Tired of Living

You wrapped your hands tight around my heart and squeezed it full of pain.

~Smile Empty Soul*With this Knife~

It was all over. Everything had faded from grey to black in a matter of moments. Her heart had shattered into a million pieces, and she knew she would never be able to put it back together again. In the darkness of the night she could still hear his voice, whispering his secrets in her ear, trusting her with his soul. They had given each other everything they could, everything they had ever held dear. Now it was all gone, tossed away in a few seconds, dissolving in the pools of tears she cried.

She cursed the world that had broken them, and she cursed herself for not holding on tighter. Maybe if she had just kept him close by for a little longer he wouldn't be gone. If she had made sure he was always with her would that have made it any easier? Would it have saved him?

The days flashed by in dreams, reminding her of everything that had been done wrong. All the mistakes she had made never left her alone. She would look around the cold scenes the world had laid before her, and all she could see was him, as she last saw him. The pools of deep red blood that slowly spread around him, the sad emptiness in his eyes, his chest still, all breathing halted for the rest of eternity.

They had been so happy. They had been determined to be together forever. She had met him again that day in Hogsmeade, and he had smiled. She had missed his smile for so long, but for a split second she had it back. His smile was hers. He still loved her then, and as he walked away he had looked back, and she had seen it on his face. He knew he was gone. He knew it was the last time they would ever see each other for a long, long time. She had tried to ignore it, convincing herself it was a lie. But she had followed him, the sun slowly fading behind her, as if trying to tell her she was too late, his life was fading with the day. The world had been right. He was dead. They had killed him for betraying them. They couldn't spare him, and she knew he wouldn't have asked to be. He never did beg. She hated him for leaving her with such unfaltering courage. It was as though he never gave her happiness another thought, never wondered what would happen to her if he left.

"You betrayed us Draco. You gave them our names. You're letting them find us." Blaise had cornered him in the alleyway, the knife shaking in his hand. Draco noticed his knuckles were white from clenching the handle so hard. He had never expected this would be the way he'd go. Of course he knew they'd find him eventually, although he had hoped for a little more time, maybe even time for goodbyes. He had made the right decision in leaving Ginny out of this. He would have killed himself for the god damn Death Eaters if they had touched her.

"Hello Blaise, Nott, Crabbe." He nodded at each in turn, as if he was simply greeting old friends. He tried to keep the fright in his eyes from showing. He didn't want to die. He was too young, he had too much to live for, and a girl he didn't want to leave.

"We used to be friends. Is this how you repay friends?" Theodore Nott, he used to be such a good guy. Draco had always wondered how he ended up here, with these men, with the Dark Lord. Family had such an influence on people.

"Friends? Is that what you call yourselves? You three never gave a damn about me and you know it. You left me behind the moment my father died. Is that what friends do?" He watched as Zabini raised the knife, Crabbe and Nott's wands pointed at his throat. He reached for his wand, immediately feeling the cold metal in his chest. He gasped. He didn't know dying hurt this much. He sunk slowly to his knees, wincing at every breath. The pain coursing through his body was unbearable. He wondered why no one saw them, why no one was coming to help. Then he saw that the entrance to the alleyway had been closed up, he assumed by some spell.

"Does it hurt? Yes, yes I guess it does." Theodore came forward, a malicious grin on his pale face. He still had his wand pointed directly at Draco. Another shuddering breath made Nott snap.

"Crucio," he said casually, almost lazily. Draco felt as though a thousand white hot knifes had been pushed into him, his head was pounding, and he could feel his heart rate slowing down. He struggled against it for as long as he could, undergoing the curse at least three times more. Then he just stopped. Black had begun to creep into the corners of his eyes and the figures in front of him were becoming fuzzy. Then it was gone.

"Draco Malfoy was a good man, and a respected member of the wizarding world. He left behind loving friends and his contributions to the community have made the lives of countless others worth living. He will be greatly missed." Ginny stared at the ground, tears filling her dark brown eyes. Harry stood beside her, his hand wrapped around her shoulder, trying to comfort her. Ginny Weasley couldn't be consoled. A funeral made it all real. If someone said that he was dead it made it true. She had to accept it now, and she didn't want to. She kept expecting him to pop in around the corner, his pale hair falling into his eyes, smirk at the teary eyes, and ask why everyone was so sad. But she knew he wouldn't. When she had moved to New York it was the hope that he still loved her that kept her going. The hope that they might some day meet again, that she would see his face made all the pain seem worthwhile. But now she couldn't hope anymore. She knew he was up there, looking down at her, wanting to reach out and tell her it was going to be ok, but she just couldn't believe that. Her heart had been beaten black and blue. It was all over.