Kidnapped

A week. That's how long it's been since I have been kidnapped from my parent's house and taken to this mansion. He's trying to scare me, saying that they will never find me. He doesn't sound insane or manic. He seems absolutely normal for all intents and purposes, if not gentlemanly. I'm dreading the ultimate reason why he's trying to make me feel comfortable. But I will not dwell on it. I still hold hope that my friends will come and find me. Happy memories, I tell myself. I am friends with the best wizards in the world. They will not betray me; they won't stop until I'm found.

The place is not like a prison really. I am free to roam around the mansion, which is huge and I can just get myself lost here. I can go outside too. But there are charms all over the place. There's a limit to how far I can go. He says I can't apparate or disapparate here and the security is as tight as Hogwarts, if not more so. My bedroom is huge and the bed is big and comfortable. I have my own study table. He has a humongous library and I get myself lost in the books. When he comes, he tries doubly hard to assure me he's not going to hurt me. He tells me to forget about the life I used to have because my friends or family will not be finding me anytime soon. He wants me to get used to thinking of him as family. He can be gentle when he tries to be. In those moments, I even forget I was taken here against my will. He talks jovially, and sometimes with honesty. He tells me why he has kidnapped me. It shocks me to no end.

He is lonely, that is obvious. But it's more than that...he says he's watched me ever since I came into Hogwarts. He watched me grow from a little 11-year old to an insightful, opinionated and pretty lady. He finds me quite intriguing, he says. He is older than me, but feels that I am as mature, if not more so, than him or than most people his age. He wants my company and that is all. I suspect it isn't. He says I will eventually like him too; and that he will never let me go from here, so I might as well just get used to it and make it easy on myself.

Everytime I listen to him describe me, I cringe. It's as if he's describing a loved one. He would have sounded so sweet, praising the girl he seemed to like, if it weren't me. And I weren't, at the least, 15 years younger than him. He looks young, and he's kind of handsome, in that mysterious and brooding way, but I'm already in love with someone else. I hold hope that I will see him again and maybe get to tell him how I really feel...

* * *

It's been two months since this torture began and since he started to violate my being almost nightly. I don't know when the dam cracked. But since then he has lost all gentleness and has found joy in knowing he has total control over me, hence the roughness. He batters my body, then afterwards, my mind. He's nonstop. If he can't have me willingly, then he will by force of will. His tactic has succeeded; he has polluted me. I am no longer who I used to be. Now I am just his whore, his slave...

Time has no meaning for me anymore. I see the colors of the sunrise and sunset; I can see the beauty of nature in my surroundings. But beyond that I see nothing of the outside world. There are no other people. There is just he and I, master and slave. Maybe that is just right because I feel so filthy and worthless. There is nothing in me worth seeing anymore. I am nobody, a mere shadow of a human being. I don't even remember my past self anymore it has been so horribly tainted. I don't want to go out in the gardens anymore, feeling self-conscious beside the pure, natural beauty. I do not deserve to be in such a tranquil place. I am afraid the flowers will shrivel and the leaves will fall off the trees if I pass by. I am so detestable.

Sometimes I force myself to see the happy memories I had, with my family and friends. Somehow it creates the opposite effect of what I was hoping for. I don't feel any better after seeing their smiling, loving faces. I feel guilty, and contaminated and I just want to run away. I don't want them to catch any filthiness I have.

He has made his conquest of me complete. Now even the mere thought of the people I love drives me farther away from them. He owns me now. Every waking moment, he is in my thoughts, if not in my bed or my room. This place is a prison, but he could do without it. Even if I were not bound here it would still be his voice and his touch I will wake up to. It will be him in my dreams and no one else.

By now, I am used to him around me. There is still this shot of dread that builds at the pit of my stomach at his presence, but it is no worse than before. I have become numb from all the pain he has so far given me. My mind has learned to shut itself off whenever he touches me. It doesn't register when he's actually doing it to me, but when he's gone it replays itself so continuously in my mind it's as if he's not gone at all. Everytime he's not here I feel him everywhere, and I see him in my mind's eye.

My tears have all dried up. If tears could spare me this hellish torture, then I would gladly shed it endlessly. It can't. I've tried...

So many times I've tried to just end it all, my life I mean. But he's made sure I cannot get away from this so easily. I say it like that's anything important anyway. What life? My life has already ended. I don't have a past life anymore, and I sure as hell don't want a future one.

Sometimes, in moments of pure weakness, I curse those who should've come looking for me, but haven't found me yet. They're stupid and lazy, I think. I hope they die with guilt knowing what I am going through while they do not have to suffer this hell daily. But then, I question myself. After all that's happened, would I even have the courage to face my family or friends? I know I don't. I can't face them with this body and this face that has been so horribly stained by his roaming hands and foul body. My wounds are deep and I don't think they can ever heal. No...never...

Please, God, end it now. I don't want to live anymore. Let me die, please! It's just one less person in the world. And how right it is to rid me of the world! The people who used to love me will go on, because they are strong and they will comfort each other. If you kill me, it will be such a blessing to the world...and to me...