forehead, motions slow and tender, as if Percy was a small child.

As if Neville was the strong one.

~He is,~ Percy thought, eyes squeezing shut as he held on tight to his lover. ~He is the strong one.~ "Oh, I didn't know," he breathed against his shoulder. It was something that he'd never considered-- that Neville would become broken upon his rejection.

That *he* would become broken as well.

~My strength and his weakness. His strength and my weakness. Pieces of a whole.

Pieces that finally fit.~

"Neville, I am so sorry," Percy whispered again, "I am *so*..."

"No, Percy." Neville reached down to take his hands, curling his fingers around Percy's. Percy looked up at the low, gentle tone, meeting the light brown eyes that were bright and smiling as Neville leaned up to press their lips together. Their lips brushed once, twice, moving delicately as if afraid of more as Neville spoke, words breathing into Percy's trembling mouth. "Don't apologize again."

"But I..."

"No."

"But..."

Neville laughed and pulled away, brows raising. Percy's lips slowly quirked up into a smile as the other boy snaked his arms around his neck.

"All right," he smiled, his own arms going around Neville's waist to pull him closer, fingertips tracing along the curve of his spine. ~So warm.~ "No more."

"Good," Neville sighed, snuggling his face into the hollow of Percy's neck and shoulder. He pursed his lips, pressing a kiss against the column of his throat and smiled when Percy shivered in response. They were silent for another long moment, gently swaying as they held onto one another, neither willing to let go. The sun was warm against their faces, bathing their closed lids and curving lips.

"How long are you here for?" Neville whispered. It was as if they *had* to whisper, to keep the moment from shattering.

~So close,~ Percy thought as he pulled Neville tighter against him. ~I was so close to losing him.~

"Not long." Percy kissed Neville's hair, then his cheek, nuzzling at his neck contentedly. His skin was sweet and warm and so soft against him. "Though Professor Dumbledore mentioned later visits may be longer after seeing how this one goes."

"Then we should be on our best behavior," Neville sighed.

Percy pulled away, a single brow arching. "Why did that suddenly sound so promising?" he teased.

Neville blinked. "What?"

His brown eyes were sparkling as Percy looked down at his lover, hands flattening and moving up his back. "Nothing," he said, leaning in to kiss Neville's nose, but the other boy ducked his face away, eyes narrowing. "What?" Percy said, then shook his head. "*What*?" ~What did I do *now*?~

"*Nothing*" Neville mimicked, turning his face away when Percy tried to kiss him again. Percy made a low, complaining noise and Neville laughed as he stepped away, shaking the insistent fall of blond hair from his eyes.

"Neville, I..."

"Oh, love," he laughed, snuggling back against him sweetly.

~This is what Mum and Dad feel towards each other when they hold one another,~ Percy thought, taking Neville's hand in his own and shaking his head. Their joined fingers felt like forever. ~I'm so glad I know how it feels. So very, very glad.~

***************

"Percy?"

"Yes, Neville."

"You *do* realize that the bulbs go in roots *down*, right?"

::pause:: "Of course I do, Neville."

::one corner of mouth quirks up:: "And you're planting these poor, innocent plants the wrong way up because...?"

::serious expression:: "Innovation."

"Excuse me?"

"Innovation. I am taking initiative and trying things a new way. Broadening the plant's horizons."

::laugh:: "You're going to broaden the *plants* horizons? Percy, they don't have horizons to *broaden*. They're..."

"Shh."

"Huh?"

"Shh, they may hear you and get discouraged."

"*Percy*, they're *plants*. They don't get discouraged."

::looks down at bulb in his hand with a sad expression:: "Now look what you did, Neville. Who knows how much you've stunted this poor thing's growth."

"**Percy**"

"It may take seasons of intensive therapy before it's ready to produce..." ::pause. look up:: "What type of plant was this again?"

::giggle:: "Onion."

"Yes, indeed. Onion. Poor, stunted little onion."

::laugh:: "Percy, you are *weird*."

::arched brow:: "It took you this long to figure that out?"

"And I love you."

"Again with the obvious." ::mock serious expression melts away to be replaced by a soft, sweet look.:: "And I love you. So much."

"Too much?"

"Never."

***************

Dear Neville,

Well. Hi.

This is ridiculous. It's almost like I don't know what to say to you now. I... Ok. I think we need to talk soon about, you know, our plans and everything. For after you graduate. Because, Neville, I don't think that we should pursue anything *serious* until you've graduated.

No, no, no, wait. I just read that over and realized that it didn't sound right. I want to be in a, well, er, you know, relationship with you. That's all I want, it seems sometimes. It's certainly all I think about. You've somehow found your way deep inside of me, and I wouldn't be able to pry you from my life even if I wanted to. Which I don't.

And now I'm not making sense. You do that to me far too often, it seems.

Ok. Neville. I want to be with you for... for a long time. Forever. I like who I am when I'm with you. That hasn't happened for a long, long time-- me liking myself, that is. Me liking how I felt. And now I think of you and I am happy and content and... So. So I've saved up a bit of money. Mum and Dad won't let me give any to them, and Ginny only accepts so much before she starts to feel bad, so I. Well. I have quite a bit saved up. For a flat of my very own.

Um. Of our very own, if you want. I mean, I don't want to pressure you, and I know we haven't been together for very long and it probably seems like too soon, but, yeah, well. If you want to, I'd like it. I like it a lot.

But, yes. After you graduate. Until then, we can keep getting to know each other. There is so much I want to know about you.

love, Percy

****

Dear Percy,

YES! Yesyesyes! Harry and Ron and Dean and Seamus are all staring at me across the breakfast table like I've gone mad, but I don't care! I got your letter and had to respond right away-- I couldn't wait until later today.

Oh, yes, yes, yes Percy. Yes. Should I say it again? I'm grinning like a fool and it's wonderful. I think Seamus will hurt himself laughing at me, or perhaps hurting Dean-- he's punching him in the shoulder so hard. But, wow. I want that so much. You can't understand how much.

Our very own flat. That's just... amazing springs to mind. Yes, amazing will do.

Did I mention that I loved you?

Things are going so great. Seamus is *still* driving Dean absolutely insane. I swear, I knew that Seamus was persistent, but I never realized that he was quite so bad. Dean's beginning to regret ever telling him anything, but I know that he realizes how ridiculous that is. He practically dotes on Seamus-- it's so cute to watch.

And I think you need to talk to Ron about Harry. And Ginny's acting strange as well. Is there something in the water up here?

Justin hasn't been seen around much, except for brief glimpses across the Great Hall. I asked Dean, but he said he hasn't talked to him since a couple of weeks ago when he joined us for dinner. I wonder why he's avoiding us? I hope he's ok.

Well, I should go. But I'll write more to you soon.

Love, Neville

***************

"Dean? Do you have a moment?"

Dean Thomas glanced up at the timid voice, smiling when he saw Neville standing in the doorway. "Come on in," he said, pushing back his books. "It's your room, too."

Neville stepped into the shared room and nodded, a small smile creeping across his face. "I know," he said, moving to sit on the end of the bed, facing Dean. "But still... is anyone else here? Seamus?"

Dean sighed and shook his head. "Thank *goodness*, no. Harry and Ron and Hermione took him off to pester Hagrid." His long, dark fingers toyed with the hem of his robe, tugging at a loose thread. Finally he looked up and met Neville's eyes, leaning forwards and voice dropping down low. "Neville, he's driving me insane."

Neville smiled and leaned back against the canopy post, arms crossing over his chest as he listened. "What's he doing now?"

"He's asking me... he's asking what I think about when I, you know..." He made a vague motion with his hand.

Neville's eyebrows shot up. "You're kidding?"

"*No*, I'm *not*." He shook his head helplessly, fingers threading together as his shoulders slumped down. "He keeps jumping in with questions like that-- and *worse*-- at the most random moments. I mean, one moment, he's the same best friend I've always known and loved, and then... Then it's like he sprouts horns and starts *pestering* me."

"And did you tell him?"

Dean stared at Neville, then shook his head, laughing. "I lied," he said, lips quirking up. Then he paused. "Well... not completely *lied*, but I didn't give him the *whole* truth."

"So maybe you should tell him how you feel about him. Then it becomes more personal for him and perhaps he can learn to accept it better."

Dean's brows arched in surprise. "Tell him how I feel about him? Neville, are you joking? He'd *never* let me live that down."

"I don't think you're giving Seamus enough credit, Dean."

"Right. Yeah." Dean sighed, then shook his head as if he were gathering his thoughts back together again. "I'm sorry-- you came here to unload on me and here I am going on about Seamus."

Neville smiled and touched his hand. "It's not important. It's rather silly, actually."

"No, I don't think so... Come on, Neville-- what's wrong?"

Neville sighed and leaned back against the bed post. This was going to take a *while*. "Well, everything's going great, but I'm fairly sure Percy still thinks of me as a child."

"A child?"

"Yes. And it's as if he feels he has to protect me from himself, if that makes sense."

Dean leaned forwards, hands clasped. "In what way?"

"Er..." Neville blushed bright red as he cast his eyes away, suddenly shy. "In a... you know. Um. Physical way." Now he was the one toying with the hem of his robe, fingers slipping through the small holes and making them wider.

"A physical way?"

"Er, yeah. You know... physically."

"Phyis... Oh!" Dean's eyes widened, then he laughed, head shaking. Neville looked at him for a moment, then joined in with a quiet chuckle, the tension bleeding from his chest. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal after all. "Oh, Neville. Now that is a problem."

Neville smiled. "Yes, it is. He's trying to, well, *wait* until after I graduate because he thinks of me as a child."

"While you are certainly not a child."

"No," Neville agreed. "No, I'm not."

"Have you told him this?"

"I've tried, but I don't think he's listening. I think he sometimes still sees me as the little first year who kept losing his frog."

Dean watched him through heavy lids, eyes sparkling. "Well, then," he said slowly, lifting up one of his books and laying it in his lap. "You're just going to have to force his hand."

"Force his hand?"

"Make him admit that he loves you and wants you *now*."

"But Dean... how am I going to do that?"

Dean smiled, dark eyes sparkling. "Oh... I think you'll think of something."

*****************

Dear Neville,

Dumbledore informed me that I can come to visit you again. I think he realizes that other students may view this as favoritism, so we have to be more or less careful not to draw attention to ourselves. Not that I think we scream for attention regardless, but oh well. I'll have a few hours to spend there, on either Saturday or Sunday. When and where would you like to meet?

Love, Percy

***

Dear Percy,

Oh, that's wonderful! Come on Saturday to the far edge of the lake-- the end near the big rocks. I'll be waiting.

love, Neville

***************

"Hey, Percy."

Percy whirled around at the low voice, a small, bright smile growing across his face as he stepped forwards. "Hello Neville," he said, wanting to lean forward and kiss the other boy but aware of other students across the green. Instead, he leaned forward to take the small basket Neville was carrying, fingers brushing up against his lover's and sending warm tingles down his arm. ~You are being ridiculous, Weasley,~ he admonished himself as Neville began leading him across the green, chatting brightly about are recent episode with Harry, Ron, and a dung beetle. ~Absolutely ridiculous.~

He glanced at Neville out of the corner of his eyes. It was as if he couldn't look at the other boy enough-- the fall of golden hair, the shy way he looked up through his lashes, the way his lips curled... The softness of his skin and the bright scent of his hair.

Their hands somehow found their way together as they walked, fingers threaded through each other and grasping tightly as Neville looked up at him and smiled.

And somehow, that was all that mattered.

*****************

::pause:: "Neville?"

::unpacking picnic:: "Hmm?"

"What is *this*?"

::look up:: "Mmm... I'm not sure, actually."

"You're not *sure*?"

"No."

"Didn't you make this?"

"No."

::blink:: "Do I want to know *who* made our dinner for us?"

::small grin, quickly hidden:: "No, not really."

"Ah." ::long pause as he examines the strangely-colored sandwich.:: "I think I want to know anyway, Neville. Just to be sure."

"Well, Seamus and Dean were kind enough to make us lunch."

"*Seamus* was allowed into the kitchen?"

"He's really not quite that bad..."

"*Seamus*??"

"... if you have absolutely no taste buds..."

::laugh:: "Well, it's certainly... green."

::grin:: "Yes. Yes, I could agree to that. It's very *very* green."

"And you have no idea what it is?"

"Not a clue."

"Ah, well..." ::raise sandwich with a smile. "Here's to daring."

****************

Neville sighed and turned his face into Percy's chest, one arm snaking around his waist as he looked up at the slowly fading sky.

"It's getting dark," he said, not moving from his comfortable bed in the curve of Percy's shoulder. Percy nodded but didn't say anything, one arm folded like a pillow beneath his head and the other wrapped around Neville's back, holding him close.

Neville smiled and burrowed in closer, fingers trailing lightly across Percy's black robe. His lover always dressed in neat, austere clothing, perfectly pressed and clean. He picked at a piece of grass half-hidden within a fold of the robe and kissed at Percy's jaw, running his lips lightly across the curve of his throat.

"Mmmm," Percy sighed, eyes drifting shut in obvious enjoyment.

"Percy," Neville said quietly.

"Hmmm?"

"Percy... I want to, well, be with you."

Percy looked down at him, brows drawing together. "But you are with me, Neville."

"No. No, I want to *be* with you. You know..."

Percy seemed to think for a moment, then his eyes flew open wide. "Neville, we shouldn't," he said quickly.

"Why not?" Neville growled, frustrated. "Why shouldn't we? I want you. I can tell that you want me, too."

"Yes, well, that's not the point..."

"And what *is* the point, Percy?" Neville asked, standing. Percy reached out automatically to help him, hands moving down his arm to his shoulder as Neville faced him, then falling away to his side, fingers grasping idly. "Is there one?"

"Of course there is."

"And what is it?"

"I've already told you," Percy tried weakly, shaking his head. "What more do you need?"

"That's not an explanation, Percy." Neville's voice was low and strong, assured as he looked at his lover, lips pressing into a fine line when Percy refused to meet his eyes. "That's an excuse."

Percy shook his head. "It's all I've got. I just think we should wait."

"For you or for me?"

"For you."

"I don't need to wait, Percy. I don't need to be coddled like a child."

"Neville, I..."

Neville barreled on, voice raising over Percy's. "I don't need to be treated like a child or like an invalid. I don't need you thinking of me as the weak one and you as the strong one. We're supposed to try to be strong *together*-- isn't that the point?"

Percy looked up desperately, hands outstretched before him. "I *don't* think of you as weak, Neville."

Neville looked up and met him in the eyes, brows raised and voice quiet. "Then why do you feel you have to make decisions for me?"

They were silent for a long moment, Percy not knowing what to say and Neville knowing that he'd already said enough. Finally, Percy shook his head, red hair moving to brush his cheeks and obscure his eyes. "I just... I think we should."

"To protect me."

"Yes."

Neville sighed, shoulders slumping. "All right-- let's go on inside."

"You-- you're not going to push it?"

"Not this time."

"But later?"

"Later." He picked up the picnic basket as Percy folded the sheet, hands idly picking strands of grass away. Then, not looking at each other, they headed towards the school.

*********************

Dear Percy,

We're starting to wind down as the winter comes on strong. I can't believe such a short time has passed-- it feels like forever. It feels like more than forever sometimes. Hagrid's put away all the pumpkins and has begun talking about which trees he should cut from the Christmas tree field for the Great Hall, and classes are beginning to speed up again as we get ready for midterms.

And I miss you. I just thought I'd let you know.

Dean and Seamus are still at odds, even though Dean's hinting that things may be working out. I hope that they do. Oh, and Justin says hi. I managed to corner him and Hannah Abbot (you remember her-- the blond Hufflepuff?) in the library. He says he hasn't been avoiding me-- he's just been so busy preparing for next year when he graduates. He's not sure he's going to enter the Counseling Core. Can you believe it?

I need to get some homework done for Professor Flitwick. I'll hear from you soon, I hope.

Love, Neville

****

Dear Neville,

I'm so glad to hear that everything's working out fine for you. Everything is going wonderfully at this front. I was promoted yesterday-- it wasn't a large promotion, of course, and it doesn't mean that much of a climb up, but it is something, and the pay bonus was nice. I convinced Mum to let me replace the old stove and bought Ginny some sandals and sent some more money for her to get, well, more feminine things that I'm sure I'd just botch up.

The rest was put away in savings. Flats are getting expensive these days.

I think Mum suspects something's up. She keeps looking at me strangely when I come down to breakfast, as if she knows that I'm up to something.

Let me know how potions class is coming along. How's Snape treating you?

love, Percy

****

Dear, Percy

Oh, Potions is going along just grand. Professor Snape and I have an agreement-- I don't bother him and he bothers Ron and Harry instead. Well, it works for *me*.

Ginny is very pleased with her presents, I think. She bought a picture-locket which she wears all the time, but she won't let me see what's inside of it. She just blushes and tells me to go tend to a plant or something. She's also humming a lot. Good signs.

Oh! We're having a Hogsmeade weekend coming up. I thought we could meet and talk. Yes, definitely talk. There're some things I've made decisions about.

I love you.

love, Neville

****

Dear Neville,

Er... I'm not sure we should meet at Hogsmeade. There's just too much of a chance for something... I just think we should keep our meetings to the school grounds where we can be, well, monitored.

love, Percy

****

Dear Percy,

Don't be silly. I'll meet you at the inn at Hogsmeade. Room 12.

Love, Neville

****

Dear Neville,

Love, I'm not positive this is such a good idea. A room? At the inn? Maybe we should just meet at the lake at Hogwarts again.

Love, Percy

****

Dear Percy,

5:00. I'll be waiting.

Love, Neville

***************

I'm not sure what took over me when I rented out a room and insisted that Percy meet me. I'm not sure where I found the guts and the strength to talk everything through with him-- everything *finally-- and make him see that I was an adult and no longer a child.

It was hard. It was frustrating. It was beautiful, amazing, and...

Well. I don't think you need the details, Mum. All you need to know is that I'm an adult now.

And Percy knows it. And I know it. And that's all that matters.

****************

"And *then* I knew there was no way Devon and I were getting out of there without a fight," Seamus continued brightly, ignoring his friend's groans and unbelieving snorts. "So I took out my wand and..."

"Ran away," Ron added quickly, ducking when Seamus threw a piece of bread towards him.

"*Very* quickly," Harry added with a smug smile.

They all paused and glanced at Neville, Seamus with an extravagant pleading/pouting face and the others with expectant expressions. Neville picked up his fork and poked at his food, lips curving up into a small smile. "As fast as his little legs would take him."

Seamus made an indignant squawk while the others laughed, but the Irish student soon joined in on the laughter, dimpling as owls swooped down with the morning letters.

"Yeah, laugh it up," Neville heard Seamus say to Harry as he opened a letter. "But *you* sure aren't one to talk about *short*."

Neville eagerly unrolled his scroll, cheeks flushing in pleasure as he nodded to Hermes.

"We prefer petite," Ron rebutted calmly.

Neville looked over the short lines of his letter, grin splitting his face and eyes tearing up as he read them over and over again. Then, sighing, he turned to Dean. "Do you have a quill?" he whispered.

"Sure; here." Dean handed him a quill, then glanced over his shoulder to read the flowing script, handwriting as neat and even and beautiful as calligraphy.

***

Dear Neville,

IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou.

Love, Percy

***

"What are you going to write back?" Dean whispered.

"Oh... not much." Neville smiled and quickly penned his response, then attached the letter onto the waiting Hermes. He watched Percy's owl fly out with all of the rest with a brilliant smile, eyes sparkling as he turned back to his friends, heart almost foolishly light.

***

Dear Percy,

I know.

***************