Forgiven

As the sun sank down below the horizon, Remus shivered. A chill wind had begun to blow, uncharacteristic for the season. It was the night before the full moon, the first full moon since Snape had been unwillingly pulled into his secret. He had nearly killed him, had almost bitten him, had ensured Snape's undying hatred. And all because Sirius had thought it would be funny to scare him.

Sirius.

Remus hadn't spoken to him in almost a month. It was killing him. But he couldn't forget the casual disregard with which Sirius had treated his secret. Remus had been so...heartbroken, the next morning when he had awoken in the hospital wing, James Potter sitting at his bedside, looking shaken.

"Do you remember last night?" he had asked.

"No. What is it James? It isn't Sirius?"

James had closed his eyes.

"Sirius is fine. But last night..."

Remus had cried, shaking, wrapping his arms around his own body tightly, then around Lily when she came to see him.

"Why?" he had asked, sobbing into her shoulder. "Why did he?"

"We don't know, Remus. He says he doesn't know." She had smoothed his hair. "Do you..." She hesitated. "Do you want him to come talk to you? He asked me to ask you. He says he won't come unless you ask. He said to tell you he's sorry."

Remus had only sobbed harder.

"No...not yet...I can't. Tell him I can't".

Tears trickled down Lily's face as she replied, "I'll tell him".

In the weeks that had followed, Remus had kept mostly to the hospital wing. Dumbledore had allowed him to enter a sort of independent study program for the rest of the term, turning in his homework and exams directly to the professors.

And now, in the last week, Remus had gone to the Astronomy Tower every night to watch the moon wax closer and closer to full and muse about his situation.

Remus heard a tentative, familiar footstep behind him. He closed his eyes as he heard Sirius' voice for the first time in so long.

"Remus? Remus?" His voice reflected the haggard mess he had allowed himself to fall into. "I'm so sorry." He waited. "Remus?"

Without turning around, Remus said simply, heartbreakingly, "Why?"

Sirius bowed his head.

"I don't know why, Remus. It was the most thoughtless thing I've ever done."

He paused, waiting to see if Remus would turn around.

"I'm sorry, Remus. I put you into the worst position possible. I betrayed your secret, and I've lost your trust. I'm so sorry. I don't deserve for you to ever talk to me again-but Remus...please don't hate me." His voice finished in almost a whisper, and broke finally, as the first tears slid down his cheek.

"Please don't hate me Remus. I'm sorry." He turned and started to leave, his footsteps again reverberating in the night air.

"Sirius", called Remus, also crying. He waited for Sirius to stop, then turned around.

Sirius stood still, looking at the ground, waiting for the condemnation to follow.

"Come here," Remus said finally, walking toward him, and slowly, ever so sweetly, took Sirius in his arms.

Sirius started sobbing, holding Remus like he was drowning.

"I'm so sorry-I'm so sorry-I'm sorry". It became a broken litany of undistinguishable noises as Sirius broke down.

His knees buckled, and Remus was holding them both up as Sirius cried on his shirt.

Remus slowly sat down on the cooling flagstones, Sirius still in his arms, both boys holding each other as tightly as possible.

"I missed you," Remus murmured over Sirius' sobs. "I missed you so much." He put his chin on top of Sirius' head and felt their tears mingle on his neck.

"I'm sorry Remus, I'm sorry. I missed you too. I can't believe I did it. I'm sorry. Please say you don't hate me? Please? I'm so sorry-" Sirius buried his face in Remus' neck, trying to get closer, closer, closer, until he could become a part of the other boy and make him see how miserable he was.

"Sirius-I don't hate you. I can't hate you. You know I can't. Sirius. Hey, look at me." He nudged Sirius' chin back up so they were eye to eye. He murmured those three little words that the other boy so needed to hear:

"I forgive you."

Sirius' face crumpled up again as the tears flowed anew.

"God-I was trying so hard not to even ask. I'm sorry Remus. Thank you." He kept his eyes locked with Remus'.

"Can I?"

He let the question hang on the air, glanced away, allowing Remus to study it at his own pace without the painful intimacy of eye contact.

If he said yes, things would return to the way they were before, and Sirius would have the power to hurt him again. But if he didn't...life without being with Sirius was meaningless. So, the choice was clear.

"Yeah. Sirius-" Remus broke off as his boyfriend gently brushed his lips against Remus's mouth. Again. Then Remus pulled Sirius a little closer and did it again. Again.

And as the near-full moon rose on the two boys holding each other, a small sigh escaped from the lips of Lily Evans, who smiled and returned to Gryffindor tower with the news that Remus Lupin and Sirius Black were together once again, and that things would be alright.