A Wolf in the Fold

Sirius scribbled down the final letters, put his quill back in the inkpot and sat back in his chair to admire his work. Finally, he had finished the extra 'punishment' Transfiguration essay. Honestly, Professor McGonagall had no sense of humour, but he was not going to discuss it any longer, for fear that she might hear him again. He was carefully proofreading his introduction when James suddenly slouched onto the chair next to his, making the table shake.

"Watch out, Potter! I've made this one really tidy so she can't find anything to complain about this time. You have no idea how long it took me to find the only book in the entire library that --"

But James was not listening. He was staring at something, or someone, at the other side of the Common Room, scratching his head nervously.

"...and I mean, what were the chances of her hearing me anyway, eh?" Sirius asked. He looked at his friends for a second or too, waiting for an answer, before propping his elbow on the table and resting his head on his hand. "By the way, did I tell you that I once saw McGonagall riding a broomstick stark naked?"

After a couple of seconds, James blinked. "What?!"

Sirius' laughter suddenly echoed in the entire tower. "You haven't listened to a single word I said, have you?"

"I...I'm sorry, Sirius. I've got things on my mind. But please, tell me you were joking when you --"

"Ewww! Of course I was, you prat! I just had to get your attention back. Honestly, d'you really think I'd be bragging if I'd seen that?" Then he remembered how his words about McGonagall had landed him with the extra essay and decided to change subjects. "So anyway, what's up?"

"What?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Look, mate, this is getting annoying, and you know I hate saying things twice. So I'll make it simple: what is it that you can't stop thinking of, eh?"

But once again, James did not reply and kept his eyes focused on the other side of the room. So Sirius decided to follow the stare. There was the fireplace, a few sixth year boys to whom they had virtually never spoken, and Remus, comfortably sat in an armchair, a book propped open on his lap.

Sirius frowned. "James, are you ogling at...Remus?"

"There's something I need to talk to you about."

Sirius swallowed hard and sat back in his chair, eying his friend suspiciously. "James, tell me it isn't what I think it is..."

"What are you talking about?"

James withdrew his eyes from the light-haired boy across the room and looked at his best friend. The raised eyebrow and open mouth were too much for him to keep his composure and it was his turn to burst out laughing.

"Sirius Black, you really are sick! I wasn't ogling at Remus!" he added much lower.

"But you've been staring at him all this time."

James looked down and ran his hand through his hair. "Maybe I have... Look, there's something you and I need to talk about, and it's about Remus."

"OK," Sirius said apprehensively, "go ahead..."

"Oh no, not here; is the dormitory empty?"

"Nah, Peter's in there, having a shower." Sirius raised an eyebrow and hesitated before he spoke again. "His Mum hasn't died, has she?"

"Oh no; nothing like that."

The other boy bit his lip and frowned, thinking. "What is it then?"

"I can't tell you here!"

"I don't see what could be so important that you can't --"

"Well it is, OK? Damn it!" James said slamming his fist on the table. Then he looked up again. "Hey, what's the time?"

"Half past eight."

"Oh good! Come with me then, we're going for a stroll," he said, getting up. No one paid much attention to them when they got up and walked out of the room.

Remus, however, finally dared looking up. He had felt James' stare during the entire conversation with Sirius, and before that too. And Merlin knew he did not like being stared at. It reminded him of all the emergency visits to St Mungo's he had had to endure in the last six or seven years. Madam Pomfrey had stopped staring after the fourth time he had landed half-dead on one of her beds, but it had still taken way too long for his liking. If he thought about it carefully, the only person who never stared at him was Professor Dumbledore. But then, Dumbledore had always been special.

Remus suddenly shivered. People looked at him twice more often that not because he always looked so frail. But people stared at him because they knew. And so far, neither James nor Sirius had ever stared at him.

==========

"No way!"

"Come on, mate, think about it! It all ties up; it all makes sense now!"

Sirius shook his head once more, determined to refute James' theory with all his might and prove that he did not know what he was saying.

"Sirius..."

"Stop there! You're insane. This is Remus we're talking about; our friend! And you don't joke about these things; it's sick!"

"It's not sick, it's just logical," James replied, arms folded over his chest.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What's logical about saying that Remus is a...a werewolf? I mean, he doesn't fit the mould, for Merlin's sake!" He paused for a second, examining the look James was sending him. "You know what I mean. He doesn't even look like one! And he's got such a sensitive and caring nature... They're fierce and violent things, they are! And they eat raw meat! You know Remus; he can't eat meat unless it's nearly cremated"

James could not help but laugh at that last comment. "Raw meat? Sirius, don't be stupid! And please don't tell me you believe those things. You haven't actually read that in a book, have you?"

"No. My--She talked about them enough times."

"Sirius! How many times in the years we've known each other have I had to listen to you whimpering about how prejudiced your parents were?"

"I know they are! But this isn't about my parents; it's about you making stupid assumptions about one of our friends."

James recomposed himself and looked at his friend straight in the eyes. "Well then answer this: where does he go once a month?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and sighed. "His mother's sick, he told us at the beginning of last year."

"Oh, so she gets very sick every month and he needs to go and see her?"

"James! You can't exactly expect the poor woman to control her illness, can you?"

"Plus, he looks shit when he comes back from his so-called visits..."

Sirius gasped. "You're just being horrible now! Who would come back from a visit to their very sick mother looking all radiant, eh?" He looked down for a second and quickly added, "Well, apart from me, that is..."

James sighed and thrust one hand in his pocket. "I did think it might come to this to convince you. Here, have a look," he said, handing him a piece of parchment.

"What's that?"

"It's a list of the days when Remus has...disappeared so far this year."

"James, you're sick! You can't do this!"

"And on the other side of it," James carried on, "are the phases of the Moon for the same time. Now I dare you to read this and tell me that I'm making things up."

Sirius sighed and reluctantly accepted James' so-called proof. Under the scrutiny of his friend, he spent a few seconds carefully examining it. And when it suddenly hit him, his eyes shot open and frantically perused both sides of the parchment several times, before looking up at his friend, gasping.

"He's a...he's a --"

"I can't believe we didn't see it sooner," James said very calmly.

Sirius, on the other hand, did not feel calm at all. He took a few steps back and leaned against the stone wall.

"You alright?"

"This can't be true, James... He's not-- He can't be...He would have told us; we're his friends!"

"Think about it for a second. If it was you, would you really talk about such a personal thing your new school friends, whom you've only just met, would you?"

"But it's been over a year!"

"And it's probably eating him inside. But if he hasn't told us, there's nothing we can do."

"Are you joking? He should have told us from the very beginning!" Sirius shouted. He then proceeded to hide his face in his hands. "James," he said with a loud sigh, "lycanthropy isn't something we can joke about. It's...it's-- For Merlin's sake, it's fucking dangerous!"

James' eyes slowly widened with shock. "Sirius, do you know what you just said...? Remus isn't dangerous!"

"He is, though!" Sirius spat between gritted teeth, pulling his own hair. "I mean he...he's a...he's a beast, for Merlin's sake!!"

It was James' turn to gasp and step back. His eyes widened even more as his jaw gradually dropped, and he shook his head, not believing what had just heard. "I never thought I'd hear you saying something so...so horrible!"

Sirius looked at him scornfully and spoke very slowly. "It's only the truth."

"I can't believe you're giving me this pureblood shit... This isn't you, Sirius. You...you sound just like your mother!"

He did not have time to avoid the fist that came crashing against the left arm of his glasses, splitting it in two. The strength of the impact also forced him to take a couple of steps to the side, and when he looked up again, he could not believe what had just happened. His glasses lay broken on the floor, his cheek hurt terribly and Sirius was pointing an accusatory index finger at him.

"Never compare me to that old hag again!"

James bent down and picked up his glasses. He was very calm and did not even raise his voice. "You've never hit me before."

"You know you shouldn't push me. You know I can't stand her!"

"I was only stating the obvious. And besides, I couldn't let you say what you were saying."

Sirius grunted. "You don't seem to understand the seriousness of the situation, James. Werewolves can't just go anywhere like that. There are Ministry regulations! And what about Dumbledore, eh? He ought to know!"

James shook his head in disbelief. "You can't mean that. This is Remus' business, OK? Not yours."

"It is mine too! Because he's been lying to us for the last year and a half, and he should have been honest."

James raised both his hands in a totally helpless gesture. "I've had enough of this! I can't listen to another of your spiteful, biased, horrible, pureblood words." He paused when he saw Sirius' fists clenching. "What's the matter, Sirius? You didn't hesitate the first time around."

"I don't want to fight with you, James."

"Well you should have thought about that before you hit me, mate. I'm siding with Remus on this one; you're on your own."

James tightened his hold on his glasses and walked away, not paying attention to Sirius' voice when the latter tried to call him back. He stopped eventually, for fear that a teacher might come out and give him detention for making so much noise in the corridors.

==========

The following morning, James and Sirius got up and dressed without exchanging a single word, leaving Remus and Peter staring at each other and wondering what on earth had happened. Then the four boys went down for breakfast as usual, but it was unlike any breakfast they had ever had at Hogwarts, with Sirius on one side, James on the other, and both boys doing their best not to even glance at each other. The truth was that seeing the bruise on James' face had made Sirius feel sick and he could not bear to look at it again. Peter kept throwing inquisitive looks at Remus who simply sighed and shrugged while eating his toast.

Looking at Remus was also a very difficult thing to do. Every time he meant to glance at him casually, he could imagine the scornful glare James would most probably throw him if he did. Moreover, the memory of the words he had uttered the following evening felt like an actual physical weight that had been placed upon his shoulders. It had been such a shock; the words had poured out on their own. Yes he was ashamed of what he had said, but he could not take it back now, no matter what he might try. He had no interest in looking at Peter, so he kept his eyes locked on his plate and other things in its immediate vicinity.

The morning lessons were no better. James made sure he sat by Remus before the other boys, and he threw a few dark glances at Sirius, as if to tell him not to dare sitting next to their friend after what he had said the night before. So Sirius was left in the company of Peter all morning, and James knew perfectly well that it was not his favourite way of passing time. Peter was OK, of course, but it was so much better to be sat next to your best friend when you had to face dull lessons taught by extremely dull teachers. Sitting next to Remus was fine too, because you could copy his notes if you had missed anything, but Sirius knew he would not be sitting next to Remus again any time soon... Mainly because James would not let him.

He became tired of the situation right after lunchtime. He had known James for several years now, thanks to the Junior Quidditch club they had both joined, and they had immediately become friends. And then best friends. Although Sirius never knew where the limit between friends and best friends was, he knew for sure that they had crossed it. Because it hurt not to be able to talk to James, or even look at him, or be anywhere near him. And it had only been half a day. And one night, actually, during which he had not slept much at all, because his mind had, among other things, repeatedly played in slow motion the moment he had punched his best friend and broken his glasses.

So, after lunch - which was quicker than usual since only Remus and Peter were making any effort to maintain conversation - he braced himself and started talking to James.

The other boy merely looked at him, eyebrow raised.

"We need to talk."

"I think everything's been said," James spat, and the obvious hatred in his voice sent a spike right through Sirius' heart.

"No, it hasn't. Come on, mate, don't make me beg..." he said between gritted teeth.

They were suddenly interrupted by Remus, who spoke very softly, without looking up from his plate. "You two have something to talk about. You're too blind to see how much it's affecting you right now, but I'm not. So I suggest you go for a stroll on the grounds and sort it out."

Sirius and James looked at each other, frowning, and then at Remus, who was still eating peacefully. Then James slowly rose form the bench and walked towards the entrance of the Great Hall, closely followed by Sirius. Remus eventually stopped eating and looked at them. And for some reason it felt really good to see them like this again. Not that he had solved anything by asking them to talk, but at least he had broken the tense silence that had fallen over the group all morning.

Once outside the Great Hall, both boys headed towards the entrance doors, but before they had even reached them, Sirius muttered, "How dare he tell us that we should be talking, when he's the one who's been lying to us for a year and a half."

James rolled his eyes and sighed. "You know, I haven't come here to listen to you going over the same stuff again, OK? I'm surprised I haven't heard the word Mudblood coming from your mouth yet!"

Sirius stopped short. "I would never call him that!"

"And why not? You didn't mind calling him a beast yesterday night, did you?"

Sirius's shoulders dropped and he stared at his feet. "I'm sorry, James..."

"What about? Because I reckon the list's getting quite long now."

"About punching you. About your glasses. I didn't mean to break them. I...I'll buy you a new pair and I'll --"

"Ever heard of repairing charms, Sirius? If you'd dared to look at me properly today, you would have seen that my glasses were fine. Remus fixed them for me."

Sirius looked up again. "You...you didn't tell him anything, did you?"

"Of course not. I made up some lie about falling in the stairs, but I'm not too sure he believes me now that he's seen the bruise... I didn't do it only for you, though; I did it because I care about my friends!"

"No need to rub it in..."

"Yes I do, because you said some very horrible things yesterday, and I wish you'd snap out of this attitude of yours, because I simply don't understand."

Sirius clenched his fists and stared at his friend. "You haven't had my upbringing, so you can't understand."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Your parents are...normal. Mine aren't, OK?" he said, turning around and starting to walk in the opposite direction, very slowly. "I grew up being repeatedly told that anything less than one hundred percent pureblood wasn't even good enough to think about. That it didn't matter to marry your cousins as long as there was not a trace of Muggle blood anywhere. And I'll spare you the comments about werewolves and anything that's not entirely human..."

"That doesn't --"

"I know, James!" Sirius blurted out, stomping angrily. "It doesn't excuse my behaviour... I know that their books don't depict it the way it really is. I know that now, because we've been living with a werewolf for over a year," he said much lower, checking all around them that no one might be listening. "But please, imagine what it's like for me, James... When something has been hammered in your mind like that for so long, it's bound to distort your vision of things, right?"

James was silent. He was walking with his eyes firmly locked on the ground, brow furrowed.

"James? Please say something..."

"And what exactly do you want me to say, eh? That it doesn't matter anymore, that everything's fine and that I forgive you? I'm sorry, mate, I can't do that... You apologised for what you did to me and that's fine. But it doesn't excuse your behaviour towards Remus. And I don't know how you can make it up..."

"We have to talk to him."

James raised an eyebrow. "And what exactly do you mean by that?"

"You know very well," Sirius said with a wink. "But it means we have to talk to Peter first."

James' jaw dropped and his eyes followed Sirius as the latter re-entered the castle.

==========

If Sirius had gone numb at first upon learning that one of his very close friends was a werewolf, Peter went completely comatose. He froze, all colour drained from his face and he had to sit down on his bed to make sure that he would not collapse in the middle of their dormitory. During several minutes, he remained sat down, head hidden in his hands, breathing deeply, while James and Sirius looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

It had not been James' idea to tell Peter, of course not. At least not right away, and he scolded himself for not being able to stop Mr Impulsive from doing it that very night, while Remus had gone to the library. He had known that Peter's reaction would be completely different from Sirius', and he could not help but feel utterly miserable. Now they all knew. But it was behind Remus' back, and he hated that. It just felt wrong to be talking about him like this. He had told Sirius just that, but then the other boy had argued that they could not decently confront Remus without telling Peter first. And he was of course right, but it was much easier to say, "OK, we'll tell him," than actually doing so. Confronting Remus would now be the next step, and he was not looking forward to it at all. But then he could surely trust Sirius to do it...

He jumped when Peter spoke again. "Does he know that we know?"

"Nah," Sirius said. "James worked it out yesterday and then told me. And now we've told you."

"What do we do then?"

"We have to talk to him."

James sighed. "You make it sound so easy, Sirius..."

"It is..."

"Is it? I don't know how you plan to do it, but I can't see myself going to him and saying, "Hey, by the way, Remus, we know you're a werewolf!" I'm sorry, mate, I can't."

"James is right, Sirius. How do you plan to tell him? Dropping hints here and there?"

"No, that would take too long, and then other people might hear us. We need to speak to him somewhere safe. Like...here --"

"Please tell me you don't mean to do it tonight when he comes back!" James interrupted.

"And why not?"

"Because I don't want to! I'm sorry, but it will take me time to get my head round the fact that we have to tell him."

"James, think about it! You said yourself that it must be affecting him terribly. It's been a year and a half! Think about all the things he must have done to conceal it, all the lies he's had to come up with..."

"Funny, you weren't too bothered about what it must be like for him yesterday," James said scornfully, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Look, stop rubbing it in, OK? I've apologised to you, and I want to apologise to Remus too."

"Oh so you're going to tell him all the things you said to me?"

Sirius looked down and did not answer.

"So that's what's been going on between you two!" Peter said, getting up again. "Remus and I were worried because we couldn't work it out..."

"What do you mean?" James asked.

"Well it was pretty obvious that something was wrong because you weren't talking or even looking at each other all morning. And there was the...the bruise on your face... What exactly did you say, Sirius?"

"Nothing that's worth being repeated," James said calmly. Sirius looked at him and honestly felt like hugging his best friend at that very moment. "He was shocked and things came out...wrong. Didn't they, Sirius?"

"Yeah..."

Peter looked at his hands, frowning. "Still, what do we do?"

"I say we talk tonight," Sirius said right away.

"I say we wait until we find the way that will hurt him least." James immediately retorted. He paused for a second and took a deep breath. "Peter?"

Peter's eyes were still locked on his hands, his brow furrowed. He did not like having to make a choice between Sirius and James. He admired them both and that was that. He could see that they both had a valid point, but what was he supposed to do?

"I don't know, guys... Don't make me choose, please..."

Sirius sighed impatiently and collapsed on his bed.

"I'm sorry, Sirius, I just can't make up my mind."

"Don't apologise," James said calmly. "We shouldn't be asking you to do this."

"Well that doesn't really help, does it?"

"Sirius, will you please drop it? We all need to think about it and then come up with the best way to approach Remus and tell him."

"Tell me what...?"

==========

The three of them turned around at once and stared at the door. Remus was always so quiet when opening or closing doors that once again they had not heard him. And there he was, standing in the doorframe, holding books and pieces of parchment in his arms, looking concerned.

"N--Nothing..." James hurried, walking towards his bed.

Sirius stared at him, eyebrows shooting up and jaw dropping. He could not believe it. There it was, the perfect opportunity to have a conversation with Remus, and James was running away from it!

He stood up again. "Actually, Remus," he said very softly, "there is something we have to tell you."

"No there isn't!" James said between gritted teeth.

Sirius ignored the way his best friend was staring at him and walked towards the middle of the room, his eyes still locked on Remus. "We know."

All four boys fell silent, avoiding each other's eyes, and for a second or two, it seemed as though time had stopped. Sirius could not believe he had managed to say it; James wanted to jump at his throat; Peter did not know what to do or what to say to make things better; and Remus was too shocked to speak at first.

But when he caught his breath again, his question was barely louder than a whisper. "Wh--Who was it? Which one of you?"

"It was me..." James said very reluctantly, letting his shoulders drop.

"Moon phases? Did you compare them with all the days I'd been...away?"

James closed his eyes and clenched his fists. "Yes. Remus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean any--"

"I did think you'd be the first one to find out," Remus interrupted, a sad smile stretching his thin lips. "How long has it been?"

"Since yesterday afternoon..."

"Right. Well done, James," he added, walking towards his bed, where he put his books down. He then proceeded to empty his bedside table, before opening his trunk. The other boys looked at him, confused.

Then Sirius made the first move. "What are you doing?"

"Packing."

Sirius and James looked at each other, not believing what they had just heard.

"Why?"

Remus sighed and looked at his three friends. He was smiling, but the expression on his face was the epitome of sadness. He did not seem remotely agitated; as though he had imagined the way things would go a thousand times in his head, and had consequently had time to prepare himself for it.

"I don't suppose you'll want to share your dormitory with a...with me anymore. I hope I can see the Headmaster as soon as possible to make new arrangements," he added hurriedly, resuming his packing. "Who knows, he will probably want to see you too. One of the main things about me being allowed to come to Hogwarts was that it all had to remain a secret..."

Sirius, James and Peter kept throwing inquisitive looks at each other, but none of them could think of anything clever to say. So they all remained where they were, looking at their friend folding his clothes neatly and putting them in his trunk, along with all his belongings. Sirius could feel James' reproachful stare on him at all time, and he knew exactly what his friend was thinking. Of course, neither of them had thought about what would happen once Remus knew that they knew. But surely, it did not have to be this way...

No, it was wrong; it could not be this way. So he suddenly got up, walked towards Remus' trunk and proceeded to take out all the things the latter had just put in there.

"Sirius, what are you doing? This isn't funny! I've got to be quick, please let me --"

"I can't let you do this," Sirius replied, still removing as many books as he could. And when he had made a real mess on Remus' bed, he looked up again and grabbed him by the upper arms. "I'm sorry, Remus, but you're not going anywhere."

James' chest heaved with pride when he understood what Sirius was saying, and he smiled approvingly.

"What are you doing? Sirius, stop this!"

"You're not leaving this dormitory."

"But I --"

"You what? You want to go? Is that it? Do you want to go?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Remus suddenly spat, freeing himself from the other boy's embrace. "Do you know what it meant for me to be allowed to come here, to meet you guys and to become friends with you? You have no idea what Hell my life has been since I was bitten! And now I've got to give up all I had because you found out, despite all my efforts to keep it a secret..." He paused and suddenly slammed the lid of his trunk shut, making the other boys jump. "So please, Sirius, don't make this any harder for me."

Sirius sat on the trunk, close to Remus. "You're not listening to what I'm saying, are you? You don't need to go, because...we don't want you to."

"Oh stop this! Don't pretend that you still want to be friends with me. I don't want your pity; I don't want anybody's pity."

"But we do," James said, taking a step towards Remus.

"Yes, we do," Peter added, doing just the same.

Sirius looked at his two friends and nodded. "Remus, no matter what we felt when we found out, it doesn't change anything." He paused for a second or two, looking down at his hands. "It's true that I-- I know I was shocked big time... You can ask James, he'll tell you. But that's irrelevant now, because we've been friends for over a year. We...we liked you for who you were, Remus --"

"You didn't know me..."

"But now we do; we know everything about you and it doesn't matter! You transforming once a month doesn't actually make you any different, does it? "

Remus stared at Sirius, his breathing sounding a lot harder than usual, almost like panting. "But Dumbledore... He has to know. It was part of the deal..."

Sirius frowned, looked down for a second or two, and then up again. "No. He doesn't," he said, sounding more determined than he had in a long time.

James gasped, amazed at what a change had occurred in Sirius in just one day. "He's right," he added, "no one has to know. Peter?"

"I agree with the guys. Nothing wrong's happened, has it? If it can possibly jeopardise your stay at Hogwarts, then I agree that this stays between us four."

Peter walked up to his friend and stuck out his hand in a Musketeer-like way, just like in his favourite books. James and Sirius smiled and put their hands on top of his. Remus stared at his three friends for a few seconds, throat too tight for words. With shiny eyes and reddening cheeks, he nodded and put his hand at the top.

Then, without a warning, Peter spoke again. His voice was steady and strong, as if he was delivering a speech rehearsed many times. "I solemnly swear that I will never tell anyone about this conversation and that I will do whatever I can to keep Remus' secret safe."

James and Sirius nodded, smiling.

"We'll never betray you, Remus," he added.

"We'll do better than that," Sirius said. "We'll help you as much as we can every month."

That night, before the boys went to bed, James cornered Sirius on his way to the bathroom, while Peter and Remus were busy talking.

"I have to say I'm very impressed by the sudden change in your behaviour, Sirius."

"Thanks," the latter replied, blushing ever so slightly and running a hand through his hair. "Maybe one day I'll be able to tell him frankly about the horrible things that came out of my mouth yesterday evening..."

"I don't think you'll ever need to."

"Do you think I've made it up to him then?"

"I have no doubt," James said, a comforting smile stretching his lips. "But...what exactly did you mean by helping him every month?"

"Oh, you know, looking after him, helping him catch up with the homework and...stuff," he said with a wink before resuming his walk towards the bathroom.

~ FINITE INCANTATUM ~