Falling Away With You

I can't remember when it was good
moments of happiness in bloom
maybe I just misunderstood
all of the love we left behind
watching our flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find

Muse - "Falling Away With You."

~*~

I never used to think it much when she used to take my hand to lead me somewhere.

I never really noticed that her lips were almost brushing the side of my face as she reminded me not to forget my textbook between classes in the halls.

I never used to stop and realise that her face and hands and chair were so close to mine when we sat next to each other in Potions, even though the other houses gave us evil stares, saying that we couldn't be friends, but it wasn't all that bad.

I never used to think about how she slipped her hand inside my coat while we were outside in the snow, telling me that she was cold. Telling me that she needed to warm her almost frozen fingers.

That's why I hadn't thought it much when her mouth closed in on mine and her fingers, which were always cold anyway, wrapped into my hair and swept lightly over my neck and back.

That's why I didn't find it a shock when I responded to her and pulled her in even tighter. I heard her gasp and her trembling hands, that were so unsure of how I would react, became firmer and spread against my back.

I never had to think about how it began because it was always there and we knew and as we touched and felt and moved we were symmetry and we were perfect.

I never thought about how it would end, only that it wouldn't.

&*&*

I had been watching her out of the corner of my eye for a while that day. She had not been sitting in her usual spots in all of her classes, instead at the back, staring down at her notebook and writing things that obviously had nothing to do with what the teacher told us.

We had spoken a few times before, and she had seemed like a bright girl. I could hear her laughter ringing in my mind's ear as I sat pretending to take notes. Her laughter from when she walked with her friends down the halls and from when she entered the Great Hall on happier mornings.

She never looked as distant as she did today.

I didn't know what to say to her to find out if she was ok, and, when I stopped her outside Professor Binn's classroom, I just stared at her for a moment. Her blue eyes looked at me sharply, but her face showed that she was genuinely curious about what I might say.

So I spoke the first thing that came into my mind. "You have a nice notebook."

She smiled and laughed and I was glad to see her face do that so quickly and so sincerely. I smiled as well as she said thank you and began to move away.

I shook my head at myself and walked away in the opposite direction. Of all things to say, I thought, but I wasn't lying. She did indeed have a very nice notebook, a light bluish colour, adorned with a picture of a garden I couldn't recognise, and small "L. E.'s" written along the border, which I just couldn't figure out the meaning of...

&*&*

Her hand brushed lightly over my prefect badge as she looked right into my eyes, the ice blue meeting a startling green. I shivered as her hands drifted over my neck and her lips took mine and I felt her tongue, hot and wet against my own. Her hands moved deftly over my body, over my robes, trying to find a gap in them where she could slip her hand against my bare skin.

I pushed against her and she fell back onto the bed behind her, me falling on top, our bodies aligning. My mouth moved down off her lips, tasting her neck and she arched forward at the feel of my tongue against the soft, pale skin.

Our hands entwined and palm pushed against palm, imitating in its small scale the position of our two bodies. I could hear the slight whimpers deep in her throat as my knee slipped between her legs and our mouths met again, more demanding than before, but softer than I had ever felt lips be.

We moved slowly and carefully, wanting to prolong each and every moment for as long as it could last, but needing something so desperately that neither could contain.

Our clothes came off piece-by-piece until all that remained was skin upon skin, hands against bare stomachs and legs and backs. And when I came it was like nothing that I had ever felt before in my life and I called out her name, wanting the world to know who it was that could make me feel this good.

And when we drifted off to sleep, my arms around her already sleeping figure, my lips pressed against her bare shoulder, I whispered her name again and finally shut my eyes.

&*&*

It was in one of the spare rooms on level two that she found me. I was curled up at the window, my knees drawn up to my body, head resting on top of them. She must have noticed that my homework lay open in front of me, obviously forgotten as I gazed into the grounds outside the window, as she said, "You can't possibly be getting much done if you're up here, in the cold, staring at an empty Quidditch field in the middle of the night."

I didn't turn my head and respond - I couldn't respond, I didn't know how. I stretched my legs out and turned to face out the window completely. I heard her come closer and sit next to me, staring out as well. The full moon fell over the usually dark field, illuminating not only that but our faces also. I felt her shiver next to me as we heard what sounded like a werewolf howl too nearby for her liking.

She didn't say anything anymore than that and nor did I. She turned to face me for a moment and without looking at her I handed her the letter that I gripped in my hand. It was a letter from James. I couldn't bear to look at it now. She read it and she sighed, I knew exactly what she was thinking. I didn't need the boy anyway and I was stupid to get involved with what I knew was trouble in the first place.

We sat in silence for a long time after and when she wrapped her arm around me and pulled me closer because I was shivering, I buried my face in her neck and could smile.