The Day Before You

He sat in the dark kitchen, a half-eaten apple in one hand and a cup of tea in the other. He didn't mind being alone; he rather enjoyed it actually. It was comforting, soothing. He could sit by himself and think, uninterrupted, about his life.

Or lack thereof.

It wasn't that he hated his life - it certainly could have been worse - but Remus wished for so much more. More than just mere existence. More than just waiting for the next full moon to turn him into a monster. More than just waiting for her to arrive.

To be honest, he had just about given up. Perhaps there simply wasn't someone out there for him. Perhaps his fate had been sealed the day he received the werewolf's bite, and there truly was no hope anymore. No respectable woman, no matter how kind-hearted she was, would want a werewolf for a husband. He knew he couldn't expect that from anyone.

It wasn't as though he'd never had a relationship with a woman, but it was the same story every time: the instant he would tell them the truth, their eyes would fill with revulsion and pity. The revulsion he could understand, but the pity... it was more than he could bear. He didn't want or need their pity. He wanted someone who would take him exactly as he was and love him because of his faults, not in spite of them.

And in his life, there had only been two women who had loved him like that.

The first had been Lily. Sweet Lily, who always saw the good in other people. She was his first friend at school; the first person, aside from his professors, whom he had told about his condition. She had accepted him from the beginning and was the one who pleaded his case and convinced the rest of his classmates to accept him as well. She had treated him with respect and love, not revulsion and pity. He had loved her too, as a dearly loved sister whom he couldn't live without. He still ached over the loss.

The second was much more recent. From the first day they met, Nymphadora had shown neither revulsion nor pity. She had embraced him as a friend from the very beginning. Her fiery personality reminded him, in some ways, of Lily. Nymphadora Tonks was her own person, to be sure, but she possessed the same unconditional love and friendship that Lily had shown him. She had refused to let him live in his shell, hidden away from the world. She loved him for who he was, and he loved her too.

Not as a sister.

The mere thought of her was enough to send his emotions into turmoil, and being with her nearly every day at Headquarters was torture. He knew he shouldn't feel that way towards her - she was over ten years his junior, for Merlin's sake - but he couldn't seem to stop himself. There was something about her that spoke to the man inside of him, that made him long for the chance to prove himself. He loved her completely, but he also knew that it was beyond hope. Dreams didn't come true for a man like him. It was time to let go.

"Remus? Is that you?"

The object of his thoughts was coming down the stairs, wrapped in her dressing gown, lit wand in hand. She had obviously just woken up, because her appearance was her true one: long brown hair in loose waves; straight, pointed nose; clear blue eyes. He loved her best in this state.

"Yes, it's me, Nymphadora," he replied quietly, hoping she could hear him over the sound of his beating heart. "I was having a cup of tea. Did I wake you?"

She smiled sleepily. "No, I couldn't sleep. Had a lot on my mind." She moved silently across the floor and took the seat opposite him. "Mind if I join you?"

"Not at all. Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, thanks."

He stood and moved to the cupboards, pulling out a delicate blue teacup and pouring the hot liquid into it. A lot of milk, two sugars - just the way she liked it. He handed it to her and took his seat again, watching as she slowly sipped her tea, a look of tired pleasure upon her face. "Thank you, Remus," she said again with a smile. "It's just right."

He returned the smile. "So, what is it that's been keeping you awake?" he asked politely, hoping he could stretch out this time with her for as long as possible. As long as he could keep her talking, she would stay. She took a long sip of tea before looking up and meeting his eyes. He knew he would get an honest answer, but he wasn't expecting the one he got.

"You."

Remus started, his eyes widening. "M-me?" he laughed, shocked. "Why am I keeping you awake?" Suddenly he thought he understood. "Nymphadora, it's not the full moon for another two weeks. I'm perfectly all right."

"That's not what I meant," she replied. She was obviously serious about this, whatever it was, because he'd called her by her first name twice now and she hadn't said a thing.

He was confused. "I don't understand," he confessed. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed, and he could see the frustration in her eyes. "I'm talking about us, Remus."

"U-us?" he stuttered. What on earth?

"Yes, us. You and me." He could tell from her tone that she was about to be brutally honest, and he didn't know if he was ready for it. She took a deep breath and continued. "We've been friends for nearly three years now, Remus, and you still don't trust me."

He frowned. "What? Of course I trust you, Nymphadora."

"Aside from the fact that you still call me Nymphadora, as if I were a child," she retorted, "you've yet to be honest with me about how you feel."

Her ire was rising, and Remus knew he should tread carefully. "Tonks," he said slowly, "I don't think of you as a child." Quite the opposite, actually. "You're a wonderful young woman, and my dearest friend." That much was true, at least, although perhaps a bit misleading.

She would have none of it. "Bloody hell, Remus!" she snapped. "Is that all I am to you? Your dearest friend?" She pushed her chair back angrily and stood, her eyes spitting fire. "Well, I'm glad I found out now before I really made a fool of myself!" She spun around and stormed up the stairs, leaving him open-mouthed in surprise.

What was she on about? Hadn't he paid her a compliment? She really was his dearest friend, and a wonderful young woman.

"Is that all I am to you?"

Her words suddenly hit him full force, and, without thinking, he turned and raced up the stairs.

"Tonks," he called when he reached her door. No response. "Tonks, open the door." He waited, and when the door remained closed, he took a deep breath, shut his eyes, and turned the doorknob.

"Get out of here, Remus," she said angrily, but Remus thought he detected a hint of sadness in her tone.

He opened his eyes slowly and saw that she was sitting on her bed and glaring at him, her eyes red from unshed tears. "Tonks," he said, not moving any closer for fear of setting her off again. "I'm sorry."

Her glare eased and she looked away. "Why should you be sorry? I'm the one who acted like a child. Just like the child you think I am." She reached up and wiped her eyes. "See? I'm even crying like a child." The pain was so evident in her voice now that Remus felt awful. He didn't know how to fix this. He only knew how to tell her the truth.

He moved and sat next to her on the edge of the mattress, folding his hands in his lap. "Tonks," he began tentatively, "I meant what I said before. I don't see you as a child. Merlin knows it would be easier if you were a child."

She looked over at him, a frown creasing her brow. "What do you mean? You wish I were a child?"

He shook his head. "No, I don't. But if you were a child I wouldn't be having these feelings towards you." He ignored her sharp intake of breath and squeezed his eyes shut. "You were right; I haven't been honest with you. I haven't even been honest with myself. I tried to believe that if I just ignored it, it would go away. Maybe if I had tried harder it would have, but I didn't. I allowed you into my life and into my heart, and I'm so glad I did. Even if every other decision in my life turns out to be a mistake, that is the one I will never regret. You complete me, Tonks, and I don't know how I ever survived before you came into my life. I love you, and I'm sorry it took me so long to say it."

With his eyes still shut, he waited. Waited for her to say something. Waited for the long overdue revulsion and pity to take effect.

It never came. Instead, she took his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I love you, too, Remus," she whispered, taking his breath away.

He opened his eyes and looked down at her, afraid to believe what he was hearing. Could it really be true? Could she truly love him? "You deserve so much better than me."

Her smile was radiant as she wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly. "Maybe so, but I'll never want anyone else."

His heart swelling, Remus leaned down and pressed his lips to hers.

Maybe dreams really did come true.

Now you're here

And everything's changing

Suddenly life means so much

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow

And find out this promise is true

I will never have to go back to

The day before you

FIN