Shades of Gray

LadyEruke - no, I'm trying to let Remus deal with his anti-Gryff prejudice...
Sorseress - thank you *blush* and you do get to see him get his letter now
Unregistered (ha ha) - thank you, I tried to make it as original as I could
Sirius_Black - Thank you too, no, it's not the moon... you'll see
another Unregistered - thanks, I noticed that most MWPP fics are from James' or Lily's perspective. That must be changed!
weird sister - thank you as well, yes I'll try to write more and quickly!
Valentard - is it really that sad? *sniff* I'll try to cheer him up, I promise!
Liz_Swarthy - thank you :) and here's chapter two
Tamz - yes, I'm trying to portray the "dark side" of Gryffindor, so to speak - prejudice and a tendency to oversimplify.
Many thanks to my beta-reader Caro! And a question for all my reviewers: Should I have Remus' twin Romulus attend Hogwarts as well? I haven't decided yet.

* * * * *

It was too early in the morning for Ziana to be awake, so Remus tried to be as quiet as possible while he got out some bread. He really didn't feel hungry - a side-effect of the transformation was appetite loss and queasiness - but he knew that he was too thin as it was, and fasting for a few days after each full moon wouldn't do his appearance or overall health any good. Still, he didn't feel able to keep anything but some dry bread down. Why did this have to happen to me? Remus thought bitterly. What did I do to deserve having my life ruined like this?

A sudden tap on the window interrupted his thoughts. Looking outside, he saw a large snowy owl fluttering in the rain, a letter in its claws. What's an owl doing here? Ziana did not have many friends, even less now that she was taking care of Remus, and owls were an extremely uncommon sight at her home.

Remus walked over to the window and opened it, the drenched owl flying in with an annoyed-sounding hoot. The letter was dry though - must be an Impervius charm. Remus frowned - the address was written in green ink:

Remus Lupin

The Upstairs Bedroom

Syrent Cottage

Witchwood

Turning it over slowly, Remus saw the purple seal on the back - a large H surrounded by a lion, an eagle, a badger and a serpent. Hogwarts! It came! I think I managed to convince myself I wouldn't be getting one, after all... but it came! An idiotic grin spread over the young werewolf's face. Carefully opening it with trembling fingers, he almost dropped the parchment on the floor.

HOGWARTS SCHOOL

of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock,

Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We are aware of your condition and measures will be taken in order to ensure your and others' safety. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment. Term begins on Sept. 1, we await your owl by no later than July 31.

Yours sincerely,

Minerva McGonagall

Deputy Headmistress

"What's that you have there, Remus?"

The werewolf looked up. Ziana Syrent was coming down the stairs, rubbing at her eyes. "It came!" he said, still grinning. He gave her the letter and picked up the second sheet of parchment, this one listing his schoolbooks and equipment. Miss Syrent skimmed over the letter and smiled. "Well, I see that the new Headmaster is as unprejudiced as everyone claims he is - at least concerning Dark Creatures."

"Can I go?" Remus asked hopefully.

"I can't see why not, if the Headmaster says it's all right and they take precautions..." Miss Syrent was interrupted as Remus dropped his letter and hugged her. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

She blinked, bemused. "Well, I don't know what I did that you should thank me for. Let's go to Diagon Alley and get your school things, shall we?"

"What, right now?"

"No, of course not right now. I was intending to wait until after breakfast at least." Miss Syrent smiled at the young werewolf. "After all, you wouldn't want to have to interrupt your shopping because you're hungry, would you?"

* * * * *

On top of the transformation queasiness, Remus was so excited he could hardly think of food, yet Miss Syrent wouldn't let him leave the table until he'd eaten several slices of bread. Then he went upstairs and changed into his good robes - the ones he'd been wearing were old and torn - while Miss Syrent got the money. Remus winced - he knew that his school things would be very expensive, and Ziana Syrent was quite poor. He hoped that they wouldn't have to buy too many things secondhand, he didn't want to be laughed at when he came to Hogwarts. But then again, he didn't really mind being an outcast - he was used to it by now - as long as he actually got to go to Hogwarts. Remus could no longer imagine taking that for granted.

A short time later, both of them were downstairs. Remus was nervously playing with his sleeves while Miss Syrent was counting the money. "... thirty Galleons... that should be enough. After all, I still have most my schoolbooks, and they haven't been changed that much. The only new one you need is Magical Drafts and Potions, we used The Art of Potion-brewing. Seems they've replaced that one - a good thing, too, it was far too difficult. I also still have a cauldron and some scales from my Hogwarts days, I lost my telescope though, and the phials broke... so we'll have to get those as well. Ready to go, Remus?"

The young werewolf nodded, eyes nearly glowing with excitement. The golden tinge was nearly gone although the full moon had only been a few days ago. He picked up some Floo powder from the small sack next to the fireplace, threw it into the fire, stepped in and shouted, "Diagon Alley!"

Remus squeezed his eyes shut as he felt himself spinning. Unlike most people, he didn't really mind traveling by Floo - it wasn't nearly as bad as the transformations every full moon. He stumbled when he stopped spinning and fell flat onto the ground, quickly scrambling away as Miss Syrent came through behind him - she managed to keep herself from falling. He picked himself up and stared around.

It had stopped raining and the sun was peeking out from behind the gray clouds. Despite the early hour, Diagon Alley was full, witches and wizards bustling around. Many children and teenagers were here with their families - it was nearly the start of term after all - and there were even some Muggle-borns with their parents. They looked odd in their Muggle clothes, standing and staring. It had been years since Remus had last been in Diagon Alley, and he found himself shivering slightly - it was so big, so colorful, and there were all these people. It was quite intimidating.

"Well, why don't you go to Madame Malkin's and get your robes." Miss Syrent did not seem to be impressed at all; of course, she'd been in Diagon Alley much more often than Remus. "I'll go and get your telescope and phials, then we can meet at Flourish and Blotts - no new books, though. We can't afford it. After that, the wand - that always takes the longest." Miss Syrent gave Remus a purse with about ten Galleons in it, then left, leaving him standing alone in the bustling street. Now where is Madam Malkin's... ah, over there! He squeezed through the crowd and entered the shop.

Madam Malkin's was also full, and Remus had barely begun speaking when the witch working there interrupted. "You'll be starting Hogwarts, am I right? Don't worry, I know what you need. Sit over there and we'll be with you shortly." Remus nervously walked over to the stool indicated, then nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice came from behind him.

"Hi there! You starting Hogwarts too? My name's James Potter." Remus looked around to see a skinny boy with a head of unruly black hair peering at him from behind round glasses. "Mum and Dad went off somewhere and left me to get my stuff. Not that I mind, they'd drag me away from all the fun shops. So, who're you?"

"Remus Lupin," Remus answered softly.

"Really? I've heard of the Lupins. 'Course, my Dad works at the Ministry, so I hear all the newest gossip." Remus shrugged, he really didn't want to continue this conversation but had no idea what to say to make the boy stop. Thankfully, he seemed to get the hint. "So, what house d'you want to be in? I'm going to be in Gryffindor, I'm sure. All my family has been so far... although my aunt's in Hufflepuff. I hope I don't end up there, Dad would have a fit."

Remus blinked slightly. After all he'd been told of Gryffindor House, he didn't want to be in there. However, Miss Syrent had said that it was quite popular and that proclaiming himself as a Gryffindor-hater wouldn't get him many friends. "Ravenclaw, I guess. I don't want to be in Hufflepuff, and I guess Slytherin's not exactly the right place for me. And... well..." he bit his lip, wondering how to explain why he didn't want to be in Gryffindor. Fortunately, James interrupted.

"Don't think you're brave enough to be in Gryffindor? Don't worry, loads of people end up there who didn't think they were going to. You'll do fine, don't worry. D'you play Quidditch?"

"Well..." Remus did know how to fly - he'd practiced on an old broomstick - but he'd never had the friends to play Quidditch with.

"I do, it's really fun!" And James was off, talking at breakneck speed about the rules, the teams, the brooms, and how much fun it was. Remus began to feel slightly irritated - does this guy ever shut up? Luckily, at that moment Madam Malkin came in. "Your robes are done, dear." Lupin hopped off the stool and waved at James. "Bye - see you at Hogwarts." After all, he thought after pocketing his change, he may talk a lot but he seems quite nice - even if he is from a Gryffindor family. He might be a Ravenclaw, you never know. And the more he talks about himself, the lessquestions he'll ask me.

Remus walked across the street to the large bookshop, arms piled high with the packages from Madam Malkin's. He'd nearly reached the other side when somebody ran into him, knocking him down and scattering everything he was carrying onto the ground.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" the person cried, helping him up. It was a girl with flame-red hair and brilliant green eyes. Remus shook his head dazedly. "That's all right, it's easy to overlook someone in this crowd. Are you a Weasley?" he blurted, then blushed. Not everybody with red hair is a Weasley, after all.

The girl bent down and began helping him pick up his things. "Weasley? What's that? I'm Lily Evans by the way."

"Oh." Remus smiled. "The Weasleys are a family known for their red hair. I'm Remus Lupin." Looking at the girl more closely, he saw that she wasn't wearing robes, but some kind of strange blue trousers and a shirt with short sleeves. "Are you Muggle-born?"

"Muggle-born? What's that?" The girl seemed terribly confused.

"Sorry, where have my manners gone? A Muggle is a person who doesn't have any magic. Judging by your answer, I'd say you are Muggle-born - that's a wizard or a witch whose parents are Muggles."

"Oh... yes, I am. That is, they are. I mean... oh, forget it! Do you know where I can get these things? You see, I've never been here before, and I seem to have lost the rest of the family, and-"

Remus burst out laughing at the stricken expression on her face. "It's okay! I know my way around. Robes - you'll need robes. You can get those at Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions, the shop is just across the road. Then the schoolbooks - Flourish and Blotts, we're standing right in front of it! The only place for wands is Ollivander's, it's been around for over two thousand years. It's in that building over there, next to the cauldron shop. I see you've already the rest of your things." Remus stopped in order to take a deep breath. Lily was just about to say something when they heard voices behind them.

"Lily! Lily! There you are. Don't scare us, running off like that!" A nervous-looking woman in Muggle clothes pushed her way through the crowd, followed by a thin, horse-faced girl with limp blond hair. "Who knows where you could've ended up!"

"Oh, Mu-um..." Lily whined. Remus bit his lip to keep from laughing at her petulant expression. "I was just looking for where we could get the other things on the list. Luckily I ran across Remus here who showed me where everything is. Mum, Petunia, this is Remus Lupin. Remus, this is my mother and my sister Petunia."

Remus shook hands with everyone. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Evans. And don't worry, Diagon Alley isn't dangerous. Just don't go into Knockturn Alley, the entrance is over there. It's not a place you'd like to be." Remus had been there once, with Miss Syrent, and he knew that Knockturn Alley was definitely not a place for Muggles. "I'd better be going, I told Mi- my guardian that I'd be meeting her in Flourish and Blotts after I was done at Madam Malkin's. See you at Hogwarts, Lily!"

Remus entered the shop, flushing when he heard "...such a polite young man..." from the Muggles behind him. It was musty and cool inside, yet it was the books that drew Remus' attention. Shelves and shelves filled with them...

Remus jumped when he felt someone tap his shoulder. Miss Syrent was standing behind him, glaring at him. "I've already gotten your books - where have you been?"

He gulped. "Sorry, Miss Syrent. I bumped into a Muggle-born and her family on the way here and explained where all the different shops are - they were quite lost."

Miss Syrent nodded. "I see. Don't be late next time. Now all we need to do is get your wand."

Ollivander's was a small shop, filled with piles of narrow boxes. It was almost empty, except for a short, pale boy with silver-blonde hair who was just leaving. A man that looked just like him was waiting outside and gave Remus and Miss Syrent a penetrating stare. "Syrent." He spat the word as if it was an insult. Ziana Syrent raised her eyebrow. "Malfoy," she answered coldly, giving him a contemptuous look. The man hissed at her. "Come on, Lucius. Let's go."

"Who was that?" Remus whispered once they were out of hearing range.

"A Malfoy. Old pure-blood family, sniveling rats the lot of them. Prefer to creep around on their knees for someone rather than work for themselves - even Muggle-borns are better than those. Pretty deluded, the entire lot - don't you dare associate with them at Hogwarts."

Remus sighed and nodded. Somehow, the list of people that he wasn't to talk with grew longer and longer. He wondered whether James Potter should be on that list. He wouldn't ask, though. James seemed a nice enough person, if a bit talkative, but Miss Syrent was sure to dismiss him if only for the fact that he was from a Gryffindor family. Well, the Malfoys seemed rather mean - the way the man had said the name Syrent. He probably wouldn't have wanted to talk to that boy anyway.

"Ahh, and who do we have here? Ziana Syrent, I see. Beech and phoenix feather, ten inches, wasn't it?" A strange, pale-eyed man had come out from behind one of the piles of boxes

Miss Syrent nodded. "Indeed it was. But I'm not here for myself, but for young Remus here."

Remus swallowed when the silvery eyes focused on him. "Remus? Not your son though, there's no likeness. Remus... Lupin, I take it. Son of Aeneas Lupin and Natalie Turpin, am I correct?" The young werewolf nodded, trying to ignore the lump in his throat. "Ah, yes, I remember when your father was in here, buying his first wand. A special moment, indeed. You have his face, you know? He was easy to match - maple and dragon heartstring, quite rigid, eight inches. Your mother, on the other hand, gave me a bit more trouble. In the end she chose ash and unicorn tail-hair, eleven inches. Interesting combination, that. But I suppose-"

"We are not here to talk about Remus' parents," Miss Syrent interrupted coldly. "We are here to buy him a wand."

Mr. Ollivander stopped, eyes glinting. "I see... well, then, young Mr. Lupin. Let us begin. Hold out your wand arm."

Feeling rather nervous, Remus stretched out his right arm. A tape measure was dancing around him, taking various measurements - although he had no idea why it would need to know how the distance between his eyes, say, or the length of his nose. In the meantime, Mr. Ollivander was taking various boxes out of the shelves. "Here at Ollivander's, we only sell the finest wands. Each wand is made of a high-quality wood and has a magical core. We mostly use phoenix feather, unicorn tail-hair and dragon heartstring, although lately I have been testing other materials. However, no two Ollivander wands are the same, just as no two magical creatures are the same. And you will never use another wizard's wand as well as your own. Now, try this one. Willow and phoenix feather, twelve inches, rather bendy. Give it a wave."

Remus picked up the wand and waved it, but nothing happened.

"Apparently not. How about this one - oak and dragon heartstring, nine and a quarter inches, quite flexible."

Remus tried... and tried... The pile of discarded wands grew, and Mr. Ollivander frowned. "It seems you're a tricky customer, my friend. I believe... yes... some of the new materials might suit you. Try this one - eleven and a half inches, birch, pegasus feather. No? Then how about this one - twelve and three quarter inches, ebony, werewolf fur. Nice and springy."

Remus nearly choked when he heard Mr. Ollivander say "werewolf fur." Does he know? But the old wand-maker did not seem suspicious, so Remus reached over and took the wand.

It immediately felt warm in his hand, and as soon as he gave it a swish, it began glowing gold.

"Aha... interesting, indeed. Werewolf fur... I was beginning to believe I would never get rid of that one. Werewolf fur is not just for anyone, you know."

Remus wasn't sure he could stand, he was trembling so much. Luckily, Mr. Ollivander didn't say anything else but waved them out of the shop after taking seven Galleons for the wand. Outside, Remus took a deep breath of fresh air. Miss Syrent shot him a glance. "You look quite pale, Remus. I believe we'd better go home now."

The werewolf nodded, clutching his new wand. The incident at Ollivander's had struck too close to home for comfort, and he still felt dizzy. They walked over to the Leaky Cauldron and Flooed back to Syrent cottage, where Remus immediately fell into an armchair. Werewolf fur... why does this kind of thing keep happening to me? No matter, I can't change it, I have to learn to live with it. Driving everything that had happened to him out of his mind, he picked up his new Potions book and began to read.