Tired of Living

"I like the rain," he said quietly, his cold voice resonating throughout the room. His dull gray eyes were staring out the huge window in the living room, watching the summer shower. He didn't know why he liked the rain. He supposed it was because it filled up all the empty silence. He could hear the patter of the drops on the roof anywhere in the huge manor. The rain made him feel not quite so alone. He had never liked being alone.

I gave up the one person who never made me feel alone.

The thought had crossed his mind so many times over the years. It echoed in his heart, beating painfully in his chest, reminding him all the time that she wasn't gone. She was close by, always close by. He should just go see her. Maybe then he would be able to put it all behind him. Maybe then the ache would lessen.

"How have you been?" His voice was smooth and cool, exactly as she remembered it. The white blond hair, the gorgeous gray eyes, the same silky charm, they were all just too familiar.

"How do you think?" She winced the moment she'd said it. She hadn't meant to say that. He probably thought she was crazy, holding onto it for so long. He probably didn't even think about her anymore.

"Oh, uh," he stammered. She shrugged,

"Never mind." He nodded and she took a sip of her water. He surveyed her coolly, wishing he had let Blaise talk him out of this. She was still beautiful. Her red hair was pulled back in a low ponytail, and her cheeks were flushed from what he assumed was the warmth in the pub.

"Why are you here?" she asked suddenly. Draco was thrown off guard. He didn't know why he was there. He wanted to tell himself that it was a mistake, that he had never meant for his musings to go this far. But he knew now it was just an excuse. He wanted to get over her. He knew that if he couldn't have her, then he didn't want her. He wanted his heart free from her once and for all. He had realized very suddenly that this was most likely not going to happen. So he lied.

"Potter was supposed to meet me here, a business meeting. I didn't know I was going to run into you Ginny." She pushed back her chair and got to her feet.

"That's bull shit and you know it Draco. If you can't even tell me why you're here then I guess we have nothing further to talk about." She started to walk away but felt his hand grabbed her arm. A shock of pain struck her heart. He had touched her. She remembered the feel of his fingers on her skin too well. She knew the flutters that started up in her stomach and she knew that her heart beat quicker whenever it happened. She wished it would go away...all of it.

"I'm sorry. Please, just stay." She made the mistake of looking at him. His gray eyes were pleading, and she always caved in. It would be no different this time. She slid back into her chair, their eyes still locked.

"I just wanted to see you Ginny. I guess I thought..." he trailed off, leaning back in his seat. She dropped her chin on her hand, searching his face.

"You thought what?" she asked softly, her voice failing her. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed.

"I thought I could get over you." He almost wanted to smile when he saw her face turn scarlet, but the seriousness of what he had just told her stopped him. He could feel his heart freezing as he saw the tears glistening in her eyes.

"How did that work for you?" she whispered, feeling a single tear slide down her cheek. He reached out a hand, brushing it away. Shaking his head he replied,

"Not so good." She shook her head, anger suddenly seizing her soul. This man, this stupid man had taken her heart and he had crushed it. He hadn't spoken to her in years, maybe he was trying to escape some kind of memory, or maybe he was just an ass. Either way, at that moment she didn't want to stick around to find out.

"You can't just do this!" she exclaimed unexpectedly, hating herself for the new batch of tears that rose in her throat. He leaned forward, taking her hand. She snatched it away and stood up for the second time during their meeting.

"No, Draco I won't let you do this to me! Not again. I don't have enough heart left for you to break again." He threw up his arms, gray eyes suddenly fiery.

"You think I don't regret that Gin? I do, every single day! I wake up in the morning loathing myself for letting you go. But I can't take back the past. I would if I could, but I can't! I'm not a stupid 17 year old anymore." She rolled her eyes and grabbed her purse from the chair, making her way to the door. He hurried after her, out the door, and onto the busy Hogsmeade streets.

"Just leave! I can't stand this! I can't stand being around you! All I can do is remember, and I don't want to do anymore of that. I've had my share of pain. I don't want to start the process all over again." He grasped her arm tightly so she couldn't get away. Pulling her close to him he whispered,

"You can't walk away from me. You can't do it." She searched his face, aware of the eyes on them. She could feel the heat of his body, and she could hear the shudder in every breath he took, ragged and shaky. He smirked at her, loosening the grip on her arm. She didn't try and get away from him. In fact she didn't want to. Being close to him was like her high. Just the nearness of him made her heart skitter, and her head spin.

"Now that I've got your attention," he mumbled, his lips centimeters away from her ear. She felt the chill bumps rise on her skin, despite the sticky heat in the air. She turned her head slightly, her mouth brushing his. Her hands were trembling, her heart pounding steadily in her ears.

"Can we talk now?" he asked, so quietly it was almost inaudible. She nodded, taking a step backward. The people in the streets were throwing them odd looks, but neither paid them any attention. Their eyes stayed locked, and neither of them wanted to be the first to break the connection.

"My flat's upstairs," she told him, finally finding her voice again. He didn't say a word, and he didn't take his eyes off her.

"Actually, I think I'm going to have to take a rain check. I have to get into work. I'll call you though. I'll get your number from Harry."

And then he was gone.

Ginny pushed her door slowly open, in a kind of daze. Her flat was cool and dark. She sunk into the nearest arm chair and dropped her purse onto the coffee table.

What the hell did I just do?

It was a good question really. She had no idea what she had just done to herself. She imagined she had just thrown her principles away. She had just tossed everything aside, all the progress she had made and everything else had just been pushed away. She wondered what it was about him that made her fall apart like she did.

He gave me what I needed.

She laughed aloud at the irony. What she needed. What exactly was that? What did Ginny Weasley truly need? The answer was simple. All she had ever needed was him. She had been the happiest when they were together. There had never been a day that went by that she didn't love him with everything she was. The remembering hurt, but remembering how happy she was didn't. She had received a taste of a great love, and it was all she ever needed. Glancing out the window she noticed that the rain had started up again.