Before the Dawn

Before the Dawn

Time had stopped, and Tonks wished she could stop with it. At least stop her mind - her body was numb, but her brain wouldn't stop buzzing. All she wanted was silence to blot out the pain and loss. Even the stairs on which she sat had stopped moving, as if they knew the headmaster was dead, and could not move without him.

She knew the feeling.

She closed her eyes and had almost achieved a degree a internal stillness when a voice pulled her back to her surroundings.

"Nymphadora?"

She opened one eye and glared at him, but the expression was missing its usual energy. "What do you want, Remus?" Her voice was quiet - almost as listless as her hair.

He looked at a loss for words for a moment, and then said simply "I'm sorry."

Tonks snorted. "You're always sorry. What else is new?"

"I don't know what else to say."

She looked at him wearily and realized she hardly knew what to say or think or feel herself. They had danced this reel before - ever together yet apart, always returning to the same place. And now here he was, near enough to touch - unshaven, unwashed, and so dear to her heart - after having so narrowly avoided death. It was more than she could handle just then.

"I'm so tired Remus. I'm tired of fighting against you and I'm tired of fighting for you. I'm tired of fighting, period...I'm just tired. And now Dumbledore...." She leaned her head back against the wall. Deep purple circles marred the porcelain of her skin, and her eyes were red and puffy. "I don't think I can do this anymore."

He closed his eyes, a million emotions crossing his face. She tried to care, but couldn't muster the energy. "Us?" he asked quietly.

"Us - the Order - anything. I can't even move." Her voice broke on the last few words, and tears crept from beneath closed eyelids to mark new trails down her face.

"Oh, Tonks - " He pulled her into his arms, and she could fell him shaking even through her sobs. "Don't give up," he whispered, "please, don't give up."

How long they stayed that way, he murmuring words of comfort as much to himself as to her, neither knew. Whether it was minutes, hours, or eons, slowly, gradually, the edges of sorrow began to ebb, and Tonks was able to discover something within her able and willing to move forward. But....

"Remus - " She pulled her head away from where it had rested on his shoulder, and found his face as tearstained as her own. "I don't want to do this by myself - I don't think I'm strong enough. I don't think anyone is."

He rested his forehead gently against her own, and sighing, said "I think you're right. I don't want to go it alone either." His voice shook. "Can you forgive me?"

She nodded and whispered "Yes."

To their surprise, the first rays of dawn broke through a nearby window, and the stairs beneath them began again to move.