The Way I Felt

The Way I Felt

In my third year, I became infatuated with a boy. A boy I knew I couldn't have, no matter how hard I tried. You see, he was in love with someone else. You could see it in his eyes. Every time he looked at her, the hunger in his eyes, as if just the sound of her voice would send him in a dizzying spiral. There was something else. He was my best friend.

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I had been feeling down ever since my thirteenth birthday. I became so depressed I began to slit my wrists, and consequently had to wear long, dark clothes outside of school to cover it. I became wrapped up in books and music and my grades began to slip. I was doing too mush but I just craved to do more so I would not be able to dwell on him. I studied with him, I helped him with his homework, I yelled at him I sat with him in class and all that time so close to him, and I couldn't do a thing to show him how I felt. And the worst thing was that after all that he was even more in love with her!

At the end of our third year we had to try and save Sirius and he was so brave. When we were in the shrieking shack I was on the verge of telling him I couldn't bring myself to say anything and, when I got up the courage, Snape burst in and I had no choice but to silence the way I felt until a better moment. We all got out of there alive, thankfully. But that only strengthened the already strong feelings which I had for him and we were driven closer during the holidays when we all met up for the quidditch cup. We always got along so well and that was no exception. I had it all planned; I would tell him right after the match, he would be in a good mood and I would be able to explain everything. But she was there. That wrecked everything. You could tell that she enjoyed his probing stare in her direction and the way he licked his lips with desire to reach out and touch her skin. She teased and smiled and flirted with her eyes and he was playing right in to her hands. He enjoyed the way she blew kisses back to him and he kept telling all the guys how he was going to ask her out the next year. When I heard that I just lost it and walked away. When I returned they wee waiting for me to go to the match. We went up to the top box and sat in our seats. Behind me I heard "mud blood" being hissed at me and turned around to discover Malfoy directly behind me. I thought that the night could not get any worse when she walked in. He didn't notice her but she sat down at the back and hid so he couldn't see her. Next to her was a boy. He was slyly sliding his hand under her shirt and she was giggling and kissing him. I became so mad that I yanked both of my friends from hanging over the edge of the box goggling at the Veela and refused to enjoy the rest of the match. You know what happened next.

When school started the next week, I never told them that I had tried to end my life. Instead I just pretended that I had a cold and bundled up so much that I was sweating by the time I left the Burrow. Ginny sensed something was up but I never told her. When we got to school I knew I had to be alone so I left the great hall early and then used the time turner to go back when I felt better. I used a potion to change my hair color permanently the day after and then it was black. I withdrew and became snappy towards the OWLS and everyone saw it. I was going to tell him after the Triwizard tournament but that never worked. Bit by bit I lost my healthy complexion and my looks. When I returned for fifth year I was barely recognizable compared to my first day on third year. I was a prefect, which meant twice the amount of work and half the amount of free time, which was fine. But it also meant that there was more homework which was when I decided to tell him on the first day of sixth year. It was stupid of me to think that it would be that easy. I watched him with her and then tried to give advice on how to treat her! She wasn't interested in him and she made that clear when she dumped him and ended up with Davies.

But I bet you are curious. Who am I and who is this boy? I am Hermione Granger and he is Harry Potter.