Diary

Everyone thought he was dead. I didn't. Don't ask me why because I wouldn't have been able to answer. I hadn't moved from my bedroom (with bathroom attached, if anyone was wondering) for two weeks. Two horrible, miserable weeks. I'd shut myself off from the outside world; I just couldn't handle it. For me, the pain was just too near.

The war is over; we won, hooray. I couldn't have been sadder. You would've been sad, too, if what happened to me happened to you. Losing one best friend was hard but the thought of losing them both still kills me.

This is the edited version of my diary. It's the story of the few days before the man I love came back into my life.

"Hermione, honey what are you doing?"

"Nothing, dear. I'm not doing anything"

"Oh, ok well hurry up, supper is getting cold."

At least nothing you need to hear about, I thought.
******************************************************************************
Everyone thinks he's dead. I don't. Don't ask me why. I won't be able to answer you. I just don't, so leave me alone. I haven't moved from my room for two weeks. Just now I got the strength to write down a little of what
happened.

Tomorrow's the memorial, friends and families of the fallen are supposed to give little speeches about the ones they loved. I am, too. I have no idea what I'll say. What can I say? I loved Ron and Harry terribly. It's just I'm still trying to regroup and just leave my bedroom.

My mother and father worry about me. But they'll never understand why their 19-year-old daughter came back home wearing torn clothing, crying, and not willing to talk to anybody. They say I need to go see a psychologist. Yea, what could I tell one of those shrinks? That I lost both of my best friends in a battle that no Muggle will ever know happened? Sure that would go over big. They'd probably send me to an asylum. Even my parents never knew there was a battle and I'd like to keep it that way thank you very much.

It happened. The battle. The one everyone feared would happen. The one Harry wanted to come so he could get on with his life. Ha. Can you picture the look on my face when he said that? No? Well, I'll tell you I went into momentary shock then started yelling until my lungs were hoarse. He just sat there smiling at me like I was the funniest thing in the world. I probably was to him. I was scared senseless. I was thinking irrationally. I almost hit him, to knock some sense into him; I was so scared. But he's Harry and he wouldn't be swayed by anything. It's funny the way things work out. Ron was as nervous about it as I was. He didn't tell Harry though. I wish he did.

The battle did happen though whether I liked it or not. It was inevitable. People were dying everywhere. People I've grown up with. It was the worst experience of my life. At one point during the battle Ron, caught up with me.
He needed to talk to me. I can only remember a very little bit of the conversation. I think it went something like this.

"Hermione, I love you, you need to get out of here before you get more hurt then you already are."

"I can't leave my best friends, you.." Some kind of explosion happened. I didn't see what happened; I was too busy trying to hear what Ron was saying.

"Hermione, just go Harry will be fine."

"How do you know? How do you know he'll be safe and what about you? I can't leave you either." I was getting frantic. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"I can't promise you anything where it comes to me but I can with Harry. He's had".

His body went slack and fell on me, knocking me down. I screamed until I couldn't scream anymore and broke down crying. I rocked back and forth clinging Ron close to me. I didn't hear him coming. But I felt his presence.
I looked up through blurred eyes and saw Draco extend a hand to help me up. I kissed the top of Ron's head and laid him on the ground. I reached up, grateful for the warmth of another human. When I stood up, I felt dizzy. The last thing I remember of that day was the startled look on Draco's face. It was very becoming on him.

The next few days were a blur; when I got home I had just woken up and Draco was holding me. I never got to thank him. It was awfully nice of him. I remember going to the Weasleys' to tell them about their son. And people
coming and going from my parent's house to give me their condolences. I couldn't take it anymore. I ran into my room and locked the door and haven't left it since.

I never found out what happened to Harry. The last words Ron said before he died keep repeating in my head. "He's had.. He's had." Those words haunt me in my sleep. He's had what? No one ever found his body amongst the dead.
It's my last shred of hope. I have a mantra. He's alive he's alive he's alive. But even that doesn't seem to be working too well anymore. Great now, I'm going to cry myself to sleep wondering, what would have happened if I stayed?

That service looms even closer on the horizon. I still haven't prepared for it. Isn't that ironic? Hermione Granger not prepared for something. I'm not much for irony but that's pretty funny. The one thing I should be ready for I'm not. Maybe I'll just stay home. Then I would look bad. Great, now I'm thinking about the way people think of me.

Some nights I would cry myself to sleep thinking of him. I remember when I first saw him on the train back in our first year. His jet-black hair hanging in his face hiding his scar. His brilliant emerald green eyes peeping out behind his glasses. Wearing his five sizes too big clothing. He really was cute for an 11-year-old. I knew it was him right away from pictures and descriptions in some books I had read. I even had a small crush on him just from his description.

Funny isn't it. I may never get to see him again. Just when I realize just how much I love him. Life sucks.

My mother is telling me to go to sleep. If only. I haven't had a good night's sleep in months. Just because I was thinking about him. Worrying more like but thinking none the less. He'd probably laugh about that. So would Ron. I miss them both terribly

*****************************************************************************
Today is the memorial. I choose a deep green colored pantsuit. I can't stand the color black. It's too final for me. My father is yelling at me to come down or I'll be late. I don't want to go period. I take my purse off my computer chair and run down the stairs. I grab my car keys and leave. The nearest portkey is five miles from my house, which is why I wonder how Draco managed to carry me all the way home. Hmm. I'll think about that later; I am running behind already. I find the street that I'm looking for and park my car on the side of the road. There's a small group of people waiting around a rubber tire. I jump out and run up to them. I only got a look at a few before some one said there's 30 seconds until it leaves. I touch my finger to it and wait. I feel the familiar jerk. This time I'm ready for the landing. I actually stayed up this time and even smiled. Something I haven't done in days.

The hall is stuffed with people. I'm starting to wonder if not writing a speech was a good idea. I take a seat in the back on the edge of the aisle. The speeches began and I tuned them out scanning the crowd for familiar faces. Suddenly it's my turn and my palms are all sweaty and I still don't know what to say. I'm walking down the aisle towards the podium thinking of a number of things I could say when I came up with the solution to my problems.

I get up to the podium and look around. Someone just slipped into my row and sat down. I hope not in my seat.

"Hello, I'm Hermione Granger and I'm in love with Harry Potter." There was a large gasp from the audience and a couple of "No. Really." "He and Ronald Weasley, who also died during this battle, were my best friends for nine years. It hurts to talk about them. They were both wonderful people. I will miss them terribly. I could list their good deeds but there are too many. I could list their faults but there's more than the good." There was scattered laughter. "No they really were good people who many knew and loved. But no one loved Harry more than me. Thank you."

There was applause but I didn't hear it; my blood was boiling and that mysterious latecomer was in my seat, the nerve of some people. The person looked rather mysterious in his cloak and hood. I couldn't see his face but I knew it was a man because of his build. I stood right next to him.

"Could you please move, you are in my seat." The man spoke in a whisper. I couldn't hear. "Come again."

"Hermione?" he asked.

"Yes that's me and that's my seat." The man just shifted further into the seat.

"Did you mean what you just said?" Ok this man is really bothering me. I don't even know who he is.

"Who are you?" He just shook his head.

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what? What the heck are you talking about?"

"Do you really love Harry?"

"Oh that. Yes, very much but he'll never know." He just shook his head again. I swear he was laughing.

"Hermione, sit down."

"Ok, why?" I sat down. He quickly pulled back the hood. I would have screamed but I couldn't. He's alive. He's alive. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. He reached over and wiped them away.

"I love you, too."