Somewhere I Belong

Somewhere I belong

When this began

I had nothing to say

And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me

I was confused

And I let it all out to find that I'm

Not the only person with these things in mind

Inside of me

But all the vacancy the words revealed

Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

Nothing to lose

Just stuck hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

And the fault is my own

I scratched a name with the quill onto the parchment in front of me. Forcing myself to make the ink bleed through with my emotions. My stomach had clenched and I paused, letting waves of silence echo through my mind. Lately, everything had been so confusing. I didn't want any of this to be happening. I looked down at what I had written, then covered it quickly with my hand, pushing the parchment off the table into the bag in my lap. I stood up quickly and left the library, running a hand quickly through my hair as I headed to Gryffindor Tower.

I reached the portrait hole and spoke the password distractedly to the fat lady. I stepped into the common room and immediately saw the familiar heads of my friends sitting on a couch close to the fireplace. I went quietly over to them and sat down next to Ron, closing my eyes as I sunk into the squashy fabric of the sofa.

"What's wrong, Harry," Hermione asked softly after a few moments.

"Nothing," I lied, not opening my eyes. I rubbed my eyes, knowing that Ron and Hermione would be exchanging looks, knowing I couldn't see them. But they're too predictable. I sighed.

Hermione and Ron continued talking quietly and doing homework, while I just sat there on the couch, almost forgotten. I tried to clear my mind, tried to block out the stream of thoughts that had been haunting me for the past few weeks. After awhile, I heard Ron and Hermione begin to pack up their things.

"Are you coming to dinner, mate?" Ron asked. I opened my eyes, squinting at the sudden brilliant light of the fire, not more than a few feet away.

"Yeah, I'm coming," I replied, standing up slowly. Hermione gave Ron a sidelong glance. I ignored it. We went down to the Great Hall, sitting down at the Gryffindor table amongst a sea of talk and laughter.

I looked up at the staff table, seeing Dumbledore returning my stare. His blue eyes twinkled slightly behind his half-moon spectacles, but there was also a tinge of another emotion. Sadness maybe, or sympathy. I looked away quickly, returning my gaze to the food in front of me. But I wasn't hungry at all.

And I've got nothing to say

I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face

I was confused

Looking everywhere only to find that it's

Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

So what am I

What do I have but negativity

'Cause I can't justify the

Way everyone is looking at me

Nothing to lose

Nothing to gain hollow and alone

And the fault is my own

The fault is my own

I stared down at my plate with disinterest, my eyes started to wander around the Great Hall. And then I saw you. My eyes widened slightly as I remembered the parchment I had written on, stuffed in the bottom of my bag. I watched as you laughed coldly at a first year, most likely the victim of another of your cruel pranks. I could not tear my eyes away as you exchanged harsh words with your house-mates, acting the ever-emotionless, proud Slytherin you were expected to be.

I continued watching you, even as you and your entourage stood up and made for the Entrance Hall. I followed you with my eyes as you left, finally coming to my senses when you were out of sight.

"I'm going to go up to the dorm," I told my friends, rising from the bench and giving them a forced half-smile.

"Okay, Harry," Ron and Hermione said in chorus. I turned, my brow furrowing at the thought of what they had with each other. Nothing seemed to be that easy for me, and it upset me. I just wanted someone to be there for me. Someone that I could trust. I wanted all the pain of my past to be cleared away when I was with that person. To be able to think of nothing but each other when we would be together.

I walked along the hallways of the castle, not paying attention to where I was going, completely lost in my thoughts. I looked up suddenly when I heard your voice, filled with dislike.

"Potter. Where's your little hero posse? Abandon you to wander the halls alone?" I looked at him sadly, trying not to concentrate on everything that I'd been thinking lately.

"No, Malfoy, just leave me alone," I said carelessly.

"Aw, is the Golden Boy in a bad mood?" you asked teasingly. I didn't reply, just looked away, my fists clenching as I tried to focus my mind. Suddenly, you were right there, your voice sharp as it whispered in my ear. "I can help you." I looked into your calculating gaze, seeing a smirk lying behind your emotionless façade. And then the next thing I knew was that we were kissing, melting together flawlessly. My mind was screaming at me, but it felt so perfect to be in your arms like this, sharing all of ourselves.

I will never know

Myself until I do this on my own

And I will never feel

Anything else until my wounds are healed

I will never be anything 'til I break away from me

And I will break away

I'll find myself today

We pulled away from each other and I watched your eyes flit back and forth nervously. I had never thought you could be nervous. But there we were. I felt like I had finally broken away from all of the things that had been troubling me, holding me back. I finally was able to let my pain slide away, giving myself over to you.

And that was when it started to feel right. When everything started to be less confusing. I had found my comfort. I found a place where I belonged.

I want to heal

I want to feel

What I thought was never real

I want to let go of the pain I've held so long

Erase all the pain 'til it's gone

It's gone

I want to heal

I want to feel

Like I'm close to something real

I want to find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong