To the Moon

This is a mistake.

Andromeda surveys me through my reflection in the mirror. "Don't even think about it," she warns, giving me a look reminiscent of the looks her daughter used to give me.

"What?" I turn away from the mirror with a frown.

"You're thinking about not going."

"No, I'm not."

"Yes you are," Andromeda insists, following me as I try to move away from her. "You're thinking that going to a counsellor means you're a crazy person."

I frown. Problem is - she's right.

"But it doesn't," Andromeda continues, still following me as I make my way down the hall. "All it means is that you need some help."

Help. What help do I need?

I don't reply and instead quietly enter Teddy's room, creeping over to check on him. His tiny baby arms are stretched out above his head, his mouth open in tiny baby snores, his hair tousled from sleep.

I sigh and let my fingers gently trace Teddy's jaw. He sighs in his sleep and turns over, unaware of my presence.

"Remus." Andromeda stands at the doorway. "Remus - it's time to go."

I sigh again, but don't turn to face her. "I'm not going," I say quietly.

Andromeda's face is half hidden in shadow. "Why not?" She inquires mildly, showing no surprise.

"Because I don't need to."

"You don't need to?"

"I'm fine."

"Oh really? Then why did you make this appointment in the first place?"

"Because." I turn away from my son and fix Andromeda with a look. "Harry Potter is remarkably like his father - able to persuade anybody of anything."

Andromeda smiles. "I think I've gotten to know you pretty well, Remus, and I know that no one can persuade you of anything. You make your own decisions."

I grimace. "If you know that then you know that I've made up my mind. I'm not going."

Andromeda smiles. "Look at you, Remus. You haven't left the house since...since..." Andromeda gulps. "...Since you came home from hospital," she finishes. "You've lost at least twenty pounds. You need help."

"I do not..." My voice trails off as I catch sight of myself in the mirror. I look twenty years older: my face is gaunt and grey, my body frail and wispy. I blink in surprise.

When did this happen?

"See?" Andromeda's voice is soft in my ear. "You see it, don't you Remus?"

I nod silently. "I'll get my coat."

**********

Walking through the doors to the office, I feel nerves crawling across my skin like insects. I'm still not convinced as to why I'm here. I steel myself and walk the distance to the receptionist's desk. She looks up as I approach and smiles politely.

"Hi," I say jerkily. "I have an appointment to see Olivia Covington. My name is Remus Lupin."

The receptionist looks down at a list and then nods. "She'll be out soon, Mr. Lupin. Have a seat." The receptionist gestures to a row of chairs and I nod numbly, heading towards the seats where I sit gingerly, putting my cane beside me.

I've been sitting for maybe a minute when I feel eyes upon me. Looking up, I see a woman with a pair of blue eyes watching me intently under a mane of white blonde hair. When I look up, she smiles.

"That looks like a pretty nasty injury," she says, gesturing my leg. I shrug.

"It's not too bad," I say evasively, casting my eyes away from her and towards the floor again.

"How'd it happen?"

My eyes unwillingly lift up to meet hers again. "Oh...Just a household mishap," I lie quickly, the real reason for my injury sparking chills throughout my body.

"Must have been a pretty nasty injury."

I shrug but remain silent, hoping she'll get the hint.

She surveys me for a minute, and I get the distinct feeling she's reading my thoughts. I quickly avert my eyes back to the floor. I don't want to start a conversation with this woman: I just want to go home.

"So...Why are you here?"

The bluntness of her question startles me and for the first time I meet her gaze squarely with my own. "I really don't think that's any of your business," I say curtly.

To my surprise, the woman looks in no way abashed by either her bold statement or my terse reply. She just continues to study me quietly, a small smile on her face.

In the piercing silence an uncomfortable feeling begins to rise in my stomach. "Why are you here?" I demand.

Her smile widens. "I'm crazy," she announces.

I snort. "That's a word I seem to hear a lot lately."

"Really?"

I sigh. "I'm only here because everyone I know thinks I should be here."

"So you just follow other people's wishes blindly, do you?"

I cut my eyes to her. "Sometimes it's easier," I say, not really sure why I'm opening up to this stranger who, by her own admission, has her own issues.

"So you don't think you really need to be here?" she inquires mildly.

"No, I don't," I say bluntly. "I think I'm fine."

"Fine." The woman shakes her head. "Now there's a word that defies all logic. What does that word even mean, anyway?"

I smile against my will. "I think that all the time."

She smiles back. "Usually people who use that word really aren't 'fine' at all."

I shrug again, my gaze slipping back to the carpet.

"There's no shame in coming to a counsellor, Remus."

My head jerks up. "How did you know my name?" I ask, my smile sliding away.

The woman's face becomes serious. "Especially losing your wife the way you did. And going through a battle where many of the people you loved died or were critically injured."

I'm on my feet before I know what I'm doing. "Who are you?" I demand. "How do you know about my wife and how do you know about the battle? What is this?"

The woman continues to survey me. "My name is Olivia Covington."

"Olivia..." Anger wells up inside of me. "The counsellor?"

The woman nods. "I knew this was the only way you would see me, Remus. If you thought I was someone else."

"What, so you've just spoken to my friends and family about me, have you?" I ask bitterly, throwing her a furious look. "What sort of counsellor starts off her sessions by pretending to be someone she's not?"

"A brilliant one," she says calmly, still looking up at me. "Can you really tell me you would've gone through with this session any other way?"

I'm lost for words. If she hadn't pretended to be a patient, I would've left by now, and we both know it.

"I knew it was a mistake coming here." I grab my cane. "I knew that this wouldn't help me, but I did it to get everyone off my back. Now I can go home and everyone can leave me alone." I go to leave, but Olivia calls to me.

"Can you really say you haven't accomplished anything today, Remus?"

I turn back to find her now on her feet, her hands clasped in front of her.

"Yes, I can," I say bluntly.

"Don't be so sure," she corrects me, taking a few steps towards my position. "You've gotten yourself out of the house for the first time in what your friends tell me is a month, you've met and talked to an entire stranger, and we've made some progress in unlocking some hidden truths about you."

She smiles again and I stand there for a moment, lost for words. Then I turn on my heel and begin to leave her office.

"Oh - Remus?"

I turn back once more.

"See you next week. Same time."

I nod dazedly, and make the long walk back across her office towards the hall.