The Edge of Sanity

Chapter 3- The Hardest Things To Say

Judging by the look on Harry's face, this was not the reaction he was expecting at all.

"Wha-what do you mean?" he stammered, looking utterly perplexed.

"Are you trying to upset me on purpose?" Ginny's eyes began to fill with tears as she backed further and further away from Harry, who shook his head.

"No, I didn't mean t-"

She cut across him angrily. "Do you think it's funny to play with me like this? Why, Harry?" He stared her, open-mouthed, still looking as though he'd been hexed.

"Why do you keep doing this? It's not fair! You can't just give me hope and then take it away as you please! Do you really think I'm going to let you close to me when I know you're going to mess everything up again? I won't let you keep hurting me, Harry!" She choked on her words, her throat tight and sore from trying to contain an enormous sob.

"I'm not, I'm-"

"You really have no idea...do you...how much you're killing me..?" Ginny was still backing up, and bumped into a dancing Moody. She jumped in shock, suddenly realising where she was. She offered Moody an apologetic stutter and then fled the ball room once more, Harry in pursuit.

Ginny sprinted the length of the entrance hall, swung the doors open and flung herself outside into the cool, night air.

"Wait!" She heard Harry call from the door, but she kept running. She didn't know where she was going, but she didn't dare stop. Unfortunately, her long, heavy dress and heeled shoes slowed her down, and Harry was already a lot quicker than her. He caught her round the waist and pinned her arms so that she couldn't move.

"Let me go!" she screamed, struggling against his strong hold, tears streaming down her face.

"Just wait a second," he said in her ear. "Just wait, okay?" Ginny gave up her struggle as his words melted in her ear. She turned in his arms and buried her face in his chest, beating her small fists ferociously against him.

"I hate this! I hate this! I h-hate it!" she sobbed into the folds of his dress robes. Harry stood steady while Ginny tried her best to beat him, his arms wrapped tightly around her, his lips resting on the top of her head. She could feel his uneven breath on her, and knew that he was crying, too. She stopped beating her fists, instead grabbing a handful of his robes and trying to pull him even closer, which was impossible.

They both stood together like this for a long while, the only sounds being Ginny's heartfelt sobs, and the gardens rustling in the breeze. Eventually Ginny let out one last great, shuddering sob and looked up into Harry's beautiful green eyes. They were red and puffy from tears, but if anything, this only increased their comforting appeal. She closed her eyes and he pressed his lips against her forehead.

"Come on," he said. "Let's find a place to sit." He led her to a stone bench overlooking a luminous pond. The surrounding gardens were filled with wildflowers and twisting vines. The harmonious sound of crickets and the sweet scent of berries were thick in the air. They sat, Ginny leaning her head against Harry's chest, staring at the mystical waters. A few faeries were floating lazily on the surface, emitting a calming blue glow that washed over everything.

"I don't want things to be this way," Harry said, breaking the long silence. "You were right. We should be making the most of the time we've got together." Ginny said nothing, wondering why Harry hadn't realised this sooner.

"I really will miss you," said Harry. Ginny sat up and stared into his eyes, wondering whether or not he was going to push her away again, or if he was even telling the truth. "I know you think I'm being unreasonable about all of this, but I don't think you realise how big this thing is. I didn't just wake up one morning and decide I was going to leave you. I spent so long wondering if it was the right thing to do, but now I'm more sure than ever." Ginny felt her eyes brimming with tears once more. Harry tried to pull her into a hug, but she shrugged him away, still not sure how to react.

Harry took in a heaving breath and looked away. It was obvious to Ginny how hard it was for him to speak so openly about these things; she knew how hesitant Harry was about revealing his emotions.

"Ron, Hermione and I are leaving tomorrow to try and fight Voldemort. Voldemort, Ginny. You remember him? The vile, disgusting creature that almost killed you five years ago?" Harry whirled around in frustration, his fists clenched. "I almost couldn't save you from him, and he was only Riddle then. Not even nearly at his full power. Now that Dumbledore's gone, he's the most powerful wizard in the world. It's going to take every little bit of luck and strength we can get to have even a chance of winning. But how could I fight if I was terrified you were going to get caught in the crossfire? Do you have any idea what we're up against here?"

Ginny sat silently. She knew in her heart that he was right, but still couldn't admit it to herself. Though she had to admit it was rather sweet that Harry was so determined to protect her.

"This isn't just about us. It's about not letting anything terrible befall the people we care about. It's so much bigger than just you and me. Can you understand now?" he asked, a pleading note in his voice. Ginny nodded and looked down at her shoes, ashamed that she had been so selfish. Harry lifted her chin and turned her face to look her in the eyes. "And I will miss you," he said.

The blue glow on Harry's face made his features seem so sad and sincere that Ginny couldn't help but lean forward and kiss him on the cheek, whispering that she would miss him, too. Her lips lingered for a while as she savoured Harry's scent and she felt a single tear roll down her own cheek. She realised that she would even miss his smell.

She planted kisses along his jaw until her lips met his. At first tender, the kiss became passionate and Ginny could hear the faint giggling of faeries from the pond.

After their mouths finally separated, Harry suggested that they go back inside. "Yes," Ginny agreed. "Maybe Mum is so sloshed by now, she won't notice if we, maybe, sneak off somewhere..." Ginny winked slyly. Harry let out a nervous chuckle, blushing ferociously.

Sure enough, when they re-entered the ball room, Molly Weasley was very red in the face indeed. She was holding a glass of wine lazily in one hand, while the other was aiding her conversation with wild gestures.

"She gets it from her mother," said Ginny, slightly embarrassed and nodded towards Grandma Frieda. Harry snorted when he saw the old woman sitting in her chair with her glass still in hand, her mouth agape and snoring loudly; fast asleep.

Harry and Ginny sat at their empty table and scanned the room for the others. Ginny spotted the twins over by the beverages, chatting animatedly to McGonagall, who also seemed to be rather red-faced. Ron, it appeared, was being subjected to the tortures of dancing with Hermione. He simply stood stiffly with his arms crossed tightly, a look of sheer terror on his face whilst Hermione tried hopelessly to make his body sway with the folk music now playing. Harry was laughing and when Ron spotted him from the dance floor. He said some very angry-looking words to Hermione, jabbed his finger in Harry's direction and strode away from her back to the table.

"Don't say anything," he warned through gritted teeth. Hermione soon joined them at the table.

"Honestly," she told Ginny. "He wouldn't even put his hand on my waist!" Ron gasped and covered his ears as if the girl had just said a very rude word. When Hermione saw that Harry and Ginny were smiling and holding hands, she grinned knowingly at Ginny and winked.

As the night went on, the music died down to some slow, mellow tunes, and the baby angels on the ceiling snuggled into their clouds trying to sleep; Hermione and Ron became tangled in another snogging session and Ginny watched as guests began dispersing, either for home or to the guest-rooms. Many couples were leaving together, grins on their faces, rushing out before anyone noticed. Ginny chuckled and nudged Harry when she noticed that one such couple was Lupin and Tonks. Harry gave her a wink and a kiss.

She went back to watching couples leave. Hang on! That's not a couple! Ginny realised with disgust that Fred was sneaking off with not one, but two giggling girls. For a moment she wondered why, but promptly shoved the image out of her head, deciding that she definitely did not want to know.

"We're really tired, guys," said Hermione with a sly grin. "I think we're going to go find a free room and crash for the night."

Ginny, who was just thinking of saying the same thing, smiled at Harry. "Us too." She said to Hermione, "Listen, er, we'll tell Mum you and I shared a room, as did Harry and Ron, yes? That way we can-"

"Ergh! Ginny, you're my sister! I don't want to know that kind of stuff!" Ron exclaimed, screwing up his nose. Ginny simply smiled and finished her sentence.

"That way we can avoid a big lecture from her."

Ron still wasn't convinced that that was what his little sister was really going to say, but they said their goodnights without fuss and promised to see Ginny in the morning before they were to leave. So as not to draw attention, Hermione and Ginny left the ball room first to wait for the boys at the top of the entrance stairs.

Hermione couldn't wipe the grin off her face and kept trying to flatten her hair. When she noticed Ginny smiling and shaking her head, she stopped immediately, flushing slightly.

"It's strange to see you like this," said Ginny mildly.

"Yes. I feel strange. It's like I'm suddenly weightless - like I don't have to worry about anything."

"I know what you mean," said Ginny with a blissful sigh. "But I thought you hated people who snogged in public. Lavender Brown sure got on your nerves."

Hermione blushed. "Well I wouldn't have really minded at all... if it was anyone but Ron."

"Don't tell me Hermione was actually jealous of somebody," Ginny teased playfully.

Trying to change the subject, Hermione said, "So what happened to change things between you and Harry?"

Ginny thought for a moment, and said, "I guess we just understand each other now." She felt a pressure on her hand as Hermione squeezed it, smiling down at her.

"Here they come now."

Harry and Ron reached the girls and they all headed for the left wing. They had been told earlier that there would be plenty of spare rooms for them there, and they found them quickly. Ron and Hermione took the first available one and the other couple took the one after that.

Ginny locked the door after entering and as soon as she turned around, Harry wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her long and hard. Ginny could feel the heat radiating from him and her own urge grew.

Harry pushed the redhead back against the door and made a trail of kisses down her neck, coming to rest at her collar-bone. Ginny bit her lip as he unzipped the back of her dress. His lips moved back up to her waiting mouth and his hand sent shivers up her spine as he gently pushed her dress up her leg, stroking her thigh. Ginny slipped Harry's dress robes off and quickly unbuttoned his shirt, gently stroking his stomach when she reached the bottom ones.

With her mouth occupied, she couldn't see what she was doing, but her fingers managed to unbuckle his belt. Suddenly Harry jumped back as though he had been burned. Ginny was puzzled as she watched Harry stutter and fumble for words. He seemed very nervous.

"Wh-what I mean is, are you sure... are you sure you want t-to do this?" he finally mumbled. Ginny had to bite her lip to suppress a giggle as a delicate blush crept up his neck.

"Of course I do," she replied with a smile. "Do you?"

Giggling, Ginny stepped out of her lilac frock. Harry looked her up and down and smiled happily. He closed the space between them and resumed kissing her, making it clear that he did indeed want to.

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Ginny woke sharply but didn't open her eyes. She could sense that someone was watching her and her skin tingle uneasily. Feeling the cotton sheets wrapped loosely around her naked form, she wondered for a moment why she was naked. She opened her left eye slightly and tried to focus. Two green eyes looked back at her.

"Good morning," said Harry. Ginny smiled sleepily at him and remembered the night before. She opened both her eyes and looked around the room for the first time. It wasn't large, but it was elegant with vanilla walls and lovely, soft carpet. There was a dresser with a tall, majestic mirror and the windows on either side were draped with red velvet curtains. Sunlight was trickling through the gaps, making the room glow with warmth. However, at the sight of the light, Ginny's eyes filled with tears and her body filled with dread.

Sunlight. That meant it was morning. Morning meant that Harry would soon depart her. A tear escaped but didn't travel far as Harry gently wiped it away. He didn't tell her not to cry. In fact, he didn't say anything at all. He simply snuggled closer to her and held her tight. After a long time, Ginny spoke. She had to make one last, desperate attempt to make him change his mind.

"Don't go," she said. "Don't leave me, please."

Harry said nothing, but Ginny knew he wouldn't change his mind. "I'm sorry," he said finally, planting a kiss on her wet cheek.

"If you really were sorry, you wouldn't leave me," she said, staring at the ceiling. Harry let out a sigh.

"Don't do this, Gin. You're only making it harder for both of us. I've got to go. I want to go. If we're going to play the guilt game, then if you cared about me, you wouldn't try to stop me."

"Then take me with you," Ginny pleaded, looking into his eyes. It was Harry's turn to look away.

"I can't."

"Why not?"

Harry let out another exasperated sigh. "Why does this conversation sound so familiar?" His words weren't harsh, but he was growing impatient. Ginny said nothing and Harry sat up. She watched him, silently crying, as he pulled out some clothes that had magically appeared in the bedside drawers. He dressed and put his glasses on, then set about trying to find all the various articles of clothing scattered around the room. The moment dragged on until suddenly he stopped. Then he sat on the end of the bed, facing away from Ginny. She crawled up behind him and put her arms around him.

"If you think this is easy for me, you're wrong," said Harry shakily, his voice cracking as a sob built up in his throat. "I'm not doing this to hurt you. I'd battle Voldemort a million times to keep you safe." He kissed her hand and stood up. "You'd better get ready if you want to come down and say goodbye to the others." With that, he left the room.

When Ginny had dressed and found her way downstairs, several people were in the entrance room already. Lupin was talking to Harry in a corner and Ginny thought it best not to interrupt them. Instead, she headed towards where Fred, George, Molly, Arthur and Charlie stood around Ron and Hermione.

Molly was crying as she held a wet cloth to her head (Ginny guessed that she had a hangover), and Arthur had an arm around her, half-holding her up as he, too, shed a tear. Charlie was patting Hermione's back as she tried to comfort Molly with reassuring words. Fred and George were standing on either side of Ron, smiling encouragingly. Ginny noticed that Fred was looking very tired, and remembered what she had seen last night. She gave him a disapproving glare as she approached.

She didn't quite know what to say. She cared for Ron and Hermione, and wanted them to succeed and be safe, but at the same time she felt a stab of envy that they were being allowed to go and help Harry, while Ginny could do nothing. Suddenly Ron pulled her into a tight embrace. He was never any good at saying the right thing, so he said nothing, and that was all Ginny needed. Soon more people joined the hug, sobbing and whispering comforting words to one another.

"Erm... sorry to break this up, but we really need to get going." The voice came from somewhere behind Ginny, and she recognised it as Harry's. The Weasley's slowly broke apart until only Ron had an arm around Hermione. Ginny felt cold towards them once again, and watched as if from a distance as Arthur, Charlie, Fred and George all shook the hands of Harry and Ron. Molly tried desperately to cling to the three of them as long as she could in her life-threatening hug. Eventually the twins managed to pry her off and the trio headed for the door.

Ginny stared coldly and didn't budge when Harry looked back at her, his eyes empty and neglected. He's just trying to make you feel guilty, she thought. He sighed deeply and turned to walk out the door. Then another thought pushed its way forward. Isn't that exactly what I'm trying to do to him? By now, the three had made their way out into the gardens. Harry had obviously given up on getting a proper goodbye from her. Ginny panicked when she realised they were about to Apparate away, possibly forever.

"WAIT!" she screamed, running out the doors and after them. Hot tears were flowing down her face as Harry tuned back. He saw a flash of red coming and opened his arms in time to catch her as she flung herself at him. He lifted her off the ground and his lips met hers. She could taste tears as their tongues twisted together. Their mouths finally separated but she remained in his embrace.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in his ear. He pushed her back gently and looked in her eyes. She could feel how painful this was for him.

"I'll write to you every chance I get," he promised, stroking her hair. "I don't expect you to wait for me. I don't know how long I'll be gone. I er... I guess I just want you to know that I won't be thinking of anyone but you."

Ginny gave him a weak smile. Did Harry think she was the kind of girl who flitted carelessly from one guy to another? Did he think that the things she had shared with him meant so little to her and that she would simply move on and share them with someone else? Did he, like Ron, think that she was a slut? Admittedly she had gone through quite a few boyfriends in the past year, but that was only because she had thought Harry wasn't interested, and hadn't really had a connection to any of them. She had told Harry this and doubted that he honestly thought she would move on so easily, but felt the need to defend herself.

"Don't be silly. Of course I'll wait. As long as it takes." The words were enough to put a relieved smile on Harry's face.

"We'll miss you, Gin," said Ron, and Hermione nodded tearfully. She hugged both of them fiercely.

"Good luck. Take care," she told them before facing Harry once more. He kissed her briefly on the lips and then stood back.

"Goodbye," he said, as if the word had burned his mouth.

"Goodbye..." Ginny whispered to thin air, for the three had already Disapparated, leaving her to wonder if she would ever see them again.