Outward Appearances

Chapter 24: Beware The Devils Stage Left

"It's sad, really. Pathetic, even."

Lady made a noncommittal noise.

"I mean, just look at him! He's making a fool of himself."

Since Lily was too busy staring at her breakfast, Vivian was forced to ask the inevitable question. She looked hesitant, but there really was no avoiding it. "Who, Bella?"

Arabella made an incredulous sound. "Hello? Has no one been listening to me? Greg! Look at the way he's throwing himself at that tramp!"

Vivian turned around in her seat to get a good look at the Ravenclaw table. "They're talking," she said blandly.

Arabella snorted. "If he's trying to get at me, then he's going to have to try a bit harder than that."

"Um...." Vivian sent Lily a helpless look.

"Is that Gilda Westen he's talking to?" Marcella asked curiously. "I can't tell from the back of her head."

"Unless she has an extremely whorish sister," Arabella grumbled.

"But you don't care, right?" Vivian asked confusedly. "You're over, Greg?"

"Of course, I am!" Arabella snapped. "I just think this blatant attempt for my attention is embarrassing, that's all."

"Um... Right," Vivian said hesitantly. "Lily, would you pass the biscuits? Lily? Lily!"

Lily jerked out of her reverie and blinked owl-like at Vivian. "What? Did you say something?"

Vivian smirked at her. "Well, I did want the biscuits, but if you're too busy daydreaming about James, then I understand."

Normally, she would have snapped a retort back about Vivian's own cloud-infested brain, but this time Lily just sank lower in her seat.

Face burning uncomfortably, she handed over the biscuits and returned to staring at her breakfast as if it held all the secrets of the universe.

Vivian laughed as she spread jam over her biscuit. "Hey, I don't blame you. If I had a boyfriend like James, then I would spend all of my time thinking about him, too."

Lily remained silent, stabbing at her eggs in irritation.

"You do have a boyfriend," Arabella reminded her, "and you still spend all your time fantasizing about Lily's boyfriend."

Vivian had been taking a sip of juice, but she sputtered it back out at Arabella's words. "I do not!" she squealed indignantly.

Arabella rolled her eyes. "Yeah, whatever. Good thing for you that Lily's not threatened. Right, Lily? Lily? Oh, for crying out loud!"

Arabella grabbed up a biscuit and hurled it at Lily's head just as the other girl was glancing up from her eggs. The biscuit hit her square between the eyes and bounced off into her juice mug. In an uncontrollable moment, the juice splashed onto Lily's robes and bits of pulp flew into Vivian's eggs.

Vivian just groaned, but Lily didn't react well. She felt heat rise to her face and she snapped, "What the fuck, Bella?"

Arabella's eyebrows rose, clearly taken aback by Lily's hostility. "Hey, now--"

"No, I mean, how would you like it if I just threw food at your face?" she asked angrily. "You wouldn't like it too much, I bet."

Lily's statement was met with silence.

Vivian and Marcella shared a look and then made a point of staring only at their food.

Arabella appeared to be torn between confusion and irritation. Either way, she seemed to understand that it wasn't an appropriate moment for a joke.

Lily's face continued to burn, but now it was with embarrassment. Frankly, it wasn't a flattering combination with her hair.

She groaned and covered her face with her hands. "I'm sorry, Bella. I don't know why I snapped at you like that."

"Humph," Arabella grunted.

"No, really, Bella. I'm sorry." Lily attempted an appeasing smile and held out the bread to her. "Want your biscuit back?"

Arabella made a show of trying to stay irritated, but she quickly lost interest in this and grabbed the biscuit back. She made a face at its sogginess and picked up a fresh one.

"From now on, you get more than two hours of sleep, young lady," she instructed in a mock-serious voice as she spread jam over the biscuit. "Grumpiness isn't terribly attractive on you."

Lily stared at her, all playfulness gone. "What do you mean?" she said edgily.

"I meant that when you get grumpy, your face kind of resembles those gorgon things--"

"No! I meant the two hours of sleep thing." Lily was gripping her fork so tightly that you could see the white of her knuckles. "What did you mean by that?"

"I heard you come into our room in the wee hours of the morning," Arabella explained.

Lily froze. Arabella knew? She gaped at her, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights. Oh, no...

"Where did you go, anyway?" Arabella asked curiously.

Lily released a breath she didn't even know she had been holding. Arabella didn't know anything. She didn't know what she'd done... Or with who, for that matter.

But they were all looking at her now, waiting for an explanation.

"Um, couldn't sleep," Lily said weakly, avoiding their stares. It wasn't the most brilliant of lies, but she was out of practice these days.

Arabella snorted. "Yeah, right. You were probably meeting up with Potter in the common room for a snog."

It was Lily's turn to choke. Her throat froze up around the bit of biscuit that she had just swallowed, and she began coughing loudly. When it didn't stop immediately, she grabbed for her juice and began gulping it down desperately.

When they all stared at her like she had finally gone round the bend, she let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "Where would you get an idea like that?" she asked in a high voice.

"Um, Lily, are you okay?" Vivian asked with obvious concern.

"Fine," she squeaked. "How are you?"

They all exchanged looks again while Lily fidgeted in her seat. She was coming off as a complete nutter.

Vivian shook her head. "Lily, I realize that Tilandi's big mid-year exam is coming up and all, but I think it's obvious that you're causing yourself way too much stress over it."

Huh?!

Vivian continued. "I mean, it's just an exam, right? It's not like you've ever failed one before." She made a horrified face. "You weren't up studying for it were you?"

What the hell was she talking about? Exam? What-- Oh. Oh!

"Yes," Lily said automatically. "Studying. That's what I was doing."

Arabella sighed. "I hate the way you make yourself crazy right before a big exam. I don't know why you do that to yourself."

Lily was suddenly very sick. She felt all of the blood drain from her face, quickly replaced by a green tint.

Tilandi's mid-year exam. Oh, God. She had completely forgotten about it.

"I don't know why Tilandi does this to us," Vivian whined. "What's his problem, anyway? None of the other teachers give us huge tests right before the holidays."

"I'm going to teach you a big word, Vivian," Arabella said seriously. "Say it with me, now. It's pronounced say-dist. It's spelled s-a-d-i--"

"I know what a sadist is!" she said defensively.

"Sure, you do. Anyway, Tilandi is a miserable old git, so he gets his jollies by making everyone else miserable."

"That's not the only way he gets his jollies," Vivian added.

Arabella nodded darkly. "Right. He also likes to look down the blouses of bloody tramps. Like Gilda Westen, for example."

"He's evil," Lily muttered weakly into her hands, no longer acting. "He wants to destroy me. Oh, God. I'll never be ready in time. I'm going to fail. They'll never make me Head Girl after this. Oh, God..."

"Lily, are you okay?" Marcella asked from across the table. She had been sitting quietly, watching Lily's odd behavior with a pensive expression on her face.

"Yes," she said tensely. "Of course."

No. No, she wasn't. This exam was worth a huge portion of her grade, and she hadn't even started to review for it, yet. If it weren't for Vivian, then Lily probably wouldn't even have remembered it existed until the day of the actual test. She was such an idiot. She had been focusing all of her attention on James, completing ignoring everything else in her life.

And where the hell was he, anyway???

Lily sent a desperate look at the huge doors. She had been doing it all morning, waiting for him to show his face.

And nothing.

No James.

Lily felt the irrational urge to cry. The least he could do was have breakfast with her. Especially after...

She quickly covered her face again to muffle her sob.

"Lily?" Marcella said, sounding alarmed.

Where the bloody hell was he? James wouldn't... He wasn't... He wasn't avoiding her. He wouldn't do that. Not the morning after they... No. He wasn't like that. Not James.

Right?

"Oh, fuck, Lily! Are you crying?" Arabella cried. "What did I just say about driving yourself crazy over a stupid test?"

"I'm fine," Lily said unconvincingly, wiping at her face. "I just need to go study."

"No, you don't," Vivian said quickly, patting Lily on the arm like she was a child. "The exam isn't until Friday. You have loads of time."

"Friday?" she squeaked. "But it's already Tuesday!"

This bit of news didn't seem to have much of an impact on Vivian, but Lily leapt up abruptly from the table and started grabbing for her things. "I have to go to the library."

Arabella groaned. "Oh, here we go. Who's going to tell Potter that he's not going to see his girlfriend for a few days?"

Lily ignored this and muttered a quick, "Bye," before she hurried from the Great Hall, intent on burying herself under potion textbooks. She had at least twenty minutes to make use of before her first class.

Arabella threw up her hands in exasperation.

*****************************

James wasn't in class, either.

Lily squirmed in her seat and struggled not to gnaw on her fingernails.

People kept giving her and the empty seat next to her curious looks, obviously wondering where James was. Everyone seemed to be assuming that she knew where he was.

Well, she didn't.

Why should she, anyway?

It wasn't like she was his girlfriend or anything.

It wasn't like they had just shared the most intimate thing two people could experience with one another a mere eight hours, twenty minutes, and seventy-five seconds ago!

Lily had to focus on keeping her hands from clenching when she felt the pain of her nails digging into her palms. She forced her fingers to uncurl and had to bite her lip against the pain.

This wasn't fair. Fucking James got to go off to who-knew-where while she sat here alone, causing herself physical injury. It wasn't right.

No, it was bloody ridiculous.

Lily Evans did not become a pathetic, paranoid wreck over a guy whenever he wasn't in her line of vision. She just wasn't that kind of girl. Nuh-uh. She was perfectly secure with herself as a person, and she definitely didn't need a man to validate her existence.

But where the bloody hell was he???

Wait. No. Not that kind of girl.

Nope.

Who cared if James didn't bother to show up to breakfast or to their first class? It wouldn't be the first time he had slept in and expected everyone else to accommodate him whenever he finally decided to grace them with his presence.

But he sure as hell hadn't ever done it after shagging her!

Lily dropped her head onto the desk. Oh, she was a lost cause. James had ruined her, and he hadn't even shown up to gloat about it.

The popping noise alerted her to the note that had suddenly appeared next to her squashed nose.

She snatched it up greedily and almost ripped it in half in her eagerness to open it.

Where's James and what the hell is the matter with you? was scribbled in the sloppy penmanship that could only belong to one idiot. And it wasn't her idiot.

Lily ignored the crushing disappointment in favor of blinding fury. She literally shredded the note before giving Sirius Black a death-glare worthy of Grindewald, himself.

However, once the roaring died down in her ears, Lily was left with only the disappointment. She sank lower in her seat and stared dejectedly at the blank parchment in front of her. She was supposed to be taking notes on whatever it was that Professor Binns was saying, but who could concentrate under these circumstances?

She didn't have to turn around to see the smirk that was bound to be on Veronica McCoy's face. Lily was sure that her situation was as plain as day to anyone around her, so why shouldn't McCoy take the opportunity to gloat? Lily had been shagged and ditched. Hell, it was practically an early Christmas present for McCoy.

Lily sighed and pulled her Potions book out and opened to a random page. At least with James not here, she could use the class time for studying. Binns may be indecipherable at the moment, but Tilandi's exam was too important to slack off on. Come to think of it, she didn't have time to even think about James right now. Her whole focus needed to be on rat-tails and bat wings.

Lily was sure to bend her head low enough over the book so that her hair could conceal her face in case she lost control and started to cry again.

********************************

By the end of her History of Magic lesson, Lily had won the battle against the evil urge to chew on her fingernails. Each cuticle was still perfectly intact.

But her poor quills were another story.

She was miserably shuffling along behind her friends toward the doorway when a hand suddenly gripped her elbow.

"We need to talk," Black hissed into her ear.

Lily shook him off roughly and continued on her pathetic little way.

She made it all the way to the painting of that stupid knight before she was abruptly grabbed and manhandled into a side corridor. Maybe if this had been a normal day, Lily would have seen the ambush coming a mile away.

Or perhaps not.

"Why do you always have to be so difficult?" Black asked, looking particularly miffed.

"Lily, I'm so sorry about this," Remus said apologetically. "I tried to get him to leave you alone."

"Yes, he figured that you'd do the right thing in your own time. He gives you more credit than I do," he said smugly.

Lily was so not up for this right now. She didn't have the focus or the drive to fight with Sirius Black or anyone else, for that matter. The most she could do was stare resentfully at her shoes and try to block him out until he inevitably got bored and wandered off.

Unfortunately, Black didn't take the hint. "Where's James?" he asked bluntly.

It was just that easy.

Lily snapped.

Black didn't have the time to blink before she had gotten a fistful of his robes and forcefully yanked him down to her eye-level. Her voice came out chipped and angry. "I... don't... know! And if I did, then I sure as hell wouldn't tell you, Sirius Black. You don't bloody well deserve it! You should have been put into Slytherin with the rest of the ungrateful rich kids that take everyone else for granted!"

Black stared at her in shock for a few moments until her words finally sank in. He pried her fingers off of his robes and stumbled backward. He straightened the fabric out and gave her a resentful look. "What the hell is your problem?"

Lily couldn't help the crazed laugh that escaped from her mouth before she could cover it with a well-placed hand.

Black gave her the same look that her friends had at breakfast. He appeared a nice combination of concerned, confused, and more than a little annoyed. Remus just looked concerned.

"Lily, are you okay?" he asked.

Lily shook her head solemnly, ruing the fact that she was even here talking to them in the first place. She had turned to leave when the hand came down on her arm, again.

"Will you stop touching me!" she yelled.

Black just rolled his eyes. "I realize that you've finally gone round the bend and all, Evans, but I really need to know whether or not you've spoken with James for us, yet."

Lily gaped at him. Was he serious? "Are you serious?" she asked aloud.

He smirked. "Always." Remus groaned.

Okay, it was definitely time to strangle him with his own house scarf. She actually took a step forward to do it, when Remus put a restraining hand on her arm.

"Seriously, Lily. Are you feeling all right?" he asked gently.

Lily shook him off, too. "I don't understand why I need to be punished because you can't control your boyfriend," she said sullenly. At least Remus had the decency to appear contrite.

"Yes or no, Evans," Black interrupted impatiently.

She had to marvel at his arrogance. He waylaid her and then had the absolute nerve to demand answers like he was entitled to them.

Slumping against the wall, Lily covered her face with her hands and chuckled darkly. Honestly.

But what the hell? Maybe they'd go away.

"I did talk to James," she finally admitted.

They remained silent for once, obviously waiting for her to go on. Remus bit his lip, and Black stared blankly at some point beyond her ear as if nothing she said could affect him.

Lily scoffed. It was a bit late to try to pull off that facade.

"Okay, I need you to think really hard," she said patronizingly. "Wasn't there something important that you were supposed to remember? Something special?"

The boys looked at one another. Then, they looked at Lily.

Silence.

Oh, forget this. "You missed his birthday, you morons!" she yelled.

Remus covered his face with his hands and groaned. "Oh, no."

"Oh, yes," Lily muttered.

"That's what this is all about?" Black cried.

"Sirius," Remus said, looking pained. "We forgot to take him to Hogsmeade. We didn't even get him anything."

"Or say anything," Lily added helpfully.

Black glared at her, and then he grabbed a handful of hair in clear aggravation. "That fucking drama queen. I can't believe this whole thing was because of something so--"

"Important," Remus finished sadly. "But that's not the whole reason, is it, Lily?"

"You're a smart boy. You figure it out," she said dryly.

Remus looked genuinely remorseful. "Sirius, I told you that he--"

"No!" Black interjected. "Yeah, we fucked up, but come on! You don't think he's blown this out of proportion just a bit?"

Remus shook his head. "We haven't been very good friends."

Black made a sputtering noise. "We haven't--"

"No, we haven't," Remus said firmly. "We didn't really give him a chance to get used to... Well, the new situation."

"He's the one who's always going on about how open-minded he is and all of that rubbish!"

"It's different when it affects you," Remus said reasonably. "He wasn't expecting this, and we took it for granted that he would be okay with it once he found out."

Black just grunted.

At least one of them got it. Lily rubbed her temples wearily. She was getting a real headache.

"The next time you jump me, I'm going to turn you both into eunuchs," she announced, finally taking the opportunity to slip out of the corridor. It was up to them to figure out what to do next.

Frankly, she had enough problems of her own.

********************************************

It really shouldn't have been a surprise that James wasn't in any of their other classes, either.

Nor was he present at any of the meals. Lily knew this for sure, because she arrived early and left the Great Hall at the last possible minute for each one. It baffled her friends, because as far as they could tell, Lily hadn't eaten a thing all day.

But if they thought that the reason had anything to do with the rather noticeable absence of a certain James Potter, then they never said so.

The day passed by in a certain blur.

Lily knew that she had attended all of her classes, because there was a mountain of homework in her arms by the time she finally ascended the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. There were also several books recently checked out from the library that were a testament to the hours that she had spent in the library after lessons.

Lily's head hurt, and she wanted nothing more than to collapse onto her bed and never wake up. She barely comprehended that her housemates were all lounging about in the common room as she passed through on her automated way up to her bed. If anyone called out to her, then she didn't hear it.

The books and papers hit the floor in an undignified heap as Lily began to shed her clothes. She grabbed the first thing from her nightstand that her hand connected with and pulled it over her head, vaguely hoping that it was her nightgown.

She used what was left of her energy to pull back her comforter and climb into the spacious bed. She collapsed onto the sheets and stared at the ceiling of her canopy.

And stared.

And... stared some more.

Lily continued to stare into the nothingness long after her roommates had all come up and disappeared under their own blankets. She tossed and turned, praying desperately for sleep to come, but it didn't.

She could almost feel the minutes ticking by, and it didn't take long for her to start searching urgently for a distraction. Counting sheep did absolutely nothing for her, and she wasn't aware of any other insomniac games. Even the cats were asleep, so she couldn't listen to them for entertainment.

Now, Lily wasn't stupid.

She knew why she couldn't sleep. Nonetheless, that didn't mean that she had to give in to the memories. She didn't have to remember the way it had felt to be so wrapped up in James that she didn't know where she began and he ended. She didn't have to remember the warm gasps in her ear or the slapping of the mud beneath them. Oh, God. How James had--

No!

The room had suddenly become far too hot for her.

Ignoring the ache in her limbs, Lily climbed out of bed. She grabbed her wand and headed for the door. She trudged down the staircase, not really caring about her destination. She just needed to get out of that room.

As expected, the common room was dark and deserted. The fire was out, so Lily muttered a spell to rejuvenate the flames. She paced restlessly a bit in front of it before giving in and plopping down on the couch. She curled up against the arm and stared at the fire.

This wasn't working. She had to get some sleep eventually or else she was going to just fall apart. She couldn't allow the stupid git to do this to her. It wasn't welcome or deserved. Well, maybe she deserved it for letting him touch her in the first place. Maybe she had been asking for this.

Lily pondered on that one for a moment.

Even if she had been asking for it, Lily still wasn't prepared for the sensation-onslaught of complete unworthiness and cheapness. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. Today, everything should have been about roses and kisses and promises that weren't going to be broken the second the sun came up. James wasn't supposed to be gone. He should have--

The portrait door swung open with a loud creek that made Lily jump a mile out of her skin.

She leapt to her feet as an instinct and stared wide-eyed at the figure that came through with shoulders slumped with obvious exhaustion. When the firelight reflected off of a pair of familiar spectacles, Lily suddenly didn't want to be there anymore. She had been waiting all day, but now she didn't want to see him. She couldn't face this.

James didn't see her at first. He moved further into the room and automatically migrated toward the warmth of the fireplace.

Lily tried to back up further into the shadows before James noticed her, but the movement alerted him to her presence. His head shot up, and he jumped back in surprise.

It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but when they had, he squinted at her in confusion. "Lily?"

No, it was just some other insomnia-suffering lunatic in a nightgown.

Lily clenched her fists at her sides and stated the obvious. "You're back."

James gave her a tired smile. "I'm back."

She attempted to make her voice sound distant and unconcerned while keeping her eyes on the fire. "Where have you been?"

He didn't hesitate. "Hogsmeade."

Lily felt like he had just sucker-punched her. "Hogsmeade?" she cried. He'd gone without her? After she had given up Sieranda's parties for him?

"Yeah, there was something I had to get," he said, seemingly confused by her indignation. "What's wrong?"

Finally, Lily had the right to look at someone else like they were crazy. She was so angry that there was actually a red lining to her vision. "I don't believe you. You--You ungrateful prick! You went to Sieranda's without me!" On that day, she added silently. Like she really needed to say it.

James just blinked at her, obviously a bit shocked by her outburst. His reaction made Lily feel even more angry and hurt. He was acting like it didn't even matter. Although, maybe it didn't. At least, not to him, anyway.

Lily felt the tears welling up, again. Damn him. James Potter could just throw himself into the fireplace for all she cared.

She turned and started back toward her room so that she could get a start on burning everything in there that reminded her of him, starting with that cheap excuse for a necklace he had given her.

Lily didn't get far, though. Her movement had woken James from his shock-induced coma, and he leapt forward and grabbed her arm. "Lily, I didn't go to Sieranda's!"

"Oh, sure you didn't," she said sarcastically. "You just went to Hogsmeade for the butterbeer, right?"

"No!" he cried. "I told you--"

"Look, I don't care where you went, anyway!" she said angrily, completely contradicting herself. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at her feet. The point was that he had taken off the second after he had gotten what he'd wanted from her. That was why she was really upset. She wanted to tell him exactly that, but it should have been obvious enough.

"Mmn hmn." James moved behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders. He bent his head so that he could speak into her ear. Lily froze at the contact.

"I promise that I never went into the building. I could hear the music from the street, though," he admitted. Lily felt him smile against her neck. "God, I wish you had been with me, Lily. We could have danced right there in the street."

Lily gasped at the undesired warmth that spread down her neck. She tried to move away, but James pulled her back against him. "It reminded me about how we used to dance. Aw, Lily. It wasn't that long ago, but it felt like another life."

He ran his hands down her sides, and Lily suppressed a shiver. She couldn't allow him to do this. Not after the day she'd had.

"I'm glad that you had such a good time," she said stiffly. "But I'm going to bed."

James ignored her and wrapped his arms snuggly around her waist, preventing her escape. "Don't you want to know why I was in Hogsmeade?"

Oh, yes. "No!" she snapped, struggling against his grip. "Now, let me go!"

James chuckled against her neck. "Yes, you do."

"Damn it, James!" she growled. "Get the fuck off me!"

This time his arms loosened, and Lily was able to scramble away.

James looked confused and slightly hurt. "You're really upset, aren't you?"

Lily made an incredulous noise. "I don't know where the hell you would get that!" she said hysterically. "Why should I have expected you to hang around the day after we finally had sex? It's not like it was a huge fucking deal or anything!"

James stared at her, a growing awareness in his eyes. He groaned and ran an agitated hand through his hair. "Lily, I'm sorry. I didn't-- Well, I--Oh, there really isn't a good excuse, is there? I was just so excited about getting your Christmas present that I didn't think."

Lily gaped at him. Had she heard him right? "Christmas present?" she said meekly.

James nodded, looking about as miserable as Lily felt. "I'm so sorry," he repeated. "I really didn't think that it was going to take the whole day to find the right gift, but I just wanted it to be perfect. If I'd even stopped to think that you would be-- That you'd think-- Oh, Lily."

The relief bubbled up so quickly that she had to choke back the emerging sob. James hadn't meant to ditch her. He hadn't used her like so much cheap trash. He still wanted her.

"Oh, I know I don't deserve it, but... Can you forgive me? Please? You know I didn't mean it."

Yes. Somewhere in between his babbling, Lily had forgiven him. She was such a sap.

Lily launched herself into his arms so hard that he almost fell over backward with a muffled, "Oomph!"

"You stupid idiot," she said in between kisses that were placed at random all over his face. "You stupid, stupid, idiot."

When he finally caught up to the situation, James gave a relieved laugh. "In this instance, yes," he allowed, putting his arms back around her where they belonged.

Lily cupped his face and put all of her conflicted feelings into one long, desperate kiss. James moaned against her mouth and gripped handfuls of her nightgown.

Lily was suddenly frantic to achieve the same intimacy that they had shared the previous night. This day had been so exhausting. She needed to feel as cherished and assured as she had then. She needed James.

Lily increased the pressure of her mouth against his and began tugging at his cloak. James allowed the material to be pushed off of his shoulders before he pulled her down onto the couch.

It probably should have occurred to Lily that doing this in the middle of the common room was not the wisest of decisions, but the only thing she cared about was currently sliding his shirt off.

Desperately wanting the contact, Lily climbed into his lap and planted a series of kisses along James' collarbone. He moaned and ran his hands up her legs and over her back. If he wondered at her sudden urgency, then he didn't question it.

Lily's hands sought the smooth flesh of his chest, and she sighed contentedly when he arched up into her. She finally allowed some of the fond memories from the previous night to surface. James had been so perfect.

Lily's neck instantly felt as if it were made of rubber when James eagerly cupped the back of it and drew it toward his mouth. Her whole body shivered at the feeling of a warm tongue along her pulse, and she had to grip his shoulders tightly to keep from falling backward.

God, she wanted him.

Her heartbeat immediately sped up into a rapid, uneven rhythm when James' hands moved back down to her legs and slid a warm trail upward, this time taking the nightgown with them.

Her breathing came out as heavy gasps, but she allowed herself to be pulled into a hot kiss that stole the remainder of her air. She broke away only long enough to lift her arms up so that the nightgown could be pulled over her head and tossed away somewhere.

There was a breathless moment of pure liberation as Lily sat there, completely open and bare for him. She trembled as his suddenly dark eyes drank her in.

And then there was nothing but tangled limbs and desperate, tongue-filled kisses as James pulled her so tightly to him that they seemed to mold into one being. There was no one else in the world at that moment.

Lily barely noticed when James turned his body and lowered her onto the cushions. Her hands moved from his shoulders up into that wild hair she so adored. She pulled on it to the point of pain, but James never complained.

His mouth... His hands... He was above her, around her, and everywhere else, creating a beautiful cocoon around her that encompassed all warmth.

James gasped wetly against her neck when she tugged desperately at his belt, wanting to see him as bare as she was. Her hands were trembling too badly to be of much use, but James lifted himself off of her long enough to remove the belt and his remaining clothing.

Lily lay limply on the cushions, watching him with a lazy smile. James blushed so prettily that it was easy to forget that they had just done this the night before. It felt like a whole new experience.

She held her arms out to him, and James immediately fell back against her. Lily almost could have cried again from pure bliss when their skin met. She wrapped her legs around him and held him desperately close, not wanting to lose this feeling of true connection.

James kissed her as if there were no other life source left to him. Lily gripped his back and for the second time in her life, she gave up full control to James Potter.

*******************************************

The final days before the holiday break were extremely hectic for Lily.

When she wasn't studying in the library, she was studying in her room. Mostly, she stayed in the library, because at least there were rules that kept James behaved. After the first couple of reprimands from Madam Pince, James had taken the hint and let her be.

But on the last day before the test, Lily happened to be in her bedroom with a pile of books around her.

She realized her folly when the door burst open and James blew in like a whirlwind, disrupting her solitude. He marched up to her bed so quickly that she barely had time to take a breath before James grabbed her face and pulled her into a heated, copper-tasting kiss.

Wait! Copper?

Lily made an alarmed noise and shoved him away. She wiped at her mouth and stared in horror at the red smear across her knuckles. What the hell?

"James!"

His lip was cut and swollen, and his right eye was surrounded in blossoming purple. There were also traces of blood smeared on his chin.

But he was grinning like a maniac.

"What the hell happened to you?" she cried, abandoning her books and moving to his side. She cautiously cupped his face and rose to the tip of her toes so that she could better examine his injuries. He looked even worse up close.

"Rosier was shooting his mouth off," James explained proudly. "I took care of it."

Lily stared at him, aghast. "You were fighting?" He had fought with Evan and he was still breathing?

If it was possible, James' grin actually got wider. "He wasn't expecting me to fight back. Or he wasn't expecting me to be much of a challenge. He thought I was just going to stand there and take it while he said all that shite about--"

"What?" she said sharply. What in the world had Rosier been saying to him?

James' smile suddenly faltered, and his blue eyes darkened into that deep sapphire, almost causing him to look like an entirely different person. Happy-James was a different person from angry-James. It was amazing how quickly he could go from being so sweet and gentle to being the exact opposite.

Luckily, Lily had mostly been on the receiving end of happy-needy-James. That was her favorite.

"He was just saying a lot of shite, Lily," he said coldly. "About things he doesn't know anything about." He didn't meet her eyes as he said this.

Lily could have pursued this and demanded to know exactly what Rosier had said, about her most likely, but she had a pretty strong inkling that she truly didn't want to know. James was here with her, so it couldn't have been too bad or believable.

Lily sighed and went into the bathroom to retrieve a towel. She flicked on the water and waited for it to warm up before she asked, "Did it even occur to you that fighting with him could have gotten you suspended? Again?"

James' silence was enough of an answer.

Lily growled in frustration and twisted the excess water from the towel with a tad more force than necessary. "Did you think that Dumbledore was kidding when he said anymore fights would have consequences? Because I didn't, James, and I think it was rather stupid of you to risk it like that. Evan Rosier is nowhere near worth it."

She emerged from the bathroom and searched his face for any signs of shame or regret. But James appeared to have been unaffected by Lily's guilt trip. He winced when she pressed the cloth to his face, but said assuredly, "There's no way Dumbledore would do anything worse than assign me a detention after I explained about how it was all that bastard's fault. He did all of the provoking."

"Oh, I'm sure the headmaster would definitely see it your way, James," she said dryly. "Because we all know that you're just a delicate flower. Always the victim."

James laughed and pulled her closer. "Now, you're getting it."

"And what would I have done if you had gotten expelled, Mr. Potter? Hmn? Do you know how difficult it would be to find you a replacement this late in the year? Boyfriends don't just grow on trees, you know-- Oi!" she squealed when James pinched her.

James growled playfully and trapped her within his arms. "Just try and replace me, Evans. I dare you."

"Mmn," Lily murmured, running her free hand up James' bare arm. He may have been an inconsiderate fool, but he was her inconsiderate fool. There had to be some comfort in that. Somewhere...

James suddenly winced when Lily's hand touched the lower half of his bicep. He quickly tried to cover it up with some usually distracting nibbles on her earlobe, but Lily pulled back and got a better look at his arm. She blinked in surprise at what she found. There were bright red lines and indents in his flesh.

"Bloody hell, James!" she cried. "Doesn't that hurt?"

"Only when you touch it," he said darkly.

Lily immediately recovered her wand and set about healing the wounds. "Did he just hold you down and claw up your arm, or what?"

James was silent.

Lily looked up at him. "James?"

"Ah, no. Those aren't from Rosier," he said finally, fidgeting slightly in place. He probably would have moved away from her, but Lily still had a pretty good grip on his arm.

She stared at him uncomprehendingly for several seconds before asking the obvious question. "Where did they come from then?"

When James didn't immediately answer, Lily unconsciously dug her own nails into his arm. "Well?"

James looked at her hand on his arm and then at her pinched mouth. He sighed. "Veronica McCoy."

Surely he hadn't just said that Veronica McCoy had-- Oh, God. Wait, no. McCoy? Lily stepped back as if she had been slapped.

James flinched at Lily's expression and plowed onward with an explanation. "She was with Rosier when he started provoking me, and then she tried to pull me off of him." He held up his arm as evidence. "I guess you can say that I didn't make it easy for her."

Lily gritted her teeth. She snatched James' arm back toward her and resumed her healing spells with a furious concentration. So what if McCoy had been there? If Rosier had needed help from his girlfriend, then the situation must have been terribly embarrassing for the Slytherins. Lily smirked inwardly. Good.

"Lily?" James said tentatively. "You didn't think that I meant that she had done this during... Uh, some other way, did you?"

Lily instinctively dug her nails into his arm again, causing James to yelp in pain. She grimaced at the new marks and soothed the flesh apologetically. "Of course not. You told me that you'd never... with her." The words left a nasty feeling in her stomach.

Wait. "Didn't you?" she asked suspiciously. Had he actually confirmed or denied that?

"Yes!" he said quickly.

"Well, okay, then.''

James sighed and buried his face in her hair. "You know that she's nothing, don't you, Lily? She's nothing."

Lily nodded and allowed him to draw her back into an embrace.

She did trust James. Honestly. It was just McCoy that she didn't trust, and Lily found the prospect of that slut touching him in any way highly disturbing. She vividly remembered that her own marks still laid upon James' otherwise perfect back. She didn't like the idea of James being marked by both of them at the same time. There was something terribly wrong about it.

Nonetheless, Lily knew that McCoy couldn't do anything without James' consent, and that was something she didn't have to worry about.

McCoy was nothing.

Lily kept this knowledge with her throughout the rest of the day, especially during dinner, when McCoy spent most of the meal snickering with her friends over at Lily and James, making her feel anxious and annoyed. Rosier was nowhere to be seen, so McCoy obviously had nothing better to do with herself.

Lily tried so hard to just ignore her and concentrate on the potions book in front of her. She really did. She even had a mantra developed by that point.

McCoy is nothing. McCoy is nothing. McCoy is nothing.

Lily was positive that the other girl didn't even want James. She just wanted to get a rise out of Lily for some stupid reason. Maybe she was currently making rude hand gestures at James for her friends' benefit because she was trying to compensate for Rosier's defeat by a Gryffindor.

Yes, that must be it.

James' hand on her leg gave her an added dose of security in the situation, and Lily clung to that.

She clung so hard that when McCoy brushed her hand over James' shoulder on her way past them Lily actually bent her fork.

It was then that Lily finally decided that just because she trusted James didn't mean that she had to take this. Oh, no. Lily Evans had never been the passive type. She wasn't going to suddenly start now because of some stupid, Slytherin slut. Nope. She didn't have to deal with her adversary in the same physical way that James had chosen to deal with Rosier. There were other alternatives that wouldn't result in her own suspension.

Lily grimaced to herself and chewed on the remnants of her fingernail. The most obvious and simple plan of action involved doing something that she had never wanted to subject herself to ever again.

Unfortunately, there was no other choice at this point.

Enough was enough.

*************************

Lily slowly made her way to the East Tower.

Her feet dragged and she took her time in navigating the halls. She was in no hurry to get to her destination.

He better be up here, she thought dully. There was no way she was going to go running all over the castle looking for him. It was bad enough that she was taking the time to do this when she should have been using these last hours to study.

Trudging up the staircase, it occurred to Lily that she had made this trip more times than she'd ever realized. This tower was where she had her first cigarette. It was also where she had received her first kiss. Both were courtesy of the boy she was currently searching for.

She paused at the top of the stairs and steeled herself for what was about to do. If things went well, then she would get her way and he would simply throw himself out of the window and fall conveniently right onto an unsuspecting McCoy, simultaneously eliminating two problems with one leap.

Yes, that would be nice.

Shoving open the door, Lily peaked in.

To her utmost relief, Evan Rosier was exactly where she'd suspected he would be.

He was perched on the edge of the window, facing her, with a cigarette dangling from his mouth. He smiled at her.

"Mudblood," Rosier greeted. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Scum of the earth," she said wryly, using her own version of a greeting. "I was looking for you."

He cocked an eyebrow, looking amused. "Oh?"

Lily came fully into the room and carefully closed the door behind her. She leaned against the wall and folded her arms. "You've been making a nuisance of yourself, Evan."

Rosier pretended to pout. "That's not why you came to see me, is it?"

"Why else?"

"You mean that you didn't come up here to beg me to take you back?" he asked petulantly.

"Hell, no," she said, smiling slightly. She was more than a little pleased to see the prominent bruise across his cheek. At least James had given as good as he'd gotten.

"Hmn." Rosier dropped his spent cigarette onto the floor and crushed it with his boot before pulling out another one.

Lily watched silently as he lit the cigarette with the same spell that he had taught to her. Rosier's dark hair fell into his eyes as he took a long drag on it. She tried to shake off the strong feeling of déjà vu, but she couldn't help remembering.

In another life, Lily had almost choked on her gum when she'd realized that Evan Rosier was interested in her. At the time, she had been far too enamored with Sieranda's parties and with her schoolwork to even consider having a boyfriend, and who would have even believed that the unattainable Rosier would even be aware of her existence, let alone have any interest in her?

Well, with an offered cigarette and some not-so-subtle hints and caresses, Evan had made sure that Lily had no doubts whatsoever about his interest. It would be hard to say whether either Lily or the entire student body was more shocked by this coupling.

Seeming to read her mind, he offered the box to her with a grin. "One for old times?"

She hesitated and then moved across the room to sit next to him.

Before she could pull a cigarette out of the box, Rosier did it for her and stuck it into her mouth. Lily gave him a look, but allowed him to light it for her.

They sat in a companionable silence for a few moments while Lily tried to decide the best approach for this situation. Frankly, she couldn't think of anything that James would be okay with or that she'd be willing to stomach.

"You want something."

Lily looked at Rosier in surprise and then took a careful drag on her cigarette, playing for time. "Why do you assume that?"

He grinned and put a hand on her knee. "I know you."

Lily groaned and shoved his hand away. "Oh, sure you do. You know me so well."

Rosier scooted closer until their thighs were aligned. He leaned over and whispered into her ear, "I do."

"So you think," she said, scooting as far away as the small ledge would allow.

Rosier followed her, keeping his voice low and intimate. "You can't tell me that Quidditch-for-brains actually knows you better than I do." He put his hand back onto her leg and his fingers slowly began to move up under her skirt. "For instance, I bet he doesn't know how you like--"

"Oi!" Lily cried. She shot off of the ledge so fast that she almost fell over her own feet. "What do you think you're doing?"

Rosier laughed and abandoned his cigarette. He stood and pursued her until Lily's back was to the wall. "Come on, Lily. You can't tell me that you've never wondered what it would be like... With me."

"You're an arrogant prick," she said weakly.

He laughed and put his hands on her hips. "Yeah, but you like that."

It was easy to see why someone might think so, considering the boys she had been linked to. But it didn't mean that it was true. She was happiest when James was being genuinely sweet, rather than when he was showing off his prominent ego.

Rosier, on the other hand, had no genuinely sweet side. It had taken a while, but Lily had finally figured that much out about him. To say that she had felt like an idiot would be a gross understatement.

Feeling like a caged animal, she tried to push him off of her, but Evan was much stronger. He also had that look in his eyes that suggested that he wasn't going to take no for an answer. A vague panic bubbled up in her chest.

"Rosier... Evan..."

Her heart almost stopped when Rosier bent his mouth down to her neck and nipped at the juncture under her jaw. His tongue slipped lazily over the skin, distracting her from the hand that had dipped under her sweater. She was strongly reminded of that time with James in the corridor.

James. Oh, no.

If someone were to walk in on them like this, she knew what it would look like. Word would spread like wildfire around the castle, and James would never forgive her if half of the school thought that she'd messed around on him. With her ex-boyfriend, no less. With this ex-boyfriend.

"Get the fuck off me, Rosier!" she finally snapped. "If I wanted you, then I bloody well would have had you by now."

The words must have stung, because Rosier drew back sharply. The lust in his eyes disappeared behind a dark wall and the weight came off of her so quickly that it made Lily feel dizzy. She watched as he retreated back to the ledge.

"Just an easy stand-by, huh, Mudblood?" he said darkly.

Lily probably would have felt guilty for his stormy expression if it weren't for the saliva that he had left on her neck. Disgusted, she wiped off the physical reminder of why she had been forced to be harsh in the first place. There was no way she was going to risk everything she had with James just to avoid hurting Evan's feelings.

And where did those come from, anyway?

"Look," she said, regaining her patience. "I came to talk to you for a reason."

"Which is?" he snapped.

Lily inwardly winced. Rosier had his defenses up now, meaning that he was probably going to do his best to be unbearable.

Lily did some quick thinking and decided that she couldn't do this from across the room. Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, she crossed the distance and returned to her seat next to him on the ledge.

"I'm sorry, Evan," she said quietly and hopefully sincerely.

His only response was to light up another cigarette. Lily inwardly grumbled at his chain-smoking tendencies before she took a breath and then forced herself to reach up and touch his arm with her free hand. She maintained her best meek tone, hoping it would do the trick. "Please don't be like this. You know I don't really think of you that way. You know that, right? Evan?"

Rosier looked at her hand in surprise and then his mouth curved into a mirthless smile. "You think you're so smart," he muttered, reaching up to grip her hand and bring it down to his lap.

Lily was about to retort when she felt Rosier's thumb rub softly over her own, similar to what James liked to do with his free hand while they were taking notes in class. Evan must have been watching them a lot.

He was watching her intently now, apparently looking for something in her face. Lily shivered and pulled away from him. She was done with beating around the bush.

"I want you to tell your girlfriend to stop badgering me," she said bluntly.

Rosier gave her another inscrutable look, and then went back to nursing his cigarette. "She's not my girlfriend. It's just shagging."

Lily hid her surprise and settled for simply wrinkling her nose in distaste. "Thanks for sharing," she said uneasily.

Rosier smirked again. "She, unlike you, actually puts out."

Lily gave him a startled look before she guiltily averted her gaze to the far wall. "That's another thing. I'd appreciate it if you would stop telling people that we've slept together. I'm tired of dealing with that rumor."

"Sorry, Lily," he said easily. "But I got dumped by a Mudblood. I had to find some way to save face. Especially now."

Lily glared at him. "Oh, that makes me feel so much better," she said caustically.

"It should," he said seriously, catching her off guard.

She stared at him uncertainly. This conversation wasn't going anywhere productive. She needed to remedy that. "Evan, I also want you to stay away from James."

"You seem to be making a lot of requests today," he said amusedly.

Lily gritted her teeth in frustration and stood up. "I'm serious. Stop taunting him and just stay the fuck away. Getting into his face isn't going to help anybody, least of all you." She didn't add that any more fights could result in her boyfriend's expulsion. There was no need to give Rosier incentive.

"I'm touched that you're worried for my well-being," he said mockingly.

Lily rolled her eyes and headed for the door. Talking to him had been a complete waste of time. She was going to have to come up with some other way to keep McCoy away from her and James. "Thanks for nothing, Rosier."

"Lily?"

"What is it?" she muttered crossly, turning back to him with one hand on the doorknob.

Rosier didn't say anything at first, and then he stood. "I'll tell Veronica to leave you alone."

She stared at him in surprise. "You will?"

He grinned. "If you didn't think I'd do it, why'd you come?"

Relieved, Lily returned the smile and shrugged. "I had to try." She turned again to leave, feeling a small spark of hope that maybe things were going to work out all right, after all.

"Lily?"

She sighed. "What is it, Evan?"

Rosier stood and turned to gaze out of the window. The light from the sunset reflected deep orange casts through the window and across his face. He spoke with his back to her.

"You really are unique for a Mudblood, Lily. I may have taken a lot of shite about us, but I want you to know that I don't regret it. It was worth it."

Lily felt a lump rise in her throat. She had always assumed that no one dared to question Rosier's choice in girlfriends, "Mudblood" or no, because he was the leader of their little racist clan. She'd never known that he had been picked on for it. Who knew that anyone would have the nerve?

"Thank you for telling me," she said quietly.

Rosier didn't respond. After dispensing of his second unfinished cigarette, he turned around and walked over to her. Leaning down, Rosier kissed her forehead firmly and then opened the door himself and walked out.

He called to her over his shoulder without pausing in his stride. "I'll tell Veronica to leave you alone," he repeated.

Lily watched him go, extremely confused. There were too many thoughts and feelings floating around her head at the moment to possibly focus on just one.

Shaking her head, Lily started back down the staircase. She knew that Evan could be an arse, but she hadn't ever considered that he might actually care about her.

It was kind of bittersweet. A part of her wished that she had known about that a couple months ago. Maybe it would have meant something then. Now, it just kind of felt odd.

But the important thing was that he was going to fix her McCoy problem.

Smiling brightly, Lily increased the speed behind her stride.

She still had time to re-read the last relevant section of her potions book. Today had been very productive, after all.

**********************************

As it turned out, Lily really didn't have to worry about Tilandi's exam.

She had no trouble zipping through the questions on the written part and the final potion was a snap thanks to all of her research. She didn't finish before James, but it didn't bother her like it normally would. Perhaps it was because she was too busy playing with his fingers under the desk to torture herself about it.

When the final bell rang, there were several cries of approval. It was their last class until the end of the holiday break.

Lily grinned at the stricken look on Arabella's face. She took her arm and propelled her toward the doorway. "Are you okay, Bella?"

"There were so many questions..." she whimpered. "So many..."

Lily laughed. "I thought you were the one that told me not to worry so much about tests."

Arabella shuddered. "That was before I actually looked at the bloody thing. Yikes. If I'd known..."

"You still wouldn't have studied," Mundungus finished for her, joining them. He had barely managed to finish in time after having accidentally dropped the wrong ingredients into his first potion. That poor Ravenclaw girl would be combing gunk out of her hair for weeks.

Arabella shrugged, regaining her confident grin. "Probably not."

Lily shook her head and was about to say something to James when she realized that he was nowhere to be seen.

"I hate it when he does that," she muttered.

"What did you say, Lily?" Gus asked.

"Nothing," she replied vaguely, trying to see over the heads of her schoolmates for any sign of that defining hair.

Arabella rolled her eyes and shot a glance over her shoulder before saying, "Did you see how Westen was hanging back to talk to Tilandi?"

"No," Mundungus said honestly.

"Well, she did!" Arabella said hotly. "That tramp is still pursuing the old bastard on the side. It serves him right."

Lily said, "Who?" at the same time that Gus said, "On the side of what?"

Arabella groaned. "What am I going to do with you two? I'm saying that it serves Greg right that Westen is going behind his back after the way he's been trying to throw her in my face, lately."

Mundungus blinked. "Greg Darvins?"

"For crying out loud, Gus! Is there another Greg that you know?" Arabella cried.

Mundungus looked confused. "Bella, he's not going out with Gilda Westen."

Arabella faltered. "He's... Err... Not?"

Mundungus shook his head.

"Oh, well... Then, he's a right wanker for trying to make me think he was!"

"You've spoken with him?" Mundungus asked, obviously surprised.

"Err... Well, no."

"Oh. Um... Then, why--"

"Have you asked Marcella to the ball, yet, Gus?" Lily asked abruptly, saving Arabella from having to answer for herself. Out of courtesy to her best friend, she withheld her smirk. So much for not giving a rat's arse about Greg Darvins.

Predictably, Gus blushed bright pink. "No."

Arabella smiled and grabbed both of her friends' arms, tying all three of them together. "You both better write to me over break. Also, I'll be expecting your expensive gifts to arrive before actual Christmas morning. It's just common courtesy to send your gift in advance to avoid making me wait."

Mundungus rolled his eyes. "Why should I get you an expensive gift when you send me the same thing every year?"

Arabella looked offended. "Do you mean to tell me that you don't like your neckties?"

"Oh, I love them," he said dryly. "All five of them."

Lily smiled. That gift had been a rather funny joke the first few times Gus had received it, but it had eventually just become a tradition.

"Are you coming up, Gus?" Arabella asked when they reached the juncture between the two destinations.

"To Gryffindor Tower? No. I still have packing to do. I'll see you guys later!" He waved to them and diverted towards the Ravenclaw dorms.

Lily and Arabella continued on alone in silence until Arabella asked, "What did you finally decide to get James for Christmas?" she asked curiously.

"Oh, I haven't decided on anything, yet," Lily said airily. "I'm sure that I'll have plenty of time to go shopping when I get home. Anything to get out of that house with Petunia in it."

When they entered the common room, they met James coming down the stairs from his room. He grinned and grabbed Lily's arm, pulling her back through the portrait hole.

"Where are you going?" Arabella called confusedly.

Lily could only shrug at her and stumble on behind James, who maintained his hold on her arm. When they reached the staircases, though, Lily forced him to stop and release her so that she could walk on her own and avoid falling and breaking her neck.

She straightened herself out and asked, "What's this about, then?"

James was still smiling. "I want to give you your Christmas present."

Lily immediately brightened. She had been assuming that she would get her gift by owl like everyone else. "Where is it?" she asked.

"Outside."

She raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. "This isn't going to turn my hair green, is it? Because I remember the last gift you gave me for Christmas."

James blinked in surprise. "How'd you know that was me?"

Lily rolled her eyes. "How many other first years already knew how to charm hair green? Besides, you completely gave yourself away by giggling and staring at me during that humiliating train ride home."

James huffed indignantly. "I thought I was being terribly discreet. But no, it's not that kind of present. I want to show you."

He took her hand and led her throughout the castle and then out onto the lawn. Lily was surprised to see that they were heading toward Hagrid's hut. She couldn't help but remember the last time she had been there, when she had woken up dirty and cold outside of Hagrid's window. It wasn't a pleasant memory.

"Just wait here," James said excitedly. He hopped the stairs and opened the hut door without knocking, disappearing inside.

Lily frowned. Since when was James on such good terms with Hagrid that he didn't even knock?

She sighed and plopped down on the stairs to wait.

"Close your eyes!" James called from inside.

Lily smiled and obeyed. This was going to be interesting.

Her ears perked at the sound of the door opening again, but she kept her eyes closed.

"Okay, hold out your arms," he instructed.

Lily did as she was told, more curious than ever now. But she froze when something furry was placed in her arms. Unbidden, her eyes flew open before James' command.

"Uh..."

Dumbfounded, Lily blinked down at the small bundle of fur that James had just thrust into her lap.

The fur looked back up at her suspiciously.

Lily tried to wrap her mind around what she was seeing. The thing definitely resembled a kitten, but most obviously wasn't. It had black fur with white spots-- enough to make it unusual-- and the end of its tail reminded her of a lion's. It had bat-like ears that were twitching backward in annoyance.

What the hell?

"Um... James?"

"Yes?"

"What is this?" she asked in a hopefully calm voice as she struggled not to panic.

"It's a kneazle," he said, watching her face closely.

A distinctly uneasy feeling was spreading through her. "Those things that we had to read about for Care of Magical Creatures?"

"Right," he said, grinning again like an idiot.

"And what's it for?" she asked carefully, remaining stubbornly in denial.

James laughed. "It's for you. Don't you like it?"

"You got me a pet," Lily said dumbly. Not jewelry or perfume, but a pet. Oh, God.

"Well, I knew that you didn't have an animal, and I considered getting you an owl, but those are boring. When I read about these little guys, I couldn't resist."

She was going to kill the professor for assigning that reading.

"But... Um..." Lily sputtered helplessly. The kneazle was beginning to claw at her legs.

James leaned over her and eagerly pointed to the pink collar around its neck. "The shop owner has been calling her Beelzebub, but I charmed the collar so that if you want to change its name it'll show up here."

Lily desperately searched her memory for something about kneazles that could help her. She almost cried with relief when she hit upon something.

"But you need a license to own a kneazle! I don't have one!" she said triumphantly, resisting the urge to shout, so there!

James nodded, still smiling. "I already got it for you," he said smugly, pulling a paper from his pocket and handing it to her.

Lily read the paper in disbelief. "You've got to be kidding me," she muttered.

"Nope," he said proudly. "The license was another reason I took so long in Hogsmeade. I had to take a sort of class before they would give the kneazle to me."

Oh, he had put so much effort into this gift for her. Lily felt guilty for her reluctance, but... Christ, was it glaring at her?

"So, um, the license is in your name," she said, grasping at straws. "Don't I have to get one myself for this to be legal?"

James shrugged. "Technically, I guess. But I saved all of the booklets and notes for you. And how would they find out, anyway?"

Lily bit her lip. He wasn't going to be reasoned with, was he?

Some of the enthusiasm faded from his face. "Don't you like it, Lily?" he asked uncertainly.

She looked up into his eyes and felt her resistance crumble. This gift was obviously important to him, and she couldn't bring herself to disappoint him.

She forced a smile onto her face. "I love it."

James immediately lit up again. He dropped down next to her and kissed her cheek. "I knew you would."

Lily laughed weakly.

*************************

"What the hell is it?"

Lily sighed and glanced over at Beelzebub, who was circling one of the couch cushions that Lily had thrown in an effort to distract her.

"It's a kneazle," she told Arabella, who looked about as perplexed as Lily felt.

"Which is...?"

"It's kind of like a magical cat. Just think Timberlie with about the same amount of intelligence as Deidlan Domerly over there."

They both spared an amused glance after the stoutly boy who had just pranced through the common room and out the portrait hole in a blissed out state at the thought of finally going home.

"But why did he give it to you?" Arabella asked.

Lily shrugged. "He thought I could use one, I guess."

"Did you suggest getting him professional help? Hey, it could be your gift!"

"It did occur to me," she admitted. "But he was just so excited about it."

"Where is he?" Arabella asked impatiently, glancing at her watch. "Everyone else is already outside."

Lily shrugged in annoyance. She had finished packing the night before, but for some reason James had found it necessary to wait until the very last minute.

As if he had heard his name, James suddenly appeared at the top of the staircase. "You guys can go on without me," he called. "This could take a while."

Lily groaned. "James!"

He gave her a dopey smile and said, "Save me a seat!" before disappearing again.

"You heard him," Arabella said, grabbing up her stuff.

Lily shook her head again and went to retrieve her kneazle. Beelzebub was enamored with the throw pillow, but she allowed Lily to pick her up without too much of a fuss.

Lily charmed her suitcases to levitate behind her and then followed Arabella out of the common room. She hoped that Marcella and Vivian had bothered to save a carriage with enough room for the rest of them.

"I guess a whatsit isn't the worst he could have done," Arabella said thoughtfully. "I mean, he could have just gotten you a see-through nightgown with written directions on it."

Lily snorted. She had a point.

When they got outside, they spent a few minutes searching for the carriage with their friends in it. Thankfully, Marcella had at least thought of them and had saved plenty of space for the ride to the train station. Arabella shoved all of her belongings into Gus' lap, including her caged owl, -- "Oomph!"-- and climbed in.

"You coming?" she asked.

Lily shook her head. "No, I'm going to wait for James. I don't want him to be wandering around looking for us."

"But it's cold!" Vivian complained, shivering for effect. "I'm turning into an icicle."

Lily rolled her eyes. "Fine." She used her hip to close the carriage door and muttered something rude about Vivian under her breath.

Lily relaxed her luggage onto the ground and prepared to wait. She was relieved to see that not everyone was ready to go, yet. There were still several students rushing about. At least James wasn't going to get left behind.

Lily shifted the kneazle in her arms as she glanced back up at the castle. Where was he?

There was a sudden commotion behind her. Alerted by the noise, Beelzebub jerked and twisted in her arms.

Struggling to keep a grip on her, Lily turned in time to see McCoy shoving people out of her way as she made a furious beeline straight for her. She barely had time to flinch before McCoy had a firm grip on her arm and was yelling directly into her face.

"When the fuck did you get the right to talk to Rosier about me?"

Her tone was harsh enough to make a few surrounding students move away from them in unease.

"Well?" McCoy hissed.

Lily was too stunned to answer. She stared at the too-close face in a dumb silence, overwhelmed by the sudden assault.

McCoy's grip on her arm tightened, and Beelzebub began to growl softly. "Nothing to say, Mudblood? You don't want to tell me what it was that you did to get Evan to do your dirty work? Well? Tell me what you did to get him to deal with me, you little tramp!"

Strangely enough, it was the unfriendly noises that Beelzebub was making rather than McCoy's insults that brought Lily back to herself. She deliberately shoved the girl's hand away from her and, because her temper was flaring up, she gave her another shove for good measure.

"Don't ever touch me again," she spat, wiping off any traces of the Slytherin from her arm.

McCoy sneered at her. "I am so sick of you, Evans."

"Likewise," she snapped. "But for some reason, it always seems to be you who initiates these charming encounters. Why is that, exactly?"

"You had no right to talk with him about me!"

Lily set Beelzebub down to avoid tearing any of her fur out in her irritation. How did McCoy even know that she talked to Rosier? Come to think of it, what had been the point of talking to him in the first place if it was only going to cause her more problems?

"Look, I get that you're insecure about Rosier," Lily said slowly, struggling to maintain her patience. "And I really think that you should be. But you either need to get over it or move on, and I'm not telling you this because I give a damn about your relationship."

McCoy smiled with an obvious effort. "I'm not the one who should be insecure, Evans."

McCoy's face was turning an ominous shade of red, but Lily ignored her and plowed on. "I'm doing it because I'm tired of dealing with you. This whole feud is ridiculous. I'm not a threat to you, because I couldn't give less of a damn. I don't even want Rosier, anymore."

Beelzebub's growling gradually became louder from her perch on Lily's luggage. The kneazle obviously sensed the clear threat on McCoy's face better than Lily did, or else maybe the redhead would have stopped while she was ahead. But no, Lily was on a role.

"And to be perfectly frank," she continued bravely. "You're no threat to me. You weren't when I was with Rosier, and you're not now that I'm with James. These little games that you keep playing aren't--"

"Where is Potter, Evans?" McCoy said sharply, cutting her off.

Lily faltered at the interruption. She wasn't done, yet. McCoy had to understand that she wasn't threatened by her so that this could all end, and Lily could move on with James without having to constantly be watching her back.

McCoy smiled and began to lazily circle Lily. Her resemblance to a predator in that moment was uncanny. Lily stood still with her chin held high, refusing to allow McCoy the satisfaction of seeing her squirm.

But inwardly, she couldn't help the unease that was creeping up her spine. This was ridiculous, remember? McCoy had nothing on her. She was just being--

"Pathetic," McCoy spat from behind her. "That's what you are."

Lily gave up her statue act and sprung around. "Now, isn't that just the pot calling the kettle black?"

McCoy ignored her and chuckled sardonically to herself. "To think that I've wasted so much time wondering what it was about you that turned boys into house elves. Well, now I know, don't I?"

Lily frowned. What was she on about?

McCoy gave her a disgusted look. "There's nothing really special about you, is there, Evans? The only difference between you and me is that I'm honest about what I want. I don't play little games with boys to keep them interested before giving them what they want. No, but you do, and that would make you a tease, Evans. A pathetic little tease."

Lily could do nothing but glare at her. She was so furious she could barely move.

"But not with Potter, though, right?" McCoy said, simultaneously stepping closer and lowering her voice. "You're a perfect little whore for him, I'll bet. Just like all the others."

Startled, Lily momentarily forgot the curse she was mustering up in her head. Her green eyes widened, and for a moment, a flash of shame was clearly visible before Lily caught herself and focused on the rest of McCoy's diatribe.

What had she said? Others?

What others?

McCoy laughed cruelly at the expression on her face. "You didn't think that you were the first did you?"

Lily immediately felt sick. "The first..."

"His first, Evans," McCoy clarified. "Potter's first. Jaime's first roll between the sheets. You didn't think that honor belonged to you?"

"What would you know about it?" Lily hissed angrily, taking a step back. She tightened her fists to keep them from shaking.

"So, you did think you were the first?" Veronica was looking damned pleased with herself by this point, and her voice took on an even more mocking tone. "That's so sweet, Evans."

Lily ignored the increasing pit in her stomach. "Of course not," she lied in what was hopefully a calm voice. "James has had lots of girlfriends."

And it was true. It may not have been her prime focus in previous years, but James had definitely dated his share of girls. His only rival in numbers was, ironically, Sirius Black. There was no reason for her to believe that James had behaved as a saint with any of them. It didn't matter, because that was all in the past. Lily knew this.

So, then why was she suddenly feeling the urge to either cry or to hit something?

"That's good," McCoy purred. "Because I wouldn't want you to have come away with the wrong impression."

Lily felt a desperate need to regain control of this confrontation. "Look, McCoy--"

But Veronica beat her to it, again. "Because that's something I'll always have over you, Evans. I had him first."

Everything was suddenly falling away from her. The false bravado melted into oblivion, leaving Lily standing there with nothing but stark horror written all over her face.

McCoy took advantage of Lily's disarmament with a speedy relish. "Has James taken you behind the Quidditch shed, yet?" she asked snidely.

"Taken me..." McCoy definitely couldn't be implying what it sounded like she was implying. James wouldn't...

"That's right, taken. As in, thrown you up against the shed and shagged you senseless."

Oh, God. Now, Lily really felt sick. Her throat closed in on itself, and it was suddenly difficult to breathe.

The other girl laughed again. "I'll take that look on your face as a no."

Lily's fingers were clenching the fabric of her robe, twisting it. James wouldn't do that. He wouldn't... He couldn't... Not with her!

"You're lying." Her voice came out a harsh whisper.

"Am I? Then why do you look so worried, Evans?"

She was shaking, but Lily stared resolutely ahead, refusing to betray that her insides were all contracting. "I'm not, because you're nothing but a lying slag. James wouldn't do that."

"And why is that?" McCoy snapped. "Because he's with you now?"

"You're lying," she repeated.

"That's so typical of you," Veronica snarled. She shot forward menacingly, so that she was again standing directly above Lily. "I've seen the way that Potter gropes you in class. You think that you're the only one he's done that with? It wouldn't surprise me one little bit if you were that delusional, but come on, Evans."

"Shut up!" Lily screamed. McCoy looked startled before she covered it up with a smirk. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about, so just shut up!"

There was no way that Veronica McCoy could possibly know what was typical of her, and McCoy didn't know what she was talking about. She didn't know anything about Lily, and she sure as hell didn't know anything about James.

"That's right, Evans," McCoy drawled. "Tell yourself that."

Lily shook her head, stubbornly refusing to accept this revelation. "I asked James, and he said that he'd never been with you. He told me--"

McCoy sneered. "It wouldn't be the first time a guy said the opposite of the truth when it comes to shagging. Evan, for example, told anyone who would listen that he shagged you. Now, we both know that's not true. If it were, then he wouldn't still be so fixated on you. Why wouldn't Potter lie about being with me if it meant that he could get into your knickers easier?"

No, no... But, oh, fuck. It was true. Lily never would have slept with James if she'd known about McCoy. If she'd known about any of the others. No matter what she told herself now, she had assumed that she was James' first. He was her first. He wasn't supposed to have... Not with the likes of McCoy! Not with anyone, but definitely not with her.

Tears were threatening to spill down her face, but Lily was too upset to focus on holding them back. "You bitch," she whispered brokenly. "What the hell have I ever done to you?" What gave her the right to trudge all over Lily's beautiful, private moments with James?

McCoy's face was hard now. "Everything, you stupid little Mudblood. Everything," she spat.

Lily shook her head in denial, but that seemed to incense Veronica even further. "I've loved Evan Rosier since I was eleven years old," she ground out slowly. "And you had no right to come in and take him from me!"

Evan? She was stomping on Lily's heart because she was upset about Rosier? "I can't believe you," she whispered.

McCoy wasn't even listening to Lily anymore. She had started pacing angrily. "I don't know what the hell he ever saw in you. You're a Mudblood, for crissakes! But even now, when he has me, Evan is still mooning after you! It's ridiculous! I wish he'd just shagged you and moved on with his life!"

Lily rested her face in her hands, not even noticing how hot or wet her cheeks felt. She didn't know if what McCoy was saying about Rosier was true, if Evan was still mooning after her, but she didn't care. It didn't give McCoy the right to do this to her.

"That has nothing to do with James," she whispered.

"James!" McCoy snarled. "He served as a decent distraction, but it turned out that even Potter only has eyes for perfect Lily Evans." Her last words were spoken with deep bitterness. "He sure as hell didn't waste any time dumping me the second you were available. Something about the appeal of virgins, I suppose."

"Stop it," Lily whispered. "Just stop it." She started backing away, wanting desperately to get away from this entire situation.

McCoy quickly stepped forward and gripped Lily's elbow to prevent her escape. "But you know what, Evans?" she said.

Oh, no more! Lily couldn't take it. She wished that she had never gotten out of bed that morning. She wished that she had never received her Hogwarts letter in the first place or met any of these people.

McCoy's lip curled cruelly. "If nothing else, Potter is damn good in the sack."

Lily wanted to hit her.

But McCoy had gotten her last word. With a flip of her perfect hair and a triumphant flash of her eyes, she was sauntering away, leaving Lily with no outlet for all of her frustrations.

With a half-choked sob, Lily collapsed onto her suitcase. Beelzebub barely managed to leap out of the way in time to avoid being squashed. But instead of displaying her displeasure, Beelzebub crawled up into Lily's lap and rubbed her head against Lily's arm in a comforting manner.

Lily covered her face and did her best to ignore the fact that other Hogwarts students were around to watch her breakdown. It really didn't matter if they were. James had lied to her. Again.

What else was a lie? What else had James done? Who else had James done?

Oh, it was too horrible to contemplate. Especially after what he'd said to her less than an hour ago. After he'd lied. Oh, God. For all of the people who had accused her of being manipulative-- of being a whore-- God, it was James! It was all him. It was always him. He was the whore. Not her. Not Lily. James.

James.

She was going to throw up. She couldn't handle it. She needed to find a bathroom. Now.

Forcing her legs to obey her, Lily stood up shakily and wiped her face off. She couldn't let anyone see her like this.

Oh, blast that bloody McCoy! The wench had come out of nowhere only to put a sledgehammer to Lily's relationship. The very thought of James touching her like he had...

Lily smacked a hand over her mouth and struggled to keep the bile down. Not here. She needed to get to the bathroom. No, she just needed to get away from this place. She needed to go home.

Beelzebub was making some kneazle-type noises at her feet, so Lily scooped her up and grabbed the handle of her nearest suitcase. She had to get out of here before--

"Lily!"

She froze.

"Lily! Hold on!"

She took a careful breath before turning towards the source of the voice.

James was running down the pathway toward her, his luggage levitating behind him. His hair was all over the place, and he was waving at her as if she couldn't see the whirlwind heading straight for her.

He skidded to a halt in front of her and gasped for breath. "Sorry, I'm late. I couldn't find my..."

Lily stared at him, not bothering to listen to his excuse. When he reached for her hand, she jerked away from him.

James blinked in surprise. He took in her disheveled state and distant expression. He suddenly seemed to realize that there was something very off here.

"Um, what's wrong?" he asked uncertainly.

Lily could have laughed.

What wasn't?

***********************************