Outward Appearances

Chapter 14: Melancholy Cures

Lily slept soundly for about four hours before the voices reached her.

"What is she wearing?"

"Don't know. It looks like she was walking around in the dirt."

"What time did she get back last night?"

"How should I know? I was with the guys in the common room until about ten, and she wasn't here when I came up."

"Didn't you say that she was with James last night?"

"She was, after Potions."

Silence, and then a giggle. "Do you think they were...?"

"Mind your own business, Viv. Besides, you could fit ten James' into that shirt."

"Oh. Right."

More silence. And then, "Shouldn't we wake them up? The match is supposed to start in fifteen minutes."

"I already tried to wake Lily up, and she wouldn't budge. And I don't know what time Marcella got in last night."

"So ... We leave them?"

A sigh. "I guess. I promised Greg I'd be there before the game started."

"Why?"

"None of your business."

The voices faded away, and Lily slept again. The next time she woke, it was because something soft was tickling her foot. Without even thinking about it, she kicked out at the annoyance, still half drowned in sleep. But a sudden hiss, and a sharp pain made her bolt into a sitting position.

It took a moment for the fluffy face and glaring yellow eyes to register.

"Damn cat," she snarled, and shoved Timberlie off of her bed. The cat gave a mew of indignation before disappearing under Arabella's bed.

Her head still fuzzy, Lily looked down at the fresh claw marks on her leg. As if that spoiled devil-cat didn't already have it's own magically enhanced scratching post. Why the heck hadn't Marcella chosen an owl, instead of a cat, like any sane person?

Lily sighed, and shoved some of the hair out of her face. Why hadn't Arabella woken her up? The bright light shining through the windows must mean that it was way later than usual.

But glancing over her bed, Lily realized that it was empty. Surprised, she looked at the other beds. Vivian's bed was made, neatly tucked in at the corners, but the curtains were still drawn around Marcella's bed.

Lily sat there for a moment in confusion before her brain started to function properly. Masks -- Falling -- Walking -- Barefoot -- Hogsmeade trail -- Sleeping outside -- Voices -- Arabella? Something ... about a match --Quidditch? ... James.

James.

Lily groaned and fell back onto the mattress. She squeezed her eyes shut and buried her face in the pillow. Lily gritted her teeth, and fought against the thoughts that rose up. Unfortunately, they won the struggle, and she was forced to remember the previous night in perfect detail. Well, almost. Her mind was a little fuzzy around the edges, but she knew those were the points where she hadn't exactly been in her right mind.

Damn James.

Damn him to hell and back.

God, she was embarrassed.

A faint rapping noise coming from the window suddenly caught her attention. Lily opened her eyes and lifted her head from the pillow. A large, tawny owl was pecking on the glass. She stared at it. Biting her lip again, Lily shoved herself up from the bed, and walked cautiously toward the window.

Please don't be from James, she prayed.

Hesitantly, Lily reached forward and opened the window. The tawny immediately hopped back on the ledge and stuck out its leg, as if it were in a hurry. Giving it a suspicious look, Lily untied the large, square-shaped burden from its leg. Hooting once, the tawny took off and upward, disappearing from her view. She closed the window and locked it up again before looking down at the package. Lily let out a breath of relief.

For Marcella.

Not from James.

Lily didn't know what exactly she had been expecting from James, but it was nothing for her. She glanced at the closed curtains around the girl's bed. "For you," she said loudly, dropping the package onto Marcella's bedside table.

Without waiting for a response, Lily moved to her cabinet to grab fresh clothes. She didn't think a shower ever sounded so good as it did at the moment. There was dirt on her legs and grass stains on the large shirt she was wearing.

There was a soft sound from behind Marcella's bed-curtains. Lily paused. It had sounded like a sob. She waited, but there was silence. It must have been her imagination. With a sigh, Lily carried her things into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Dropping them onto the sink counter, Lily turned on the shower. She pulled the shirt over her head, followed by her undergarments, and then dumped the shirt into the waste bin. She stuck a hand under the water to check the temperature. When it was warm enough, she climbed into the shower.

Lily moved slowly, pausing to watch as the dirt and dried blood streamed down the drain. She closed her eyes and held her head under the warm jet of water.

Lily chuckled darkly. Just a matter of a few hours ago, she had been worried that James was trapping her by confiding in her about his feelings about Sirius. But already, without meaning to, James had given her an out. Bastard. The next time she saw him, he wouldn't get so much as a cold look from her.

After shampooing and rinsing her hair, Lily turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower. She kept her eyes down, not wanting to see her reflection as she dressed and dried her hair. She didn't bother putting any make-up on before she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped out. What did it matter what she looked like?

Marcella had gotten out of bed, and was sitting on the floor. She watched as Lily moved to her bed and began to get back in. Lily ignored her, and was in the process of closing her own curtains, when a laugh made her look up. Marcella smiled innocently up at her. Lily glared down at her. "What are you laughing at?" she asked coldly.

Marcella didn't reply, but started giggling madly. Annoyed, Lily stood back up and took a step closer so that she could glare effectively at the other girl.

"What the hell are you laughing at?" she repeated angrily. As if she wasn't in a bad mood, anyway.

This outburst prompted Marcella to laugh even harder. Tears started to stream from her eyes. Perplexed, Lily stared at her. What the heck was the matter with her?

Lily's eyes suddenly fell on the torn wrapping paper on the floor. There was a rectangular box sitting at Marcella's feet. The lid had been removed, and apparently thrown several feet away. Lily looked down at it in confusion. Chocolates? Was that what the tawny had brought? Curious, Lily walked over to the discarded lid and picked it up. She read the label.

Melancholy Cures

Melancholy Cures? That didn't sound like any of the sweets that Lily had ever heard of. "What are these?" she asked.

"Can't you read, silly?" Marcella teased, a gigantic grin on her face.

Lily raised an eyebrow at her. Since when were they on teasing terms?

Marcella didn't seem to be affected by Lily's icy attitude. "They make everything go away," she managed, still laughing behind her hands.

"What do you mean?" Lily asked hesitantly. She was starting to suspect that those sweets had a little more to them than your everyday chocolate pieces.

Marcella just giggled and began twirling her hair around two fingers.

Gritting her teeth in frustration, Lily turned the box over to check for some other label that might hint to whatever the heck it was that Marcella had taken. There wasn't another more descriptive label, but Lily did notice a small sheet of paper near the edge of Marcella's bed. With a glance at the other girl, she picked it up and skimmed over the loose handwriting.

~~Marcella,

Keep your chin up, Sis! Just keep reminding yourself that he's just a guy. Guys come and go. Remember Quinton? He did the same thing to me that Rex did to you, and we were together for two years. I sent a box of Melancholy Cures with my owl because that's what got me through it. There's some kind of ingredients mixed into the chocolate that make you ridiculously happy. Sort of melts any negative emotions. I think the ingredients are some form of extract from pennelopes, but I can't be sure. Herbology was never my subject! Don't eat too many of them, or you'll probably end up embarrassing yourself by doing something stupid (like kiss a teacher!). And do be smart and save them for another weekend if you aren't going to eat a few straight away. I think your teachers would notice if you started giggling hysterically in the middle of their class, and I'll deny it if you tell anyone that I sent them to you! Give my love to the girls,

Camille~~

Lily looked up at Marcella, who was still smiling like a loon.

"You ate one?" she asked, surprised. What had Rex done to her? Lily had known Camille, Marcella's older sister, who had been two years ahead of Lily. But she had never heard of any guy named Quentin. And she had definitely never heard of Melancholy Cures.

"Not one," Marcella giggled. Her face was flushed from the excess of mirth, which made her look about five years old.

"How many, then?" Lily asked nervously.

Marcella just shrugged, looking like a terribly amused child who had gotten away with eating dessert before dinner right under Mummy's nose.

Giving her a suspicious look, Lily picked up the box. There were four empty spaces. Lily bit her lip. Was four too many?

"Why did you need these, Marcella?" she asked.

Marcella didn't appear to have heard her, because the blonde girl didn't reply, choosing instead to roll onto her back and stare at the ceiling. Lily watched as she suddenly started sweeping her arms back and forth.

"I always liked snow-angels," she told Lily. "They remind me of this play I saw once."

Lily shook her head. The girl had definitely gone nutters. She sat down on the edge of Vivian's bed and looked down at the sweets. Defying her better judgment, Lily picked up one of the chocolates. She eyed it suspiciously. It couldn't be dangerous, could it? Marcella's own sister had sent them to her, and from the sound of the letter, she had eaten them before and nothing bad had happened.

She looked back over at Marcella. The girl had never looked more content. Or more drunk. Lily was tempted to smile herself. That was a sight she had never expected to see.

"You've never had these before?" she asked her.

Marcella smiled, managing to show every one of her perfect teeth at once. "Nope. Cammie gave them to me. My sister. My favorite sister." She looked thoughtful for a moment, and then giggled again. "My only sister."

Lily smirked, and looked back at the chocolate in her hand. Melancholy Cures appeared to be the equivalent of getting drunk on a Palarmi. She considered it for a moment. Why not? It felt as if it had been weeks since she had been drunk last. And the others were at the Quidditch match ... Well, one couldn't hurt, right?

"You don't mind, do you?" she asked.

It seemed to take some effort for Marcella to concentrate on what Lily was asking her. She covered her mouth again and laughed between her fingers.

"I'll take that as a yes," Lily smirked. After a slight hesitation, she plopped the sweet into her mouth. She blinked, as a creamy filling erupted in her mouth. It was delicious.

Swallowing it, Lily closed her eyes and laid back on the bed to wait for the effect. At first, nothing seemed to happen. She began to rub her temples wearily. There had been a dull headache with her since she had woken up.

But then the pain was suddenly gone. Lily opened her eyes in surprise, and gasped. Vivian's bed-curtains had a new rainbow tint to them. She sat up, and looked around the room in wonder. Everything in the room had a weird, aura-like rainbow glow around it.

Even Marcella.

Lily giggled, and then slapped her hand to her mouth in shock. Oh, dear. But she couldn't hold onto the nervous feeling. Her head was fuzzy all of a sudden, and she felt strangely delighted.

Oh.

She smiled. This was better. No James here. Lily frowned. Well, now James was there. She couldn't have that. Lily picked up another piece and plopped it into her mouth.

Ohhh ...

Very nice.

Laughing, Lily rolled over onto her side and smiled at Marcella, who was levitating Vivian's lipstick with her wand. She wasn't angry with her anymore. Heck, she couldn't even remember why she had been upset in the first place. How nice.

"Lily?"

"Hmn?"

"I forgive you," Marcella said seriously, before cracking up in a fit of giggles.

Lily laughed, too. "For what?"

Marcella shrugged. "Can't remember."

They looked at each other, and then laughed again. God, this felt good. Lily picked up another piece.

They lay in silence for a while, both caught in their own thoughts. Flashes of happy memories from her childhood were suddenly bright in Lily's mind. That time her mother had taken her shopping, just the two of them, and they had gone to lunch. It had been their secret, because Petunia had been visiting her friend that afternoon, and Mummy didn't want Petunia to feel left out if she knew what she'd missed.

Lily sighed. That had been a happy day. She had been ... what? Six? She shrugged to herself. It didn't matter. Any day without Petunia had been wonderful.

And then there was her first Hogsmeade trip. Arabella had dragged to over to Honeydukes, and they had filled their pockets with sweets. Lily had brought some butterbeer back from the Three Broomsticks for Mundungus, who had a cold and couldn't come. The three of them had gone off to sit by the Great Lake while they drank it. Lily laughed. Mundungus had sneezed every five seconds, the poor bloke.

"What's so funny?" Marcella asked, grinning in anticipation of a joke.

Lily opened her mouth, and then closed it again. What had been funny? The memory was already swapped for another one. Arabella's thirteenth birthday, when her parents had come and picked her and Lily up for a private birthday celebration at Arabella's favorite restaurant. That had been fun.

Marcella suddenly appeared at Lily's elbow.

"I forgive you for taking James," she told her. "That's what I was going to say before."

Lily didn't say anything. Did she take James? She couldn't remember.

Marcella spied the spilled chocolates, and grabbed another one, James already forgotten. Instead of putting it in her own mouth, she suddenly stuffed it into Lily's mouth. Geez, they were good.

Marcella smiled serenely, and rested her cheek on the bedspread. "I think I'm going to marry Rex. He'll come back, and we'll get married."

Lily laughed after she had swallowed the chocolate. She didn't know why that was funny, but it didn't really matter.

"Okay," she managed.

Marcella laughed too, and tried to stuff another chocolate into Lily's mouth. She obliged, and opened her mouth.

Lily blinked. Marcella's face was beginning to run together in several streams of color. Her blue eyes were starting to change into familiar green ones. And gray ones. Brown ... And then blue again... Lily shook her head. What?

Marcella picked up another sweet, but Lily batted her hand away. One at a time.

"I like how the Quidditch players look in their uniforms," Marcella sighed. "Especially James."

Lily giggled, but she was having some difficulty understanding what Marcella was saying. She was too distracted by the purple tint her hair had taken on.

"I like your hair," Lily smiled.

Marcella nodded and ate another chocolate. "I like my hair, too."

There was a noise somewhere to Lily's left, but she didn't look over. Marcella was feeding her another piece. New voices were suddenly in the room, but she couldn't understand what they were saying.

"What are you guys doing?"

Marcella's face brightened, and she attempted to jump up, but lost her footing and fell out of Lily's line of vision. "Hi, Viv!" she heard Marcella squeal.

The voices halted.

"What are you so happy about?"

Lily smiled. That voice was familiar. Vivian -- no. Arabella? Yes, that was right. She was a good friend ...

"Lily?"

Lily blinked up at the face that had suddenly appeared over her. She squinted, but couldn't manage to bring it into focus. She sighed, and decided to enjoy the swirling patterns instead.

"Um, Bella? Come here," Mundungus said nervously.

"What? Lily? What are you doing?"

She just smiled up at the new Picasso-like shape.

"Lily?"

"Arabella?" she asked. Was that her? Well, of course it was. "When did you dye your hair green?"

"Um..."

Lily reached for another chocolate, but Mundungus swiftly grabbed it out of her hand. He turned it over in his hands and brought it to his nose.

"What is that?" Arabella asked.

"I don't know. Lily, what are these?" he asked.

She giggled, and made a grab for the shiny object around Arabella's neck.

"Hey, watch it! Gus, what's wrong with her?"

Mundungus didn't respond. He touched her forehead, and then waved his hand in front of her eyes. Lily smiled at the rainbow trial it left.

"Oh, no," said another voice.

"What?"

"Read this."

Lily stopped trying to understand the voices around her. They were making less and less sense. She started waving her hand in front of her face like Mundungus had done, and began giggling. That was so weird.

"What's going on?"

"James?"

Lily blinked. Did she just say 'James'? She grinned. He had warm lips.

"Hi, James!" Marcella squealed.

"Marcella ... Um, where's Lily?"

"On the bed," Mundungus told him.

Lily blinked up at him, as he was suddenly standing over her. Wasn't she supposed to be upset with him? There was something important that she was supposed to remember about James ... Right? Hmn ... Maybe not.

"Marcella? Why can't you stand up?" Vivian asked.

Giggling.

"Oh, crap."

"What's wrong, Gus?"

"Pennelopes. Those chocolates have extract of pennelopes in them."

"What?" James asked in alarm. Lily reached up to touch his glasses, which looked like small whirlpools.

"Marcella's sister sent her Melancholy Cures, which are sweets that --"

"Shit!" James cried. "Lily?"

She winced. Why was he shouting?

James tried to make her sit up, but to Lily's surprise, her neck didn't seem to want to hold itself up. James bit his lip, and tried again. Her body lay limp, like a rag doll.

"How many did she take?" he cried.

"We don't know," Arabella said nervously. "We just found them --"

"Marcella?" he tried. No answer.

"Damn it!"

Lily suddenly felt herself being lifted. An arm went under her legs, and another under her neck. Her face was shoved against a fuzzy sweater, and James made sure that he had a secure hold before lifting her fully into his arms.

"Whoa..." Lily managed.

"What are you doing, James?" Arabella was next to her.

"Taking her to the hospital wing!"

Lily laughed into his shirt. This was like when she was a little girl, and her father had carried her around.

They were moving, and Lily's head bobbed against his chest as he trotted down the stairs as quickly as possible without endangering them both.

"What were you thinking, Lily?" he mumbled. There were other things, but Lily didn't catch them.

"Where are we going?" she asked.

"Not again," he muttered, not hearing her.

Lily tried to turn her head so that she could have a better view of all the passing colors, but failed to manage it. She gave up, and closed her eyes. This felt nice.

Lily was so content that she almost fell asleep several times while James ran. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, and Lily reached up in fascination to touch his bobbing adam's apple.

When they reached the top of another staircase, James took a breath, and harshly kicked open a door. Lily jumped at the harsh noise, but immediately giggled. James had just kicked a door. That was a first.

"What in the world do you think you're doing?" asked a furious voice.

Lily began to pull at a loose string in his sweater. It was red. Weren't the Gryffindor Quidditch team uniforms red? She was almost half positive that they were ... Or were they green? Wait -- no. That was Hufflepuff. Or ...

"Slytherin?" she asked aloud.

"Melancholy Cures," he stated simply.

"What? Put her on the bed!" the voice said hastily.

Lily was hastily laid on a bed. James' arms were instantly gone. She reached out in confusion. Where'd he go?

A vision of white was leaning over her, touching her face and wrists. Who was this?

"James?" she called.

"Right here, Lily." His voice was coming from somewhere to her left.

"How many did she take?" the vision asked.

"I don't know. She can't lift her neck."

"Go get Professor Tilandi, and tell him we need a Humeris potion right away!" the vision ordered.

James was gone in a flash. Lily giggled as the probing hands touched a sensitive spot on her neck.

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Lily shivered and curled up into herself under the stiff sheets. The potion from Professor Tilandi had immediately taken affect, and it was all Lily could do to keep from breaking into sobs. Apparently the remedy for Melancholy Cures was to force the opposite effect. For whatever reason, every sad thing that had ever happened during her life was suddenly replaying through her mind.

Lily had never felt so depressed in all of her life. She almost felt like a different person. The worst part was that her head had cleared considerably, and she remembered every detail of that afternoon, including an extensive ranting by Madam Pomfrey about the dangers of Melancholy Cures.

James was hovering at the edge of the bed, silent but watchful. Lily didn't look at him, because when she did, the memory of seeing his face after she had ripped off his mask became bright in her mind. But it was only one memory in a sea of unhappy thoughts that were currently upon her. Most of them were ridiculously unimportant now, but the potion had left her extremely sensitive, so the pain was now shaper than it had ever truly been.

Unable to suppress it, a low whimper escaped her. She immediately squeezed her eyes shut, completely ashamed. Ah, shame. Another wonderful emotion.

"Lily?" His voice was so quiet that she almost missed it.

Go away, James, she pleaded silently. This was bad enough without him being there to witness it.

But to her confusion, she heard the bed creak as James crawled into the bed next to her. His arms were suddenly around her, holding her close to his warm body.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, her voice choked with suppressed sobs.

"Shh," James murmured into her hair, resting his cheek against her neck. "It'll be over soon."

His soothing tone was enough to break her reserve. Tears began to stream down her face, and Lily whimpered again. James' arms immediately tightened around her. He remained silent, occasionally rubbing her back, while she cried for several minutes.

Memories from years ago now felt like they had occurred as lately as yesterday. Unfortunately, they were all unpleasant. Lily couldn't help but feel like an insecure kid again.

"He made fun of my hair," she finally whispered, breaking the silence.

"What, Luv?" James asked, obviously thinking that he had misheard her.

"My hair," she moaned miserably. "Brenton Williams called me 'Firehead' when I was ten."

James didn't reply, and Lily continued. "Petunia tore off Darla's head and blamed it on me." Darla had been her favorite doll when she was younger, and Petunia had been jealous of the gift from their grandparents. "Why did she have to do that?" she wailed.

James chuckled, and kissed her ear softly. "I'll buy you another doll."

"But she had red hair, like mine," Lily sniffed. Of course, the memory of red hair reminded her that she was a redhead, which brought on other memories of when she was younger. "I hate my hair," she said sadly. "I wanted to be blonde."

"Why? I love your hair," he said, moving one of his hands up to gently stroke his fingers through her long hair.

"Emma and Natalie were blonde," she said, remembering her schoolmates from before she had been accepted at Hogwarts. "Marcella's blonde."

"So? You're beautiful." He laid a single kiss on her neck.

"My father had surgery this year," she told him, a new wave of tears running down her face. "I thought he was going to die."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, resuming the comforting rubbing on her back. "But he's okay, isn't he?"

"Yes," she admitted. "But I couldn't visit him in the hospital because Petunia wasn't willing to come and get me."

"Why not, Luv?"

"Because she hates me," Lily whispered.

"No, she doesn't," James assured her. "That's the potion talking."

"Yes, she does," she insisted, turning over in his arms so that her face was buried in his chest and their legs entangled. "Because I'm a freak."

His jumper muffled Lily's voice, but James understood her. He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Why would you say that?"

"She told me," she said simply.

"It was a lie," he said angrily. "You may be the most infuriating person I've ever met, but you're definitely not a freak."

Lies ... Well, that was a whole other chapter in itself. "Everybody lies to me. Petunia always lied. Remus lied. You lied."

Yes, James had lied to her, too.

Oh, and Remus was still gay, wasn't he? That definitely sucked.

James stiffened at the accusation in her voice. "I'm sorry."

"Why? Why did you do that?" she asked miserably.

James sighed. "This isn't the time, Luv."

All of her crying and the unusually thick depression suddenly had Lily feeling exhausted. Her eyes began to droop. There were only so many emotions a person could take in a day. James was such an ass. Why couldn't she have fallen for somebody nice? Was she doomed to be unhappy in relationships? Lily moaned at the thought.

"I'm tired," she whined, yawning widely.

"I'm not surprised," he said, resting his forehead against hers. "You go ahead and sleep. I expect the potion will have worn off by the time you wake up."

"We're going to fight," she said absently, closing her eyes.

James sighed again. "I know." He gently kissed her forehead. "When you wake up, just remember that I love you."

But Lily didn't hear him because she was already asleep.

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