October 31st, 1981

All Hallows' Eve.

Remus Lupin had just stepped out of the newsagents, tucking an Evening Herald under his arm, when he saw the dog. It was a large black Labrador, sitting patiently with its leash tied around a lamppost, its owner presumably making a quick stop for a paper and some aniseed balls. It noticed Remus and cocked its head to one side in mild doggy interest. Remus smiled to himself. Strolling over, he offered a hand to the dog and patted it on the head.

"You know, you remind me of a friend of mine," he told the dog, who nuzzled his fingers and tried to lick him. "All right, boy, I've got things to do. Bye-bye."

He gave the dog a last pat and continued on. Oh, yes, that was it - he'd have to get coffee. Sirius had finished the last of it yesterday, and a coffeeless Sirius was not a pretty sight. Making a mental note to pick up some milk as well, Remus retrieved his paper and flicked it open.

To a Muggle eye, the daily news was much the same as usual: complaints at the government's incompetence, scandalised tirades on the State of Young People Today and a few candid photos of someone in the Royal Family doing the old waving and opening theatres bit. Remus, on the other hand, noticed the disturbing signs of dark activity - a disappeared Muggle family, a gang of men dressed in dark clothes attacking and severely injuring another man, although nobody had yet worked out the cause of his injuries, and worst of all, an old lady found dead outside her home, an expression of utter terror on her face. Cause of death - unknown.

Remus sighed, shaking his head. Poor Dorcas. Brave to the end, she had refused to go into hiding even when information received confirmed that she was on the death list. "We all are," she'd said. "Are we all going to run off and hide, then?" Moody had identified the body two days ago now. The mood in the Order was still subdued: even though death was always a possibility, nobody ever learned to brush off the demise of a member. Remus folded up the paper. Reading while walking was one of his worse habits, and Sirius wasn't here to stop him walking into a lamppost.

"Hey! Moony!" A man's voice, close by, and familiar. Remus looked around, and relaxed when he spotted the speaker.

"Hello, Prongs. Haven't seen you for a long while."

James Potter grinned, one hand coming up to ruffle up his insane black hair. "Tell me about it. I'm getting a bit bored of the old quiet life, to be honest."

Remus chuckled. I'm amazed you're getting any quiet at all with a baby in the house."

"Hell, yes." It was James' turn to chuckle.

"How is little Harry these days? Hard to believe he's one already." The last time Remus had seen his friend's baby son, Sirius' godson, he had been six months old (Remus, by dint of being a werewolf, was legally barred from being Harry's other godfather, which had outraged Sirius for several days). Harry James Potter was an inquisitive child, with neat fine features and little starfish hands, who'd been lucky enough to inherit his mother Lily's gorgeous green eyes but unlucky enough to have them matched by James' mad black hair. It stuck up in all directions from his small round head, so that Harry always looked as if he'd just been startled, or electrocuted, or both. Sirius doted on the little tyke, and joked about buying him tiny leathers so he could take Ickle Harry out on the flying Harley. Lily hadn't yet heard of this plan, which was probably just as well.

"Yeah - one and two months today," James said. "Thanks for the present, by the way. Lily put your alphabet mat on his bedroom floor."

"What does he think of it?"

James grinned. "Loves it! Absolutely loves it. He's been driving Lily mad, prodding the G-for-Gryphon to make it roar."

Remus smiled. "Not my fault. The sound effects were Sirius' idea. You know how much he loves anything that makes a noise."

"Yeah, that sounds like Pads."

The two men ambled off down the road. In the park beside the path a girl with wildly spiky dark hair was showing off her best tricks with a football to a bemused friend.

"Hard to believe that just before Lily had him you were owling me in absolute terror - 'Help me, Moony! I have no idea about parenting and I'm going to screw it up, I know it!'" Remus said.

"I still can't believe I'm managing it. You knew me in Hogwarts, Moony - irresponsible as they come."

"Could it be you grew up?" Remus suggested.

James snorted at the ridiculous notion.

In the park, the spiky-haired girl botched a capture and the ball came skipping over the grass and onto the pavement. To James' obvious surprise, Remus intercepted it and sent it back with a brisk kick. The girl caught it, waved and yelled "Thanks!" Remus returned the wave, which for some reason had her blonde friend doubling up with laughter. James cackled; Remus shook his head in mock embarrassment.

"Moony, you devil. Does poor old Pads know about your womanising ways?"

"Do shut up, James," Remus groaned.

They walked on a little further before James said, apropos of nothing, "He's started trying to walk, you know. Harry. He does circuits of the living room, clinging onto the furniture."

"I never thought the day would come when I couldn't stop you talking about your sprog, James," Remus observed. "I'd never have put you down as a maternal type."

"Hah! I'm not. That kid of Lily's sister's - "

"What was his name again?"

"Dudley," James pronounced with disgust. "Horrible, isn't it? Whenever we visit, he just sits there and watches you out of those little piggy eyes. You ever seen a Muggle snowman?"

"Of course I have."

"Give it fat arms and legs and that's Dudley. I've seen more life in a boiled chicken - until he wants something, and then he screams the place down."

"I take it Lily's been insisting you visit the family?"

James rolled his eyes. "So Harry can get to see his cousin. Why the heck she bothers I'll never know: Petunia's had it in for Lily since they were kids, Vernon thinks we're both freaks, and that vile child tries to hit Harry and take his teddy bear the minute you turn your back on him. I could've strangled the little sod."

"Wouldn't try that if I were you. I think that's taking paternal protectiveness a bit too far."

"I know, but..." James ruffled his hair to aid self-expression. "If you could see him, Moony. Nobody deserves it more, he's such a good kid, never worried the hell out of us like some. And he's so bright - I've been telling him about the Quidditch when it's on the radio, and I swear, the way he looks at me, he understands every word I say."

"He's clearly headed for Minister of Magic, Chief of the Wizengamot and the Order of Merlin, then," Remus said. James flashed a sheepish grin.

"Oh, go on, laugh. You think I'm being an idiot, don't you?"

Remus shook his head. "I think Harry's one lucky little kid."

James beamed. "Anyway, how've you been, you and Sirius? Has he been all right since - er - "

Remus felt an uneasy flutter in his stomach. He shrugged. "It's hard to tell. He's under a lot of strain, like the rest of us, but he seems... I don't know, withdrawn, somehow."

James looked away. "Look, Remus, I know I probably shouldn't say this, and I know he'd never admit to it, but do you think he might be scared? I mean, what he did is bloody risky, you have to admit it, and he'd have to be totally brain-dead not to at least worry."

"Yes, I did think of that, " Remus admitted. "But we've always been able to trust each other with ... difficult issues. How come he doesn't feel he can talk to me now? Even if I couldn't do anything, at least he'd know I was there, for what that's worth."

"Sirius was always like that, though, Moony. He doesn't want to admit it to himself, I reckon. It's the way he deals with stuff. Growing up where he did, he had to."

Remus nodded, remembering Sirius' bitter remarks about 'that old cow' Mrs Black. He sighed. "Merlin, would you listen to me? Pouring out my troubles when you and Lily have got more than enough of your own."

"S'okay," James grunted. "It's not like I object to the distraction."

"How are you and Lily coping?" Remus asked gently. James shrugged.

"We manage. The worst part is the confinement. That and not being able to do anything. We spend all our time on the alert and there's nothing we can do to make it better."

"We certainly miss you around the Order," Remus said. "It's far too quiet without you."

"I'd come in if I could."

"Don't you dare," Remus warned him. "You've got little Harry to think of now. Who'd look after him if you got yourself killed attempting heroics?"

James scowled. "I didn't say I was going to. I'm not stupid, Remus!"

He sighed, rubbing his temples to ease the tension. "Anyway, if anything did happen to us, Sirius is his godfather. And he'd have you, too."

"I'm not sure that a house with a werewolf is suitable for a child," Remus said seriously.

"That's bullshit, Remus, and you know it. You'd never hurt a child, never. You haven't got it in you."

"I'd never knowingly hurt a child," Remus corrected. "But the wolf is different. Accidents can happen. Have happened."

"I'd rather you and Sirius look after him than anyone else," James said stubbornly.

"All right. Please God it never comes to that."

"Right. But Lily would agree with me, you know."

"She must be worried sick, poor old girl."

"She is. Mostly about Harry - if she can't hear him she nearly has a fit. I had to get one of those intercom things Muggles use. It's starting to worry me, Remus. It's so - intense."

"Mm. I wouldn't worry about it," Remus advised. It's how she copes. People have odd little ways of dealing with stress, just like you said about Sirius. If it makes her feel better, leave her to it."

James nodded, then shrugged. "What're you up to here, by the way? Don't often see you in Godric's Hollow."

"I had to call in at the Eldritch Library," Remus said, indicating the worn canvas bag he was carrying. "Research for the Order. It's getting a real job to get access to anything in there recently. Security's been doubled at least - they're petrified they'll be attacked any day now."

"Find what you were looking for?"

"Hard to tell, when you've no idea what it is you are looking for," Remus said.

"Huh?"

"Anything that might give us an advantage," Remus explained.

"Oh. Right. So where are you going now?"

"I've got a bit of shopping still to do, then I'm going back to the flat and then, with a bit of luck, on to Kingsley's Halloween party."

James perked up. "He's holding another one? I thought the Leaky Cauldron banned him from ever holding a party there again under any circumstances. You remember Elph's birthday do? It took them a week to get all the sequins off the walls."

"I kept telling him, when a woman jumps out of a birthday cake at a Muggle party, the cake just bursts open, it doesn't actually explode," Remus said. "He never listens. But technically he's not holding the party - the room's booked in Hestia's name, and they haven't yet cottoned on that he's involved."

"They will when they hear the explosions," James finished. "It sounds like a good idea, though. It'll do you good to get out and let your hair down for a while. You work too hard, Moony."

Remus shrugged. "I don't mind, really, if it helps. As a matter of fact - well, I know you haven't been formally invited, but Kingsley and everyone else would be delighted to see you and Lily, so why don't you come along? If you Floo Sirius and I at nine we can Apparate over together."

James shook his head. "Nah, I can't. I promised Lily I'd come home early and keep an eye on Harry for a couple of hours. She needs a break."

"Oh, you poor downtrodden creature."

"Just you wait. One of these days Sirius is going to turn up a way to get a bloke preggers, Moony, and you'll be craving pickled eggs and marmalade while I'm killing myself laughing."

Remus gave him a thoroughly old-fashioned look. "Never in a million years. I can't afford maternity wear, for a start."

James spluttered with laughter. "So, not tonight," he said, recovering himself. "Maybe another time. I still owe you a dinner at the Leaky Cauldron, don't I?"

"If they ever let me or Sirius over the threshold after this evening," Remus said.

"What're you two going to get up to, then? Get ratted and start dancing on the bar to something slow and dirty?"

"I hope not. The damages bill would bankrupt me."

James grinned. "Don't worry, Moony. If it ends up with pics of you snogging Peter on the front page of tomorrow's Prophet, I'll be the first to swear they're fakes."

"Thank you," Remus said sarcastically.

"And the first to swear I don't know you, of course. I mean, Peter. He's not even your type."

"James Potter, you're the best friend a man could have," Remus said, trying hard not to smile.

"Aw, thanks, Moony." James checked his watch. "I'd better get moving, or Lily will have my guts. She expects to have me home for dinner."

"Won't she put your dinner in the oven?"

"No, she thinks that me eating off my knees in the sitting room teaches Harry bad habits. Don't know why she bothers, he'll pick 'em up anyway."

Remus laughed. "Go on, then. I'll see you soon. Maybe Pads and I could pop round for Sunday lunch."

"Yeah, maybe. Cheerio."

James stepped aside behind the corner of a redbrick pub and Disapparated, frightening the hell out of the pub cat.

Remus had meant to finish his shopping early and Floo back to the flat in time to meet Sirius when he came home from work, but there was a horrific queue at the apothecary, then the shoes he'd left at the cobblers weren't quite ready, Mr Lupin, would he like to come back in twenty minutes? Remus didn't have another pair he could wear to the party, so he had to wait. It took the octogenarian library clerk a good fifteen minutes to find the book Remus had asked for, and then he wobbled up the ladder to fetch it at a pace that made an Ice-Age glacier look nippy. Remus was developing an eye-twitch by the time he left, and practically ran back to the Red Hippogriff to Floo home.

The moment Remus stepped into the tiny flat over the second-hand bookshop that he shared with Sirius he knew that something was wrong. He was met by a chilly dark silence: the grate was empty and cold, the radio silent, and the whole flat felt unoccupied. Normally any day of the year between September and April there would be a crackling fire (Sirius' years in the cold and damp of his family home had given him a permanent aversion to the cold. He could sit in front of a roaring fire in a thick sweater, much to Remus' disbelief), the lamps lit, the radio burbling to itself and even the sounds of Sirius charring bacon on the stove or singing in the shower. Tonight, there was nothing. A dog barked outside - not Padfoot, too much of a soprano for him - and the sound was absorbed in the silence.

"Sirius?" Remus called. "Sirius, are you there?"

No answer. He hadn't expected one: if Sirius had been there, he would have at least yelled hello, even if he couldn't come to greet Remus. A tight, anxious feeling filled Remus' stomach.

"Lumos." He prodded the wall lamp, and one by one they lit, filling the room with a warm yellow light. He laid the fire - a long process, even with magic, as wood is just as slow to ignite for everyone - then poked it up and wandered into the kitchen. It too was dark and empty, and then Remus spotted something that unnerved him even more. A mug, the bright green one with Obscurus Books printed on the side that Sirius had borrowed from him and never given back, sat on the table, half-full of what looked like poisonously strong tea. That was nothing odd: Sirius, easily distracted, often wandered off and left drinks half-finished to annoy the hell out of Remus. The unnerving thing was the little stack of biscuits next to it, one bitten into but not finished.

Remus suddenly thought of - what was that Muggle ship called? The Marie Celeste, that was it. Found empty and without a soul, living or dead, on board, no sign of a struggle, the last meal abandoned on the table... He felt his neck prickle. Without quite knowing why, he reached into a pocket and drew his wand. Breath half-held, he checked the other rooms of the flat, listening at every step for another person's breathing, expecting to see something move out of the corner of his eye, fearing that somewhere he'd find a dark shape slumped on the floor, a mass of dark hair hiding a bloodless face and grey eyes stripped of all life and sense. But there was nothing, and still no sign of Sirius, not even his worn old leather collar. Remus drew the curtains in the bedroom, checking the sky, but the lack of a glittering green skull, a snake protruding from its mouth like a hideous parody of a tongue, didn't dispel the anxiety gnawing at him.

Remus wandered into the kitchen, thinking of making some supper, but ended up pushing his sandwich around on his plate while his tea slowly went cold at his elbow.

Nine o clock came and went with no Sirius. Remus drifted into the sitting room, taking the books he'd collected that afternoon with him. If he was going to be waiting around, he might as well do something useful. He flipped open the topmost book and tried to concentrate. A Catalogue of the Department of Mysteries, by Occulta Butts, read the title page. Remus ran his eye down the index. Miss Butts' Catalogue was nowhere near comprehensive, but it gave a description and history of some of the most important artefacts squirreled away in the Department, when they were collected and what research had been done on them. This sounded fairly uninteresting until you saw some of the items on the list, which was why it had taken months for him to get it released from the Ministry Archives, Order member or not. The pages were so densely crammed with crabby writing that Remus could hardly decipher it at all. He got no further than 'the Veil' - collected 1543, effect unknown but suspected highly dangerous - before his eyes started watering and he had to put it aside. He closed his eyes, rubbing them to stop the stinging...

The room was dark, the fire collapsed into embers and casting a dull red light that just picked out the outlines of a high-backed chair, a table, a door. A figure was seated in the chair: Remus could see the folds of a robe and the outline of a head and a shoulder. A long hand with obscenely stretched fingers rested on the chair arm, drumming idly. Remus shuddered. Although he had no rational reason to feel in danger, something about those spiderish hands both nauseated and terrified him at once. He would have obeyed instinct and run, except that he very much doubted he'd make it to the door.

The door clicked open. A second figure, also robed and hooded in some thick dark material that obscured the wearer's build completely, walked in, approaching the person in the chair and dropping to its knees before hunching over to kiss the seated one's robes.

"Well?" a voice from the chair enquired.

All the hairs on the back of Remus' neck bristled. That voice! More likely male than female, but abnormally high-pitched and quite toneless, devoid of any human expression as if the life had been drained out of it. Remus had never heard anything so horribly...alien in his life.

The figure kneeling on the floor shifted, agitated. "It has happened, my Lord..." A man's voice, but he was whispering so quietly that Remus couldn't identify him. "The Potters have made me their Secret Keeper..."

Remus gasped in horror, mind reeling. James! Lily! He had to warn them!

A noise made him look up. Both men had heard him, and were turning to look at him, the seated one rising, turning so that the firelight fell across his shoulder...chest...

Remus backed away, heart thudding. It wasn't thought that forced him away, it was pure instinct: he didn't want to see what lay under that hood, because somehow he already knew it was something ghastly, unnatural, evil. The hunched figure's hooded head followed the other's, the cowl slipping as he turned to face Remus.

It was -

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Remus started awake with a cry. The fire had burned down to glowing coals beside him, and for a split-second he was horrified to find himself back in his nightmare, until the disorientation passed and he realised someone was knocking on the front door. Shaking his head, palming at his eyes to clear the grogginess, he got to his feet, stumping to the door while the knocking grew louder and more insistent.

"Remus!" Mad-Eye Moody's voice, muffled by the door. "If you're in there, open the damn door!"

"I'm coming!" Remus called.

"Oh, thank Merlin! Open up!"

Remus slipped the door chain and tugged the door open. "Moody, what is it now?" he asked wearily, before he saw the look on Moody's face. Behind him was Elphias Doge, a rather short man in his forties, wearing his favourite misshapen maroon hat that he swore was Italian pulled low over his ears. Both men looked stricken.

"Thank Merlin," Moody repeated. "For a minute there I was sure he'd got you- "

Remus suddenly felt very, very cold. "What's happened?" he cut in. "Is it Sirius? Is he all right?"

Moody stared at him. "You haven't heard, have you?" he said quietly.

Remus swallowed hard. No...no, please...not him... "Someone's dead."

Moody looked away, blinking hard, before he replied. "Yes."

Remus wanted to close the door, not to know, to go back to his fireside chair and find that when he woke this evening had been a bad dream. But it was no good. He had to know for sure, even if it killed him.

"Sirius?" he croaked.

There was a long pause, then -

Moody shook his head. "No," he said. "James. James and Lily."

Remus stared blindly back at Moody, stunned into silence. It was just too impossible to think of. And then the hallway around him was turning black and white and fuzzy, there was a roaring in his ears that drowned out Moody's voice, and the walls slanted -

Two pairs of hands, one under each arm, caught him and hauled him upright before he could collapse.

"Merlin, Remus, you all right?" Elphias, sounding alarmed.

"Course he's not bloody all right, you idiot," growled Moody. "Help me get him to a chair. That should bring him round a bit."

Remus tried to say that he was all right, tried to ask some of the dozen questions cramming his brain, but for some reason he couldn't force the words out. He gave up and let himself be half-helped, half-carried to the chair by the fire.

"All right, put his head between his knees - good. Some brandy might help, too. See if you can find some, Elph - if I know Sirius he's bound to have some booze in the house."

There was a tinkling of glass from the direction of the kitchen. "Got some Firewhiskey. That do?"

"Yeah, fine. Bring three glasses, I could damn well use a drink."

Remus heard the clinking of glass on glass, and Moody was holding a large glass of Firewhiskey to his lips.

"Here, Remus. Get this down you. It'll help."

The liquid burned on its way down; Remus choked and pushed the glass aside.

"Easy! Nearly tipped it all over me, then."

"If he doesn't want it, I'll have it. I'm frozen."

"Shut up, Doge, or else," Moody snapped. "Don't get up just yet, Remus, you take your time."

Once the greyness had cleared from his vision, Remus eased himself up, leaning back in the chair. He glanced at Moody and Elphias: Moody had settled in the other armchair, the better for his dicky joints, and Elphias was perched on the sofa arm.

"How are you, Remus?" Despite his earlier wisecracking, Elphias actually looked worried.

"I'll be fine." There was a long, heavy silence, while they all tried to avoid the conversation they knew had to come. Remus took a deep breath.

"Moody...are you sure it's them?"

Moody nodded. "Not a shadow of a doubt, and believe me, I checked and double-checked."

"I can't believe it." Remus passed a hand over his eyes. "It was only this afternoon I was talking to James about - " He gasped, another realisation punching the air out of him. "Harry! Moody, what happened to their little boy? Harry - he's only one, he - "

"Calm down, Remus. Harry, Merlin only knows how, is fine. He had a nasty cut on his forehead when we found him, but apart from that, he wasn't hurt."

Remus sank back, heart pounding. "Not hurt?"

"Not at all."

"Where is he? Molly might - "

"Hagrid's got him. He's taking him to his aunt and uncle's, on Dumbledore's orders. S'pose he reckon's Harry'll be safer among Muggles where nobody's looking for him."

Briefly Remus thought back to James' gloomy description of his Muggle in-laws, but a far more pressing thought shoved it aside.

"How could it happen?" he asked Moody. "How did You Know Who find them? It's not possible - the Fidelius Charm's unbreakable, unless the Secret Keeper gives up the information..." His voice tailed off as sick horror welled up inside him. He closed his eyes, tears pricking at his eyelids. Sirius. It had to be him.

James and Lily were protected by the Fidelius Charm, but Sirius wasn't. Sirius had been here this afternoon, waiting for his Moony to come home. He must have been alone when the Death Eaters arrived, and they knew enough about Sirius to send a gang of their best...

A tear gathered and rolled down Remus' cheek.

If he'd come home that little bit sooner... If he hadn't buggered around getting milk and reading the paper and picking up his sodding library books!... he might've been there with Sirius when the Death Eaters attacked. They might've had a chance, together. Maybe.

Sirius wouldn't have given in easily, either. Under the cockiness and the clowning he was as loyal and brave a man as any Remus had ever met. The thought of the blinding agony Sirius must have endured as they tortured the secret out of him sent another tear trickling down Remus' face. As long as his mind was intact, Sirius would have resisted it all.

Oh, Sirius. You needed me, and I wasn't here! Sirius, can you ever forgive me?

"They tortured it out of Sirius. They must have got to him while I was out," Remus whispered. "And once they had what they wanted, they'd have killed him." He looked up, just in time to see an uncomfortable look cross Moody's face. "Have they found him yet? Sirius?"

Elphias glanced over at Moody; Moody nodded very slightly, and Elphias spoke. "Sirius isn't dead, Remus."

"How do you - "

"Hagrid ran into him at the Potter's house. He gave Hagrid his motorbike to take Harry to his aunt's house - that is, after Hagrid refused to let him take charge of Harry."

Remus shook his head. It didn't make any sense. "He couldn't have been there. The Death Eaters would take him to pieces to force him to say where James and Lily were. He'd be more dead than alive... unless he - " Remus stopped, a horrible suspicion exploding in his mind. He'd conjured it up as a ridiculous notion, but even as he spoke it took on a terrifying ring of truth. Without him even willing it, the pieces fell into place in a moment.

No. No! It wasn't possible! Not Sirius!

"Unless he gave their location to the Death Eaters willingly," Moody said, grim and serious. "Unless he was on their side."

"That's..." Remus swallowed, trying to speak through his confusion. "Moody, that's bloody ridiculous! This is Sirius we're talking about here. James is - was - his best friend!"

"He wouldn't be the first to hand a friend over to the Death Eaters," Elphias pointed out.

"Not Sirius. And we... he wouldn't spend months planning to betray out best friend behind my back, then look me in the face and lie to me. He wouldn't do it. He couldn't. I'd know - know that something was wrong."

Moody was looking uncomfortable again. "Remus - "

"Sirius isn't a traitor, Moody. You know he isn't."

"If he didn't give up James and Lily's whereabouts, how could You-Know-Who have found out?" Moody asked.

"I don't know!" Remus snapped. He couldn't understand it himself. How? There was no way - but there had to be, because there was no way that Sirius would betray James. Or him.

"And you said to me you were worried about Sirius," Elphias reminded him gently.

Remus nodded. "He seemed anxious...preoccupied, and... and he wouldn't tell me why..."

"He wasn't here this evening, was he?" Moody said, frowning.

"No," Remus whispered. He was on the edge of a precipice, looking down at a sea boiling over cruel knife-edged rocks: if he fell, he would be torn apart, and the cliff he had thought was so solid was crumbling away beneath him. "He - he said he had things to do...b-before tonight..."

"So where'd he go?" Elphias asked.

Somehow, Remus managed to speak. "I don't know," he whispered. "I don't know!" The last fragments of denial crumbled away, and he fell. The tears welled up again, and he dropped his head into his hands, choked with sobs, waves of betrayal, anger and grief slicing through him until he thought he would go mad from the pain.

Ten minutes ago Remus had thought that nothing could hurt him more than hearing of James and Lily's deaths. But knowing that Sirius had deliberately delivered them into the hands of their enemies, perhaps even watched as they died... if Remus could bear it, he didn't know how.

Moody and Elphias were still seated opposite him, watching him in an awkward, concerned silence. Remus heard Moody clear his throat.

"Remus..." He hesitated. "I'm really sorry."

Though his first impulse was to snap 'Sorry for what? What have you done, then?' Remus resisted it, grateful in a way for the concern. Grateful, too, that Moody didn't know him well enough to call him Moony, because he never, never wanted to hear that name again, never wanted to be reminded of tonight, as long as he lived.

Memories whirled in his head, behind his closed eyes, resisting all attempts to push them away. Sirius laughing and teaching baby Harry to pull funny faces, Sirius stretched out on the sofa with the Prophet making sarcastic comments about the stories, Sirius downing his breakfast and dripping bacon grease all over the table, Sirius holding him close after the last full moon, stroking Remus' hair and murmuring into his forehead, 'It's all right, Moony. You rest now. I'll take care of you.' And all the time, Sirius had looked into Remus' trusting eyes, slept by his side, told him he loved him and then as good as murdered their friends without a trace of remorse. And if that was true, then - worst of all, this, for every muscle in Remus' body screamed to deny it even as he knew it was true - Sirius had never loved Remus. He'd used him to get to James and Lily, deceived him with tender caressing words while all the time he'd felt nothing for Remus but contempt.

We were friends! I loved you! You told me you'd rather die than end up like your bigoted family! What could the Death Eaters give you that I couldn't?

He still couldn't understand it.

Remus stared into the glowing fire through a haze of tears so that it split into a mass of sparkling red lights.

"Sirius," he whispered. "Oh, Sirius, why?"

There was no answer.

finis