Rating:
G
House:
The Dark Arts
Characters:
Albus Dumbledore
Genres:
General Humor
Era:
Multiple Eras
Spoilers:
Philosopher's Stone Goblet of Fire Order of the Phoenix
Stats:
Published: 04/05/2004
Updated: 04/05/2004
Words: 3,354
Chapters: 1
Hits: 328

Houses

Jo Shomen

Story Summary:
How could Cedric be Champion if all Hufflepuffs are so mediocre? Why don't the Ministry just assume all Slytherins are Death Eaters? What's with Percy? These and other questions answered here.

Posted:
04/05/2004
Hits:
328


Houses

1 Are Slytherin the only bad guys?

Have you ever wondered why all the bad guys - the Death Eaters - come from Slytherin? How come all the heroes come from Gryffindor? Average folk are in Hufflepuff, brainy ones in Ravenclaw?

But it's not really so. If life was that simple, the table for Hufflepuff would be huge and the tables for Gryffindor and Ravenclaw would be tiny. Hufflepuff would always win the Quidditch Cup because it could choose its team from four times as many students.

The truth is more complex. There are some good-guy Slytherins, even some who behave heroically (if spitefully). There's at least one Gryffindor (and a Head Boy at that) who seems to have joined the other side, and a Hufflepuff was the true Hogwarts Champion.

The Sorting Hat divides people according to the focus of their soul. Is your gaze inward or outward? Do you like to classify and focus or are you a whole-picture person?

Slytherins love themselves

Gryffindors love an ideal

Ravenclaw see the details

Hufflepuffs see the world.

Houses 2-5 describe the House characters. Houses 6 is a Daily Prophet "Wizards in the News" article, matching HP celebrities to their House.

Houses 2 / Know your Slytherin

Houses 3 / Ravenclaw Taxonomy

Houses 4 / What Hufflepuff Is That?

Houses 5 / Field Guide to Gryffindors

Houses 6 / Houses on the Cusp

Houses 2 / Know your Slytherin

Slytherin are characterised by an intense personal focus. S/he matters the most, then the things most important to him/her. Anything outside that circle simply doesn't register. Slytherins are therefore predisposed to greed and selfishness, and this accounts for the high proportion of Slytherins engaged in white-collar crime, large-scale drug smuggling, insurance fraud, date-rape, and Death Eater activities. However, a Slytherin does not necessarily have to be morally deficient. Many happy, well-adjusted Slytherins live usefully in society. Their internal focus inclines them to be competitive and ambitious, and this is frequently combined with great personal charm. They are often very successful as politicians and lawyers.

Slytherins make great leaders of research teams, as they excel at winning grants and contracts. Unfortunately they make lousy co-workers or supervisors of postgraduate students, as they could never be bothered remembering important issues in their colleagues' research.

Slytherins with great creative talent are the most likely of all the Houses to achieve international success. As opera stars, they are Divas with an explosive attitude. As rock musicians, they are lead singers whose talent and personal magnetism brings the band to fame. Then they cut loose for a solo career, leaving other band members to fade into obscurity. As artists, they decide that the returns on painting are simply sad, and funnel their talents into manga, computer games, or advertising. They become rich.

An amazingly rare and beautiful butterfly will not be noticed by a Slytherin, unless s/he wants it for his/her collection.

Slytherin parenting tends to be most successful if the offspring lend cachet to the parents. Slytherin sons who are the heirs to estates and noble traditions are sent to exclusive private schools. They are punished if they do not live up to their father's expectations. Slytherin preschool daughters wear cute outfits that match their mother's clothes. When the daughters become sexually attractive, about the same time as their mothers start to feel frumpy, the matching-clothes thing vanishes and the relationship deteriorates.

Slytherins have achieved great success in fashion design and the cosmetics industry.

Houses 3 / Ravenclaw Taxonomy

The Ravenclaw focus is a narrow bright spotlight that seeks to illuminate the tiniest detail. They like to have every fact tucked into a pigeonhole. Like Rikki-tikki-tavi, their motto is "go and find out"; they are curious about everything. As teenagers, they are preternaturally tidy and inclined to do their homework. At university, they drink a lot of coffee, wear tight clothes, and discuss philosophy or post-modernism. They grow up to be librarians, accountants, and cleaners. They make superb scientists, especially in the Western tradition (which assumes that if you take things to bits then you will understand the whole). This accounts for the perception that Ravenclaw is the House for brainy people. However, in Oriental tradition, Ravenclaws are considered to have a lesser understanding.

Actually, you don't have to be brainy to be a Ravenclaw, being obsessive will do.

Ravenclaws do very well in research, although co-worker harmony can be disturbed by arguments about definitions. A research team headed by a Slytherin but organised by a Ravenclaw 2IC is a heavenly place for a bunch of Gryffindor postgraduates to work. Eventually, the Ravenclaw gets tired of so little credit for so much work behind the scenes, and resigns. The research team crumbles from within.

Ravenclaws almost never go into rock and roll or improvisational jazz, although they are very successful at Techno/House. Many Ravenclaws prefer harpsichord music, fugues, Bach, Palestrina.

Ravenclaw will dissect a rare butterfly, to understand the purpose of such great beauty; his/her Hufflepuff friends are horrified. On the other hand, Ravenclaws can also create the kind of wonder that comes from a deeper understanding of the universe. Turning equations into fractal pictures and the photography of distant galaxies are Ravenclaw pursuits.

Ravenclaws make pretty good parents - they've read all the books - but their rules tend to be a little inflexible during their children's teenage years. As neighbours, they can be nosy and judgmental, but are also likely to know how to help a friend in need. If there is a mental health problem, it is likely to be obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Ravenclaws invented nanotechnology.

Houses 4 / What Hufflepuff Is That?

Hufflepuffs gaze gently upon the world, seeking balance and a broad understanding. Unlike their little Ravenclaw classmates, the Hufflepuff's lack of interest in details makes them slow to learn times tables, spelling, logic, or spells. Very few Hufflepuffs excel in Potions, but they do well in fields that require a holistic, intuitive understanding: healing, horticulture, Transfiguration, childcare. If a Hufflepuff can struggle through tertiary education, s/he may reach a stage where s/he can grasp the secrets of the universe (Einstein was a Hufflepuff). Hufflepuff philosophers are well regarded in the East.

Because they lack the ambition, obsession, or passion of the other three houses, extremely talented Hufflepuffs rarely achieve the pointy pinnacle of success. The Hufflepuff reputation for mediocrity at school and at work is not about lack of talent, it's about unwillingness to sacrifice. On the other hand, a Hufflepuff is most likely to reach the end of his/her life having enjoyed a moderately fruitful career, still on speaking terms with the children and spouse, healthy, and engaged in interesting hobbies. In middle age, Hufflepuffs become distressed about their lack of power or wealth, but this phase soon passes. Middle-aged Hufflepuff men sometimes buy brightly coloured sporty Firebolts, but they never feel comfortable with them, and mostly leave them in the shed.

Hufflepuffs do not engage in the games of Power, they are too busy fundraising for their schools. They are valuable, but rarely appreciated, as umpires in Slytherin/Gryffindor Quidditch matches.

In a rock band, Hufflepuff plays bass or drums. As artists, they tend to go for functional skills like pottery or silversmithing.

A splendid butterfly will be loved by the Hufflepuff, but s/he is unlikely to communicate the butterfly's beauty, or save its environment.

Hufflepuffs make great parents, but have trouble understanding children of passion or ambition. Think of a duckling hatched by a chicken - the parent clucks and flutters while the offspring dives into the dangerous element it was born to love. Such children often run away from home. On the whole however, living with a Hufflepuff is a peaceful experience.

Take your koan to a Hufflepuff.

Houses 5 / Field Guide to Gryffindors

There stands a Gryffindor, golden hair stirred by the winds of Fame (or Infamy). That's okay, you can go right up and look, s/he won't notice you. His/her gaze is fixed on a Belief, something that is More Important than Self. Many Gryffindors are an inspiration and a source of world-improving deeds: mountains to be climbed, Evil to be Fought, Gryffindor is there. There is always a price, though, and sometimes it is paid by those who did not make the choice. Gryffindor gladly dies for the Cause, but it is hard on their children, parents, lovers; harder still on the relatives of those they take with them.

Gryffindors are naturally drawn to professions of heroism and enrichment - healing the sick, breaking curses, diplomacy. Most Aurors are Gryffindor. Since they often end up investigating Slytherins that they disliked in their youth, the enmity between the two houses has become self-perpetuating.

Can you have Gryffindor bad guys? Dear me, yes. Idealistic wizards with insufficient understanding of moral issues doing evil that good may come, foolish witches heroically sworn to an ignoble cause, Gryffindors' hands are just as dirty as anyone else's. Such a mixture of tragedy and heroism is a rich source for literature, like the three noble brothers of Beau Geste, or most characters in Kipling, bravely sacrificing their lives for Empire (that is, being part of a colonising force occupying somebody else's country).

Worse, Gryffindor children brought up in war or oppression may have their heroism turned to a darker aspect. Constantly told that some other group of people is responsible for his/her family's pain, that any member of that other group is evil and should die... you can see where this is going. A Gryffindor bent on self-sacrifice is immune to the balancing influences that discourage stupidity in normal people. Ignorant, s/he is a ticking bomb: it is critical that his/her education imparts wisdom, history, an ability to look at what the battle is about before leaping with drawn sword. The greater a Gryffindor's talent, the more dangerous their thoughtless actions can be.

A Gryffindor would only notice a beautiful butterfly if it was endangered.

Academic Gryffindors really care about their subject and can make excellent scientists. However, they are likely to leave their doctoral dissertations incomplete while they go off and save something.

A lead guitarist, lost in the beauty of the music, is probably Gryffindor. S/he doesn't care when the singer leaves the band and the money dries up, s/he's just happy to sit at home honing his/her craft. Very admirable, but s/he's too busy to get a day job. Gryffindor artists care about the purity of their art and won't sell their paintings or photographs to people who don't appreciate them. They are poor all their lives. They are divorced.

Gryffindor parenting can be neglectful, since s/he is somewhere else, doing something important. Then s/he dies, leaving the children in poverty. The only thing that prevents Gryffindor from completely vanishing from the gene pool is their tendency to marry Hufflepuffs; at least someone is at home, looking after the children. However, for a lucky few offspring, the family is the Cause. These Gryffindors make amazing parents: s/he sacrifices cheerfully for the children but is not over-indulgent, supports the children while encouraging independence; with outward calm but innner pain s/he eventually sends them out to seek their fortune.

Gryffindor mental health problems tend to centre around depression.

In 1974 all the principle dancers of the Royal Ballet (London) were Gryffindors.

Houses 6 / Houses on the Cusp

A special Sunday supplement in the Daily Prophet ran the following character analysis of celebrity players in Recent Events -

"Houses of the Famous and Notorious"

The happy hours of youth - how time gilds the memory of our school chums, in those long-ago days when we were surrounded by like-minded companions in the security of our school House. Ambitious Slytherins, passionate Gryffindors, obsessive Ravenclaws, and relaxed Hufflepuffs, we discovered ourselves in the foibles of our friends.

But very few people are the undiluted spirit of their House. Similar to the concept of 'cusp' in astrology, in many people the major characteristic is tempered by mixture, either with 'adjoining' houses (Gryffindor with Hufflepuff, for example), or more interestingly with 'opposite' houses (Gryffindor with Slytherin). Indeed, most people contain at least a touch of all the characters.

Although one's astrological sign never changes, people's dominant and secondary House character may develop over the course of their lives. The Daily Prophet's resident connatologist, Verity Fulcrum, brings you this exclusive analysis of Wizards in the News.

Three Companions

Harry, Hermione, and Ron, all prominent Gryffindors, exemplify the ideal of the 'mixed-House' persona.

Harry Potter, although apparently all Gryffindor, is nearly half-Slytherin. "The Sorting Hat had a tough time deciding," a close friend revealed. The Gryffindor facet of his character was clearly identified in his youthful determination not to be one of the "bad guys" -- not to be like his unspeakable Muggle relatives, not to be befriended by the arrogant Malfoy heir on their first Hogwarts journey. Later, this crystallised into his true Cause: the downfall of the Death Eaters. But his propensity to act the hero without thought or consultation, dragging his friends with him, is very Slytherin. In his worldview, it's all about him. Of course, he has good reason: Voldemort's dogged pursuit of the Potter family has shaped his entire life.

Hermione Granger, although she constantly endures taunts about her Muggle parentage, has a brilliance which has insured her a place in Hogwarts history. She was routinely performing N.E.W.T.-level magic while her classmates were studying for their O.W.L.s. A more classic case of Gryffindor + Ravenclaw would be hard to find. She has a prodigious memory for detail but does her best work in fields requiring linear, stepwise logic. Her relentless championship of the house-elves illustrates the dangers of a highly-talented, partially-educated Gryffindor/Ravenclaw. She has found a cause to champion, but only understands one part of the issue. Failing to examine the wider implications, she has succeeded only in embarrassing Dobby (Hogwarts's freed house-elf) and endangering the employment of other house-elves.

Ron Weasley's talents have been consistently underestimated by his peers, by the media, and even by himself. In this, he is a typical Hufflepuff cusp. It is difficult for the young to use a holistic approach, since a good deal of life experience is necessary to intuitively understand complex systems. Nevertheless, this Gryffindor + Hufflepuff has been a key player. It was the Hufflepuff in him that conquered McGonagall's giant chess set, and the Gryffindor that volunteered to be bludgeoned by the opposing Bishop. His ability to see Harry the person (not Harry the legend) continues to support the three companions through difficult times; he keeps them in touch with the larger issues. The youngest Mr Weasley has a promising future.

Mr Potter, Ms Granger, and Mr Weasley achieve more together than they could separately because their strong talents are complementary. It was all there to see in a single event during their first year at Hogwarts: leading, hot for battle, Harry jumps blindly into a dark hole. He and Ron are trapped by - something - what? Studious Hermione recognises Devil's Snare, which likes the dark. A fire is needed.

" ' - but there's no wood!' cries Hermione, wringing her hands.

'HAVE YOU GONE MAD?' Ron bellows. ' ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?' "

Well done, Mr. Weasley.

The Weasleys

Ron Weasley comes from a prominent pure-blood wizarding family. Despite their pedigree, the Weasleys have few material assets. Instead, they amass the intangibles of the spirit - loyalty, truth, love of family, and justice. It is said that the elder Mr. Weasley has even jeapordised his career at the Ministry by his unwillingness to be pragmatic about Muggle issues. Needless to say, they are all Gryffindor. The adult Weasley children have followed typical Gryffindor paths - working with endangering species, breaking curses. Even the black sheep of the family - the dropouts George and Fred - left school while nobly fighting a losing battle.

The third son, Percy, shows all the signs of a strong opposite cusp. Like Harry Potter, Percy Weasley is nearly half-Slytherin; but the results are very different. Lacking Harry's humility, Percy is gripped by ambition: he wants to raise the status of the Weasley name. Weasleys shall not be known anymore for poverty, or for impractical, shabby idealism: the Weasley name shall rise in the Ministry. Naturally, one must follow orders, conform to the organisational culture, follow the correct line. The proper efforts will certainly be rewarded.

In fact, Percy deceives himself - he thinks his Cause is the Weasleys, but he is rapidly becoming a slave to his own ambition. Already, in small ways, he betrays the family that he thinks he is serving. One day he will wake up to find himself all Slytherin.

Hogwarts Housemasters

The selection policy of Hogwarts Heads of House has always been a matter for the Headmaster, and the school's fortunes fluctuate accordingly. Under Phineas Nigellus (Slytherin), for example, the policy was to select Heads who exemplified and promoted the pure spirit of their House. Ruthless ambition was encouraged in Slytherin, mindless heroism in Gryffindor, and obsessive scholarship in Ravenclaw. During this period Hogwarts produced large numbers of exceptional students and each House rose to its pinnacle of glory. Only Hufflepuff House did not prosper, and their complaints of elitism were dismissed as the bleatings of the losing team. However, inter-House rivalry intensified during Nigellus's Headship, and record numbers of students were killed or maimed in duels or on the Quidditch field, or committed suicide.

The current policy, under Gryffindor-cusp-Hufflepuff Albus Dumbledore, could hardly be more different. House Heads are chosen for their ability to temper the spirit of their House and produce students with a more balanced outlook. Slytherin Severus Snape is rumoured (on somewhat mysterious grounds) to combine selfishness with dedication to an external ideal. If so, he is most likely to be a Slytherin-cusp-Gryffindor: an extremely difficult combination to manage, which undoubtedly explains his constant and spiteful short temper. Minerva McGonagall is very Gryffindor about her students, but very Ravenclaw about the rules. She is not a fan of heroism for its own sake. Ministry commentators consider that Dumbledore's Hogwarts is a place that has lost its edge, and in some old wizarding families it has become the fashion to send their children to overseas academies for a final post-N.E.W.T. year. The ordinary wizard-in-the-street, though, can only be glad that his children are at school in such a nurturing environment.

The Great Four

With four such differing natures, why did the Founders of Hogwarts School come together, and how did their unlikely partnership prosper for so long? Although many of the personal records have been lost over the centuries, knowledge of the historical context allows us to speculate.

Times were hard for witches and wizards. Magic was anathema to the Church and secular authorities, and its practitioners regarded with suspicion and hatred by the populace. Isolation, loneliness and fear defined the lives of adult wizards as they travelled from place to place. Imagine four strangers, meeting by chance in the public room of a small-town inn, and trapped by bad weather - guarded comments become lively conversation as the night deepens. For the first time each recognises in others kindred spirits: talented, intelligent, magical people. They are kindled by the idea of a place where others like themselves can gather and learn. The four are united by a shared passion ... Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is born.

The Four were close companions during the school's early years, but with time they grew apart, for their common dream arose from very different roots. Helga saw the fitness of a supportive community, whereas Rowena was excited by the meeting of minds. Godric wished to shelter the persectuted, but Salazar - Salazar wanted to grow stronger than those other, lesser beings. In the end, it was Salazar's hatred of Muggles and his desire to achieve mastery over them which led to the final dissolution of this once-great partnership.

Competition: Match the Stars to Their Houses!

The Daily Prophet offers readers the chance to win the holiday of a lifetime in the demon-haunted Icelandic countryside...

... end ...