Sunshine or Shadows

Chapter 17. The Whispering Soul

When the trio of witches finally reached Hogsmeade Village, chatting exuberantly and slightly winded from the brisk walk, they found it to be nicely populated with shoppers: not yet the bustling district it once was, but a far cry from the dreary ghost town that it had been for nearly two years. Ginny let her eyes wander up High Street, trying to remember if it had any dress shops.

"I think we should try The Urban Witch first," Natalie urged. "I've got a coupon we can use there."

Ginny shrugged. "Fine by me, I won't be buying anything anyway."

"I like their clothes," Luna said. "They run big, so I wear a smaller size, and they've loads of handcrafted hats and pins."

"Always a plus," Natalie said, smiling. "It's just up here, yeah?"

Walking ahead, Natalie led the three to a side street which boasted shop after shop of apparel and accessories, a small delicatessen, and an odd little building which was shaped like a wedge stuffed into a hairpin corner. The Urban Witch, it turned out, was on the bottom floor of the funny little building.

"This is it?" Ginny asked as they approached the corner.

"This is The Urban Witch," Natalie chimed, glancing up at the large marquee.

Luna glided ahead of the other two, her eyes already darting about enthusiastically, and opened the shop's glass door. Strains of music from guitars, drums and an enchanted keyboard filled their ears as she pulled it open. "Ooh," she said, "I love this song. I remember some of the kids at school used to sing it to the nicer-looking witches."

Ginny pursed her lips and listened. "Girl, you put a spell on me...I'm like a fool when you walk by. Girl, your body's telling me...you'd like to give this thing a try." The sugary pop song had been popular years ago, and aroused some interesting memories that she'd completely forgotten about. Michael Corner had been quite a fan of the band, and he played this song to Ginny in his dorm room on the day she received her very first kiss. "Awe," she thought, "little Ginny's first kiss." It hadn't been perfect, she remembered, as no kiss given by any boy other than the object of her lifelong infatuation could ever have been, but it was a sweet memory: wrapped up with compliments, confessions of Michael's year-long crush, and the easy chords of "Girl, you put a spell on me".

When she realized that she was smiling, Ginny cleared her throat and looked around her - discovering with a twinge of annoyance that she'd been abandoned at the store's entrance. Natalie had only ventured a few feet into the store; she was humming along with the music and admiring a soft, tangerine-colored jumper. Way in the back, Ginny spotted the buttery top of Luna's head, just visible above a brightly lit display shelf in the more colorful section of the store.

"May I help you with something?" asked an approaching store clerk.

Ginny looked up at the slight wizard. He looked young, like he could himself have been a student not too long ago. "No. No thanks," she said. "I'm just here to help my friends over there."

She joined Natalie at a table which was stacked high with lightweight jumpers, and helped her to select a few spring styles to try on. Neither girl shared Luna's more eccentric taste, so they left her alone to sift out the store's loudest prints and color combinations while they themselves rummaged through the sale items - fawning over the sunny shades and gentle fabrics of the new season's offerings. Natalie quickly zeroed in on a selection of clothes to try on, and darted off excitedly to the dressing area.

"Are you ready?" she asked, addressing Ginny from behind a set of heavy curtains which cordoned off her fitting room.

"Sure," Ginny replied. "Let's see what you've got." Natalie pulled the curtains aside and stepped into view, giving a little curtsey. Ginny whistled in appreciation. "Wow," she said, "you look terrific in that."

"I do?" Natalie asked, beaming. She turned a half-circle in front of a three-sided mirror and smiled approvingly. "Okay, then," she said, "I think this will do for my first date in like...eons."

Ginny narrowed her brow and tried to catch her friend's eye in the mirror. "Your first what?" she asked.

Natalie turned around again. "Date," she said. "And don't act so surprised."

"I wasn't," Ginny said, honestly wishing that she hadn't been. "I'm sorry, it's just...well, you haven't mentioned any wizards that you've been interested in. I just kind of assumed that you weren't ready yet." She softened her tone, thinking that she should be choosing her words a little bit more carefully, given the tenderness of the subject. "Are you ready?"

"It's been over a year," Natalie said, matter-of-factly, "and I just decided that I've mourned my mum for long enough. I mean," she added, "not that I'll ever get over her...because I won't. It's just...I think I'd like to try and live a bit more now. You know?"

Ginny smiled and walked over to her friend. "I know," she said. "So, who's the lucky guy?"

"You're going to make fun of me," Natalie said, smirking.

"Who is it?" Ginny was intrigued now, and feeling a gentle surge of happiness on Natalie's behalf. First dates were everything to a teenage girl: exhilarating, frightening, affirming and unsettling all at once. "Who's got your goose in a gander?" she coaxed.

"My what in a what?" Natalie asked, laughing.

"It's an expression my Auntie Muriel uses...Come on, do I have to guess?"

Natalie stepped away from the mirror and walked back over to her dressing room, pulling the curtain shut behind her. "It's Neville," she said through the thick muslin coverings.

Ginny's smile faltered as an electric pulse stabbed at her chest. Neville was the last wizard who she expected would show any interest in Natalie; he hadn't done so in the whole school year, that she could tell, and there had been plenty of opportunities.

The curtain slid noisily against its rod, making a loud swooshing sound. "Look," Natalie said, speaking in a low tone as she stepped out, wearing her old clothes and frowning. "Neville and I made a deal." She sat down on a waiting bench and motioned for Ginny to do the same. "He said he'd help me get back into the game...the dating game...and I'm going to help him get over a particular girl he's been stuck on."

A few more sharp, painful stabs hit the center of Ginny's chest and she struggled to find an appropriate expression to meet the news with. "Oh," she said. "Okay."

"Ginny," Natalie said, "It's not your fault or anything, but Neville's been under your spell for years now. You're kind of like his Harry Potter."

Ginny's nose scrunched and she took a few seconds to gain her composure. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to..." She let her voice drop off, thinking that she sounded rather lame, and resigned herself to just sitting there and allowing the miserable feelings that were begging in to embed themselves into her core.

"It's okay, he's a big boy," Natalie returned. "And I'm going to help him get over you, so don't you worry your pretty little ginger head about it." She put her hand on Ginny's wrist and sighed, her face full of empathy. "People get over people. It's part of life."

"People get over people," Ginny repeated in her head.

She wasn't sure how that ever happened, exactly, as she couldn't imagine getting over her own particular crush if her life depended on it. As a matter of fact, she mused, she hadn't gotten over this particular crush when her life had depended on it. Emulating Natalie's sigh, she put on a smile and did her best to conjure up some enthusiasm for her friend's plan; not wishing to appear arrogant in correctly assuming that Neville Longbottom had fancied her.

She'd always suspected that he liked her, ever since her second year when he started walking her to some of her classes; but it had been an unassuming kind of a like, and Ginny had always known that Neville knew where he stood with her. She'd once let him give her a kiss on the cheek, in the Gryffindor common room after the Yule ball, and she'd noticed his shaky hands as she gave him a goodnight peck in return. Even then, though, there were never any false pretenses among them, she was sure of it; her blatant weakness for Neville's green-eyed classmate was never lost on him.

"So, what do you think?"

Ginny and Natalie both turned to see Luna standing in front of another dressing room, holding up a long, lavender set of robes which was dotted with tiny blue and yellow geometric shapes.

"It's lovely," Ginny said.

"It's...you," Natalie added, smirking. "It's so you, Luna. I wish I had as strong a sense of self as you do."

Luna smiled shyly at the remark. "Thanks," she muttered. "Are you getting anything?"

"I've found an outfit for my date with Neville," Natalie said, brandishing her wand and summoning the items, "and Ginny's fine with what she's already got."

It surprised Ginny that Luna didn't seem to be finding the Natalie-Neville news to be a shock, and it occurred to her that the three of them must have been sharing more with one another than she'd realized. The observation stung, even though she knew that it shouldn't. "I'm not fine with what I've got," she said, "but I'm dirt poor this term. I need to work a bit at my brothers' store over break or something."

"You'll have money someday soon," Luna said.

"Er...right," Ginny said. "So, are we all set then?"

"Yeah, I'm all set," Natalie said, hopping to her feet and gathering her purchases. "Let's grab lunch and do some window shopping at the Quidditch store."

Ginny pulled out her pocketwatch. "I'll go to lunch," she said, "but then I've got to go meet Aberforth to practice Apparating. I'm feeling pretty good about it today."

Natalie stopped and turned around, facing Ginny with a cautious look. "Going to give it a few more tries?"

"Yeah," Ginny said. "I think I've almost got it...I just need to relax a bit more and practice."

"All right then," Natalie said. "We'll ogle the brooms without you."

After lunch, Ginny left Luna and Natalie to meet Aberforth Dumbledore at the Hog's Head. He'd been mentoring her on and off throughout the year, and although she generally preferred to practice spells alone in her favorite abandoned classroom, the wizened old wizard was sometimes able to offer pretty helpful advice.

She skipped down the pavement toward the dingy tavern in good spirits and found Aberforth to be quite alone at the bar. He seemed more than happy to have something to do, and led Ginny through a pretty intense set of basic wand exercises while they tried to figure out what was wrong with her technique.

"Are you thinking about your destination?" he asked after a few hours' worth of grueling work, scratching the tip of his nose and furrowing his brow in concentration. "And only your destination?"

"Yes!" Ginny insisted. It wasn't a difficult concept to grasp, she knew: concentrate on a spot, twist and Apparate. "I'm not even getting the tingling thing anymore," she whined. "I don't understand."

The old wizard tipped his head and studied Ginny's face for a few long seconds. "No," he said, "I don't understand it either. You're a powerful witch, Miss Weasley, this should be child's play for you."

Ginny stuffed her wand in her pocket and flipped her hair over her shoulder, defeated. "I can't be this bad at it. I just can't."

"How much time do you have?" Aberforth asked. "Perhaps I could prepare a Calming draught, and we could try again. It may be that you've got a bit of a mental block. I've seen it before."

Pulling out her pocketwatch again, Ginny shook her head. "No, I've got to go. But thank you." She forced a small smile and tried to remove some of the saltiness from her voice. "I'm sure that if anyone could teach me how to Apparate, it would be you."

"Stop by anytime," Aberforth offered as he walked Ginny to the threshold. "I'm always here."

Ginny yanked on the door and stepped out into the street. The bright sunlight caused her to squint her eyes, and she shook her head, realizing that it was aching again. "Thanks," she said. "I will."

She wandered down High Street for a few minutes, trying to placate her foul mood by watching some of her fellow students as they romped about town. The sunlight really did seem to bring out the brighter nature of people, she reflected, or maybe she was just projecting her own wishes upon them. Four young wizards up ahead were causing a bit of a commotion: laughing in high, squeaky voices while they dipped their hands into a paper bag and stuffed something into their mouths. Ginny recognized the affect; they had bought a sack of Helio-pops, which made the voice go up several octaves when sucked on.

"Dolts," she said. "Wish I could be so easily entertained."

Further up the pavement, she saw two witches laughing together and pointing at a window display. Ginny quickly recognized them as Natalie and Luna, and hastened her step to join them.

"Er, are you ready to go?" she asked, once she'd gotten within a few feet. "Or, do you have more shopping to do?"

Luna turned around, her large eyes scrutinizing Ginny's unintentional scowl. "You didn't Apparate," she said.

Ginny boiled slightly at the remark and she bit back a response. She shook her head, almost undetectably, and stared at the store window in silence, pretending that she was interested in its wares.

"Poor thing," Natalie said, kindly. "Let's just get out of here then, yeah?"

Ginny nodded. She didn't want to be responsible for putting a damper on the outing, but couldn't argue that Hogsmeade had lost most of its appeal since she'd decided to spend two hours in the company of Aberforth and his goats, proving her lack of proficiency over and over again. "Yeah," she murmured. "If you don't mind."

"Of course we don't mind," Natalie returned. "We were just saying that it's getting late anyway."

They trudged along in silence for most of the trip back to Hogwarts, which was a comfort to Ginny as her head had begun to throb. As they entered the gates, Luna peered up at the castle.

"I think I know why you can't Apparate" she said.

Ginny stopped walking. "You do?"

"Perhaps. Yes, I think so." Luna bobbed her head up and down wistfully, and then tipped it toward the castle. "My dad told me long ago that tragic events can affect our magical powers," she said. "My great grandfather on my mum's side had a bad fall from a magic carpet when he was in India, and he lost the ability to levitate afterwards."

"Did he ever get it back?" Ginny asked, blinking.

"I don't know," Luna said. "I could ask, next time I visit my father in Azkaban."

"No," Ginny replied. "Maybe it's better if I don't know."

"Ginny," Natalie said, "can you think of a tragedy that happened? Something that might be keeping you from Apparating? A fear of something, maybe?"

Rubbing her temple, Ginny shook her head. "Nope," she said. "Nothing everyone else hadn't been through." She resumed walking toward the large oak doors of Hogwarts' main entrance when something hit her. Luna had been staring at a spot on the base of the castle, and Ginny finally cottoned on to what the witch had been getting at. The chamber.

"No," she gasped.

"Ginny?"

Natalie's concerned tones rang in Ginny's ears, but she had fallen into a bit of a trance. There had been one thing - one tragic event, one might say - that not every student had gone through with her. She felt a little dizzy, as if a Dementor had followed her through the gates, and a vein in her head pulsed, aggravating her headache while she considered Luna's proposition. "I was disappearing," she said. Her voice came out in a quiet tone, but she didn't really care if anyone heard her. "Hour by hour, I was laying there...waiting for it to be over with..."

"The Chamber of Secrets," Luna said. "I overheard something Madame Pomfrey said to Professor Dumbledore once, that year. They were talking about 'the Weasley girl' while I was being treated for an infection I got after being bitten by a plimpy in the lake. I'm sorry, Ginny," she said. "I know that this was your secret to keep, but I've been thinking lately that your being the girl who had almost died in the Chamber of Secrets just might be one of those things, like in my dad's stories."

"What are you two on about?" Natalie asked.

Ginny shot a look to Natalie to say, "I'd rather not get into it right now," and felt her body sway a bit on the spot. "I thought I was okay with it all," she said. "Harry got me out of there."

"Um," Natalie said, "this thing that Harry got you out of...it was making you disappear?"

"In a manner of speaking," Ginny said. The idea was firming up within her head now. Of course: Riddle had been taking her body and soul with every minute that went by, and she'd spent days lying on the cold stone floor feeling the awful pull as her being just dissolved away. "It felt a bit like Apparating," she added, "now that I think on it. At least as far as I've gotten with it..." She drew her eyes upward, away from the section of Hogwarts where the Chamber of Secrets had been hidden, and took a few deep, calming breaths. The cool supply of oxygen cleared her mind a bit.

"Well," she said, "I guess your idea is as good as any other, Luna. I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do about it."

"Maybe just knowing why will help you to concentrate more," Natalie said, stepping to Ginny's side and opening the door for her. "You won't be so hard on yourself now. That's bound to improve things a little bit, isn't it?"

It seemed doubtful, Ginny thought. The whole reason she had been taken to the Chamber had been because of her own foolishness, so she couldn't see how linking that bit of her life up with her current failings was going to bring about any peace of mind. If anything, she might even feel worse, knowing that it was all inside of her head.

"Sure," she offered, "maybe."

They entered into the Great Hall, which was packed full of students, who often used the long tables for group study on weekends. Ginny surveyed the crowds and decided she'd go see Madame Pomfrey to get something for her head, and then spend the rest of the evening pouring over her books. She'd had enough of thinking about herself: her team, her future, her boyfriend, her inability to disappear. It would be a nice relief to spend a few hours doing nothing but memorizing potion ingredients and spell incantations. Perhaps, she considered, she could even distract herself with a bit of reading; she'd been meaning to review her history of magic text once more, anyway.

"I think I'll go shower and get something for this blasted headache," she said, "and then I'm going to study. You guys?"

"I've got chess club tonight," Luna said. "I like the people in it."

Natalie shook her shopping bag. "I think I'll visit Hagrid and Neville. We were all invited for tea, remember?"

Ginny nodded. "Right. Can you tell them that I wasn't feeling well?"

"Sure," Natalie said. "I'll see you tonight, then."

"Okay."

Ginny managed to get in a good evening's worth of work before falling into her bed in an exhausted heap. She'd taken the potions that Madame Pomfrey had siphoned out, but they made her sleepy, and it had been quite a struggle to keep from letting her head drop right onto her books. The day hadn't been particularly eventful, but she felt rather beaten nonetheless: like an unwilling participant in a barroom brawl, or one of those unintentional victims she'd read about once in a Muggle account of a famous gun battle.

Her wand was resting on her nightstand and Ginny peered at it through sleepy eyes, her head sinking heavily into her pillow. She hadn't marked the day yet on her bedpost, but couldn't quite muster up the energy to summon her wand and correct the error. As her eyelids slid closed, she felt the affects of the potions taking over. Random thoughts swirled around - sometimes blurry and sometimes vivid enough to catch her attention. She thought about her kiss with Michael Corner, and about dancing with a clumsy, younger Neville. "Why couldn't I just have fallen for someone like that," she lamented, "Or Dean...?" She could almost envision, in her mind's wanderings, a happier existence if she'd just have latched onto some other, normal wizard: one in which she felt some semblance of control over her life...of her happiness.

An owl screeched in the distance, just a faint hint of a mating call heard through the glass of the dorm room window, and Ginny's mind zoomed around again, this time conjuring an image of the letter she'd tossed into the bin. She could hear Harry's voice saying things that the scroll hadn't. "I love you so much, Ginny," it said. "I want to be with you."

The tired witch turned over, half-asleep and only vaguely aware of her surroundings, and buried her head in her pillow. She let her mind wander to its favorite spot, and watched Harry's face come closer, closer, until she felt his lips slide over hers - hot and wet - while his tongue tangled deliciously with her own. Dipping and rising, Harry's mouth moved over hers, and she felt shivers run up her body. A hand slipped into her robe and the kisses swept across her cheek, landing on her neck and causing a moan to escape her.

"What on Earth are you groaning about?"

Ginny's eyes popped open and she froze in place, trying to think through a hazy fog of medicine and sleep. She'd been dreaming. About Harry. Reliving a particularly adventurous night with Harry on her mum's sofa. She wanted to die.

"Ginny? You okay?"

Pulling her head up out of the pillow just enough to get a peep of her roommate's face, Ginny groaned again. "It's this bloody headache," she said. "Can't sleep."

"Oh," Natalie said. "I'll be quick then. I just wanted to get my things. I'm going to study now."

Without responding, Ginny let her head fall back into the soft down and her heavy eyelids drifted shut. She willed Harry's face to back up to a more appropriate distance, afraid of what she might dream about, and felt the corners of her mouth curve up to a smile. "People get over people," she thought. "Yeah, right." Things might never work out as planned with Harry Potter, Ginny mused with her last fragments of consciousness, but I'll be in love with him until the day I actually do disappear.