H. Granger's Journal

May 2003

Thursday, May 1, 2003

11:07 PM

Very tired. Suspect I'm getting sick. This is not acceptable; the first Design exam is less than a week away, and studying arithmancy properly requires one's full attention.

Also, I went through a nasty emotionally un-grounded hour or two . . . People at the Institute are being nasty in the classic small-town fashion about a young man who's been accused of possessing pornographic photographs of boys under the age of consent. He's been gone for the past year, for both punishment and treatment; he wants to return. Now, we don't know the details, and the young man in question may not belong at the Institute (or want to be here, after everything), but if Ginny can still speak compassionately about Tom Riddle, they have no right to ostracize a young man who is seeking help. Where is the sense of proportion? Where's the forgiveness? Where, for that matter, is the public outcry against the next person to rape a girl after a party?

And why would I ever want to defend anyone like Tom, for any reason? Because Ginny did, once, and I care about her, and I have to allow her to make her own world and believe in her own capacity to act occasionally. God knows it's hard to take. God knows it's impossible to deal with, really. (And Ginny has told me a lot-- who else would she have talked to? Colin? Ron?)

Voldemort's dead, for real, this time . . . If only I were innocent enough to be angry with the Institute boy. If only all my scars were shaped like lightning.

Saturday, May 3, 2003

2:56 PM

My illness is wearing down, and I am becoming intelligent again. Would like to extend a very personal curse to whichever wizard decided to combat Voldemort by enchanting the common cold with resistance to spells. Granted, it immobilized the Death-Eaters quite effectively-- inexperience with illness can work against you-- but I need to study, and spell-hardened viruses do not help.

Harry has decided to fly here this evening-- and go back to Manchester tomorrow. He really is insane. Will be entertaining to test the brassieres, though I really don't have time for him to visit, as I should be spending every second revising for the Design exams.

Am very excited that I understand chain complexes better after enduring the algebraic methods seminar. Am still worried, however, that said seminar was insufficiently challenging, and it will show in my Design score.

Glimpsed Stewart Ackerley in passing yesterday. He was wearing pink robes, cut open to reveal brilliant white trousers. My head hurts.

And for all of you Institute types who keep owling me about compassion and pornography-- owl a dean, please. We can solve this.

I miss the days when I thought badges with catchy sayings were sufficient.

Sunday, May 4, 2003

8:10 PM

On the first cup of tea today; should have been about the sixth. Harry arrived just after eleven last night. We hung about in Ron's room for a while, drinking wine and listening to him yell about pirates with airships (his new obsession) and wink knowingly about "test-flying" the brassieres. We then retreated, established that Harry was too intoxicated to undo one of the aforementioned articles of clothing with his teeth, and experimented with some of the olive oil Bill left me, to good effect. Fell asleep as the sun was rising.

Sent Harry off rather hazily this morning and spent the afternoon in lit. group. Last lit. group ever, in fact; my time at the Institute is swiftly drawing to a close. Do not approve of Stewart Ackerley's haircut, though far too warm from the afterglow of Harry's visit to mind much either way. (Rather expected Harry to bring up relationship issues, which he did not; do not actually have time for issues other than Design exams, however, so perhaps this is for the best.)

And then dinner with an old penfriend from the International Society for Gifted Wizards, which deprived me of serious tea until now. Am waiting for the caffeine to hit, as I need to revise with full attention available to me.

Tuesday, May 6, 2003

1:19 PM

Still ill. Literally tried to cough my guts out, which is intellectually interesting but not genuinely acceptable. First Design exam in two days.

Also, had owl from Bill this morning, which reads, in part, " . . . The most beautiful woman ever seems to be intent on seducing me, and that of course turns it into a rather mundane event."

Evidently an old flame owled Ron this morning (he is avoiding her due to recent Eloise-appreciation). Perhaps it is simply Weasley Worshipping Week.

10:19 PM

Revising from Fraleigh. No human being on earth should be allowed to make statements at levels of redundancy such as, "The arguments are extremely pretty and elegant." We are discussing arithmancy. Beautiful yet sloppy results are not available.

Thursday, May 8, 2003

1:37 PM

First of the Design exams is over-- algebraic methods. Did everything solidly and completely save for failing to factor a polynomial correctly. Any spell based on that outline would shatter into several pieces under stress-- I must learn to be more cautious-- but all of the theoretical pieces were solid, and this is a theoretical endeavour. Now to study Greek.

Monday, May 12, 2003

7:29 PM

Greek exam was uneventful. It's not actually part of the Design sequence, so it didn't matter so much. The Latin exam, which was actually in the Design sequence, went less well than I could have wished; there was an essay question on the effect of magic on Roman history, when I had largely revised more practical spell-composition methods, and theories of divine influence. However, all the Design exams have an oral component, so perhaps I can improve my score there.

In other news, if Harry and I can find a flat, we may be in Cardiff by the end of July. Also, he sent me music this weekend: a deck of cards that unfolds into a Dodgson-esque group of characters, but singing and playing guitar. Harry's notes with packages are often remarkably sweet and communicative; felt warm and fuzzy for much of the weekend.

Now for differential forms and thaumifolds.

Wednesday, May 14, 2003

8:55 PM

The analytic methods Design exam had no thaumifolds question. Very disappointed.

Domenico Denarii had a goodbye dinner this evening. It was quite entertaining, largely because his interaction with his boyfriend (who is generally addressed as Giovanni despite having the perfectly good name John) is hilarious. There's nothing quite like watching someone mock Domenico openly, especially with "dear" and "darling" every other word. Also John-Giovanni is remarkably good-looking, though not at all like Gilderoy Lockhart.

Friday, May 16, 2003

1:39 PM

Last Design written this morning. Topological implications. Am exhausted but know I did very solidly. It seems that my performance on these exams is directly proportional to the amount of fear I feel going in, which is good in that it means I've studied efficiently, but rather unfortunate for my general mental state. Want to sleep for a couple of days, but Ron is trying to persuade me to fly somewhere or other with him.

Thursday, May 22, 2003

6:29 PM

My first oral exam was this afternoon. It was in an Institute building that I've never been in before, in a strange room that looked like what would happen if somebody removed all the books from Dumbledore's office, shrank it, then inserted a curved blackboard, splitting the room. The walls were all wood panelling, with empty bookshelves, and the ceiling was carved and painted with blue and green lozenges. My examiner looked just like a middle-aged Arithmancy expert ought to look, assuming he isn't employed by the State and doesn't eat raw mice for breakfast: he was stout, friendly, and had one black tooth. He complimented my perseverance on one horrid computation, and I actually caught him in an error (the L₁ metric has a smoothing effect-- that's why it's popular among physical thaumaturges, actually-- so standard discontinuity examples don't always work as planned.) We still didn't discuss thaumifolds, though.

10:02 PM

Just remembered that almost the first thing I told my examiner is that I'm terrible at chess. Huh.

On a somewhat related note, Ron is abandoning me this weekend to visit friends of Eloise Midgen's. When I was about to finish exams, for once, too . . .

Saturday, May 24, 2003

1:00 PM

Design exams are over. Very solid all round, though I was asked about Lucretius and the Stoics, which aren't in the standard set of Design topics. I suppose I will have to read Lucretius now. (I should have known he was relevant, but I was too involved in formulating my own Design principles. I will definitely rectify this problem very soon.)

Now I just want to know how well I did. The examiners are conferring, even now . . .

Sunday, May 25, 2003

1:57 PM

Still no scores. I will not have them until Monday, unless I lose all shame and owl the Head of Arithmancy here. Am feeling somewhat at loose ends, and slightly lonely. I prevented Harry from visiting this weekend because Padma was supposed to be here, and they have never quite got on; she's very interesting (Ravenclaw brilliance in spades, though I've always beaten her hands down in arithmancy), but he's never been able to see past the feminine exterior. Sadly, Padma is working this weekend and will probably show up next weekend along with Harry, Ginny, and Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, and I will not be able to have a proper conversation with either Harry or Padma and Ginny. (Draco will not accompany the Weasleys, which makes me extremely grateful. I have absolutely nothing in common with him other than fondness for Ginny, and feel no desire to chat with somebody who thinks a career in arithmancy means I'll be teaching little children sums.) Also, I miss Ron. I even miss his mates yelling incoherently.

Monday, May 26, 2003

2:45 PM

Certificate in Spell Design, First Class. Just as I predicted in my more sensible moments.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

10:16 PM

Have been trading books with Lisa Turpin. Have just finished one of the better analyses of the Grail legends I've encountered. Even wizarding writers have this irritating tendency to become sidetracked by Guinevere and love-potions.

Ron is back, but he collapsed into sleep almost instantly. Do not expect him awake for a few hours. Harry, meanwhile, seems to be doing one of those things where he decides to fix the problems of the universe by himself, and will not discuss them. Am feeling selfishly unhelpful, and trying to distract him by sending maundering owls about wild rabbits.